THE FORUMS
I'm tired of being a chode. I'm dedicated to changing the man I am, whatever it takes.
In set, I want to express myself authentically. Put my personality on the line. Not worry about the outcome because approaching is attractive in and of itself.
Nicely put bro, goodluck and have fun going through the process!
__________________
I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove women :)
I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove women :)
Thanks man. Love your sig, I'd definitely tap the one wearing a bikini :)
Humble Beginnings
Subway. I've been staring at this woman's ass for 20 minutes. Her body looks absolutely fantastic by the way. I finally open with something totally innocent.
SM: So how was your weekend?
HB: *barely audible* Oh pretty good. And you?
SM: Yeah I relaxed a lot. Wish I got out of the house though.
...
SM: Any plans for today?
HB: Just going to relax.
SM: Well guess what? I'm working today!!
...
SM: Well if I had to guess, you look like you work as a fitness instructor.
HB: Oh actually that's very close. I'm a personal trainer.
SM: Oh nice nice.
And then I just start qualifying myself and chatting about weight training, diet, nutrition, and my friend's aspiration to be like her one day. She thought that last part was cute.
Then like 20 minutes in I realize I don't even know her name LOL.
SM: What's your name by the way?
HB: Kiara (extends for handshake)
SM: Spaceman.
HB: Nice to meet you.
SM: Yeah I really don't like boring subway rides.
Then 5 minutes later she gets to her stop. Offers another handshake, and leaves for work.
I realize I still have some time to kill before work. Why not troll the malls?
I see this girl buying The Fountainhead from the bookstore. I pursue her after she leaves, and open with something about how The Fountainhead is amazing and absolutely changed my life. I give her props for buying the book, praise Ayn Rand, remark about how she has the incredible ability to see past common societal perception. And then we chat it up and it turns out she goes to my school and we're in the same major. So then I just start following her around and start talking about course selection and professors.
5 minutes later we're at McDonalds and we grab drinks and I realize I'm on my first instadate. That's when we exchange names and talk about our respective careers. She works at the mall and has like 10 minutes to burn.
Somewhere in there, I drop a sexist remark about how male professors are better than female professors. She gives me the most disapproving look ever... :(
Then she goes outside for a smoke, I follow her. The second hand smoke is making me feel shitty; I want to leave ASAP.
I ask for the number. Get it. She's like "oh yeah don't hesitate to text me but we'll probably see each other on campus". 10 seconds later she tells me she can sell me her old textbooks LOOOOL okay.
Later I text her with "Hey, it's Spaceman. Hope your having fun at work!" No replies since.
Then I go work many hours at a cubicle. And afterwards, my socially awkward coworkers don't even want to talk to me. I wonder why I don't just quit the job, become a internet marketer and start living the dream.
Analysis
One overarching issue with my sets today: I don't express any sexual intent. I just fall into that nice friendly guy who's having an innocent chat to kill time. This is a great strategy for making friends but a terrible one for getting laid. So next time try to have some physical involvement and make it clear to the girl what you want.
Oh yeah another thing, I totally failed to lead today. Like the 2nd set especially I was just following the girl around like a bitch. Granted it was my first instadate and all but I should really be the one dictating things.
And I'm reading a book called Pitch Anything by Oren. He talks about all the frame control nuances and I realize the entire time today I had the weaker frame, whether it was on the subway or at the mall or at work. Because I was constantly reacting to everything happening instead of controlling the terms.
There were some moments where I could've approached a really hot girl but I didn't. Yeah it stung real bad. I like to get in more approaches if possible. I just got really complacent after the instadate.
On a positive note, my eye contact was superb, posture was all right, tonality was loud enough. Oh and also, I freaking approached which is currently my only criteria for success :)
Humble Beginnings
Subway. I've been staring at this woman's ass for 20 minutes. Her body looks absolutely fantastic by the way. I finally open with something totally innocent.
SM: So how was your weekend?
HB: *barely audible* Oh pretty good. And you?
SM: Yeah I relaxed a lot. Wish I got out of the house though.
