THE FORUMS

May 26th, 2017
No more butt-hurt chode :) making first steps, leaving the void.
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Iridescent

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/07/2011 | Posts: 397

Confession:

 

Hey guys, my life is pretty horse shit so I finally decided to be honest with myself.. brutally. So lets start:

I fucking suck literally with everything. 
I cannot fuck my girl, because I don't feel any dominance in myself.
I would rather jerk to hardcore anal deepthroat porn and funger my ass than fuck my girl and put finger in her ass because I don't wanna bother woth her displeasure.
I don't go to the gym anymore.
I feel like a hurt chode faggot for 101% I am.
I feel frustrated and de-polarized ALL THE TIME.
I get angry easily.
I cannot even see my problems, massive dumbness.
My life is pretty mess.
I'm losing my shit.
I have no good friends. I used to have but I gave them up because my girl.
I'm watching Jeffy Show 1 where Jeffy talks about his second ltr and, fuck, that's pretty it, mess, crying, 60s music..
My memory is getting bad. I cannot remember recent things and cannot think clearly.
I don't even know what to do next. 
I didn't gain even 2 pounds after year of working out.
I'm so scared of my girl leaving me for this that I hate her.. because of some very bizzare fuck-up in my mind. (thats the epicfaggotry butthurtness)
..
it is much worse than I've expected.. fuck.. When I look at what I've just wrote up there, there's an image in my mind of myself running as fast as possible from this shit while frihtened, terrified and screaming out of deepest terror.

I hope I'll see myself yelling VICTORY!! in future.
..even though it will be very distant future.

That's enough for now, I think I'm going to bang my fucking dumb head somewhere..
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#1
Dr Feelgood

Dr Feelgood

Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/06/2011 | Posts: 1518

Your headline somehow caught my eye...

Ok, but now onto the positives of your post:

1. You can be brutally, brutally honest with yourself. That's an awesome starting point, few people can do that!

2. You seem to really hate your situation, which should give you a lot of leverage to change it.

Now onto action!
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"If it's not rough, it is not fun!"
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Sluts, Butts and Bubblegum - my Field Reports live from Vienna: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/200128/forum
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#2

Iridescent

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/07/2011 | Posts: 397

 I didn't expect any response, so thank you Dr.Feelgood.

This is my last year on HS, maturita here. 
And I don't learn at all. I just don't give a shit and that's NOT good. But I really don't wanna do it even though I'll probably feel good about myself.
Nice downward spiral I'm currently in.

So let's push it. I gotta learn. Let's do all the arithmetical problems for tomorrows exam. That could be a nice start
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#3
dcampo3

dcampo3

Trusted Member

Join Date: 05/01/2012 | Posts: 1988

Dude you are still in high school. Life is good bro.
Ill tell you what.. in order to be good at something you need 3 things (Napoleon Hill says this)
1. Initiative
2. Faith
3. Will to win.

You have the initiative and the desire. You have 30% of this now. YOu can do it bro!
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#4

Iridescent

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/07/2011 | Posts: 397

 So, here we I am month later.

My relationship is falling apart, we are like friends now, but the thing is I fucked it up at the start. I just wanted to learn how to fuck, all that stuff, broke her heart few times (4 times?) , thought then she hurt me but I had my head stuck in my ass. I was idiot, sigh.

Fuck that, at least I know where I wanna go for UNIVERSITY - BRNO- Masaryk uni! Now atleast I wanna learn. I love physics. I wanna help the world. But without pressure being put on myself.

I love being free and I don't know how I get so attached and hurt her so badly.
Live is fucked up.

One more thing, I literally feel stuff that's out of my comfort zone. I'm nervous as hell with anxiety. Today I was at swimming pool and I was NERVOUS TO POINT WHERE I WAS SHAKING and I DO NOT KNOW WHY. When I decided to go on a tobogan I was nervous again and because it was unknown territory for me, I had a slight feeling of passingout/vomiting as I was walking on the top.

After that I was happy I've done that. That made me recall Ozzies sentence. 

"Every day do something you fear and you will be happy"


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#5

Iridescent

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/07/2011 | Posts: 397

Changes:

Ended 27months toxic relationship
Started hitting gym hard

Squats 6x6
DL 5x5
Bench 5x5
- 3 times a week -
supplemental exercises:
Barbel curls, Overhead dumbell French press (A)
Shoudler press, Abs (B) 

Girls: 1 (ex-gf...)
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#6
Thor

Thor

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/04/2010 | Posts: 292

 Welcome back to life
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#7

Iridescent

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/07/2011 | Posts: 397

 Yeah man FUCK YEAH !!!

Now it's time to get my school shit done and have fun with girls!
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#8

Iridescent

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/07/2011 | Posts: 397

 


I feel contented and satisifed with my life. The question is why, what can throw me down, and how to be proactive about it.

Since I left ltr, I can talk with girls more freely, touch them, flirt with them, love them. No more bullshit, no more feeling of guilt.

Situation

I have one fun girl texting me.
One more girl from school started shit-testing me (she's skinny, I'd fuck her, BJ would be better.)
I have abundance, at the edge of scarcity.. well let's be honest. If that fun girls stops texting me my mood would drop.
I'm not so bad at school as I expected. And I can learn well if I really want to. But I don't want to much..
I'm working hard in gym.
I'm having blast with my classmates.
I abandoned my best friends, because of relationship. I will try hanging out with them again.
Here I have the great BIBLE http://www.rsdnation.com/node/300898 . Golden.

Action:

I need to get more girls, even if it would be just texting. 
Meet old/new friends.
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#9

Iridescent

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/07/2011 | Posts: 397

 Weekend is over and I didn't go out. At all.
I live in a city with 10k of citiziens, it has one club which fucking SUCKS. Few pubs, one teahouse with hookahs.

My friends just go to pub, drink beer, no girls, then smoke weed and that's all. No push. Disappointing.
I realized that while I left my ex and I am single again, my old best friends got into relationships.

I feel somehow alone and the contentment is fading away. I also feel scarcity, because one girl who was chasing me down for two years - 2 YEARS!- while I was in ltr, is not interested anymore. I fucked it up texting her I want her to suck my dick like a lollipop haha. Yesterday I texted her again saying "sorry for that dumbshit I sent you few days ago."  No response. Haha I'm bigger than I've expected. Nonetheless, it seems funny hahaha.

I started doing DDP YOGA and it's great, I like it so far. Today I'm gonna hit gym again.
I hate when I can't talk, my dad is faggot
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#10
Arlequim

Arlequim

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/13/2013 | Posts: 3

 At least you have a GF! ^__^''
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