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December 8th, 2016
Why you should Take a BREAK from picking up girls (sometimes)
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dave7-

dave7-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 4295

Why you should take a BREAK from picking up girls (sometimes) 

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So wanted to write this article on the topic of taking a break from the game, from time to time. This is because this is what I've been doing for the past 2 weeks or so.

I will first discuss the benefits of taking a break and what happens to your perceptions and how you view the world when you take a break. Then I will talk about why you shouldn't and can't take a break forever. 


Benefits of taking a break

I've been going out pretty much consistently for the past 2.5 years. This is not because I thought it would be "cool" to be so consistent, but because I'm a slow learner. But I've realized that allowing myself to take a break from going out and approaching girls every day can have massive and clear benefits for me and anyone else in a similar position. 

It was hard for me to decide to take a break because I thought it would derail me or that I would lose all my momentum and "skills" that I had built up previously. I realized that I had an attachment to consistency. 

So the first benefit I noticed was that I realized it was "OK" for me to lay low and chill out, i.e. not take action. That's always a good feeling, that you know that you're "ok just the way you are". Lol.

Probably the biggest benefit though was that this period allowed me to reasess and reexamine my personal values. To think about what things I want to do and like to do including activities, habits, etc.

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I think Tyler said recently that the secret to life is to have really good habits (paraphrasing). And so it's good to be more concious of your habits from time to time to see if you personally believe they are good habits or not. As much as I love the high quality RSD videos, for example, it's probably not a great habit to be watching RSD videos for 6 hours a day before you leave the house and when you return home, and not actually taking action and experiencing life for yourself. I don't do that, but it's just an example of how good habits can turn to bad ones.

One habit that I was able to see more clearly the past few weeks that is very similar to the above example is what I do with my leisure time. Objectively, I noticed that I was spending quite a lot of time just surfing and searching on my computer, and everything that might entail. To be honest, that kind of activity is almost always a pure waste of time. It really is. 

I noticed that often times when I wake up I will instantly turn on my computer and check my email, check RSD, check youtube, checking all this god damn shit. Reminds me of an amazing book I read called "The Shallows: What the internet is doing to our brains" by Nicholas Carr. 

So I realized that in terms of my habits, it'd be better to "get going with my day" instead of going on my computer. Or I could just start reading whatever book I'm reading. 

One habit that I've reaffirmed that I love is reading. I honestly believe that any time reading is going to be a beneficial activity. I know people say that even reading can be in "excess". But man I really don't fall for that. Reading feels so good for my brain, and it's so helpful to keeping inputing quality information that to say it can be bad is insane to me. 

And to be fair, I do notice when my life is a little out of balance and I'd rather "go out somewhere" than read. So I feel like the human brain is good at telling us what is best to do if we pay attention.

Another huge benefit I noticed from not approaching girls during this time was that I was able to tune back into what normal people see in the world, and how they see it. Normal people really do have a strong perception of the world, and doing pickup and approaching random stranger girls is out of most people's reality, way outside. People definitely have a shell of comfort that they isolate themselves in, and they think it's real and that things can't be any different. It's a big groupthink perception game going on. And TBH it's not that bad or unhealthy. Normal people are fine, they are friendly, pretty smart, competent, and creative.

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Why we can't take a break forever

But for people who really want to change something deep within their lives, a "deep identity level change" (from Ty'ler's Blueprint), we have to force ourselves to step outside that comfort bubble of "reality" that people have. We have to take action to be able to hit on random stranger girls. 

And so now maybe I'll be able to empathize a little more with "normal people", and when girls react in certain ways when being approached and hit on. Can't really judge them for being weirded out or creeped out sometimes. 

Anyway, when you take a break you do get rusty. But you get these huge benefits. The important thing is to keep your head on your shoulders and honestly evaluate stuff. You do get the benefits of those awesome feelings though, that are so subtle but so amazing. For example, I did some day game yesterday on a college campus. First I was really rusty and wondering "how the hell can I hit on a random stranger girl". But after doing a few approaches it came back to me and I was able to go from the "normal people perception" to a different perception outside of that one. And it's funny how those two can interact isn't it?! It felt good to "change realities", and I'm glad I have gone out enough for me to have skills that I consider competent for myself. Because the other option would be to never have gone out the past few years...and never have hit on girls. 

So you can't take a break forever.


Dave
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#1
Phred!

Phred!

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Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 620

Hey man! Haven't spoken much to you ever but been following your journey for some time now. I never expected this type of post from you honestly, but I do think it's an awesome time to "recharge the batteries" so to speak.