...
SM: Any plans for today?
HB: Just going to relax.
SM: Well guess what? I'm working today!!
...
SM: Well if I had to guess, you look like you work as a fitness instructor.
HB: Oh actually that's very close. I'm a personal trainer.
SM: Oh nice nice.
And then I just start qualifying myself and chatting about weight training, diet, nutrition, and my friend's aspiration to be like her one day. She thought that last part was cute.
Then like 20 minutes in I realize I don't even know her name LOL.
SM: What's your name by the way?
HB: Kiara (extends for handshake)
SM: Spaceman.
HB: Nice to meet you.
SM: Yeah I really don't like boring subway rides.
Then 5 minutes later she gets to her stop. Offers another handshake, and leaves for work.
I realize I still have some time to kill before work. Why not troll the malls?
I see this girl buying The Fountainhead from the bookstore. I pursue her after she leaves, and open with something about how The Fountainhead is amazing and absolutely changed my life. I give her props for buying the book, praise Ayn Rand, remark about how she has the incredible ability to see past common societal perception. And then we chat it up and it turns out she goes to my school and we're in the same major. So then I just start following her around and start talking about course selection and professors.
5 minutes later we're at McDonalds and we grab drinks and I realize I'm on my first instadate. That's when we exchange names and talk about our respective careers. She works at the mall and has like 10 minutes to burn.
Somewhere in there, I drop a sexist remark about how male professors are better than female professors. She gives me the most disapproving look ever... :(
Then she goes outside for a smoke, I follow her. The second hand smoke is making me feel shitty; I want to leave ASAP.
I ask for the number. Get it. She's like "oh yeah don't hesitate to text me but we'll probably see each other on campus". 10 seconds later she tells me she can sell me her old textbooks LOOOOL okay.
Later I text her with "Hey, it's Spaceman. Hope your having fun at work!" No replies since.
Then I go work many hours at a cubicle. And afterwards, my socially awkward coworkers don't even want to talk to me. I wonder why I don't just quit the job, become a internet marketer and start living the dream.
Analysis
One overarching issue with my sets today: I don't express any sexual intent. I just fall into that nice friendly guy who's having an innocent chat to kill time. This is a great strategy for making friends but a terrible one for getting laid. So next time try to have some physical involvement and make it clear to the girl what you want.
Oh yeah another thing, I totally failed to lead today. Like the 2nd set especially I was just following the girl around like a bitch. Granted it was my first instadate and all but I should really be the one dictating things.
And I'm reading a book called Pitch Anything by Oren. He talks about all the frame control nuances and I realize the entire time today I had the weaker frame, whether it was on the subway or at the mall or at work. Because I was constantly reacting to everything happening instead of controlling the terms.
There were some moments where I could've approached a really hot girl but I didn't. Yeah it stung real bad. I like to get in more approaches if possible. I just got really complacent after the instadate.
On a positive note, my eye contact was superb, posture was all right, tonality was loud enough. Oh and also, I freaking approached which is currently my only criteria for success :)
During the day make sure you don't overly put the sex into it. She might think you're a creep...you wantto be the OPPOSITE of that during the day.
__________________
The Life of a Thug
My Field Reports from my daily challenge in NYC. Game isn't something you do, it's just your life.
My Field Reports from my daily challenge in NYC. Game isn't something you do, it's just your life.
Thanks thug, I'm usually the polar opposite of a sexual creep though so I don't worry much about it.
New Girl
Another day at the office. Hello cubicle. Hello computer. Hello NEW GIRL?!! (I'm actually kinda new too :P)
She's this freaking gorgeous brown girl, light skinned, goofy smile.
Try to chop her during break. Not much happens 'cept like we get lemonade (with some other people too).
Try again after work. Thanks to a slow elevator I manage to get on the same subway with her and another girl. I start opening up and talk about random shit. Can't escalate at all so I just vibe and switch between silly and serious frames. It's all good, I get the FB and number close. Before the other girl and I get off she's like "Yeah I'm glad I made new friends" LOL friend zoned :(
Text her later, it's like...
