October 23rd, 2018
Watts Reporting In
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Respected Member

Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Arg 5am is here. I start work at 12pm today. I was up till 5ish last night with a girl. Woke up at 8am. This is fucked. Welcome to your new life Bert.

Anyway. I have finally been going out lol. My week this week started on Thursday.

Thursday 9/5

Tonight I had a dinner party with my old sports friends / coach. Had a really good time just hanging out, interesting to see people after 6 months of no contact.

I drove to my friends house. Me and two bros, D and A. Chilled out and drank wine until about midnight.

Caught a cab to our usual Thursday spot.

Roll into the club and immediately get a couple rounds of drinks.

Go up to the bar and order drink, then I turn to the girl next to me and make a little eye contact. I didn't really have anything to say and didn't say anything.

She said something to me then faded away.

Headed outside and ran into a few friends. This one girl who has been intense-predatorily after me for a while joined me and my mates, lets call her CC.

So we're standing in the smoking section and I see a girl with a beanie, so I tell CC to get the beanie for me. She does and goes and tells the girl I want her beanie.

The girl comes over and says something about how I can't have the beanie, so I steal the beanie. I think it's fucking hilarious.

I give back the beanie and ask her what she is doing tonight. She says she was in a diff club which she is a promoter for. We chat, I meet her friends, conversation ends shortly. I'm not being sleazy or anything, just being social at this point.

The only other girl I approached we'll call 'nun girl'. She was walking past as I was with my mates. I turned and locked eyes with her. She made a confused face and I told her she was crazy. She went and sat down with her friends. I looked over a few minutes later and she waved, so I went over. She was with two guys who were gay. We all gave her shit for looking 12 years old. I hung out with her for maybe half an hour, but didn't do any pick-up related stuff. i.e. no escalation, no comfort, nothing. Didn't have the balls at this point to try and escalate even though I feel like I could have. Being social isn't a problem anymore, having balls definitely is. But it's cool that in general girls react really positive to me. I have come to realise how you think girls will react to you, is how girls will react to you!

Anyway, eventually I default to the d-floor with my mates and CC stalker chick comes and gets up in my grills. We make out a bit. The highlight of my night was when I went outside with her, went into a corner and spent 10 minutes calling her a dog in French. 'Vous est un chien!' Haha ahh she was confused. She told me I was mean. RSD warps your brain man.

She was here with her friend who wanted to leave, but I wanted to take her home, so when her friend came to take her I grabbed CC, and told her friend to fuck off lol. We each gave her money for a cab home and told her to leave. Pretty obvious at this point that she just wanted to hook up so there was no real problem. We all got a cab and I got out with CC at my place.

Go into my room and start getting heavy. We're down to underwear and I'm grinding into her. She's like 'It's not happening tonight'. I say 'okay whatever' and keep going. I start playing with her tits and she's like 'you're not making it easy'. I guess girls really like that.

She tells me shes on her period and even if she wasn't it wouldn't be going down. I don't push the issue. She eventually gives me a blowjob. I'm too drunk to finish.

We go to sleep and in the morning hang out a bit. This is the first time I've sort of felt comfortable hanging out the next day with a girl. It's a really issue for me. Anyway we get woken up early and get dressed. She's embarrassed and sort of hides under the covers. Does anyone know what that means? Is she insecure? She wasn't overly hot, but not ugly. I go to the city and get coffee, we go back to my mates place to get our stuff and end up all hanging out all day. Good times.

Friday 10/5

Tonight I was at work. I felt pretty fucking boss but pretty tired after last night. I must have had a cool vibe after getting with CC last night or something, because I remember girls were reacting really well to me all night (I'm a waiter in a venue that has lots of wealthy dudes and hot girls). These two babes sat down on a table to have a drink and I told one of the other waiters I thought they were babes. He goes up and tells them I'm shy but I'd like to meet them (what a bro). I chat with them and find out where they're going later that night. Just trying to be chill, I feel really uncomfortable chatting up girls at my place of work. I ask them what they're up to, what places they like, pretty boring interview stuff tbh. I leave to go do my job and they leave before I talk to them again. But they were pretty interested at first. Maybe I should be more social with girls because they react well!

One of my tables leaves a number on the receipt. After work I text 'Hey this is Berty from XXXX. Who's this?'
She responds 'Bday girl :) are you hanging around?'
'Yeah I'm in the smokers, come join'.

Eventually her friend brings her phone to me in the smokers section so she has to come and talk to me (her friends put her up to leaving me her number). She sits with me for a few minutes then goes to the bar, I stay.

When they get back I say goodnight to my friends and go join them. I hang out with Bday girl and her friends and stuff. Her friend tells me that he's going to take his girl home (who lives with bday girl) and I have to keep bday girl out then take her home later. I sit down with Bday girl and tell her to come get a beer with me. She says very matter-of-fact 'I have to go home with them, but if you text me this week I will meet you out.' It's all good.

She leaves. So by this point it's 1am. I meet up with my German mate K and we sit out back and drink wine. We then head to a good Friday spot and decide to hit on girls. I hand of God a girl and she complies, but I said something like 'hey, how are you?' - Wrong, ffs, not congruent with hand of God! She basically walks away immediately.

I do the same thing to another two set. My girl stops and I ask her her name. K locks in on the other girl. I run out of words and start to look at K to help. The girls notice this and leave shortly. I like the hand of God. It works really good and girls respond really well to it.

We chode around the club for a bit before leaving to meet our friend. She's German backpacker as well.

We all head to the Valley for party times. After running into a bunch of my drunk mates and wasting money on an empty club we default to Rics on the main strip. Me and K go to hunt girls. He locks on a babe as we walk in and I dwidle my thumbs around the corner. Eventually I tell myself to man up and go try to talk to her friend. I literally stumble over the same sentence three times. 'Who are... where have you... how are... who..'. She's like 'what?'. I walk away. Eventually K comes and asks me why I didn't stay with her. I tell him I dunno. Oh well, I approached at least!

We fuck around on a couple more sets and I do basically the same thing. Eventually I hand of God a girl on the d-floor and she complies. She seems very excited. We dance around a bit and I sort of lose focus and out. I think I need to go back to basics. Anyway, nothing else of real value happened tonight.

Saturday 11/5

Tonight I finished work at 11:30. I chilled out sober with a couple mates with plans to go to Birdees later. Me and one mate light up a spliff and chill out in privacy. I get a text from Bday girl from last night 'Hey we're starting up the party again, are you out and about?'

