THE FORUMS

December 6th, 2016
Fundamental Flaw With My Momentum Building: Trying to AMP my State vs. RELAXING my State
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Doge~

Doge~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3688

I think this is probably a product of the ego validation paradigm.

Ego Validation Paradigm
Approach -> Get Validation/Blow Out -> Feel Good/Bad -> Do Better on Next Approach/Do Worse on Next Approach

My Paradigm
Approach -> Get Validation -> Think I'm awesome -> Do Better on Next Approach
Approach -> Blow Out -> Reframe Reframe Reframe -> Nervously Go Into Next Approach

To be honest I was kinda in this weird purgatory of momentum building which was like some Frankenstein job of different RSD principles rolled into one. It was a complete mess.

To get a sense of my thought loop going on when I'm in the club with the first approach here's how it goes:

Me: "Ok... girl... ah fuck I'm stifled... shit, this is gonna be weird... ok, doesn't matter just go... step up... STEP UP!.. don't be a chode... dude just be cool, it's just a blow out no big deal... come on... GO GO GO... fuck I'm going to approach chode... no doesn't matter... shit I gotta go in hard... no just approach... ok blow out, that wasn't too bad... ok next... argh, stifled still, go in harder... speak louder... fuuuuuuuuuck, ok opened... not bad, now step it up even more..."

This is just a SUPER STRESSFUL way to go about building momentum because I thought momentum building was about pushing and pushing and pushing until you finally reach the top of the mountain so to speak. In actually, it's more like you're on top of the mountain afraid to jump down so you slowly try to find your footing and baby step it down the mountain. Let me repeat this again.

Momentum building is more akin to being ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN, afraid to come down and baby stepping it to the bottom. This means you are actually trying to reach a point where you're in a RELAXED AROUSAL STATE not AMPED UP, ENERGETIC OR WILD. (basically Alex's take on this all along)

So now here is my thought loop in the club:

Me: "Ok... girl... shit I'm stifled... no big deal, you don't have do anything, just go in, say hi and out... have fun, say a few things, if you run out of things to say, just leave... that's it... no pressure dude, whenever you're ready... ok, blow out, cool... haha, next... yay girl... blow out... cool... haha next... fun, fun, fun..."

I realized I was viewing the girl as this "little piece of momentum" that I could get if I approached, which in turn made me outcome dependent and made me want something from her. Doing momentum properly, you WANT NOTHING FROM HER except to just step up and have fun or be an idiot. You don't need her at all. This was huge for me.

I also realize that because I viewed her as this "shiny piece of momentum" I always felt like I was taking value on the approach which gave me a lot of anxiety.

This lesson was my biggest takeaway from this Hot Seat in San Diego this past weekend. Can't thank Owen enough for this! It really stepped up my game in a big way.

*EDIT*
Haha... I just realized how bizarre my mentality concerning women was. Like I didn't even view them as like a sex object, I viewed them as a momentum building object... lol. Super weird.
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#1
Tyler

Tyler

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8738

Yup you got it man, good introspection!

Very well described.

For review, here's the video we referenced during HS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpBSriWqUYU&list=UUD4xqm6vJ3K4ntppsE1jL4g...

Have fun in Vegas!

Tyler
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#2
natlex

natlex

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Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 1481

hmm this is actually quite accurate. When I go out sober I do actually view the first girls as "momentum builders"... Might try to change it up a bit the way you described!
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#3
PositiveDominance

PositiveDominance

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/02/2009 | Posts: 399

 That was my huge distrinction as well. If there is any adrenaline response on your approach then you are doing it wrong. Searing hot coal state is the best, girls can just feel that awesome feeling from you and they become like moths to a flame. I almost see pick up as you building your internal state through being fucking awesome all the time, gym, nutrition, meditation, constant supply of vagina, reading great books, interacting with people and being generally social, and self amusment-- then girls get to feed of that state and they just follow suit until you throw them on your bed. Relaxed, positive, happy, fun... but with the dominance required if shit is not up to standards. I think that's where the super happy new age hippy dudes fall short, no back bone, no leadership, too feminin... then again some of those dudes clean house at burning man.
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