THE FORUMS

December 9th, 2016
How I made progress as a hard case
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Sprunk

Sprunk

Junior Member

Join Date: 01/31/2010 | Posts: 27

 Hey guys.

As Tyler has said before, it’s almost like he has to have two entirely different types of content, one for people that maybe just need to work on their social skills, and another for the totally fucked up hard case, and I’ve learned that it’s totally true.

All the RSD material can help many guys, but it may actually hurt the hard case more than help. Let me give you my story. About 3 years ago I discovered RSD and watched all the major releases starting with the Blueprint, and followed the forums a bit. When I first finished the Blueprint, I had a sense of euphoria. Unfortunately, because I was such a hard case, the concept of overwhelming my brain with references that I won’t die backfired immensely. This is because when you are such a hard case, you are in a state so poor that you can never get any good reactions, therefore, attempting to cross the indifference threshold only worsened my anxiety. This is the equivalent of a person with anxiety putting themselves in high anxiety inducing situations in an attempt to “overcome their fears” with the only result of making anxiety worse. This is why in cognitive-behavioral therapy it’s advised NOT to do something like that.

By the way, let me just say that I’m not bitching about how RSD principles screwed me up. I’m just explaining what worked for me as a hard case. The people who tend to get results quickly are people who are generally in good mental health but just need help with social skills or something. What I’m talking about are the people that are so far off the deep end that the typical RSD material doesn’t apply.

So you know, I’m coming from a situation of being severely depressed and suicidal, and having crippling anxiety in all social situations.

What I found to be effective is changing my thoughts well before even trying to change my behavior. My anxiety was rooted in expecting negativity in all situations, and as we know, if you expect negativity, it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Unfortunately, even knowing that didn’t really help me.

In the midst of taking on and off breaks from RSD, I somehow began reading a lot of great books on how the mind works. One of the most interesting things I took away from my reading on cognitive biases is how if the mind receives a message enough times, it will begin to interpret that message as the truth, even if it’s bogus. With enough repetition, the message sinks down into the brain where automatic behaviors happen. OK, all stuff that I think is known well and good on RSD.

I started using a program called “Overcoming Social Anxiety: Step by Step.” The focus of this program is to attack your automatic negative thinking with cognitive methods, sort of like a positivity challenge, but there’s no challenge to be positive, only to be rational. After years and years of being negative, switching to positive is too much of a jump and the brain won’t accept it. The bulk of the program was just reading handouts describing how negative thoughts are bad, that I intend to not let the negative thought upset me, etc., surprisingly mundane for something that is meant to treat depression and anxiety.

What I found is that consistency is everything, I read the handouts and did the exercises every single day no matter what, even though it felt pretty cheesy at times, and I began to memorize the handouts verbatim. It was amazing how my thoughts would change just from reading things; now I totally resonate with Tyler when he talks about the influences in your life.

As I said, I’m a total hard case, so to a lot of you this probably sounds pathetic, (reading rational statements to improve my brain). But it was only after I sorted out my cognitive issues could I ever begin to tackle the behavioral side. After a few months of this program, my constant anxiety that I would have at all times was gone, I was thinking rational, the frequency of my automatic thoughts were a fraction of what they once were, and it’s very rare for me to get anxious unless there’s a really good reason to. I then began making very very small goals for myself (none of this “facing your fears” nonsense), and that’s when I started to see that people do respond very positively. I completely resonate when Tyler said that us hard cases are so weird and we don’t even know what normal would look like, it’s completely true. Looking back about a year ago, I can’t even believe it.

It’s the best thing ever when you can observe yourself getting better, when you can observe your mind rewiring itself. When I was down in that awful state, I never thought it would be possible, but now I literally feel like anything is possible as long as I do it consistently. I’m now in a state where I work on myself every single day no matter what because I know the results will be seen one day. Unfortunately for the hard cases, they probably never experienced this type of growth, so they don't know it's possible. Only now am I able to follow the RSD material of “hitting it up” etc. because my mind is healthy.

Success comes from consistent action. If you were to do something every single day for a year, of course you would become better. Now more than ever I see that there are no techniques, there are no shortcuts, there’s no “snapping out of it,” if you put in the work and be consistent about it, you can grow into anything you want.

I know that RSD really wants to help the hard case newbies, and what I found to work is regimented system (It’s not helpful for the hard cases when RSD says “make your own schedule, think for yourself,” it makes sense for other people but for the hard cases, it’s useless because they literally have no idea where to start, unless they take the “overcoming your fears” route and end up even worse off). And also this regimented system stressed the importance for EXTREMELY gradual progress so that the content had time to sink deeply into the brain, and so it was unlikely to pursue an anxiety inducing situation prematurely.
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#1

Stinkfist

Member

Join Date: 08/20/2012 | Posts: 46

 Great post man, thx
And yeah here hoping that the guys make that Newbie website Tyler talked about, probably not any sooner because of the rsd underground and inner circle launch.
But yeah for Hardcase newbie it's all about baby steps.
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#2

King of Carthage

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/01/2012 | Posts: 164

@OP

I agree. This is how it was for me.

I'm embarrased to admit this but I discovered the Community in early 1997 and only pulled successfully for the first time last week.
There are many reasons for this so briefly (a) my most basic social skills were just backwards, warped and lacking (b) I had physical shortcomings.
All I had was my drive. So, after 15 years I am slowly getting there. I had some set-backs that halted my progress for years sometimes.
But, when I could return, I did with all the necessary enthusiasm.
It's difficult for me to watch some of the hard case newbie videos that
Tyler has made because he hits the nail on the head when he describes what it is like.