Me: 'Sure am. Just got off. Gonna go to the Valley'
Her: 'I'm still at my place drinking lol, but it's in the Valley'
Me: 'Are you gonna go out or just drink at yours?'
Her: 'Probably just party at mine. Dunno if I'll get in anywhere with my outfit'
Me: 'Haha oh really? Why not?'
Her: Sends photo of her in police costume.

By this point I had walked into the club I was gonna go to. Posted at the bar to get some water. Said to some girl 'I don't think the waiter likes us' Shes like 'Me neither, It's my birthday today.' I tell her awesome, give her a hug, blah blah. Get my water.

I ask Bday girl for her address. She sends it. I literally run to her house.

I get there and there's like her and 5 friends there. I meet everyone and sit on the couch. She sits next to me. Eventually they all leave. I move to the couch. I spend an hour moving closer to her and watching music on TV. It was actually so fucking pathetic. I pull a blanket over both of us and lean in the corner with her. Eventually I balls up and start kissing her. Eventually I'm like 'lets go to bed'. Fade to black lol.

So this week the earliest I went to bed was Saturday night at 4am. Huge week. I need to get my shit together and start approaching. I can do this when I'm consistent, but I suck really bad atm.

It's Monday now. Gotta go out tonight.
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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Whattup brooysss. Pimpin daily!

Tuesday 14/5

Sat at a bar and pounded 3 litres of beer. This isn't self-development :P

Wednesday 15/5

Chilled out with my bros after work and had a quiet beer and a blunt. Went to Down under bar afterwards with two friends. One is a Columbian badass who can chat up a brick wall. The other is close to the manager of Dunder so I got free everything all night.

Rolled into the bar and went and got a drink.

My Columbian mate was pointing out girls for me to hit on. I did some really really weak shit, under the guise of 'having fun'.

We stood near the bar for a while, shoved our hands at girls and said whatever bullshit. One set hooked when I said hi to a girl and then Columbian was like 'He likes you he's just shy'. We chatted for a couple minutes but I ran out of words.

Went up behind a set of about 4 girls and 4 guys. Put my hands around two of the girls and danced stupidly. The girl and guy was like 'no' and shook their heads. I left.

Started opening by saying 'ey mamasita'. One Spanish girl loved it and came in and gave me a hug lol. We had a quick kiss and her friends dragged her off.

Some girls friend was dancing with a guy so I went and grinded on her. Got dragged away to go do the wet t-shirt competition.

There was a wet t-shirt competition and I got to be the dude with a super-soaker. Was pretty awesome. All the girls were drunk before hand and throwing their tits around. Got all up and close with a French girl who had her tits out. Pretty much just gave her shit for being French. Bonjour, ca va?

Went home after.

Yeahh pointless night.

Thursday 16/5

Another pointless night.

Went to a new'ish club sober with some mates.

Just chilled and chatted to them and their chick friends. Approached a couple girls on the street after leaving by saying 'you, whats your name?' They told me but then kept moving. I think I need to like, be nicer and then engage them. I'm gonna try to get girls to stop on the street.

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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Bitches pllzzz

Friday 17/5

So today was cool. I spent the day working on guitar. Then night came. Me, my housemate and his weird friend hung out.

I had half a beer and felt like I was selling myself out. So yeah, alcohol is a no go.

Anyway they went through a 6 pack each then we went out to a hipsterish bar.

Our game was to try and get rejected 3 times there. I decided to kick it off and approached 2 British girls.

I have never been this nervous. Ever. It was amazing.

I was so nervous because I finally got to drop my ego and just met someone. Finally I got to see the light through my huge fucking ego. It was very fucking exciting.

So I walked up to the two girls from the side. Engaged them with my hands out and just said 'Hey, how are you two tonight?'

'I'm not from around here, where is good to go in East End tonight?'

And just had a convo from there. Introduced myself. They obviously saw I was really nervous. Knees were shaking.

But after a minute or two they cut out their disapproving face and just chatted to me. I ejected and got some water.

That was my only approach that night. But it was actually really fun because it was real. Not some ego-driven club approach that always fails.

I have been talking to everyone on the street since then. I think my ego really is starting to change a bit. I just like saying hello to everyone.

Saturday 18/5

Finished work and went home. Needed sleep.

Sunday 19/5

House party at my place!

People rocked up at about 7ish. Chilled with some dudes and chicks from work. Drank jungle juice.

Smoked some pot out back of my house. Bad choice.

I really don't need to go into what happened at this party because there was no gaming. Just fucking around.

Ended up being dragged to bed by a girl I work with. She was fucking brutal.

I'm covered in fucking bite marks. My neck has a giant welt. The just kept biting and biting. She had to give me a blowjob 3 times to try and get my dick up.

I dunno if it was a combination of alcohol, weed or the fact that she was essentially attacking me meant I couldn't keep it up. I think the third very likely. I don't like it.

Anyway, fucked a bit, threw chat a bit. She went home eventually and I went to sleep.

Good times. Back out Wednesday!


P.S. Sex with two new girls in a week and a blowjob from another. Starting to look up haha.
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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Hey guys,

Been a month since I posted. I've been going out every day haha. Here's a post I wrote a couple weeks back. Then I'm going to do the most recent update. Shits getting exciting for me.

Saturday 1/6

Today I moved out of Brisbane and started the trip south with my German friend K. We arrived in Byron Bay at about 2 and went for a surf. I didn't do very well but K is going to teach me more tomorrow.

We went to the hostel at 4 o'clock ish. Got some food and slept until 7.30. Then we started drinking some box wine.

We hung out around the eating area at the hostel and met some people.

The first girl I spoke to was around a big table. I asked if anyone was using the chair and pulled up a chair for me and K.

I said 'what are you guys up to' as a general, open ended question. She asked 3 times being interrupted by her friend every time, 'what do you mean? Today or in general?'.

I said in General and continued chatting about where we were all from and what everyone was doing. We met some Europeans and a guy from Chilli and it was fun.

Went and got food and more wine. We went downstairs and found the girl we were just talking to with all her friends hanging around playing guitars and stuff.

K met a couple German girls and chatted to them. I met a girl from Oregon and talked to her about how I love America and want to move to California. We partied here and chatted for a while.

Then me and K went solo to a club. I told K to just say the stupidest English he could think of. We slowly waited for a 2 set on the street and he asked them what some sign said. He then proceeded to ask endless stupid questions about what things said and where we were. The girls looked about 17. We talked about boring shit until we got inside.