SM: Hey it's the guy wearing the monkey shirt :P Get home safely
HB: Wrong number........ jk lol. Thanks :)
I haven't replied to that. Don't know how... Any suggestions?
Analysis
I saw the new Julien vid, realized that women basically chase after value. Another chapter of Pitch Anything taught me that you shouldn't be the one chasing her for attention and respect. Gotta be the other way around. And to basically get laid you must maintain frame control throughout.
I just wanted to try offering value in a set. And not be the guy spitting interview questions because what fun is that? I think I did pretty well today: held my frame, maintained laser eye contact, good tonality, just chilled. Only complaint is I was too much in my head, sometimes digging for what to say during silences.
I'm gonna work on being more ICY and express my intent more clearly. I can get that from daygame approaches, which I should do tomorrow.
New Girl
Another day at the office. Hello cubicle. Hello computer. Hello NEW GIRL?!! (I'm actually kinda new too :P)
She's this freaking gorgeous brown girl, light skinned, goofy smile.
Try to chop her during break. Not much happens 'cept like we get lemonade (with some other people too).
Try again after work. Thanks to a slow elevator I manage to get on the same subway with her and another girl. I start opening up and talk about random shit. Can't escalate at all so I just vibe and switch between silly and serious frames. It's all good, I get the FB and number close. Before the other girl and I get off she's like "Yeah I'm glad I made new friends" LOL friend zoned :(
Text her later, it's like...
SM: Hey it's the guy wearing the monkey shirt :P Get home safely
HB: Wrong number........ jk lol. Thanks :)
I haven't replied to that. Don't know how... Any suggestions?
Analysis
I saw the new Julien vid, realized that women basically chase after value. Another chapter of Pitch Anything taught me that you shouldn't be the one chasing her for attention and respect. Gotta be the other way around. And to basically get laid you must maintain frame control throughout.
I just wanted to try offering value in a set. And not be the guy spitting interview questions because what fun is that? I think I did pretty well today: held my frame, maintained laser eye contact, good tonality, just chilled. Only complaint is I was too much in my head, sometimes digging for what to say during silences.
I'm gonna work on being more ICY and express my intent more clearly. I can get that from daygame approaches, which I should do tomorrow.
Failure to Launch
I set aside some time before work to hit it up with wings. I don't really approach. Felt super duper shitty :(
Then after work I see a really cute brown girl. Walk in, ask her what she's doing, have like a 2 minute conversation then I eject.
Shoot the shit with some friends.
At bus stop, I approach a girl and have a friendly conversation with her. Her bus comes before I can get the number.
Oh and the girl I instadated 2 days ago finally texted me. Said she was busy and didn't have time to reply. She also got my name wrong so I think I am done with her.
And that sums up my super awesome Wednesday.
Analysis
Warning: long rant ahead.
So where to begin?
I notice the issue when I approach indirect and have a normal conversation, I end up getting friend zoned instead of pulling & closing due to a lack of clear intent. The girl doesn't know what you really want and she certainly can't read your mind, so she assumes you're just a friendly guy. I actually have a small social circle so I don't mind making friends, but I'm also going for the lay as well.
I've began to understand direct approaches as a win-win for both you and her. For you, you get to express yourself authentically instead of hiding behind a social medium. For her, she gets astonished/delighted/flattered/reality shattered/wet/creeped out/offended (lol) whatever it is but as long as your approach is calibrated she'll be happy on the inside even though she might blow you out.
So yeah I might be making the transition to direct approaches. Like today when I was talking to the brown girl she was just incredibly cute and I had the urge to tell her that universal fact, and when I didn't it just felt terrible because I didn't express myself authentically. UGH what's so hard about just saying "Hey can I tell you something very honest? You're really cute."
What I'm realistically aiming for next time is to open indirect but transition to a different frame by making a positive remark about her appearance. It's a small step up.