I had to start off by reading self-help books for people with Asperger's Syndrome. My story has a happy ending so far.
If you want something badly enough...
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#3

Pardi Gras

Member

Join Date: 07/07/2012 | Posts: 81

Wow.  If you want to share more of your story, I'd love to hear it.
King of Carthage wrote:
@OP

I agree. This is how it was for me.

I'm embarrased to admit this but I discovered the Community in early 1997 and only pulled successfully for the first time last week.
There are many reasons for this so briefly (a) my most basic social skills were just backwards, warped and lacking (b) I had physical shortcomings.
All I had was my drive. So, after 15 years I am slowly getting there. I had some set-backs that halted my progress for years sometimes.
But, when I could return, I did with all the necessary enthusiasm.
It's difficult for me to watch some of the hard case newbie videos that
Tyler has made because he hits the nail on the head when he describes what it is like.

I had to start off by reading self-help books for people with Asperger's Syndrome. My story has a happy ending so far.
If you want something badly enough...

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#4

King of Carthage

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/01/2012 | Posts: 164

@Pardi Gras

I don't mind sharing my story as long as people recognise that I was truly going to get laid or die trying.
I will not permit a pity party. My wingman said to me "I feel sorry for you". I say: fuck that, he doesn't get it.
One myth that I despise goes something like this: "For every Bill Gate out there, there are thousands who didn't make it".
Often said by mediocre people who are too arrogant to change their ways in order to succeed.
If you are driven and you want something badly enough,
you will absolutely not stop trying to succeed until you get what you want. Or die in the process.
I was naive and ignorant and this resulted in bad decisions, going down the wrong path for years.
But I kept course correcting and eventually succeeded.

( I won't deny that I do resent being stuck in the starting gates for so long. Best not to think about it)
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#5
Amazing1985

Amazing1985

Trusted Member

Join Date: 06/26/2011 | Posts: 1171

Xanax is really good for anxiety too.
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#6

Pardi Gras

Member

Join Date: 07/07/2012 | Posts: 81

that's your story?
King of Carthage wrote:
@Pardi Gras

I don't mind sharing my story as long as people recognise that I was truly going to get laid or die trying.
I will not permit a pity party. My wingman said to me "I feel sorry for you". I say: fuck that, he doesn't get it.
One myth that I despise goes something like this: "For every Bill Gate out there, there are thousands who didn't make it".
Often said by mediocre people who are too arrogant to change their ways in order to succeed.
If you are driven and you want something badly enough,
you will absolutely not stop trying to succeed until you get what you want. Or die in the process.
I was naive and ignorant and this resulted in bad decisions, going down the wrong path for years.
But I kept course correcting and eventually succeeded.

( I won't deny that I do resent being stuck in the starting gates for so long. Best not to think about it)

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#7

King of Carthage

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/01/2012 | Posts: 164

No, of course not. I just proposed the conditions under which I might share my story.
I want to see what the consensus is first before polluting the forums with another
sad tale (do I hear a violin playing ?) smile
Pardi Gras wrote:
that's your story?
King of Carthage wrote:
@Pardi Gras

I don't mind sharing my story as long as people recognise that I was truly going to get laid or die trying.
I will not permit a pity party. My wingman said to me "I feel sorry for you". I say: fuck that, he doesn't get it.
One myth that I despise goes something like this: "For every Bill Gate out there, there are thousands who didn't make it".
Often said by mediocre people who are too arrogant to change their ways in order to succeed.
If you are driven and you want something badly enough,
you will absolutely not stop trying to succeed until you get what you want. Or die in the process.
I was naive and ignorant and this resulted in bad decisions, going down the wrong path for years.
But I kept course correcting and eventually succeeded.

( I won't deny that I do resent being stuck in the starting gates for so long. Best not to think about it)


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#8

Fireflyy

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/24/2012 | Posts: 199

Drop the resentment, I'm a hard case and I fully accept it. You are not a unique slowflake, being a hard case doesn't have anything to do with you, it just happened by accident of birth, it doesnt define you. You feel resentment because somewhere you're still attached to a hard case self image, drop it. Let it all go.

Oh btw im a fucking chode so i dont want you to feel like im all high and mighty preaching on your ass, im just sayin to you what i have to tell myself every damn day
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#9

Pardi Gras

Member

Join Date: 07/07/2012 | Posts: 81

if people don't want to read it then they don't have to read it. obvi break it up into paragrahs instead of a wall of text.  i'm interested in hearing your story.  you can pm me if you feel that's best. 
King of Carthage wrote:
No, of course not. I just proposed the conditions under which I might share my story.
I want to see what the consensus is first before polluting the forums with another
sad tale (do I hear a violin playing ?) smile
Pardi Gras wrote:
that's your story?
King of Carthage wrote:
@Pardi Gras

I don't mind sharing my story as long as people recognise that I was truly going to get laid or die trying.
I will not permit a pity party. My wingman said to me "I feel sorry for you". I say: fuck that, he doesn't get it.
One myth that I despise goes something like this: "For every Bill Gate out there, there are thousands who didn't make it".
Often said by mediocre people who are too arrogant to change their ways in order to succeed.
If you are driven and you want something badly enough,
you will absolutely not stop trying to succeed until you get what you want. Or die in the process.
I was naive and ignorant and this resulted in bad decisions, going down the wrong path for years.
But I kept course correcting and eventually succeeded.

( I won't deny that I do resent being stuck in the starting gates for so long. Best not to think about it)



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#10

Stinkfist

Member

Join Date: 08/20/2012 | Posts: 46

 yeah KoC, I'd really love to hear it, ain't no judgement, sharing might help a lot
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