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December 9th, 2016
Jeffy's Reply to Todd's Always Have the Upper Hand in A Relationship Rant Video
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xeofreestyle

xeofreestyle

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Join Date: 12/09/2007 | Posts: 422

It was on page two of comments for Todd's Article. I thought some of you might have missed it and want to read it.

Quote:

Posted by jlaix

Hey todd, just watched the video. While on the one hand I am able to sympathize with the feelings you're expressing here (in a way that probably only 5 or 6 other people on the planet can lol), it's also sort of "cute" to me... like a college student getting all indignant about inequality or something. Because, as you can imagine, this is something I've been dealing with for YEARS now... and one thing I can tell you is this: getting butthurt about this is not only pointless but counterproductive.

No matter how you slice it there is ALWAYS going to be a certain distasteful element to our job, point blank period. I mean, yes, we are helping people become better men, less creepy, more value giving and centered yadda yadda yadda, but at the same time we are giving them the ability to go out and have the same abundance that women enjoy... that abundance, that ability to get laid with little or no effort COMBINED with the ability to wield sex as a commodity, it is one of the VERY FEW ways in which women as a group actually have more power than men in society and to remove that is extremely threatening and disquieting. Not to mention the fact that sometimes the dudes we teach actually ARE fuckin creeps. lol

One could argue the deeper issue is the patriarchal system of inequality that was set up to level the playing field for beta males (marriage etc.) that views women as essentially PROPERTY in any case... and looking at it from that angle, what we do undermines the overall socially conditioned narrative, upsetting both men AND women. "DURR PRESERVE GROUPTHINK"

EDIT: another thing I just remembered is a lot of times also, the girl is simply INTIMIDATED by the level of sexual experience someone like me has.... so she'll get insecure about both her own sexual prowess and her standing in the relationship... they will often say things like, "I'm usually the one in charge" or "you knock me for a loop" or "you have depleted my player points to negative" hahah. Once the girl gets insecure the relationship won't last long I find. so there's that to consider as well.

I'm trying to think of a good analogy here and I'm coming up with that of a CIA assassin.... like, okay, the guy can say, "You know what? I'm PROUD of what I do. I go out every day and remove threats to our national security, I PROTECT my friends, family and country in a way that few people can. I make a REAL impact with my work and for someone to disrespect that, well that's fucked up." Yes sir, I'm a Real American Hero.

Okay dude... yes... but you also FUCKING KILL PEOPLE. THAT's fucked up, really, at the end of the day, there's no getting around that. "Killing is killing, whether done for duty, profit, or fun." She's thinking about what she's gonna tell her friends, what she's gonna tell her family. "Hey mom and dad, allow me to introduce you to John... he murders enemies of the state in cold blood. Is dinner ready?" Obviously that's a bit of an extreme and ridiculous example but you get the idea... mom and dad and the peer group are going to have a tough time understanding, much less respecting what we do, no matter how much we dress it up in "self-actualization."

Again, I've been dealing with this for YEARS, so I've arrived at a place where I barely give a fuck at all about people's reactions anymore. In the beginning, I was overcome with righteous indignation and pain over these kinds of reactions. Why didn't they understand they were being unreasonable? I'd lecture, cajole, plead, etc etc. all in an effort to make them come around. But you know what? These days, I am simply SICK OF HAVING THAT CONVERSATION. It's like watching a crappy movie on late night TV that I've seen a hundred times before... and that I didn't like when I first saw it in the theater, either. These days, it's just, like, "Sigh. Yes. It's an interesting job I suppose." *shrug* and let the chips fall where they may.

As I mentioned earlier, the most that I'll attempt to mitigate it is with a "staggered reveal." I sort of dole it out in increasingly explicit terms as the relationship progresses. I don't think this is being deceitful or inauthentic really. Much in the same way that you wouldn't talk about your parent's untimely death or any other super heavy topic on a first date, there's no need to unload all this shit immediately, because for most it's going to be a lot to take in. FOR MOST. Others will have no problem with it at all.

See that's the thing... it's really a crap shoot how any given person is going to react upon finding your videos, etc. The responses will run the gamut from APOPLECTIC FURY to FASCINATION to UTTER INDIFFERENCE, and I've found there is little you can do to alter what that response will be. So fuck it... either she's able to get past the whole stigma and baggage and PERSONA around the job and evaluate you for how you ACTUALLY TREAT HER, or she's not. End of story.

