November 21st, 2018
Why So Many Guys Suck Donkey Shit With Girls At First: Real Talk- You're in Pain and as a result... You're just weird, dude
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/25/2011 | Posts: 2471

So I recently commented on a thread and said something along the lines of, "The reason people suck donkey shit at this when they start out is becuase they have this narcissistic conern with their own self interest that literally makes them blind to how fucking weird they are being"...

So what did I mean by this?

I simply was pointing out that when you are so fucking caught up in your own pain, your own suffering, you literally are incapable of seeing the bigger picture. You are incapable of understanding where somebody else is coming from.

Think about it- When a movie is over everyone shuffles out all politely, some people may be holding the door for other people, smiling... everyone is pretty chilled out and being "normal"...

Now imagine that same situation, except this time there is a big ass fire burning down the movie theatre. Are people going to be exiting the building in the same manner? 


I don't know about you- but if there is a fucking fire in my building... I'm taking your ass out, if it means I'm getting out of there alive. Sorry, fellas.

Basically- my point is that when we are in pain, or feel that our lives (physical or egoic) are threatened, we act differently than we would if everything was going pretty chill.

So it's hard for me to sit here and blame you guys. Like, I get it. You are in pain, you are suffering and who am I to say that your suffering isn't a big deal. I mean, it isn't... but it always feels like it is, right? When you don't meditate, when you are not conscious to how you are feeling, what you are thinking- that shit feels real as shit. It feels fucking intense. And so I can't blame you guys for being weird as shit, lmao. In fact, I actually find it kind of endearing, which is why I am always down to help out a noob every now and then.

Like you guys have to understand that when an advanced guy looks at your problem, he is simply seeing repition after repition after repition after repition of the same exact bullshit story, Repated over and over again. Like that's the thing- for whatever reason, we all think our shit is different, but it isn't. It just isn't. There have been too many humans who have lived too many lives for your life, your specific circumstances, to really be all that different. I'm sorry to break it to you- but, as has been famously said, "You are not a special, unique snowflake"... You just aren't.

So anyway- Basically, you guys are caught up in the cave of your head. It's literally a cave. That's what it feels like to someone who meditates a lot and then doesn't meditate... Like I meditate every single day, but occasionally I miss a day every couple weeks or so and when that happens- I literally can feel myself retreating into my head. It's a very odd feeling.

So you're stuck in your head, attached to your pain and you're suffering. I get it. It hurts. I get it. You don't even know you're suffering. I get it. You don't even know you're hurting. I get it.

And becuase of this pain- you literally aren't even capable of relating to other people. It's like there is a massive fire going on in your head and you're trying your best to run out of the theatre... but here's the catch- the theatre is your head and you can't run from it. So you're trying to run from this shit and in the process you're acting the way I would act if I was in a burning building- you literally are just trampling over people, pushing people aside, punching people in the face, yelling at people, lashing out and all the while- you think it's totally normal and okay becuase... well... because... YOUR IN PAIN.

Now it's not my place to say whether what you're doing is "right" or "wrong"... fuck... idk...

I mean, if it gives you any solace, you should know that you're not alone. Everyone does it- it's nearly impossible not to. But that doesn't change the fact that you are acting weird as shit and becuase of that, you're not getting laid.

Like dudes on here who see Julien game but don't meditate every day and yet somehow think that they are going to be able to have the rediculous combination of projecting strong emotions, while simaltaneously not getting caught up in them... and then go out and practice this shit.

Nah man, you're just being weird as shit. You're blindly going out and practicing some weird shit on other people like they are lab rats. Like you gotta get it through your head that, while you may be approaching 100s of girls a week, and as a result, to you any individual girl becomes just a number... While that may be the case- you gotta realize that it isn't the truth. Girls are not just numbers, they are not lab rats. They are people. And, for the most part, they are probably way more normal than you are and THATS why they don't want to fuck you.

Like, there will come a point, if you stick with this shit, where you become so present, so chilled out, so normal... That you actually become more normal than her. By normal, I simply mean that when you're hanging out, she starts to react to you more than you do to her because you're just sittin their, present as fuck, chilled out... and she's like, "Woh, what is this shit I'm feeling" and it's funny because the more chilled out you get- the more you can literally be hanging out with someone and you can TELL that they are anxious or nervous, sometimes before THEY even realize they are nervous or anxious. I remember the first time this happened, I actually asked the girl, I was like, "Hey, are you okay"... becuase I saw her shaking a little... and she was like, "Yeah, what are you talking about"... and in my head I was like, "What the fuck... you're obviously nervous... lmao- you're fucking SHAKING" but the thing is that she legit just didn't feel it.