We went and stood near the bar. K opened a walking 4 set going to the d-floor. I chimed up to get the other girls attentions. They brushed past and hit the d-floor. Me and K chilled and I got bored and went back to the bar. K came and got me and dragged me back. On my way back to the d-floor, some girl pushed my back. I turned around and wagged my finger in her face. Then I kept walking.

K told me to talk to them so I re-opened. I talked shit about her wristbands and introduced myself. K tried to grab her friend but she wasn't interested. I noticed these girls weren't down.

While we chilled infront of the bar K noticed a 2 set, one of which was German. He opened her and talked shit, then I came over and he introduced me. The girls were German and Canadian. Not overly hot but whatever. I tried to engage mine but the girls weren't overly engaging.

The girls sat down behind us so I noticed a hens party. I tapped one girl on the shoulder and asked who the hen was. I gave the hen a hug and a big hi-5. The girls had penis-straws, which were endlessly amusing. We mixed their group of 6 with the other 2 girls. Eventually the hens party sat down and we sat down with them.

We talked about dicks and stuff. K said he used to be a woman, it was funny. The hen told me which of the friends were single, which I think was awesome but K didn't think it was down. They went to the d-floor eventually and we re-engaged the 2 set.

K told them to come with us to the other bar. They did. We couldn't get in so we went back the hostel with them. We both walked with our girls.

When we got back the girls said they wanted to stay in the lobby to do wifi, which was a lie to get away from us lol. We went to the room and drank wine. We went back out at 1:30.

All the places were locked out at this point so we did a little street game. K mostly opened the girls. They weren't overly keen.

Opened the friends of a 3-set with 'You guys have a good party tonight?'. She goes 'oh yeahh.. great party'. I said something and got annoyed and left.

K made me open a girl on the street. I walked up and said 'Hey how's your night going?'. She said 'go away'. We went home. Fun times.
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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Holy shit yeah, arrived in Sydney. K and I have been on the road for like 2 weeks in hostels and shit now. Every night has been a combination of wine and following girls around. Been like a 2 week surfing, drinking and game challenge. I'm sick, tired, broke, annoyed and want to be alone. But it's been a good little trip. It's like you have to step up, maybe now I can handle going to NZ or Europe for a month or so. I've never been a good traveller, don't like doing it.

Anyway, so we've been out pretty much every night. But I can't remember most of it. I'm just gonna do a report of the last couple nights. Maybe then I can keep it going.

Wednesday 12/6

We're in Manly tonight, north of Sydney. We had a really chill day. I read like 100+ pages from the Razors Edge and finished it. At like 9pm K came in to the hostel and said something about going out. His accent is fucking hilarious.

We ate a bit, drank a bunch of goon and went to town. We walked around the block to where the bars are, planning to go somewhere called 'Shark Bar'. But we had no clue where the fuck it was. Everything looked a little empty.

As we were walking past a bar, I saw two girls coming towards us. I walked over and said 'Hey guys, do you happen to know where the Shark Bar is?'

They proceeded to ask if we meant Shore bar or Shark bar or whatever. I noticed they were Canadian and said that they were Canadian. They were.

We all stood around a bit and chatted. These girls obviously wanted to meet guys tonight.

We all walked up to another bar and got another beer. We sat down and talked about travel and shit.

A few weeks ago my housemate told me I have a really strong 'too cool' vibe. I think subconsciously I have taken that into account. A litle trick came into my mind yesterday to overcome it. Whenever I want to really talk to someone, I continuously say 'Engage' in my head. I can immediately feel the vibe switch to one of love and sharing, instead of being 'too cool' and just talking to hear myself.

So I tried to engage with these girls and played with them being Canadian and stuff.

I noticed the cuter girl (who I liked) made eye contact then looked away. I made an effort to try to lock her gaze whenever she did it.

We went to another bar, more beer. K said we should go to the beach, so we did.

After we left the bar, the girl I liked came close and we held hands whilst walking to the beach.

We went to the beach and my girl happened to be insane so she goes in to the water in her clothes. It was fucking freezing. I took my shoes off, picked her up and ran into the waves a bit. Then put her down and made out.

We needed to take the girls home, for fun times, but we were staying in a shitty, smelly hostel, so we didn't. We walked back through town with them to K's girls place.

Walking through town my girl tested the fuck out of me. She dropped her boot and told me to pick it up. I didn't but instead said I couldn't whilst standing next to it.

She got really pissy and started yelling then walked off. She told me she didn't like me, told me not to touch her etc.. I just kept my frame and kept walking.

Eventually we got near their place. We fucked around in a dingy, then the girls wanted to go. They wouldn't let us come with them but my girl begged me to text her.

Went home.

Thursday 14/6

Tonight we arrived in Sydney. Fuck yeah!

We went out wayyy too early. Both K and I went into town at about 6pm. We chilled around the Sydney bridge and opera house until 7ish. Got dinner.

We went and drank wine in an alley. By 8pm we were completely drunk. We strolled over to Ivy and chilled upstairs with a beer.

K and I have really different game. I learnt this shit from RSD so I like to talk to everyone to try and be social. He's German so he doesn't like to talk much, but he has almost no insecurity. He sees the girl he wants and goes. So he wanted to chill back and just drink his beer, but I needed to talk to people. So I bummed a smoke off some girl, who gave me shit because I couldn't roll it.. Then I took the cigarette and pretended to smoke in the smokers area but I really just wanted to talk to the two girls there. They were a bit older. I opened by asking if I could sit down. Then I used old faithful and asked if they were from Sydney. We talked about where I should live, she told me where a young man should live and find girls. Hell yeah. K winged me but was pissed off that I was talking to old ugly women. Lol.

We left at about 9.30 and went to Establisment. It was a shit hole. We met some crazy Italian guy whose internal game was fucking tight. He didn't give a shit. He talked to everyone.

As we walked into the bar with him, he goes 'lets meet chicks' and walks off to find the hottest girls. He does. He leans in and engages both of them. K and me get annoyed and go somewhere else. We talk to some girls unsuccessfully. After some more shit we finally got rid of the Italian and found a big group of girls.

I went in to two of the girls in the big group, put out my hand and asked them if they were Sydney-siders. The told us they were American. One of the two spoke German so K locked in with her immediately. He has a great ability that he chooses the girl he wants, then spits game at her all night. I have like a scattershot where I talk to everyone and see who the game works on. My game is pretty weak though, so I think it's just more who likes me. This happens now, the girl I was talking too didn't really like me. She subbed out and another of her friends started talking to me. New York girl. She talks about her trip incessantly and I drink my beer. After 20 or so minutes she says they want to leave, I get her number. Because the group is so big though, it takes them ages to leave. By that time we re-engage and she asks if I want to come.