I set aside some time before work to hit it up with wings. I don't really approach. Felt super duper shitty :(
Then after work I see a really cute brown girl. Walk in, ask her what she's doing, have like a 2 minute conversation then I eject.
Shoot the shit with some friends.
At bus stop, I approach a girl and have a friendly conversation with her. Her bus comes before I can get the number.
Oh and the girl I instadated 2 days ago finally texted me. Said she was busy and didn't have time to reply. She also got my name wrong so I think I am done with her.
And that sums up my super awesome Wednesday.
Analysis
Warning: long rant ahead.
So where to begin?
I notice the issue when I approach indirect and have a normal conversation, I end up getting friend zoned instead of pulling & closing due to a lack of clear intent. The girl doesn't know what you really want and she certainly can't read your mind, so she assumes you're just a friendly guy. I actually have a small social circle so I don't mind making friends, but I'm also going for the lay as well.
I've began to understand direct approaches as a win-win for both you and her. For you, you get to express yourself authentically instead of hiding behind a social medium. For her, she gets astonished/delighted/flattered/reality shattered/wet/creeped out/offended (lol) whatever it is but as long as your approach is calibrated she'll be happy on the inside even though she might blow you out.
So yeah I might be making the transition to direct approaches. Like today when I was talking to the brown girl she was just incredibly cute and I had the urge to tell her that universal fact, and when I didn't it just felt terrible because I didn't express myself authentically. UGH what's so hard about just saying "Hey can I tell you something very honest? You're really cute."
What I'm realistically aiming for next time is to open indirect but transition to a different frame by making a positive remark about her appearance. It's a small step up.
Trolls and Regrets
Walking down the street like a true astronaut. When I see this woman with fantastic shoes.
"Hey there, can I ask you a question?"
"Uh sure."
"I love your shoes. Where can I get a pair like that?"
"I don't know..."
"Well it'll be a gift. I need to find something like that."
"Sorry can't help you here."
"So those are custom made? You must be very special."
She's a little creeped out so I walk away.
Then some minor indirect approaches here and there. Nothing special.
Then it starts to rain. So I decide to troll these two Chinese girls at a streetlight.
"Hey girls, do you have an umbrella I can use?"
"Yes... but sorry!"
"It's raining though. Aren't you gonna take it out of your bag?"
"Not really, but sorry!"
I should've followed that up with "Oh too bad you're about to get really wet". Don't you hate it when you realize the perfect response AFTER the set ends?
Then there's this woman giving out flyers on the street. She drops the F-bomb on me for no reason so I have to troll her back. For the first minute or so I'm just talking total nonsense and she loves it. But then I can't keep up the sillyness frame so I revert back to the topic. We chat for a while then I dip for work.
On the subway home, this girl that looks like a poor man's Jennifer Love Hugetits sit beside me. My thought process is like "how do I approach her.... boobs.... so what can I say....... boobs..... so how do I get her to take off those earphones.... boobs...."
I finally decide on an appropriate DIRECT opener ("hey there, I really wanted to talk to you because you're really cute, but I got scared... *then leave train promptly*), and made adequate mental preparation to say it, and a split second later she's gone like the wind ~
Analysis
This will be short and sweet, because I've figured out that missing piece.
Instinctively, I want to protect my ego from harm. Hence, I'm always approaching in a manner that won't get me directly rejected. Meaning I don't put my personality on the line, I don't express my intentions.
This is depriving me of some amazing experiences and exponential growth. Food for thought.
Walking down the street like a true astronaut. When I see this woman with fantastic shoes.
"Hey there, can I ask you a question?"
"Uh sure."
"I love your shoes. Where can I get a pair like that?"
"I don't know..."
"Well it'll be a gift. I need to find something like that."
"Sorry can't help you here."
"So those are custom made? You must be very special."
She's a little creeped out so I walk away.
Then some minor indirect approaches here and there. Nothing special.
Then it starts to rain. So I decide to troll these two Chinese girls at a streetlight.
"Hey girls, do you have an umbrella I can use?"
"Yes... but sorry!"