You've been to a lot of programs, and gone out for quite some time. I had a similar situation to yours that you're going through. Maybe I didn't go out as many as days as you have, but I did spend a good two years working on this area of my life and making it a main focus in my life, if not THE main focus. And while that's good and all, i feel like there has to come a time where all of this becomes sort of a "background music of your life" sort of deal. I mean that you don't have to stop approaching or stop talking to girls. You should be, because that's what you spent your time working on. But maybe you can make your approaching skills not so much a rigorous routine of going out night after night, but rather to have these skills in your holster that can be used when needed. It gives you the opportunity to dive into other areas of your life and to grow as a whole person.

I feel like i REALLY started to get attraction, girlfriends, sex and all of that when I evolved past "working on this". I'm not telling you how to live your life at all - I'm not preaching to you or I hope I'm not. I'm just telling you where I've evolved to or how it's benefited me. I know how to cold approach, how to close, how to make moves and all of that, but right now, I'm focusing on my career and studying for my CPA exam. But when I go out with my buddies, I know that I will be meeting girls that night and hooking up with them if logistics work out right. It just becomes a part of my life and that's it. Oddly enough, I've actually slept with more women and more frequently now than I did a year or so back when I was still deep in learning this.

You look at Cat, and the beginning of his journal shows him working on this all the time. Now look near the end of his journal, and the vibe of it is completely different. He now has the skills to meet women and to sleep with them but he has his projects and all sorts of other stuff going on in his life that are more important to him I bet then "working on his approach skills". Im sure he gets laid tons more too. Or others like HPRJ, Pilgrimage, Buddhagames, etc- they all evolve to the next level of life. They use their honed dating skills when needed, but they are working on creating thejr well rounded lives. Just think about this - would a quality girl rather have a guy that focuses his time and hard work into his career or his purpose, or does she want a guy who focuses his hard work and time into picking her up? She wants a dude with a purpose, but not if the purpose is to learn how to sleep with her.

Anyway just my two cents, I just thought I would expand on your post. Deep down you know your own true answers.
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#2
mikevick07

mikevick07

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Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 2286

I noticed this when I was forced to take a break and it FUCKED my head up pretty bad....I never noticed this before I was forced to take the break because I guess my "frame" was soooooo strong before the break that EVERYONE I would talk to would just listen and buy into ANYTHING I had say due to a HUGE amount of social momentum, I completely stopped getting "negative social feedback" for a while or when I did, I would just laugh at it which added MORE fuel to the fire (I think 1.5 years straight) until I lost it and had to "beta" myself for a bit and I noticed that without me being that "light" (or probaly just an asshole), that ppl were simply just buying into everything I would say or do JUST BECAUSE I was confident and was "eclipsing" their "frame"

that break made more more conscious of other ppl's subjective experiences though so it had some benefits
dave7- wrote:
Another huge benefit I noticed from not approaching girls during this time was that I was able to tune back into what normal people see in the world, and how they see it. Normal people really do have a strong perception of the world, and doing pickup and approaching random stranger girls is out of most people's reality, way outside. People definitely have a shell of comfort that they isolate themselves in, and they think it's real and that things can't be any different. It's a big groupthink perception game going on. And TBH it's not that bad or unhealthy. Normal people are fine, they are friendly, pretty smart, competent, and creative.

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#3

almaz

Junior Member

Join Date: 07/01/2012 | Posts: 25

in my opinion I think you should take a break when
- you are going out consistently and dont get any results except from phone numbers,
- you want to achieve something bigger in life than girls: like big project or something 

just a question:
for how much long did you took your break? 
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#4

Macavity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 2511

 Wow. Those pictures you posted inspired me to go at this even harder. Kinda contradicts the message but thanks for the motivation lol.

But ya I agree with your post especially the bit about seeing how most others see the world and so on. Had similar experiences when my laptop broke and i had no money and I was just like "eh? what should i do now..." - no more rsdnation, cant buy anymore books or go out for the time being. Was nice to chill out and live like a normal person again, but like you said doing this for too long has its consequences.
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#5
mikevick07

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Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 2286

it does take a toll on your body (IMO this is a good thing) and changes your physiology and psychology when youre going at it hard as hell like everyday combined with working, exercise, following up, etc......youre so over-stimulated I think (just guessing, this is what it feels like) that your body produces more and more testosterone and adrenaline and you can FEEL it

but thats probaly more if youre like a weirdo for this type of stuff and addicted to it with hardly any life (or your whole life is structured around it) outside of baggin n fuckin bitches
SNLAllDayErrDay wrote:
 Dont need a break.  I got out 2x a week and been doing it for 3 years.  I make 6 figures in my day job and I have a part time weekend gig.  I get to work out 3x a week, and I have plenty of hobbies and I get to travel every 2 months. 