We all go back to Ivy. I walk alone at the back of the bigass group (maybe 5 girls and 3 guys). Giving new york girl some space.

We all chill in Ivy for a while. My girl is sort of bouncing around and partying with her group. They guys were pretty hardcore orbiters. K stayed locked with his girl, German style.

At one point I went and talked to some older girl who apparently met me earlier in the night. I didn't remember it but I recognised her. I saw her and stood waiting for a minute till the conversation she was having with her two friends died down. I went in, tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she was German. Noo! Are you French? Noo I'm from Bondi we met earlier!!!

Ooops. After a few minutes I peaced out and went back to K. He was pissed. He got pissed off that I was talking to some old lady and said that our girls got really weird when I did it. I failed to believe it but noticed the New York girl and his German girl were off in their group being swarmed by orbiters. I went and pulled New York girl and gave her a quick kiss to see where we were at.

Chilled out with the Americans for a while. At the bar ordering a beer I had a blonde girl next to me in a little red dress. I caught eye contact and said 'I don't think the bartender likes us'. She agreed. I asked her where she was from. Poland. We chatted for a minute and I went back to my girl to avoid being a dick. About 5 minutes later I was chilling in the bathroom and saw another blonde girl in a red dress. We caught eye contact and I gave her a smile and a wink, she giggled. A few seconds later I saw her hanging away from her two friends so I went in.

'Are you Polish?' (thinking it was the same Polish girl from before, but wasn't sure)
'Oh you're French. Bonjour, je m'apelle Berty' blah blah I don't talk French but could tell from her accent.

I just asked her what she was doing, where she was living, interview stuff. Her english wasn't amazing, but her accent gave me a huge boner. Talked to her for a few minutes until I told her to go back to her friends and went and took a piss.

I walked the long way around the bar until I saw the French girl again. Tapped her and put my hand out. Pulled her in and danced for a while. She was so fucking sensual. Got a massive boner. Got her number and went back to the American.

It got weird here because I was escalating with the New York girl but I felt like I would rather be with the French girl. But I also wanted to wing K.

I went back to New York girl to find her getting close with her orbiter guys. Put my hand out, grabbed hers and dragged her away. Spent the next 30 minutes or so cherishing. Hands around waist, on ass, kissing, neck biting. A girl jumped into the pool at the bar we were at with a g-string on. New York girl told me the one she was wearing was better. I assumed then it was on. I went back to the French girl and she was chatting some guy up. I pulled her away and she said she had to talk to her friend but to call her tomorrow. walked away and went to new york girl. Eventually the whole American group literally disappeared. They went to the toilet or something and left together. I am not sure what went wrong to be honest. Maybe the group was too big. Maybe she saw me hitting on the other girls and thought I was a dick. I really don't know. I think I need to be more brutal at pull o'clock. So the girl knows it's going down and I'm not just fucking with them.

I went back to the French girl and took K to occupy her friend. He hated her friend but I was in love with the French girl who was alone by now. The lights came on, we all left together. The French girl and I held hands as we all walked out and 3 guys tried to hit on her as we left. She went home with her friend and again told me to call her tomorrow. Again I need to be more brutal at closing time. She wanted to get fucked. I didn't fuck her.

We walked around then got a cab home.

I've noticed I'm a lot more chilled in interactions at the moment. No gimmicks, just walk up and talk. It's working well and it means I can talk to girls anywhere because I'm not trying to game them, just talking.

I'm also getting really really really excited and motivated by seeing progress. It's really exciting for me. I'm starting a blog about everything I'm learning (game, money and music) and am going to start growing as much as I can after the meditation retreat next week.

I've been learning heaps from hanging out with the German guy. Complete natural. Fucks several new girls a week and has a gf as well. His style is basically just really low simmering state. No insecurity. Rolls up to the girl and says words. Says whatever, frame so strong that the girl just buys in and talks to him. And at the end of the night, he pulls hard. No ego, just complete intention on meeting and fucking a girl. Awesome learning experience. If you a natural in Sydney, holla! I want to jam with you!

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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Hey guys. It's 4am here and I got back from another night in Sydney. Really shit night tonight. Going to rant now.

Friday 15/6

Tonight me and K chilled out for a bit before going out. We are crashing at my sisters place so no more hostel times for now.

We fucked around on our computers writing and playing music until about 10, then drank a bottle of wine each.

We took a cab/bus to a club called Chinese Laundry in the city.

It took about 30-40 minutes to get there and before we arrived, I was basically sober and dehydrated.

We rolled into the club which was kind of like a bad techno rave club. I found my amigos and cousin who were all raging on some pills. K and I went upstairs instead where there was a chilled Mexican style bar with a balcony.

I decided we needed girls and spoke to a 2-set at the bar. A really cute asian and a not-so-hot Australian. I asked them if they were Sydney siders and they said yeah. The Asian immediately bounced off to go hit on K. The Australian girl was ugly and boring. Useless. I talked to her friend instead. We talked about how I just arrived in Sydney and have no idea where to go. That conversation was really boring so I tried to change it. Told her my cuz/friends were bouncing off pills and she said she'd never done. Went on to talk about music and work and shit. There was one thread which lingers in my mind. I think I was being weird or something so she was triying to figure out who I was.

Her: What do you do for work?
Me: Nothing
Her: And before that?
Me: A waiter
Her: I see. Any bigger plans for life or anything?

I couldn't be fucked talking about this stuff in a bar. Yeah I have huge fucking dreams but I'm not going to talk about it. For some reason I think I was trying to qualify my 'too cool' vibe which might have popped up from having a couple of good nights.

Anyway, the few girls we were talking to all ran away and me and K laughed about how easy this is. I knew the set was over and went to find new girls. No sets to open.

We tried to open a big group of girls. I went and asked them how to get to the smoking section while K talked to some other one. The girl I talked to was a royal to my face. I walked out.

Her friend followed us and goes 'you can stay, we're all married but there's one single girl looking for a boyfriend'. I went back and the single friend was ugly and dancing badly. I danced up to her and she cringed at me. What the fuck haha.

I walked straight out. Not dealing with that shit. Bounced up and downstairs looking for girls. Found a few sets to open but I was really angry at this point. I think it may be a combination of 5 hours of sleep a night and shitloads of booze for the last couple weeks. Dunno. I also fucking hate that bar with a passion. Only good for getting high as fuck.

