THE FORUMS
Can't solve this through logic - inner game issue
Alright, before I start off I still consider myself a noobie so take what I say with a grain of salt, but for me it's not just about vagina. If it were just about vagina I would feel like I'm wasting a lot of time. I like to connect with girls and really enjoy them as a person along with their physical beauty and I think it's good to have meaningful relationships. A while ago I caught oneitis hard and lost the girl. It sucked balls at the time, but losing the girl also helped me lose a lot of neediness. I have met a lot of girls that I seem to bond with since then and I think if you are seeing more than one girl at once it will help a lot. Also I have a bunch of hobbies so I don't have free time to worry why one girl doesn't like me anymore. So basically get your heart ripped out, meet more girls and be passionate about something besides women.
Totally agree with this. For me sex is just a tiny part of pickup for me. Mostly its about developing my personality and improving my ability to connect with people. I have never liked empty sex, just makes me feel shit after. I want to have relationships with lots of girls, but ultimately its about the relationship more than the sex. I really don't think that is unsual or weird at all either. We are made for companionship.
Again I will qualify this by saying I am nearly 40 and post cancer so it might just be I have a lower sex drive than you youngsters!
Again I will qualify this by saying I am nearly 40 and post cancer so it might just be I have a lower sex drive than you youngsters!
Alright, before I start off I still consider myself a noobie so take what I say with a grain of salt, but for me it's not just about vagina. If it were just about vagina I would feel like I'm wasting a lot of time. I like to connect with girls and really enjoy them as a person along with their physical beauty and I think it's good to have meaningful relationships. A while ago I caught oneitis hard and lost the girl. It sucked balls at the time, but losing the girl also helped me lose a lot of neediness. I have met a lot of girls that I seem to bond with since then and I think if you are seeing more than one girl at once it will help a lot. Also I have a bunch of hobbies so I don't have free time to worry why one girl doesn't like me anymore. So basically get your heart ripped out, meet more girls and be passionate about something besides women.
A few random things I've found helpful:
When I feel this way—and I do still feel this way a lot—I realize it's because I'm exaggerating the girl's good qualities and downplaying some of her less attractive ones, at least subconsciously. It actually makes me happy when I realize this, because one of my values in life is seeing the world as it really is, in proper perspective. So, I actually get a bit happy when this happens because it means I'm noticing when I am out of balance more, and I can use it as a signal to put myself back in better balance.
So, first, the noticing that it's happening, and the reminding yourself why it's happening (that you're subconsciously exaggerating her good qualities and ignoring her bad ones) is itself good. This is one of the weird things about mindfulness, actually. When you start to catch yourself doing something, it'll seem like you're doing it more and more instead of less and less. The truth is that you've always been doing it; you're just not used to stopping and realizing when you're doing it. Actually taking a second to stop and realize when you're doing it sucks in the moment, but it is a HUGE jolt to your system. It sends a message to your brain to say: "HEY YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! CUT IT OUT!" So, things like this tend to feel like they're getting worse before they get better, but the mere fact that you're noticing is good.
Second, while I'm talking to a girl, I try to actively imagine random things. I try to imagine what her skeleton looks like, and her guts on the inside. My imagination is a bit cartoonish, so this actually boosts my state a bit and makes me laugh a little. Also, it's very hard to have overwhleming feelings of attraction when you're talking to a skeleton and some guts, some intestines with vomit and shit inside them. It doesn't stop you from enjoying the girl and the moment, but it does help prevent you from getting too attached. By reminding yourself that underneath it all, she's a skeleton and some guts, it prevents that process in two ways: (1) It gives your brain something to focus on instead, and (2) it actively contradicts the idea of overestimating her good qualities. (This is kinda weird, I admit, but it's a technique that helps in the moment.)
Third, I think taking right action even when you feel so much neediness is key. Forcing yourself to not look at your phone even when all you can think about is her is good. Actively filling your life up with hobbies for the purpose of distracting yourself is good. Taking the interactions a bit easier is good. I recently made a rule not to contact my one-itis when I'm in the throws of neediness, and only calling / texting her when i'm feeling more balanced. My god it's hard as hell, and it's so easy to rationalize (I'm not feeling needy... I just wanna talk to her... really bad...), but by taking right action you'll at least stop diggin yourself into a hole. Part of getting better is not making things worse. Rules like this don't make things better, I don't think, but at least they help guarantee you don't dig yourself in deeper.
When I feel this way—and I do still feel this way a lot—I realize it's because I'm exaggerating the girl's good qualities and downplaying some of her less attractive ones, at least subconsciously. It actually makes me happy when I realize this, because one of my values in life is seeing the world as it really is, in proper perspective. So, I actually get a bit happy when this happens because it means I'm noticing when I am out of balance more, and I can use it as a signal to put myself back in better balance.