They don't want to fuck you because you are acting so retardedly weird AND on top of that, you haven't even begun to accept yourself.

Like, I can go out nowadays and do some really "weird" shit at a bar/club... Like I'll walk in and start screaming and throwing my hands in the air and saying goofy shit and dancing like a crazy monkey... but it works, not becuase of what I'm actually physically doing... but it works because it is simply an expression of myself.... It's coming from a dude (me) who is so fucking relaxed when he's out, so fucking accepting of himself, that the subcomms are just... well... they just are.

But yeah, basically, you're acting weird because you're in pain and can't relate to other people becuase of this. I don't know what else I can really say about this. It's just one of those things that's so friggin obvious, and it's like.... I see this shit and I'm like, "What. The. Fuck??" lmao.

Like ugh, I don't even want to say that you guys should meditate cause you're not going to and you're goign to continue to be in pain and continue to be weird and continue to not get laid and then you're going to hear me tell you to meditate and you're going to be like, "Shut the fuck up. I just wanna get laid"....

Whatever. I refuse to advocate meditation on this forum again. I will only advocate to people who have field reports.

But jesus- it's mind boggling to see how much pain so many people are in. Then to have countless people literally HANDING them the answer and to see people not doing it. If you were to meditate, every day, for even just a month... You would come out of your little rabbit hole, poke your head above ground and be like, "Woh...Everything... Everything is clear"

But whatever. Some guys are just going to be weird and that's cool. I actually really like weird people. I think it's becuase us weirdos are just way more interesting. Unfortunately, most people in this world (even the normal ones) are, at the very least, in enough pain, where they don't "get it" and so becuase they don't "get it" they just see your weirdness as annoying and shitty to be around. SO whatever, if you are weird... it's cool, man, I'll still chill with you... but just don't expect to get laid anytime soon.

If you are weird and you are seirous about becoming "Un-weird"... well... I said I wouldn't say it, so I won't. But also- just like try and see things from her perspective.

It's like- if you are going to be weird... You better fucking OWN that shit. You better fucking UNDERSTAND that you're weird... I don't want to go into this but yeah, you can be weird and get laid... but it's not really the kind of "weird" that I'm talking about in this post.
90 Days Challenge (Currently in the Final Third): "It's Just Something You Have To Do If You Want To Be Great"  The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars A man may fall down many times, but he won't be a f ailure until he says someone pushed him" Buddha
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Join Date: 05/04/2012 | Posts: 82


Good read. I think I am becoming a victim of this. Going out and offending girls instead of relaxing and hving fun with them. Being too caught up in some weird mindset of how i'm supposed to act and just coming across douchey. I've seen one of my natural buddies and when he goes out all he does is go completely indirect and just have a nice convo, and he gets attraction consistently with really hot chicks. I need to just chill out and be more normal.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 02/14/2012 | Posts: 778

BG has become my favorite poster on the forums recently. (ever since ambiguity left haha.) This is so money. 

Most people are suffering so much they don't even realize that they are suffering. The best way to end suffering is to see the world accurately, the way it truly is. Not exaggerating its good aspects. Not exaggerating its bad aspects. If people would just learn to see their own problems in correct proportion--not exaggerating them beyond what is realistic--then their pain would evaporate, and they could start being normal and happy.

If you're not approaching... If you're not getting laid at least occasionally... If you're not having enjoyable interactions with other human beings, then you're weird. Not in a good way. Devote yourself to seeing the world as it is, not exaggerating its good or bad parts. End of story.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 05/05/2011 | Posts: 914

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Join Date: 04/02/2012 | Posts: 88

I don't really understand the point of this post? Basically you have just stated the problem that all hardcase newbies know they have anyway in a grandiose way without offering any advice/solutions.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 12/02/2010 | Posts: 782

 Pretty spot on.
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Join Date: 08/16/2012 | Posts: 50

Awesome Post

Developing empathy and learning how to socially vibe are the very first things a newbie should address. 

Forget about escalation, frame control, and physicality.

If you're so trapped inside your head that you can't discern the emotions of others, or hold a conversation, you need to address those issues first.

Social IQ: How People Can Tell If You're "Normal"

Being able to vibe and express empathy are the qualities that sub-communicate to others that you're "Normal".  These are the absolute basics of social intelligence.

Fun Little Quiz: How To Figure Out If You're "Normal" Or NOT

The next time you approach a girl, go into your body and feel the emotions inside. 

If you feel relaxed and fulfilled in the presence of others, you're normal.