I think tonight I learnt that I need to be in a good place going out. Not ego or shit but just normal and fun. I wasn't having fun in this bar. As soon as I walked in I was annoyed by the bar and the lack of alcohol in my system etc.

Anyway I'm really pissed off right now for no real reason. I am really excited to do some consistent game. I think I need to start working on exercises. i.e. actually testing things and doing lots of opens etc.

To motivate myself I'm going to leave some pictures of great asses. I love asses.



I want to get girls that fine. So I'll follow the process and keep going out.

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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Hey boys, another nother update from Sydlamabad.

Saturday 15/6

Tonight K and I had a double date with some girl he met at Ocktoberfest and her friend (two friends as it turned out). We had to drive all the way to fucking Manly for it, but it was okay because he assured me the girls were down. We had to pass up going out with the Canadian girls from Wednesday who were trying to get us to come out. On to the night.

So at about 7.30 we drive out to Manly, park the car and chill out. Drink a little wine and K texts the girl to make sure shes still down.

We go to the Wharf bar, get a beer and chill out on a table. After about a 30-40 minutes the girls still don't arrive so we leave. I can still drive so we plan to go back and meet the Canadians but before we get to the car the girl texts us so we get food and go back.

I leave K to go to the bathroom and come back to find him talking to some Irish girl in the smoking section. I join them and chat to the girl. She has a friend inside. The mind turns, maybe we should just hook up with someone here. But before I notice the girls rock up.

K's girl is immediately into him. Shes cute. I go to the other one and introduce myself, say hey, talk crap. How do you know the girl and K? Do you live on the beach? Boring interview stuff. She talks to me for about 10 seconds then goes and talks to K. There is 3 girls all together.

We all walk to another bar. The girls are pretty drunk and are all over K. They don't give me a fucking second of their time. I try to join the mouth noise a bunch of time but nothing.

We get into the club and the girls still won't fucking talk to me. They walk away and K is with his girl.

I decide to find my own girl. I open two random girls who are in a three set. 'Let me guess, you're not Australian? You're Italian?' The hotter girl opens immediately. I tell her I love Bondi and want to live there forever. She's really nice so I know the other girls are just bitches. The conversation lasts a few minutes before she leaves for her friends.

I go inside and get a beer. Dance with some ugly woman who tells me her friend is a model (the friend is a 6 at best). I talk to the friend being real about how I don't like these sort of clubs. She doesn't either. These girls bore me so I leave. I tap another girl on the arm and push my hand infront of her. She grabs is. We dance a little. I go close to her ear and ask who she is. We talk a little while dancing close. Go for a make out. It's good. About 5 seconds later she disappears. Don't really know why.

Now after having a beer and hitting on a couple girls I think that I should be more social and decide to have another go with the girls from the date. I go and sit down infront of them. K grabs me and tells me I should stay here now. The girls won't talk to me. K's girl grabs her friend and tells her that I'm moving to Bondi and I really like it. 10 second thread ensues before she goes back to her friend. Why the fuck does she hate me so?

We go to dance and I'm so angry at the fucking girls I'm forced to waste my time with that I try to find new ones. I tap about 5 different girls on the shoulder and put my hand out to try to make them grab it so we can dance. It didn't really work at all. Maybe on one it led to us meeting. But I had to be more physical immediately and she didn't like me.

I got pissed off, grabbed my jacket and left. On the way out I made 5-6 girls hi-five me. Just because.

I went to a more chilled bar that has lots of people. Got some water and spoke to the girl at the water machine. Boring chat, just being social. She leaves. I go and find the only set that I feel comfortable opening because this whole place is really clicky.

It's a 2 set, fat girl and an older girl. They're au pairs from Austria. Their hotter friend shows up who I decide I want to be with. But I've been talking with the fat girl for so long that she thinks I'm into her. Can't get time alone with the hot one. After maybe 20 minutes of chilling I say I'm getting a drink and leave.

I leave the bar and it's about 1am by this time. It's lock out and I can't get back into the bar. On the street I open a couple 2 sets with 'hey, is there anywhere around here that isn't locked out? What are you guys doing now?' Run into a friend and then get pizza. I'm fucking furious at this point. Drove all the way out here, turned down a sure thing with the girl who was hitting my up for tonight but had to deal with this shit instead.

Raging. Anyway K get's the 'I have to work tomorrow' from his girl and comes to find me. We chill in the car till 5am when I am sober enough to drive home.


I don't know why so many girls are hating on me at the moment. Last night I started to think maybe it's because I'm making a little progress. I'm not doing anything different really and don't normally get responses like I have in the last few days.

Anyway going these last few weeks, I've finally started to understood some of the content that RSD has out. For instance the stuff about how you have to have your process, testing things out and being more Machiavellian in my reproach. Right now I just want a nice ass bent over infront of me.

I learnt a few really good things from my German natural mate who I've travelled with. Keep in mind he gets new lays several times a week, even in a new country. But he doesn't know RSD or anything.

First off he's extremely socially aware. He know exactly how everyone feels and can see things going on that I have absolutely no idea about.
Second his ego is seperate from his personality. What I mean by that is that he's not interested in himself or proving himself, he just wants to fuck. This is so fucking powerful.
Third, which is an extension of the second point, he has very, very few insecurities. He simply finds the girl he wants and finds a way to get her.

Mind you his game is limited and in some instances I've actually found myself better off that him. Opening for one. I can open more girls better. But when he does open the girls, they hook almost always. For me much less.

Now it's Sunday afternoon. I'm texting all the girls I met in the last week to try and find a date for tonight.

Here's a text thread I had with the Canadian girl who's been hitting me up. Feedback welcome.

M: 'Hey did you make it back to bondi? Thanks for the swim last night :P'
H: 'Oh my gosh ! I can't believe I went swimming'
M: 'Yeah. It was great... what are you doing tomorrow?'
H: 'I actually have to work tomorrow night :('
M: 'Nannying? Ahh that's odd. When does (her friend) leave?'
H: 'Mondayy'
H: 'What are you doing tomorrow?'
M: 'Nothing yet. Lets all go out' (Hahah I forgot she said no)
H: 'I'm working!'
M: 'Just surfing. We should all go to the beach together. Or meet up on Sunday to farewell (her friend)'

She's been texting me every day. Seems to be down. Maybe too much texting actually. I was trying to be a little bit of a dick because she seemed to like it. Haven't met up yet, but will try this week.