But for you to over-indulge (key word OVER--- even after dealing with this for years I still get a little, tiny bit butthurt when I lose a good one over this shit and i think it is natural) in feelings of bitterness is just something that will fuck you up in the long term. Think of the cumulative amount of time spent hand wringing over this shit, time that could be better spent working, improving yourself, or spending time with people who DONT have a problem with it.

On the other hand, however, do try to see things from their perspective here. Like, when my GF broke up with me a while back after I posted some crass bullshit about railing sluts on the forum, I was all, "YOURE UNDER THE SOCIALLY CONDITIONED NARRATIVE DURR!!!"

Her response was "Dude are you fucking retarded? It would be one thing if you just had one or two girls on the side you see every so often. But I can't hang out for ONE NIGHT, and you go out and BANG THREE HOES? NOBODY is gonna be cool with that."

lol... she has a point.

When all was said and done, i went to her place and told her, "I'm not gonna try to convince you. Lord knows I could have come over here, pulled some little song and dance and "fixed" this with some smooth shit. But fuck it, I'm not gonna do that. In a way, I HAVE TO let you go because I see how badly this upsets you. I love you, I know you feel that, but ultimately this is your choice, nothing has changed with me. I'm gonna go now... if you don't wanna fuck with me no more, I understand completely. But if you change your mind, give me a call in a few days. I hope you do." and I left. Ultimately it's their decision. A few days later, she called me up and we made up.

But even if she hadn't oh well..... id be upset for a few days, then go out and get more girls.
Source: http://www.rsdnation.com/todd/blog/always-have-upper-hand-relationship-t...

For the record, I think you are an Amazing guy Todd. This is not meant to embarass you in any way :)
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#1
dave7-

dave7-

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Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 4297

 Pretty interesting thanks
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#2
Mackiavelli

Mackiavelli

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Join Date: 10/19/2012 | Posts: 606

 how would this embarass Todd? Sure he's a younger guy but I'm sure he can handle constructive better than 97% of the population can, interesting read but what were you trying to accomplish by posting this? If anything I think Todd just wanted to vent, just like I rock it out to the weeknd even though his lyrics don't apply to me IT JUST FEELS GOOD TO LET IT OUT! :)

at least he didn't tell him to "get more girls" lol
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#3
Vincent M

Vincent M

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Join Date: 11/24/2011 | Posts: 50

 good shit. It  was really awkward watching Todds video there, and even waay more awkward reading all the comments of people thinking he is so cool or something. You realize he was crying just before shooting it and thats why he couldnt make eye contact like with every single other video. He was rambling butt hurt bullshit that didnt make any sense logically anyway, and people at it up. Loved it. RSD guys can be fucking stupid and yes pretty weird.  Not in a good way. I actually really like Todd too. I met him at the NYC freetour, he seems much more put together than the other istructors imo. He is wickedly smart too, the other guys (jeffy and tyler) gave me this vibe that they just kinda wing it, that they dont really know the proper way to feed this info to these guys, and that the guys in the crowd actually kinda disgust them on a personal level.  Well the guys there disgusted me on a personal level so i cant blame them lol
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#4
Mackiavelli

Mackiavelli

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Join Date: 10/19/2012 | Posts: 606

 what are you a robot vincent, we all get emotional from time to time, your acting like you've never been sad before.

Todd's video was real, and the realest videos speak the most truth
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#5
Tyler

Tyler

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8726

The main reason I do this (in spite of the odd bullshit Jeff mentioned) is I'm looking to help the people who come from a similar background to myself.

(Only people I disrespect are those not taking action -- at least after a while of watching this stuff, since I "get it" that you gotta contemplate it for a while to let it sink in before moving on it.)

btw Todd didn't look at the camera cause he mistakenly thought the "viewfinder" that was flipped around was the lens!  I'm always hammering on instructors to "let out more emotions" in the videos cause the viewers enjoy and relate to it, but I haven't seen this vid yet I'll check it out!

