THE FORUMS
this happens to me when I havent been in the game for a while.. I find that spending a few nights just having fun with people (guys/girls) does the trick. Yes approach a lot of girls but just to get into normal conversations and dont have any plans on trying to seduce them or anything..
As for girls approaching you I dont know what to do anymore.. when I used to be shy that was the only way id meet girls. But now that im more proactive and confident im really confused in those situations.. its like the girl takes the initiative but after a few minutes you have you take it back and now youre in charge? often times it gets awkward and we both dont know how to act.
As for girls approaching you I dont know what to do anymore.. when I used to be shy that was the only way id meet girls. But now that im more proactive and confident im really confused in those situations.. its like the girl takes the initiative but after a few minutes you have you take it back and now youre in charge? often times it gets awkward and we both dont know how to act.
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My Fitness blog : PwnFitness
the fact that you even included the word "neg" in your situation means you need to take more action and get off this website for a while
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Great point. That's another effect of community/groupthink: the desire and expectation of immediate results. Too much emphasis on outcome and not enough on enjoying the process. Thanks, man.
this happens to me when I havent been in the game for a while.. I find that spending a few nights just having fun with people (guys/girls) does the trick. Yes approach a lot of girls but just to get into normal conversations and dont have any plans on trying to seduce them or anything..
As for girls approaching you I dont know what to do anymore.. when I used to be shy that was the only way id meet girls. But now that im more proactive and confident im really confused in those situations.. its like the girl takes the initiative but after a few minutes you have you take it back and now youre in charge? often times it gets awkward and we both dont know how to act.
As for girls approaching you I dont know what to do anymore.. when I used to be shy that was the only way id meet girls. But now that im more proactive and confident im really confused in those situations.. its like the girl takes the initiative but after a few minutes you have you take it back and now youre in charge? often times it gets awkward and we both dont know how to act.
Screening/qualifying is a good idea, but I'm already too picky as it is. If I do screen, I'm going to have to 'reward' these girls, even though most of the time, I don't genuinely find their jobs/lifestyles or even their personalities to be much to my liking.
Solution: find girls more interesting even if I don't find them very interesting. Hmm, maybe keep asking more questions focused on areas which are almost certain to be interesting. Such as craziest places they've had sex, or most exotic country they've traveled to.
Solution: find girls more interesting even if I don't find them very interesting. Hmm, maybe keep asking more questions focused on areas which are almost certain to be interesting. Such as craziest places they've had sex, or most exotic country they've traveled to.
If you're approaches aren't going to well, maybe it's a little too early to think about screening. It seems like maybe your cold approach sets aren't hooking, and maybe that's because you're trying to get the girl to do too much. (That's what I think my sticking point that I've been working my way out of, recently.) Girls are retarded, they don't know how to talk when they first meet a person (unless they're one of the few relatively rare outgoing people who aren't totally brain dread). So if you walk up do a girl and say "So, you look like the only sober person here!" And you just stand there and wait for her to respond, hoping she responds, that might be awkward. I've been working on, as soon as I have eye contact, launching into some kind of story or something, trying to subcommunicate the right emotions. If you're cold approaching, don't put the responsibility on her for the interaction to go well; if she's not talking, talk until it hooks or until she walks away.
I don't know if that's what's screwing you over, but it's one possibility to try out. It's working for me.
I don't know if that's what's screwing you over, but it's one possibility to try out. It's working for me.
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Sounds like you just need practice. One tip though:
When I started going out 6 nights/week about 3 months ago I was glad as fuck to have a wing to go with me almost every day. Having someone with the same goals/attitude concerning the whole meeting girls thing is something that sets your mind right and keeps you focused. Going out alone may help you build your willpower and emotional muscles, but it´s certainly harder to get leverage/momentum going when you´re starting alone. Apart from that, good luck in the field, it will solve itself if you keep going.
When I started going out 6 nights/week about 3 months ago I was glad as fuck to have a wing to go with me almost every day. Having someone with the same goals/attitude concerning the whole meeting girls thing is something that sets your mind right and keeps you focused. Going out alone may help you build your willpower and emotional muscles, but it´s certainly harder to get leverage/momentum going when you´re starting alone. Apart from that, good luck in the field, it will solve itself if you keep going.
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Went out to a:
1. singles party
2. solo game
The singles party was absolutely brutal. Not a single girl would talk to me. As a matter of fact, none of them would even look me in the eye. There was only one pretty girl there anyway. She would stare at me when she thought I wasn't looking. When talking to her, she would look off to the side, and/or take a couple of steps away. She was approached a lot and was friendly, smiling, and pleasant to all the other guys.
...
The solo game worked a little better. A hot asian girl (8) approached me at the bar. Unfortunately, she was with a boyfriend/date, so even though she made a move, I decided it wouldn't be worthwhile to invest in this set. Her hot asian girlfriend was also checking me out. But she too was accompanied by a date.