So, first, the noticing that it's happening, and the reminding yourself why it's happening (that you're subconsciously exaggerating her good qualities and ignoring her bad ones) is itself good. This is one of the weird things about mindfulness, actually. When you start to catch yourself doing something, it'll seem like you're doing it more and more instead of less and less. The truth is that you've always been doing it; you're just not used to stopping and realizing when you're doing it. Actually taking a second to stop and realize when you're doing it sucks in the moment, but it is a HUGE jolt to your system. It sends a message to your brain to say: "HEY YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN! CUT IT OUT!" So, things like this tend to feel like they're getting worse before they get better, but the mere fact that you're noticing is good.
Second, while I'm talking to a girl, I try to actively imagine random things. I try to imagine what her skeleton looks like, and her guts on the inside. My imagination is a bit cartoonish, so this actually boosts my state a bit and makes me laugh a little. Also, it's very hard to have overwhleming feelings of attraction when you're talking to a skeleton and some guts, some intestines with vomit and shit inside them. It doesn't stop you from enjoying the girl and the moment, but it does help prevent you from getting too attached. By reminding yourself that underneath it all, she's a skeleton and some guts, it prevents that process in two ways: (1) It gives your brain something to focus on instead, and (2) it actively contradicts the idea of overestimating her good qualities. (This is kinda weird, I admit, but it's a technique that helps in the moment.)
Third, I think taking right action even when you feel so much neediness is key. Forcing yourself to not look at your phone even when all you can think about is her is good. Actively filling your life up with hobbies for the purpose of distracting yourself is good. Taking the interactions a bit easier is good. I recently made a rule not to contact my one-itis when I'm in the throws of neediness, and only calling / texting her when i'm feeling more balanced. My god it's hard as hell, and it's so easy to rationalize (I'm not feeling needy... I just wanna talk to her... really bad...), but by taking right action you'll at least stop diggin yourself into a hole. Part of getting better is not making things worse. Rules like this don't make things better, I don't think, but at least they help guarantee you don't dig yourself in deeper.
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meditate, be in the moment and enjoy the moment. You can't own a girl and she can't own you. You can be a logical fuck and mental masturbate all day long or you can enjoy the moments, thats all life is, moments. Enjoy em, value their company, fuck their brains out and on to the next. Nothng fuckin complicated about it. No commitment no nothing. If you want to invest and commit and they don't then who really is being the girl in the relationship lol
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"First you have to give up, first you have to *know*... not fear... *know*... that someday you're gonna die."- Tyler Durden(Fight Club)
Hit me up by PM if you want to game in NYC. Don't care about your skill level just need the balls to approach and have a good time. Always looking for new people to game with.
Hit me up by PM if you want to game in NYC. Don't care about your skill level just need the balls to approach and have a good time. Always looking for new people to game with.
Namesishard & Kjaye77,
I think we have different goals in the game. You guys WANT to connect with women, I don't care about that. I more or less just want to fuck and chuck. Its just that catching feelings fucks up my game by making me outcome dependent....therefore losing my self-amusement and dominance.
What I find so weird is that I actually have a shitload of things going on in my life. I even fucked a girl the day after a date with this one and had another girl tell me she's in love with me this week. I have plenty of shit going on with friends, career, and hobbies. But still in my head. Which is somewhat frustrating and I do not like it :P
mwaha
weird advice, but i'll try it. ya the meditation is whats making me aware of this stuff in the first place
sucker4love,
i'm not sure you understand what i mean by investment. check out todd's last video on how he runs his logic-based game, which is ultimately just getting the girl to keep investing and investing until she feels compelled to sleep with him. basically i am (and i'm pretty sure everyone else out there dating) is getting reversed gamed from the beginning of the date of having to pay for everything, set it all up, taking time out of your day, etc.
I think we have different goals in the game. You guys WANT to connect with women, I don't care about that. I more or less just want to fuck and chuck. Its just that catching feelings fucks up my game by making me outcome dependent....therefore losing my self-amusement and dominance.
What I find so weird is that I actually have a shitload of things going on in my life. I even fucked a girl the day after a date with this one and had another girl tell me she's in love with me this week. I have plenty of shit going on with friends, career, and hobbies. But still in my head. Which is somewhat frustrating and I do not like it :P
mwaha
weird advice, but i'll try it. ya the meditation is whats making me aware of this stuff in the first place
sucker4love,
i'm not sure you understand what i mean by investment. check out todd's last video on how he runs his logic-based game, which is ultimately just getting the girl to keep investing and investing until she feels compelled to sleep with him. basically i am (and i'm pretty sure everyone else out there dating) is getting reversed gamed from the beginning of the date of having to pay for everything, set it all up, taking time out of your day, etc.