Tyler
Vincent M wrote:
 good shit. It  was really awkward watching Todds video there, and even waay more awkward reading all the comments of people thinking he is so cool or something. You realize he was crying just before shooting it and thats why he couldnt make eye contact like with every single other video. He was rambling butt hurt bullshit that didnt make any sense logically anyway, and people at it up. Loved it. RSD guys can be fucking stupid and yes pretty weird.  Not in a good way. I actually really like Todd too. I met him at the NYC freetour, he seems much more put together than the other istructors imo. He is wickedly smart too, the other guys (jeffy and tyler) gave me this vibe that they just kinda wing it, that they dont really know the proper way to feed this info to these guys, and that the guys in the crowd actually kinda disgust them on a personal level.  Well the guys there disgusted me on a personal level so i cant blame them lol
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#6
Resmat

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Join Date: 06/10/2012 | Posts: 2514

 I thought it was a good video.
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#7
Todd

Todd

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 1350

Lol.  Two minor corrections:

1.  btw Todd didn't look at the camera cause he mistakenly thought the "viewfinder" that was flipped around was the lens!

2.  You realize he was crying just before shooting it and thats why he couldnt make eye contact like with every single other video.

Actually, I knew it wasn't the lens (I'm not stupid). I just didn't know it made a difference, and it's easier to talk my reflection than a camera lens for some reason. My other videos are actually the same in this regard if you look closely. I will correct this in future.  Also, no crying (though I intentionally shot the video while I was still pissed off from having to break up with a quality girl).  I had a cold (sniffles) and it was brutally cold outside that night as well.


All other criticism I welcome.  I knew the video was a risk when I put it out, and I really appreciated Jeffy's thoughts on the matter.  I had asked him privately about dealing with this particular issue as well, because I knew his thoughts would be valuable.
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#8

Okki

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Join Date: 11/03/2012 | Posts: 75

Do you feel like letting this effect you so much has knocked you from an mPUA ranking to just a normal PUA ranking, Todd? If so, what will you do to get back to mPUA ranking?
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#9
Brad

Brad

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Join Date: 08/28/2007 | Posts: 3014

Nice response from Jeffy.  Spot on.  I love the "staggered reveal."  Serious LOL!

I'm sure every instructor gets this, but I think it happens extra often to me based on the type of girls I date, and how I come across.

It's true wolf in sheeps clothing type shit.  Like they think I am the perfect boyfriend, with the Masters degree, the good family background, normal friends, etc.

Then they somehow find out about The Batman costume, and usually freak.  Haha, it's inevitable, but always a headache for a bit.

I know Jeff and Owen are more blatant about their shit, but I also think they usually like the hoes, whereas I still somehow am more drawn to the girl that's been with 2-5 guys her whole life or some shit.  (Although I think Jeffy's last gf was this type as well, which is why I think she couldn't take it prolly, not that I know the whole dynamic there.)

But at the end of teh day, it all comes down to how much value you offer her, how many good emotions, and ultimately HOW STRONG YOUR FRAME IS.

As Jeff mentioned, she needs to know how she's gonna explain this to her friends, or her parents, and YOU need to be the one to take responsibility for that, and TELL HER how to frame it.

D always said, a good relationship is where her friends are jealous that she's with you, so you need to make her feel that you are so fucking high value, even though you don't have the type of relationship she might want, (traditional exclusivity, etc) she will NEVER find a guy as cool and high value as you.

So she ends up putting up with it cuz she gets the full range of emotions.  She might break away at times, but you gotta hold the frame, and maintain that indifference to her bullshit.

She'll come back, or it just is too extreme and she doesn't.

A line I got from TD about this, "Yeah, I can really only date a girl smart enough to realize what I'm doing is awesome.  I fucking love it, and if you can't see it from my point of view, we probably aren't on the same level enough to keep this going long term anyway"  Or something to that extent.

Again, it's all about the frame. You can't be apologetic about it, you can't say it's temporary and you plan to move on, you gotta fucking own the shit out of it and TELL her how to frame it.

And yah, I'm all about the staggered reveal.  Again LOL.
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#10
Villy Nikkersen

Villy Nikkersen

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Join Date: 10/31/2012 | Posts: 69

 Great replies from all the instructors! It's exactly the kind of mentality I need right now :)
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