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December 9th, 2016
My ex-girlfriend pregnant, i'm confused about what to do
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Brooklyn-is-Back

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2012 | Posts: 9

 

In a bit of a situation. I was still banging my ex-girlfriend and she ended up getting pregnant. (slacked on condoms one night, and pulled out but still happened).

She had the baby last week, and i'm trying my best to be a supportive father (emotionally and financially).   Family and friends are all disappointed that i got myself in this situation, and are pushing for me to stay with the mother to have a "normal" relationship.   The whole time i feel like a creep for even thinking of not sticking around with the mother, and that maybe I should put up with the situation.

I am currently in a state of mental limbo, stuck between trying to do the right thing, feeling this sense of guilt for wanting to leave or depression for staying into this forced situation. I know in this forum we all push each other to overcome adversity and "man up" to this type of stuff.

Please don't flame me. I need advice, and turn to the forum because i'm having a tough time figuring shit out myself since i'm not clearheaded right now.
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#1
Joey Valentino

Joey Valentino

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/10/2012 | Posts: 225

First of all seperate your role as a Father to the child from any relationship between you and your ex.

What I mean by that is they are not one and the same. Being a great Father can easily be achieved away from your ex.

If you want, and she wants, a relationship, and you think it could work, realistically, then pursue it.

If the only reason you'd be getting back with her would be to conform to the expectations of those around you then don't even think about it. It will only hurt you and your kid in the long run.
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“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?”
― Siddhārtha Gautama
"I just wanna fuck bad bitches, all the nights I never had bitches, now I'm all up in that ass bitches"
 - Dr Dre
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#2
Alliance

Alliance

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/02/2012 | Posts: 347

It is a tough situation, but the last thing you want to do is become bitter about it by any means. That bitterness would define you (and an offspring) for a life time.




I'm thinking about ya, man. Sorry to hear about this unplanned thing, but you can make it work and it doesn't have to be a "sorry" thing later.



(Tyler has kids, and he's a boss.)
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#3

Brooklyn-is-Back

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2012 | Posts: 9

Thanks alot guys for taking the time to reply to my post.

Lockdown -- i can definitely feel the stress of trying to conform.  I'm angry because i got myself in this situation and rather than her be thankful for me sticking around, she can sense that i'm not 100% into her and she resents and argues constantly with me over it.  I feel stressed which causes me to lash out at those closest to me over the tiniest things.  I'm at least aware of this anger and am trying to control it now.

Alliance -- I agree,  I think i would be bitter if I stuck around (like one of those angry dads you see on TV pissed off all the time), and that's not who i want to be in life or to my child.  I realized this girl wasn't the person that would fulfill me long-term.   i've spent the last 9 months alternating between depression, acceptance, trying to make it work, wanting to run away, wanting to do nothing, etc

Your comments have definitely helped me see new perspectives on this situation, and that this could have a happy solution for everyone.

Thank you!
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#4
Joey Valentino

Joey Valentino

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/10/2012 | Posts: 225

How do you think you're going to handle it man?
__________________
“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?”
― Siddhārtha Gautama
"I just wanna fuck bad bitches, all the nights I never had bitches, now I'm all up in that ass bitches"
 - Dr Dre
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#5
Joey Valentino

Joey Valentino

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/10/2012 | Posts: 225

Brian♥ wrote:
Wait hold up, did you not try to get this chick to have an abortion?

Have you stopped for a second to realize how FUCKED up it is she's forced you into fatherhood?


Please be trolling because if that's your honest answer it's bullshit.
__________________
“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?”
― Siddhārtha Gautama
"I just wanna fuck bad bitches, all the nights I never had bitches, now I'm all up in that ass bitches"
 - Dr Dre
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#6

Brooklyn-is-Back

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2012 | Posts: 9

Lockdown,
Well #1 is to be the best father I can be in terms of time, building a relationship and providing financially for the child.

The mother and I have had conversations about our situation. She asked me two days ago if we'd be together had she not gotten pregnant, and i told her truthfully we would've probably never seen each other again since we broke up pretty badly. She's told me that if i don't want to be in this relationship, that she's ok with just being friends and working together to raise her the best we could. But i always avoided answering that, since i was torn over pros/cons of either decision. Plus the fact that the baby has been alot of work and sleepless nights.

I feel alot of guilt and sadness over choosing not to be in a relationship with her, and the what-ifs but i'm hoping that eventually one day the feeling will pass and I'll realize that doing this was best for everyone in the long run. Hoping also to meet someone one day that won't hold it against me that I'm a single father.
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#7
Alliance

Alliance

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/02/2012 | Posts: 347

I'd like to chime in just one more time to say that you have exactly the right mindset from my perspective, and you are going to be a very cool dad and hopefully, working with the mother, you two can build a friendship and raise a very cool person.




I was reminded of this video I had seen a few months ago where Owen brings his kid to a seminar. At the end of this video (about 13:00 minutes in) you see him just hanging out with his son and realize how cool of an interaction that is from Father to Son. I think I found it right here, it's worth a look.

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#8

Brooklyn-is-Back

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2012 | Posts: 9

Brian♥ wrote:
Wait hold up, did you not try to get this chick to have an abortion?

Have you stopped for a second to realize how FUCKED up it is she's forced you into fatherhood?


Brian --

The topic of abortion did come up.   I told her it would allow us to finalize our break up and move on to meeting the person of our dreams.  But she got angry  in a screaming fit and said she's having it with or without me.  Honestly though part of me was glad she didn't do it, the thought of abortion was horrible to me.

I did think it was fucked up at first,  feeling VERY angry like she's trying to trap me, but eventually I realized it was all under my control.  I was the one who chose to call her up, pursue her, and fuck her without a condom.  So i accepted it as something I have to deal with no turning back.  
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#9

Brooklyn-is-Back

Junior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2012 | Posts: 9

Alliance,

Thanks for sharing the vid.  I like what Tyler says about being happy and not getting angry in life.  He's right, life is short.  The segment at the end was pretty cool.  Do you know if Tyler is in a relationship with the mother of his kids?
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#10
Gravity

Gravity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/06/2011 | Posts: 1681

just curious, did you check to see if its yours?
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