"It's raining though. Aren't you gonna take it out of your bag?"
"Not really, but sorry!"
I should've followed that up with "Oh too bad you're about to get really wet". Don't you hate it when you realize the perfect response AFTER the set ends?
Then there's this woman giving out flyers on the street. She drops the F-bomb on me for no reason so I have to troll her back. For the first minute or so I'm just talking total nonsense and she loves it. But then I can't keep up the sillyness frame so I revert back to the topic. We chat for a while then I dip for work.
On the subway home, this girl that looks like a poor man's Jennifer Love Hugetits sit beside me. My thought process is like "how do I approach her.... boobs.... so what can I say....... boobs..... so how do I get her to take off those earphones.... boobs...."
I finally decide on an appropriate DIRECT opener ("hey there, I really wanted to talk to you because you're really cute, but I got scared... *then leave train promptly*), and made adequate mental preparation to say it, and a split second later she's gone like the wind ~
Analysis
This will be short and sweet, because I've figured out that missing piece.
Instinctively, I want to protect my ego from harm. Hence, I'm always approaching in a manner that won't get me directly rejected. Meaning I don't put my personality on the line, I don't express my intentions.
This is depriving me of some amazing experiences and exponential growth. Food for thought.
Definitely agree man, go for the direct approach, it's what i'm doing right now. I find that with direct I can just be myself, and the flirting just flows naturally. Give it a go, you'll be amazed. No need for troll lines that feed your ego by seeking a reaction from others.. freedom from outcome for the win
__________________
I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove women :)
I looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove women :)
Appreciate the feedback. I just need to take that massive leap of faith!
Never Apologize for your Desires as a Man
Kristina Maria has to be the hottest singer ever <3
I'm trotting the bookstore. See this lady at checkout with 50 shades of grey. Go up, ask her why the book is so popular. She tells me her friend recommended it. Cashier tries to get into the conversation. Eh whatever nothing came out of it.
Then I chode the mall for an hour and head to work.
Vibe with this cute brown girl. Turns out she lives like 2 blocks away from me. FB close her on the job.
After work, meet up with Mr. Second-strongest-force-in-the-universe. Love the energy level bro.
I'm just walking down the street trying to get high fives. Somewhere along the way he opens 2 ladies having a dinner. Spit some funny shit and the woman suddenly stands up and tells him he's been very obscene and we should get out of here. I start apologizing profusely.
But seriously, why apologize for your desires as a man? Not that the girls were stunners or anything...
Kinda traumatized but no big deal. I want to experience a full range of emotions.
Friend opens 3 girls who were wandering around aimlessly. In 10 seconds he's lifted a girl and carrying her around. Fucking ace
Me and the 2 other girls are standing in disbelief at this display of confidence and positive energy.
Then I realize if I was a bit more competent I could've distracted the friends and he would've pulled right there.
On the subway I see 2 chicks one with red bull the other with a beer bottle. I'm like "ay how is the beer? can i have a sip" she's like nah it's just water blah blah blah. Then we just hit it off... they're not the best looking but they're cool and I vibe pretty well. Just carrying a positive energy and not being some pessimistic fuck. Talk for some good minutes about the most random shit and eventually they dip to meet some friends.
Analysis
Never apologize.
And I mean never apologize.
What you're doing is fucking righteous. Never apologize for expressing your desires as a man.
And try to approach some cuties and tell them they're cute. k?
Never Apologize for your Desires as a Man
Kristina Maria has to be the hottest singer ever <3
I'm trotting the bookstore. See this lady at checkout with 50 shades of grey. Go up, ask her why the book is so popular. She tells me her friend recommended it. Cashier tries to get into the conversation. Eh whatever nothing came out of it.
Then I chode the mall for an hour and head to work.
Vibe with this cute brown girl. Turns out she lives like 2 blocks away from me. FB close her on the job.
After work, meet up with Mr. Second-strongest-force-in-the-universe. Love the energy level bro.
