THE FORUMS

December 8th, 2016
I HATE HATE HATE The Fact That I Fuck It Up With The Girls I Really Like
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Macavity

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Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 2511

The question is then either: How do you not lose your Mojo when outcome dependant? OR How do I stop myself from being outcome dependant in the first place? 

Met a 9. Solid 9. God she was beautiful. Really cool. Really liked me. And I mean she really liked me for me. But I didnt feel entittled. When I first met her I was flowing and smooth, enjoying myself, no big deal. Its like she was in awe that a guy came up, could hold eye contact and talk without flinching. But as I continued to see her, I started labelling her as "OMG She's like the hottest girl here and is sooo amazing" and became outcome dependant. Its almost as if my brain wasnt giving me the words to say WTF. And then I start doing all these silly little things like playing coy, trying not to appear needy, qualifying myself and her then thinking that I dont like her and losing interest. 

This is never an issue with the girls I either dont care so much about or aren't as hot. When you are in a situation like that what best centers you? Guess I should go back to Tyler's entitlement and abundance videos. But it pisses me off because this happens with almost every girl that I really like. I mean the reason I got into the game was so that I could be with these type of girls! What worse is that if Julien meets her I know he's gonna fuck her. 

Help a brother out. 

Peace
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#1
Tyler

Tyler

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8726

You need to get fucked over more often.  It will go away after you've had your guts ripped out enough times.  I've been FIST FUCKED emotionally by so many girls that at this point I'm just happy that I'm alive on this earth and can pretty much take it or leave it.

But that's only after allowing these cute lil creatures to cause me years of emotional turmoil to the point that I learned my damned lesson, and realized that my relationship to LIFE and my CORE PURPOSE is more important than getting attention and approval from a girl.

Again, takes mulltiple GUTTINGS to get to this place for most guys, so you are on the right track! :)

Tyler
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#2
Adil

Adil

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Join Date: 03/29/2010 | Posts: 305

Congratulations, dude! You are on the right track!
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#3

thinman

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/04/2006 | Posts: 318

 I can relate. 
Seems when I meet 9s, they flake, stop returning texts or whatever.
I dont view myself as a needy person.
But when I meet these 9s who are also chill and positive and I wanna meet them, my mind fools me into thinking I somehow need to switch it up I guess.
Either "trying to be aloof" or just saying straight out that I like them early (like "I like her, she likes me so lets meet up").
Guess theres a middle ground in between that I can aim for. The tension and the excitement still needs to be there I guess. Even if I think "rules" like "wait for 3 days to show you are busy" and what not is kind of bullshit.

When I think of this now, I think I wanted it too bad. Can relate that to the Tyler video where he speaks about popularity and that connection. 
Guess that tiny ounce of neediness comes through in all sorts of subtle ways. 

But it fuckin sucks, when you feel that you have this connection with this beautiful and awesome chick, then she doesnt reply or come with excuses. Situation is so fragile, because even if she DOES have valid reasons for not meeting or texting, you sort of fall into that dynamic of you chasing too hard if you text her first again after an excuse or whatever. But if you dont text her/contact her you need to wait for her to contact you and that might not happen.

Would anyone say theres a difference in texting and calling in these situations btw? Like I mean, the "level of percieved neediness" in her eyes. 
Like, I dont feel needy but theres like a tiny tiny ounce of it, and thats enough to blow it even if the interaction is great. Sucks.

Also I realize that I want girls more if they are a challenge or dont want me back. Like that 9 who was a dancer. I wrote in my FR that she was a sure lay. Then she stopped texting. Then I felt deflated maybe even a bit hurt. But I guess these are the girls that you remember, your mind blows their significance out of proportions. She was hot but after all she is just another girl.

Peace
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#4
bigjew629

bigjew629

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Join Date: 04/08/2012 | Posts: 1582

takes mulltiple GUTTINGS to get to this place for most guys, so you are on the right track! :)

True enough Sir Owen. But I think if one is sharp enough it can only take like two guttings for one to be like "wait a sec, don't want to repeat what happen last time so let me do things differently next time!" I really don't think thats rocket science. For example, my day 2s were awful until recently but it only took a string of two bad day 2s for me to be the light bulb to go off. If you are talking about guttings being just getting shot down then yea that is def true tho.