I had a lot of time to think last night in the car whilst waiting to sober up. And I've had a couple realisations that I want to work on.

1. Being a mess is not productive. The last 6 months I lived on a mattress on the floor, worked till 1am and drank a lot. This is not going to help me long term. Instead I want to get a place somewhere with decent location for logistics, a nice bed and blackout curtains so I can sleep well and feel good enough to do the things I love. Work out and surf. Get good sleep. Eat a good diet. The basic day-to-day shit which makes you feel good and live long. Fuck I'm glad I figured this out at 21.

2. I get easily overwhelmed trying to extend myself. I have a really big drive to do something awesome with my life. But being focused on that is overwhelming because right now I don't know how to do it. It's like the Hemmingway line, 'Write what you know'. I need to start working within my limits. But working HARD! Then read books and learn little things here and there to expand my capabilities. I think that's how the best guys got to where they got.

3. Too many first world distractions. Alcohol, sugary foods, daily porn, good manners, drugs and trying to get other peoples approval. None of these things help you get anywhere. Waste of fucking time. Fuck it all. I am quitting alcohol, coffee and drugs from this day on. I have a meditation retreat in 3 days so I need to start breaking the addictions now. I have jacked off like once in two weeks and that was just to relax. I'm finding it's making me more driven to get the girls I'm meeting into my bed.

4. Live your life. Fuck living anyone elses life. Fuck waiting for anyones approval. Fuck waiting for anyone to help you. Just do what you do, do what you want and make it happen.

I'll keep this shit updated on how I go.

Thanks RSD. Love you guys!
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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

 Hey boys!

Sunday 16/6

Tonight was fucking stupid. I planned to go to the Cross solo and do some sets to stay in the zone. But I left my house too late and couldn't figure out the fucking busses. After 2 hours I caught the last bus home.

The only set was 2 girls and a guy on the street. I stared them down and the girls fronted up and asked me where to get pizza, then told me to come with them. I wanted to go to Kings Cross. I didn't get either. Lol.

Monday 17/6

Yeah I went out Monday. So what. This was a huge night.

Tonight I blew off a day 2 with the Canadian girl from last Wed (I will get her I swear) to go to Scubar and see the American bird from last Thursday.

I caught a bus and got to K's hostel in the city. It was right upstairs from Scubar.

We chilled till 10 then went to the bar. We got in and K said he needed to get drunk. Awesome. I was supposed to quit booze yesterday. Nope.

We got a beer. We drank it. We chilled to the side of the bar till the American girls found us. I grabbed mine and pulled her in, kiss next to the lips (gay, kiss lips next time), say some shit about the crab races that I missed then they left to find their friends.

K and I went and bought a litre of beer each and drank it in about 10 minutes. The fun begins.

I go and grab my American girl near the bar. Tell her her hat is gay. Take her hat. Kiss her. Grab her ass. Give her her hat. Just fucking around really. She is into me. She eventually goes to her friends.

K's girl doesn't like him. He says he wants to get other girls. I point girls out, not really having balls at this point, he refuses. Nek minit I turn around and he's in set. I grab the friend and ask where shes from.

Me: 'Where are you from, I guess Persian'
Her: 'California'

I yell yeahahh and give her a bigass hug. She tells her friend she wants to go dance. The friend doesn't want to leave K and tells me to go dance with her. I grab my girls hand and she leads me to the dance floor.

I wish I got a video of what happened next. Seriously. For about 15 minutes she stood in front of me grinding her ass on my cock. She perpetually grabbed my hands and put them on her hips. Every few minutes she look up or I'd pull her face up and we'd have the sloppiest makout ever. I tried to grab her tits for pleasure, she'd grab my hands back. I tried to rub her pussy, she didn't really care but pulled my hands back up.

So after a good 15 odd minutes of having a girl bending over grinding her ass full on my boner while all 100 guys in the club watch, I grab her hand and try to lead her to a quiet spot. She shakes her head, grabs her friend and leaves. I see her proceed to do this game with some other guy later but I think she left after that, with him I dunno.

So now I'm nice and horny as shit, I go to the American girl and stay with her. I pull her away and lock in as best I can do. Telling her she looks like a mauri dike with her hat and fake tat. Kissing, hugging. For 5 mins or so I let her get grinded on by a bunch of dudes while I chat up some Nederlands girl. She starts looking around so I grab her hand and pull her back. Starting to get better at the dominance. We spend like 10-15 minutes together

Eventually she says she needs to go and kisses me. I say 'Okay I'll come with'. She doesn't look approving. I follow her out of the bar and ask her mate whats up. He's like 'dunno man, try talking to her'. I go grab her hand and ask her where she's going. She says home. I ask if she has a couch and ask if I can come crash on it. She says she has class tomorrow so no. I look her in the eyes hard. She says sorry and walks off. I follow her across the street and talk to the friends. After like 100 metres the male friend pulls me aside and goes 'man you seem really cool and I like you, but she keeps telling me not to let you come home with her. In the time she's been here she hasn't hooked up with anyone'. I decide that means no one has tried hard enough and remembered something I read in a journal about 'a moment of realness'.

I march up to her where she's on her phone, lean on the wall and tell her to come here. I say 'hey, be real, be real, what's going on?'

Her: 'I have class tomorrow. Will you text me? I'll come out'.
Me: 'I'm leaving for three weeks'
Her: 'So you'll be gone'
Me: 'Yeah this is it'
Her: 'I'm sorry'
Me: 'What's up, really, why can't I come hang out'
Her: 'I have class tomorrow at 9'
Me: 'That's fine let's get sleep'
Her: 'I'm sorry, no'. Kisses me and leaves.

I delete her number and take a piss.

In thinking back now I think I don't get enough comfort with the girls. I have no conversational skill with girls. Okay need to work on that. Back to the FR.

It's midnight by now so I go back to the club.

I see K and he got denied by his hostel because he took a girl back and the security denied him. K is pissed and the girl is on me, telling me she doesn't want to go with him. I tell her he's the most solid dude in the fucking world (he is). I try to get her in the hostel by making out that she stays there and is fucking drunk. I tell the guard she needs to go to bed and that I'm pissed off at her. Nope.

Back to the bar. Solo now. I dance around like a fuckwit on acid. Feels good man, I'm drunk and exhausted. Couple of random sets, nothing hooks. Do most opens on the d-floor by tapping girl on the shoulder and shoving my hand out. Some comply, others think I'm stupid, others walk away. Talk to a fat chick. I don't remember what I said but she goes 'you're so mean. You're lucky you're cute'. Damn right girl, I'm smoking.