If you feel an outflow of positive energy when you speak, you're normal

If you don't give a shit whether you're more alpha or dominant in the interaction, you're normal.

If you can look somebody in the eye and genuinely listen to them without feeling the urge to interrupt, you're normal.

If you enjoy chatting with people in general, whether that be the hot chick, or the old grandma, you're normal

If you feel defensive when talking to others, you're fucking weird.

If you constantly interrupt people because you're trapped inside your head, you're fucking weird.

If you can't listen to somebody because you're thinking of the next thing to say, you're fucking weird.

If you always feel the need to correct somebody, or make your point, you're fucking weird

If you find yourself judging, or rationalizing why you're cooler than somebody, you're fucking weird

If socializing in general doesn't pump your state, you're fucking weird.

What Being "Normal" Really Means

What makes you "Normal" has nothing to do with fitting in, or allowing the environment to dictate your behavior. 

Being "Normal" means that you have the empathy necessary to recognize how others are feeling, and the ability to project and share positive emotions. 

Before you can be charismatic and dominant, you need to learn how to be "Normal".

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Join Date: 07/16/2012 | Posts: 35

 Great post. 

Just what I needed to read right now. Just be normal 
There is no reason why I am not enough
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Senior Member

Join Date: 07/30/2012 | Posts: 108

justgowithit wrote:
Good post but I find the whole meditation thing kinda weird. I've never tried it and don't think I will so I'm sure I'm just a kj about this meditation stuff. However, if guys are in pain because they lack fulfilling relationships with women and people in general, why would the solution be to clear your mind in a room by yourself? Wouldn't it be more simple to go out, meet people, make friends, and learn how to become better with women and thus fill the void in your life to eradicate the pain?

I mean i was exactly the kind of chode you described and I embraced the pain and sadness and loneliness I felt for a long time. Then eventually I was like enough of this sad sack shit and started going out a couple nights a week and almost a decade later, it's hard for me to identify with my former chode self. I'm perfectly comfortable in many different environments. I've been to all-black, all-latino, all-asian, all-white, and all-middle eastern parties/clubs and felt perfectly at ease. I've hit on African med students, latinas in trailer homes, celebrities, white fobs, asian prostitutes, and felt comfortable with all of them. I can, as the saying goes, "understand where they're coming from." All I really did was go out a lot, improve my results, and try to learn from people.

Though I guess everyone's path is different.
Because after a while you really start to understand how your thoughts is controlling and dictating you. You really understand how your thinking is dictating what you feel and send out to the world/other people when talking to them. And you don't even know that you do this. It's unconscious. So if you feel that people are avoiding you or girls are runing away from you can be because that you send out this feeling (pain/fear/negative thinking) without knowing it and they fucking feel it. This shit is for real. I have meditated on and off for 3-4 months, going out 2-3 times a week last 6 months and it is just now, the last month, that I started to "waken up" and can really "see" my thoughts when they cross my conscious mind and can there after act after how I want to think consciously and not be dictated unconsciously like before. I'm not saying I'm in 100% controll of it but I just started getting this thing down and it's fucking great for your inner game. You start to don't give a shit and it's a amazing feeling that feels like you are free.

I think many of us has this negative pattern of thoughts spinning around in our heads and what meditation has done for me is that I now start to realize when a negativ thought is in my head (often about what I think others thinks of me) and can just tell myself "What the fuck was that? That's just a stupid fucking negative thought from my growing up! I am and will never be dictated by what I think others think of me. I'm not a child anymore that needs validation, I'm the best."

Yeah, you should try to understand what you are feeling and why, you did the right thing no doubt. Meditating just makes it faster to understanding yourself and develop to the person you want to be.
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Join Date: 05/26/2012 | Posts: 44

 Great post, especially the part about understanding and owning the fact that you're being weird. I definitely sense this "weirdness" a good amount when I talk to people, and it's very liberating to know why it's happening and admitting to it rather than giving some bullshit excuse to why it's happening and thinking that it's just something about you that you can't change.
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/12/2010 | Posts: 1374

Awesome stuff man, I recently fell off of meditation for 2 weeks just out of pure lazyness and have noticed myself getting increasingly more depressed as the days go by. Like in my head, not wanting to do anything productive etc. Then it hit me and I noticed the correlation and was like shitttt I gotta start meditating again. It's hard to be sane and level headed without it, with all of the bullshit that goes in your head on a day to day basis. Gotta clear it out.
"First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die."- Tyler Durden(Fight Club)

Hit me up by PM if you want to game in NYC. Don't care about your skill level just need the balls to approach and have a good time. Always looking for new people to game with.
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