I did maybe 3 approaches this time, which is about 3X the number of approaches I've done in the past, so that was a big step up, lol. There was a russian girl on the street checking me out, and that was a fun little set. It was one of the few cold approaches I've done in recent weeks which actually hooked. I ejected after about 5 min. or so, but
still, it was definteily better than my previous approaches.
Went to another bar, and several more girls approached me, but those really didn't go anywhere.
It wasn't a fun night (yet), but at least I had one approach hook. I am also getting approached multiple times by hot girls, and even hot girls out with guys/boyfriends. I can definitely see the potential now.
1. singles party
2. solo game
The singles party was absolutely brutal. Not a single girl would talk to me. As a matter of fact, none of them would even look me in the eye. There was only one pretty girl there anyway. She would stare at me when she thought I wasn't looking. When talking to her, she would look off to the side, and/or take a couple of steps away. She was approached a lot and was friendly, smiling, and pleasant to all the other guys.
...
The solo game worked a little better. A hot asian girl (8) approached me at the bar. Unfortunately, she was with a boyfriend/date, so even though she made a move, I decided it wouldn't be worthwhile to invest in this set. Her hot asian girlfriend was also checking me out. But she too was accompanied by a date.
I did maybe 3 approaches this time, which is about 3X the number of approaches I've done in the past, so that was a big step up, lol. There was a russian girl on the street checking me out, and that was a fun little set. It was one of the few cold approaches I've done in recent weeks which actually hooked. I ejected after about 5 min. or so, but
still, it was definteily better than my previous approaches.
Went to another bar, and several more girls approached me, but those really didn't go anywhere.
It wasn't a fun night (yet), but at least I had one approach hook. I am also getting approached multiple times by hot girls, and even hot girls out with guys/boyfriends. I can definitely see the potential now.
You need to show you're intent. If you can't do that STATE IT - tell her you think she's hot or you're there to chat her up or flirt with her. Se should not be confused as why you're talking to her!
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Honestly dude, the reason I think most guys fail to advance quickly with this stuff is because they are uncalibrated. Obviously, the only solution to that is to go out more and keep working at it -- which it sounds like you are doing. Another HUGE issue is guys don't have fun when they go out. Pick up becomes some sort of sport or serious endevour for them. We judge our night and each interaction meticulously, and then take ownership for "negative" responses.
My first priority when I go out is to have fun. I literally go out to blow off steam, relax, and laugh. Self-amusement is so easy for me when I'm out from doing this for so long, and it is my favorite medium for getting outside of my head and having a good time. Sure, I have "bad" nights...but a bad night for me isn't getting blown out all night. A bad night for me is when I stop having fun, get outcome dependent, and start analyzing my night while I'm out.
For social circle, you are projecting too much value and not enough comfort. If you are making girls upset, then you are not having fun and providing an overall postive emotional experience for these girls. If you are going to purposefully neg her, balance that shit out.
For cold approach, focus on having more fun when you are out and being self-amused. A lot of issues autocorrect from there. Then start focusing on opening harder (i.e. commanding voice, physical dominance, etc...).
I like to focus on a few small chunks at a time rather than try to break down the whole fucking process in one night. Make sense?
My first priority when I go out is to have fun. I literally go out to blow off steam, relax, and laugh. Self-amusement is so easy for me when I'm out from doing this for so long, and it is my favorite medium for getting outside of my head and having a good time. Sure, I have "bad" nights...but a bad night for me isn't getting blown out all night. A bad night for me is when I stop having fun, get outcome dependent, and start analyzing my night while I'm out.
For social circle, you are projecting too much value and not enough comfort. If you are making girls upset, then you are not having fun and providing an overall postive emotional experience for these girls. If you are going to purposefully neg her, balance that shit out.
For cold approach, focus on having more fun when you are out and being self-amused. A lot of issues autocorrect from there. Then start focusing on opening harder (i.e. commanding voice, physical dominance, etc...).
I like to focus on a few small chunks at a time rather than try to break down the whole fucking process in one night. Make sense?
My advice is for you to use what you learn in cold approach to improve your social circle game. I'll keep learning more and hopefully help out more. Peace!
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"No one can be told what the matrix is you have to see it for yourself.....There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path."
"It is not enough to know YOU MUST DO" -Bruce Lee ; "I do and I understand"- Confuscious (Got that from Jeffy show hehe)
"Every sentence written or spoken,action, everything in the universe can be a rabbit hole to master" Me
"Don't take this too serious or be serious out there. It can work against you.GO OUT TO CLUBS,PARTIES,ETC. Relax, have fun, have "sucess with women".Trust in the process.Trust in the time you put in. 'Be positive always'. Focus on "the positive" and you will learn faster. Obviously the more time you put in the better and faster the learning and result will be.Trust in the knowledge you're aplying because the 'RSD/PUA knowledge' is probably the 'best truth' we have today.The process is fun and everlasting
." I think this is true
"A woman can feel a similar powerful emotional and physical response that's similar to the one we feel when we see an attractive woman.....A woman can feel that in response to something....Okay instead of trying to logically convince a woman to feel attracted.They must 'trigger it'...'Personality' is the primary way that attraction is 'triggered inside of women' " David D! Best of wishes to you sir wherever U R.