Make out with the fat girl. She gets distracted and I run away, literally, run.

I re-open a girl I met earlier. I want this girl. Short, black hair, tight, thicker set body, I like this. I grab her hand and pull her to my ear. Ask her name, where is she from. She's from Sydney. Ask why she's here. She's celebrating a break up. DING DING! I give her a hug and yell 'haha yeahhhhh'. I stare at her eyes from a foot away while I let some other faggots run their shitty game. I'm lazy, what can I say. She goes to get a drink and tells me to wait there. I get bored and go piss then start watching tv. After a while I feel something on my back and turn around to see her walking away from me. Obvious fucking sign, but I don't follow. A few minutes later I walk to the d-floor, furious, full angry want-to-fuck mode to find her. I want to hit all the fucking dudes on the d-floor. It's 5-1 guy to girl ratio. I hate those chodes. I see the girl I want walk back into the d-floor still hand in hand with her friend, who I chatted to while the douches ran game on her friend. She's cool with me.

I procrastinate... AGAIN. FUCK. I go to find her and shes GONE. I spend 15 minutes looking for her because I want her. She's gone. After a couple more shit open attempts on other girls who look receptive, I decide to take the lesson and go home. Stay with the girl faggot.

Made out with 3 girls tonight. Followed one down the street. Lost the one I wanted to bone. Pushing the envelope erre day.

Peace homies!!
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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

So it's Wednesday morning

Last night I went to the Australia vs. Iraq qualifier with my extended family. Was an awesome match had an amazing time. No gaming.

Today I'm going to a 10 day Vipassana retreat. It should be awesome but I'm hoping it kick starts a new focus and daily routine that includes meditation.

When I get back it will be the first of July. I want to have a month of perfection. i.e. no alcohol, no stimulants, lots of gaming ( every night if I have enough money ), get a job, decent place near the city, start performing with some singers I've contacted. Month of pure work and progress God knows I fucking need it.

I will write up a review of the retreat when I get back and get back into the journal. Peace boys.
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Join Date: 01/11/2013 | Posts: 364

Disclaimer: This review of Vipassana is not directly related to game. This is a personal reflection on the course, the technique and how that has affected my normal behaviour. If you want to get good at game, practice game, not Vipassana.

On the 20th June I went on a Vipassana course in the mountains near where I live. It was a 10-day, full immersion course. This means there are no phones, computers, books, writing materials or any other things which can take your attention. I’m going to structure my review as a kind of essay, with a summary of what the course was at the top, a breakdown of what happened on each day for me and then at the bottom a summary of what I took from the course. I’m writing this because mindfulness meditation is becoming a pretty big buzz and I thought people might like to hear about experiences from a course like this and see whether it could benefit them. I’m going to leave a lot out and only write what I feel is relevant.

The course was 10-days long. On the night before the course, you take a vow to abstain from speaking, stealing, sexual activity, hurting another being and being lazy. This vow lasts for ten days, which includes not communicating with the other people in the course in any way: body language, spoken or otherwise. The men and women were segregated and the only time you saw each other was in the meditation hall or walking around their living areas. The daily routine was as such:

4am: Wake up bell
4.30am: Meditate
6.30am: Eat and break
8am: Mandatory meditation session
11am: Lunch break
1pm: Mandatory meditation
5pm: Tea (no food, just a cup of tea and a piece of fruit)
6pm: Mandatory meditation then nightly discourse
9pm: Bed

Like I said it was full on immersion with about 10-11 hours of meditation a day. Meditation was Vipassana style. It means you sit on the floor, cross legged, eyes closed and observe sensations within the body. You can sit on chairs or stools if you need to, but the best practice was on the floor. This was probably the biggest issue for most people as after 10 hours sitting on the floor your legs and back hurt a lot.

Day 1: Day one was interesting because I was still full of energy and motivation to do this course. The morning I spent trying to find a comfortable way to sit, to no avail. This meant that meditation was difficult. We were instructed to focus on our breath through our nose during meditation. No judgement or reaction to the breath, just simple observation. Throughout the day my back and legs started hurting really bad, but I was still fresh and kept changing my position to keep meditating. I didn’t get to sleep until about midnight for some reason.

Day 2: My legs hurt today after sitting on them all yesterday and my back was aching for most of the day. Today the meditation was to focus on the sensation of breath at any particular point in the nose. I found the cool air towards the back of my nose was the easiest to focus on. Again I had to change my position a lot. Today I was starting to get really really sexual. I had a boner for a long time during meditation and any time I wasn’t meditating I had an uncontrollable boner and visualisations. I also started noticing how few thought loops run through my head. It’s limited to maybe 5 and when you can’t talk to anyone else, it gets really boring inside your own head.

Day 3: Today my back started to really hurt. It was the upper back where I have an overuse injury from sports. The meditation was to focus on the sensations of our breath outside the nose, where it hits the upper lip. This was to continue to focus the brain and train it to observe a small part of the body. I still had the boners and I still had to keep moving around. I started to freak out outside of meditation. I had these paranoid thoughts that the world outside of Vipassana was falling apart. That the girl I was going to go out with when I left was fucking some dude and didn’t want to talk to me, that family members were dead or divorced, all this weird shit. It was overwhelming and again I couldn’t sleep. Not being able to jack off was really hard and I nearly cracked but didn’t.

Day 4: Today my back pain had gone away and I was starting to feel good. The last 3 days I had progressively gotten more paranoid and low energy from sitting all day doing nothing. But today I was in a really good mood. After lunch we learnt the technique of Vipassana. During this style of meditation, you sit cross legged on the floor without moving. You start at the top of the head and slowly expand the area downwards trying to observe whatever sensations you feel. Head to face, to chest, to arms, to back, to legs, then back up, at first moving slowly. As you practice this more you get your own rhythm and start to get faster. For it to work, you need to observe the real sensations. Whether they are pain, itching, pressure, heat, your shirt on your skin, one hand on another, it doesn’t matter as long as it is real to you. You also have to spend the 3 mandatory meditation hours (3x1 hour) completely still (if possible). During my first and second sessions I hit this weird point where my body went completely numb and started vibrating. I thought it was some spiritual thing but in reality it was just my body adapting to being still for so long. My legs were on fire.