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haha fair enough, although it sounds like only your head/ego really wants to fuck and chuck but your body and unconcious want to connect. I get you though, especially if you are younger than me and want to live rampantly through your twenties. I want to have sex with lots of girls, but I am happy to spend time with them too, I enjoy their company, cuddling, watching movies together, going out in the countryside, travelling, those kinds of things. For me sleeping with say 10 different girls in a year, and having relationships with 4 or 5 of them that last for months each, and staying friends after is what I want.
But my sex drive isn't nearly as high as it used to be...
But my sex drive isn't nearly as high as it used to be...
Namesishard & Kjaye77,
I think we have different goals in the game. You guys WANT to connect with women, I don't care about that. I more or less just want to fuck and chuck. Its just that catching feelings fucks up my game by making me outcome dependent....therefore losing my self-amusement and dominance.
What I find so weird is that I actually have a shitload of things going on in my life. I even fucked a girl the day after a date with this one and had another girl tell me she's in love with me this week. I have plenty of shit going on with friends, career, and hobbies. But still in my head. Which is somewhat frustrating and I do not like it :P
mwaha
weird advice, but i'll try it. ya the meditation is whats making me aware of this stuff in the first place
sucker4love,
i'm not sure you understand what i mean by investment. check out todd's last video on how he runs his logic-based game, which is ultimately just getting the girl to keep investing and investing until she feels compelled to sleep with him. basically i am (and i'm pretty sure everyone else out there dating) is getting reversed gamed from the beginning of the date of having to pay for everything, set it all up, taking time out of your day, etc.
I think we have different goals in the game. You guys WANT to connect with women, I don't care about that. I more or less just want to fuck and chuck. Its just that catching feelings fucks up my game by making me outcome dependent....therefore losing my self-amusement and dominance.
What I find so weird is that I actually have a shitload of things going on in my life. I even fucked a girl the day after a date with this one and had another girl tell me she's in love with me this week. I have plenty of shit going on with friends, career, and hobbies. But still in my head. Which is somewhat frustrating and I do not like it :P
mwaha
weird advice, but i'll try it. ya the meditation is whats making me aware of this stuff in the first place
sucker4love,
i'm not sure you understand what i mean by investment. check out todd's last video on how he runs his logic-based game, which is ultimately just getting the girl to keep investing and investing until she feels compelled to sleep with him. basically i am (and i'm pretty sure everyone else out there dating) is getting reversed gamed from the beginning of the date of having to pay for everything, set it all up, taking time out of your day, etc.
haha fair enough, although it sounds like only your head/ego really wants to fuck and chuck but your body and unconcious want to connect.
Ya dude, this is the ultimate problem - its with my (un/sub)conscious. that why the thread title says that logic isn't working. still need solutions if anyone else has beaten this problem __________________
suggestion: go through a lot of girls. you will give less and less of a fuck as time goes on. sounds a bit brutal but if ultimitly you dont want to "catch" feelings for girls then your gunna have to go though some bullshit.
at least, thats how it happened with me.
at least, thats how it happened with me.
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http://www.rsdnation.com/node/147107 < life journal (2010-2012)
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
books read:
psycho cybernetics way of the superior man(twice)
the red queen (dnf) do you (dnf)
the cather in the rye mastery
millionaire fastlane harry potters
some R.L Stine of mice and men
hamlet currently reading:boykepurnomo.staff.ugm.ac.id/wp-content/uploads/the-7-habits-ofhighly-effective-people.pdf
the games we play fight club
92 ways to talk to anyone body language for dummies
ya i guess this is a common idea. aight, i'll stop worrying about and keep on playin
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barney stintson
Senior Member
Join Date: 07/12/2010 | Posts: 177
Keeping that fact in mind, I'm still wondering why I catch feelings for some girls and how I can divorce myself from that. I was hoping someone could provide some advice. Like I can dig a girl just for her vibe and bam! all those feelings of neediness and shit that I tried to sweep under the rug come back for no particular reason. I think it might be an investment related problem - like I invest too much in the interaction (setting aside a considerable amount of time for her, think about her after sending a text, wait for a reply, etc)...all this investment makes that time function as a sunk cost and make me feel like I've put too much on the interaction to see it fail.
I guess what I'm wondering is how do I get out of this seemingly random spouts of neediness that only pop up with the girls I actually like?
I would say invest less in the interaction, but i guess a better alternative would be to have so much shit going on in your life that you're never thinking about her, hence less investment.
However, even that alternative is just sweeping this issue under the rug. As when life has its slow points, all those emotions will come back. Any suggestions?