"Never put any girl on a pedestal no matter what anyone else thinks. Don't 'be' , 'think' and 'feel' like ' they ' ( 'chodes' ) do. Be 'comfortable' with them around you because you 'know why they are like that.' Never be in that ' 'chode' headspace' "
"Always have Abundance mentality. 1.Alot of girls will always like you. The more you meet the more will like you.Always have freedom from outcome 2. You can have the exact same great connection with many many girls. There is nothing special about any girl and connection you made with her. Fuck and forget "everything" about society,social conditioning,songs,media,movies that go against abundance mentality"
"Never-attach-too-much-meaning to interactions with girls for example if you like a girl always go for her phone number" ; "MOVEMENT IS LIFE" RSDNathan
"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.After enlightenment,chop wood and carry water." Ancient Eastern Adage
PROCESS!PROCESS! "Build it as well" ; "You're already living the "dreamlife". Some of you just don't realize it" I think this is true.
"Everything is a learning experience"
"The guys that get humor. Learned it from books" Jeffty AKA JLAIX
"It is not enough to know YOU MUST DO" -Bruce Lee ; "I do and I understand"- Confuscious (Got that from Jeffy show hehe)
"Every sentence written or spoken,action, everything in the universe can be a rabbit hole to master" Me
"Don't take this too serious or be serious out there. It can work against you.GO OUT TO CLUBS,PARTIES,ETC. Relax, have fun, have "sucess with women".Trust in the process.Trust in the time you put in. 'Be positive always'. Focus on "the positive" and you will learn faster. Obviously the more time you put in the better and faster the learning and result will be.Trust in the knowledge you're aplying because the 'RSD/PUA knowledge' is probably the 'best truth' we have today.The process is fun and everlasting
." I think this is true "A woman can feel a similar powerful emotional and physical response that's similar to the one we feel when we see an attractive woman.....A woman can feel that in response to something....Okay instead of trying to logically convince a woman to feel attracted.They must 'trigger it'...'Personality' is the primary way that attraction is 'triggered inside of women' " David D! Best of wishes to you sir wherever U R.
"Never put any girl on a pedestal no matter what anyone else thinks. Don't 'be' , 'think' and 'feel' like ' they ' ( 'chodes' ) do. Be 'comfortable' with them around you because you 'know why they are like that.' Never be in that ' 'chode' headspace' "
"Always have Abundance mentality. 1.Alot of girls will always like you. The more you meet the more will like you.Always have freedom from outcome 2. You can have the exact same great connection with many many girls. There is nothing special about any girl and connection you made with her. Fuck and forget "everything" about society,social conditioning,songs,media,movies that go against abundance mentality"
"Never-attach-too-much-meaning to interactions with girls for example if you like a girl always go for her phone number" ; "MOVEMENT IS LIFE" RSDNathan
"Before enlightenment, chop wood and carry water.After enlightenment,chop wood and carry water." Ancient Eastern Adage
PROCESS!PROCESS! "Build it as well" ; "You're already living the "dreamlife". Some of you just don't realize it" I think this is true.
"Everything is a learning experience"
"The guys that get humor. Learned it from books" Jeffty AKA JLAIX
TheBigT
Senior Member
Join Date: 06/17/2012 | Posts: 105
SOCIAL CIRCLE
The "game" I think is fucking up some of my rapport at "normal" social circle parties. Usually, I get approached by several girls at each party. The conversations generally go well, until I try to tease them. At that point, the girl is so hurt, it ruins everything. These girls are literally ready to cry. It's not like I call them fat and ugly. I might tease them about the name of the mascot of their college. I'm serious, that's enough to bring them to tears.
Solution: no negs. OK, so manwhore's suggestion doesn't work here.
COLD APPROACH
My approaches are horrible. Horrible. I'm not doing very many, either, so I"m not getting a lot of practice. I'm either too timid and quiet, or I'm too loud and obnoxious, or my opener is so off I can't really go anywhere with it.
A girl stands by me waiting to order a drink. I tap her on the shoulder and say: "you're the only sober person here!" in a friendly way, not a loud, obnoxious way. Her mind is whirling. She is really confused about what to say. She finally coughs up, very very shyly: "Is that a good thing?!?" I'm confused by her confusion, and the conversation just comes to an abrupt halt.
Solution: be more normal: no negs, no confusing openers.
GIRLS APPROACHING ME
I'd say maybe 10 girls or so approached me this weekend. This happens during the daytime as well as at night, and at social circle parties. I have to be more pro-active and ready for immediate physical escalation. However, I have a tough time going for a makeout a few seconds after a girl approaches me. Sometimes, these girls will approach me even with their boyfriends in tow. I think it's my only option however as my conversations generally don't go anywhere.
Solution: immediate escalation.
Overall: too many negs, not enough escalation. It's been rough, man. :)