One of the things I have done for day 2s for the last year or so was taking chicks bowling since I can both get some bowling practice in, and have fun and not have that much pressure. First time I did this it sucked cuz me and her were on the same pair of lanes as my 4 bowling buddies and she felt really bad about slowing everyone down and bowling really bad and she was bitching about it. Next one I was like "alright maybe the chick I'm taking doesn't have to bowl she can just watch." It turned out to be even worse. Third chick I was like "alright me and her will be on the lane right next to my bowling buddies" and me and her were having so much fun on the day 2 that we were pretty much dry humping each other in front of my bowling buddies lol. Just went out with a different chick last week and the same thing happened, makeouts, dry humping the whole nine lol. Only bad thing was that I didn't have sex on those day 2s even tho both chicks were def up for it. Damn bad logistics!

So I think you just gotta do what works and play out in your mind what would make the day 2 a really hot date that could possibly lead to sex (cuz it should IMO)

This is never an issue with the girls I either dont care so much about or aren't as hot. When you are in a situation like that what best centers you? Guess I should go back to Tyler's entitlement and abundance videos. But it pisses me off because this happens with almost every girl that I really like.


To the OP: You have to let the chick PROVE to you that she is deserving of you, that has always worked for me. Just cuz a chick is really pretty does not mean for one iota that I like her. IMO The chicks who you "don't like" are the ones you should be going for. Once you understand that even a fattie can get your dick hard its not gonna matter, you'll just view all chicks (and eventually ppl in general) the same: Either Objects who you don't care about or Subjects who you do care about depending on how they treat/view YOU, not depending on how you treat/view THEM.
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#5

Macavity

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Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 2511

Its weird how you can be just killing it on a night out, owning and shit but as soon as you get in deep with a girl, your underlying insecuirties come out. But its normally this pain which acts as leverage and gives you the most conviction to then succeed. But man, thinking back its such a shame to lose a girl like that. Then again I've always had issues with neediness and oneitis. 

What could I have done differently? Not started labelling her in my mind as so amazing. Recognise that she's just a girl. Be willing to lose her. Not mind if she goes. Built up a bit of momentum so I was a bit more free flowing and talkative. Have my own fun. However at the same time for some reason these all feel like avoidance strategies if anyone gets what I mean, shunning away the underlying causes. Because I guarantee that if I was abundant, these qualities would naturally manifest and I wouldnt need to force myself to 'not label her' or 'have my own fun'. 

The question then really becomes: How? How can I get more enttitled? How can I be more abundant? Where does this neediness and outcome dependancy come from? Why is it there? Micromaniging doesnt really pick at the root causes. I guess I could answer this myself really: Go out, get more experience, get more girls. Looking back, I'm way more entitled now that I use to be. I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. Master the journey baby. 
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#6
Gumpshmee

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Join Date: 11/23/2010 | Posts: 246

Not more than 24 hours ago a girl broke it off. Doesn't help that she was an intellectual, health/fitness nut, stunner and we were relating on a huge number of things. I was even able to have some very hot passionate moments with her and we were mutually attracted. But she now says she's not feeling it.

I felt totally authentic and confident with myself. Didn't feel like I was showing needy, but I was outcome dependent no matter how you slice it.

It's going to be a while before I think of her as "just another girl" that's for sure.

This may be what it takes for me to put serious time into cold approach again.
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#7

pullnow

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Join Date: 07/03/2012 | Posts: 478

Read this article, it covers the subject well. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/235994

denada senor
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#8
Amazing1985

Amazing1985

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Join Date: 06/26/2011 | Posts: 1171

I want more guttings.
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#9

pullnow

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/03/2012 | Posts: 478

Tyler wrote:
You need to get fucked over more often.  It will go away after you've had your guts ripped out enough times.  I've been FIST FUCKED emotionally by so many girls that at this point I'm just happy that I'm alive on this earth and can pretty much take it or leave it.

But that's only after allowing these cute lil creatures to cause me years of emotional turmoil to the point that I learned my damned lesson, and realized that my relationship to LIFE and my CORE PURPOSE is more important than getting attention and approval from a girl.

Again, takes mulltiple GUTTINGS to get to this place for most guys, so you are on the right track! :)

Tyler
Awesome insight, I certainly agree. Mistakes for me have made me get better much more so than results. As James Joyce puts it "mistakes are the portals of discovery". Mistakes hit harder than reference points and you're much more likely to never mess up again after you've beaten yourself up over it.
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#10

Macavity

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Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 2511

 I genuinly think that the better I become the more times ill go through stuff like this with hotter girls, the more ill get punk'd, the more ill get butthurt, the more ill make mistakes and in turn the more ill become icey. And to think that this all came from one approach. It all comes down to having this happent to me with more and as many girls in the shortest time possible. Brings me back to that Tony Robbins quote "How long does it take to get good at this?" "Well....depends on how long you want it to take". 

I got to let the pain of this burn into me though. 
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