You make it seem like talking to girls on the weekend at a club is some hard taxing thing that takes a toll on your body or something.
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#6
VinnyMac07

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Join Date: 02/23/2013 | Posts: 343

It can be taxing for newbie w anxiety riddled past to keep pushing himself outside of comfort zone w little results. I've been there when I started.

I'm curious what the advanced guys think about this. Cuz I once asked if this is a good idea and got no responses, as it was my first and unexciting post.
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#7
mikevick07

mikevick07

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Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 2286

I dont get it, you reach a limit with how far you can push your comfort zone?....I thought you were ALWAYS expanding it for LIFE, even with music, that shit spikes my adrenaline/testorerone through the ROOF (even higher than p.u. but I kind of mix them) when I switch up different styles or get DEEP into it and I been doing music for like 14 years
VinnyMac07 wrote:
It can be taxing for newbie w anxiety riddled past to keep pushing himself outside of comfort zone w little results. I've been there when I started.

I'm curious what the advanced guys think about this. Cuz I once asked if this is a good idea and got no responses, as it was my first and unexciting post.
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#8
dave7-

dave7-

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Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 4295

I do agree man. I think I want to try to make "pickup" more of a balanced lifestyle. I'll consider everything you said.

For me, I also believe that we "get out what we put in", so if I don't take action then I presumably won't get laid as much. 
Phred! wrote:
Hey man! Haven't spoken much to you ever but been following your journey for some time now. I never expected this type of post from you honestly, but I do think it's an awesome time to "recharge the batteries" so to speak.

You've been to a lot of programs, and gone out for quite some time. I had a similar situation to yours that you're going through. Maybe I didn't go out as many as days as you have, but I did spend a good two years working on this area of my life and making it a main focus in my life, if not THE main focus. And while that's good and all, i feel like there has to come a time where all of this becomes sort of a "background music of your life" sort of deal. I mean that you don't have to stop approaching or stop talking to girls. You should be, because that's what you spent your time working on. But maybe you can make your approaching skills not so much a rigorous routine of going out night after night, but rather to have these skills in your holster that can be used when needed. It gives you the opportunity to dive into other areas of your life and to grow as a whole person.

I feel like i REALLY started to get attraction, girlfriends, sex and all of that when I evolved past "working on this". I'm not telling you how to live your life at all - I'm not preaching to you or I hope I'm not. I'm just telling you where I've evolved to or how it's benefited me. I know how to cold approach, how to close, how to make moves and all of that, but right now, I'm focusing on my career and studying for my CPA exam. But when I go out with my buddies, I know that I will be meeting girls that night and hooking up with them if logistics work out right. It just becomes a part of my life and that's it. Oddly enough, I've actually slept with more women and more frequently now than I did a year or so back when I was still deep in learning this.

You look at Cat, and the beginning of his journal shows him working on this all the time. Now look near the end of his journal, and the vibe of it is completely different. He now has the skills to meet women and to sleep with them but he has his projects and all sorts of other stuff going on in his life that are more important to him I bet then "working on his approach skills". Im sure he gets laid tons more too. Or others like HPRJ, Pilgrimage, Buddhagames, etc- they all evolve to the next level of life. They use their honed dating skills when needed, but they are working on creating thejr well rounded lives. Just think about this - would a quality girl rather have a guy that focuses his time and hard work into his career or his purpose, or does she want a guy who focuses his hard work and time into picking her up? She wants a dude with a purpose, but not if the purpose is to learn how to sleep with her.

Anyway just my two cents, I just thought I would expand on your post. Deep down you know your own true answers.
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#9
dave7-

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It was 7x a week.
SNLAllDayErrDay wrote:
 Dont need a break.  I got out 2x a week and been doing it for 3 years.  I make 6 figures in my day job and I have a part time weekend gig.  I get to work out 3x a week, and I have plenty of hobbies and I get to travel every 2 months. 

You make it seem like talking to girls on the weekend at a club is some hard taxing thing that takes a toll on your body or something.
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#10
dave7-

dave7-

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Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 4295

Haha good point about the pictures! 
Macavity wrote:
 Wow. Those pictures you posted inspired me to go at this even harder. Kinda contradicts the message but thanks for the motivation lol.

But ya I agree with your post especially the bit about seeing how most others see the world and so on. Had similar experiences when my laptop broke and i had no money and I was just like "eh? what should i do now..." - no more rsdnation, cant buy anymore books or go out for the time being. Was nice to chill out and live like a normal person again, but like you said doing this for too long has its consequences.
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