I'm just walking down the street trying to get high fives. Somewhere along the way he opens 2 ladies having a dinner. Spit some funny shit and the woman suddenly stands up and tells him he's been very obscene and we should get out of here. I start apologizing profusely.
But seriously, why apologize for your desires as a man? Not that the girls were stunners or anything...
Kinda traumatized but no big deal. I want to experience a full range of emotions.
Friend opens 3 girls who were wandering around aimlessly. In 10 seconds he's lifted a girl and carrying her around. Fucking ace
Me and the 2 other girls are standing in disbelief at this display of confidence and positive energy.Then I realize if I was a bit more competent I could've distracted the friends and he would've pulled right there.
On the subway I see 2 chicks one with red bull the other with a beer bottle. I'm like "ay how is the beer? can i have a sip" she's like nah it's just water blah blah blah. Then we just hit it off... they're not the best looking but they're cool and I vibe pretty well. Just carrying a positive energy and not being some pessimistic fuck. Talk for some good minutes about the most random shit and eventually they dip to meet some friends.
Analysis
Never apologize.
And I mean never apologize.
What you're doing is fucking righteous. Never apologize for expressing your desires as a man.
And try to approach some cuties and tell them they're cute. k?
Just Blame it on Something Else...
I wander around the community parks and plaza for about an hour. Both places are dead. Well there was a girl waiting for the bus, but after I flaked on the approach I can't find another :(
It's so easy to blame it on the environment. But there was a massive festival downtown and I just told myself I'm tired from work & gym. Gah... this 30 day challenge is harder than I thought.
Well I'll consider today my first and ONLY strike. One more day like today and the challenge is lost.
I wander around the community parks and plaza for about an hour. Both places are dead. Well there was a girl waiting for the bus, but after I flaked on the approach I can't find another :(
It's so easy to blame it on the environment. But there was a massive festival downtown and I just told myself I'm tired from work & gym. Gah... this 30 day challenge is harder than I thought.
Well I'll consider today my first and ONLY strike. One more day like today and the challenge is lost.
A) im the 4th strongest force in the universe :(
B) the only person responsible for my dick getting wet or staying dry is me so dw about it :)
B) the only person responsible for my dick getting wet or staying dry is me so dw about it :)
-Spaceman-
Senior Member
Join Date: 07/13/2012 | Posts: 240
I come from a dark place. I struggled to order a big mac because my voice was too soft. I never hugged a girl for 18 years of my life. I had self-esteem issues and constantly beat myself up over the most trivial things. It was a vicious cycle that drove me borderline suicidal. Discovering RSD didn't do much: without going out, all the community talk turned me into a Tyler fanboy and hardcore keyboard jockey. I finally stepped out of the house in early 2012 and haven't looked back since.
Putting the pain behind
Being a hardcase newbie, my #1 goal was to learn to be normal. I'm still learning. So many guys are wounded by their past that they can't accept the fact they are enough and always have been. As a result they come off as that weird anti-social value-taking nose-picking Tyler-worshipping warcraft-grinding basement-dwelling society-hating dude living in perpetual scarcity and angst. Why would anyone want to be around that? Over the 9 months of chipping at this, I learned to smile, hold eye contact, project my voice, talk to people, SAY HI, crack jokes, laugh, make friends, dress fashionably, stand up straight, have a good time. All the stuff that your typical Joe already does unconsciously. You don't need game to get laid or have a social circle, it's just basic social acuity.
Being your best self
The advice "be yourself" is cliche. It's actually be your BEST self. Everyone's capable of great things, but we all go through those durrrr moments. Reaching higher levels of consciousness, holding yourself to a higher standard, taking the right action as much as you can, finding your passion in life, doing what you truly value, etc. All are profoundly more relevant and powerful to a 19 year old me than any pick-up theory. I don't identify as a PUA; when I can summon the courage, I simply talk to girls, put my best self out there, and have a friggin great time. People take it as they may. End of the day, the only constant I know is myself.
I don't know where this takes me, but I trust everything will turn out alright. You get what you work for. The world doesn't wait for you.
Let's get it done.