Day 5: Paranoia and horniness still continuing. Starting to get used to the meditation technique and get faster. You need to observe pain without reacting and also observe cravings without reacting. What this does is train your brain not to react to sensations and simply observe them. This in turn disconnects what you feel in your body from your emotions and makes you more balanced. The technique is very cool. Today I pushed the hours again, sitting cross legged and up straight for the first 2 until my knee started throbbing from old sports injuries. I changed and started sitting straight legged. But straight legged was too comfortable and I started to get drowsy. Drowsiness, aversion, craving and non-descript avoidance of meditation become the biggest issues in this course. I barely slept at night but I could sleep literally all day. It was obviously a ploy by my brain to avoid the pain of meditation. But I continued and got through the day.

Day 6: The teacher of this course describes what you are doing as a ‘deep surgical operation of the mind’. In essence you are forcing your own habits of craving and aversion to the surface by forcing yourself to remain still and focused for so long. All of a sudden weird thoughts come up for why you should stop. You start making excuses and having weird bodily reactions. I couldn’t stop picking my nose and always wanted to arch my back to stretch it. These movements aren’t necessary but to avoid the focus my brain wanted to do them. My interpretation of this is that you learn habits throughout life to avoid pain and fulfil cravings, but this isn’t always optimal. These habits can lead you to a life of addiction where you don’t do the real hard work you need to do in order to succeed. Just observing these cravings and pains without reacting means you slowly break your ties to them and distance yourself from your own bullshit. I was still getting boners and paranoia today, in fact today may have been the strongest day. I really wanted to leave today, to get my phone and make sure my world was okay, but I trudged through. I also understand why full-time Buddhist practitioners abstain from sex, indulgence and sloth. To fully disconnect yourself from your shitty mind-habits and gain liberation, you have to remove those cravings.

Day 7: I’m feeling okay today. There is a lot of tension in my head where I feel like a mountain has been built. My emotions are all over the place as they’ve been for a few days. I’ve started to understand why I’ve made a lot of the decisions I have in my life. I realised today how strong my ego and my pride have been and also how damaging for my life they’ve been. I decide I no longer want to give a shit about what people want from me. I’m going to go and study what I want to study. I’m going to start the businesses I’m going to start. I’m going to walk my own path and anyone who wants to join me can. The ego started to dissolve strongly today and I started to understand how big of a fuckwit I’ve been to those close to me. The boners are still here and the lust is still strong. My back hurts and I’m still struggling to keep my legs crossed. It’s okay.

Day 8: Today was my break-through. After a week of paranoia and weird mixed emotions, I started to feel like a giant tree trunk got pulled out of my head. I was randomly laughing at stupid little things. I had a lot of clarity in my head and a lot of space to direct my own thoughts. Today my emotions themselves were level and the boners passed. Paranoia is still here but I’ve learnt to negotiate with it. My back stopped hurting so much today but my knee is still throbbing. Today was the day I started really craving the real world. I wanted to go get a job, sign up at university, fuck a cute girl, start a business, hang out with my friends. I also started to understand my own limitations on what I did and didn’t want to do. In past I’ve always tried to do everything and make everyone like me. No longer did I care about that. I stopped caring if I know how to surf or can get big in the gym. I just want to live life my way and do some serious hard work. I think this is tied to the dissolution of the ego due to being in complete isolated silence all day every day. But I was still very fragile on this day. I found that since we learnt Vipassana, I became fragile and my emotions were jumping around a lot. Every meditation session was different and different challenges emerged. If you plan on doing this and you find this same issue, keep going.

Day 9: This day was torture. I was counting the hours until it was over and I could be in the real world again. My meditation became lazy and I was mostly just talking to myself in my head, though my emotions were more stable and relaxed. My sleep at night was still poor and the 4am meditation sessions were almost impossible. My cravings shifted from sex and money to food and a hot shower. My head felt like it had more space and less pressure in it. My breathing had slowed noticeably. The intensity with which everyone had been meditating had eased and we started to move as a group. We’d look to each other, laugh together, breath and sigh together. Days 8 and 9 were days we were instructed to meditate during all waking hours. Walking, eating, shitting, every moment we should observe our body and meditate. Apparently this was to get the best results we could while we were practicing and had the technique well under control. But I was craving to get out.

Day 10: Today at lunch the oath of silence was lifted. The moment we left the group meditation hall we all started talking about what we’d experienced and all that stuff. It turned out everyone had the same struggles. At some point everybody wanted to leave. Everyone had felt a lot of bullshit being stripped from their heads. After 9 days of silence, the energy was incredible. Everyone was basically in bliss, being released from their shackles of silence. Today my only cravings were to eat a lot of food and pass the time as quickly as possible. We also got to chat to the girls in one area of the centre which was cool, but I didn’t really have much to say. My head was empty at this point and I just wanted to go and work.

After the course:

I want to apologise right now if that summary was hard to follow or changed tenses too often. It was hard to remember back to what happened as all the days have kind of melded together.

So what results did I get from the course? The biggest thing I took away from the course is probably dissolution of the ego and the intent to be completely honest all the time. I have no interest in hiding or lying about anything in my life, my intent or motivations to anyone. The feeling is one of pure intent. The desire to go after my real goals in life without either the concern of what others think or the desire to harm any other person in the process is apparent. For a couple days after the course I was completely zen and relaxed in my day-to-day behaviour, but a week later I am returning to old style but a lot more relaxed and with more contemplation.
I also learnt greatly how my habits affect my day-to-day behaviour and the results I get in life. When I crave something now I understand it better and I also realised that basically all my problems in life are due to my consistent aversion of anything uncomfortable. Don't avoid tying the shoe strings.

Unfortunately I haven’t been able to keep up the meditation practice. When I sit down to meditate my brain goes crazy and after 15-20 minutes I have to get up. This is something I will have to work on long-term to get my practice up to an hour a day (the teachers recommend 2x1 hour sessions every day, but I will limit it to 1 hour for now).

Since the course I’ve started knuckling down. I got a job in my new city, am inspecting places to live, have started dating a friend of mine to get some consistent and save money, have contacted a lot of musicians to start performances and am still being completely honest to everyone. Although I haven’t had any major changes in myself, my behaviour has definitely shifted for the positive and I have got a lot more clarity in my thoughts then before it. I'm also excited to re-learn how to do hard, bullshit work and take care of the stuff in my life financially, education wise and relationship wise.

If you are a person who struggles to commit, to make decisions or to find anything to motivate you, I recommend this course. Your brain is full of bullshit right now and you need to silence that bullshit before your deeper desires, the ones you had as a 15yo, start coming back out.
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