THE FORUMS
I hear ya. Sometimes though you have to forget the old story and start creating a new one. : ) Ultimately the only race is with yourself.
Good luck, Brother.
Good luck, Brother.
__________________
Advocate of "Cool And Friendly" Game ... "Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway" - Bruce Lee
I have everything going against me; crappy childhood, absent parents, traumatic experiences, you name it it has happened to me. I am one notch below what they call the "hardcase noob." I needed nearly a year and a half of therapy to get me to stop inducing comas and trying to kill myself. I needed happy pills cuz I was so depressed I would sleep for 12-16 hours a day.
For me, succeeding in general takes me WAY more work than it would be for those who don't have the issues that I have.
If you don't have any mental health issues like I have, you have no excuse to post stuff like "omg I am done I haven't gotten any since I started doing this and its been a few months I'm out."
I've actually gotten so delusional to believe that nobody wants me to succeed with anything; women, grades, sports, whatever. If you have been beaten down by life you must do the same.
I dont care what you've been through. You're no different than anybody else on this board, regardless of what their background is relative to yours.
Guess what? Everybody will experience negative experiences, but its how they reframe the situation that solidifies their identity. There are plenty of people who went through the same things as you, but because they remained optimistic while you beat yourself up, it wouldn't seem that way. It would seem that they always had a happy childhood.
You're not a special snowflake. Your past is irrelevant. People dont succeed because of their lack of will power, not their background.
i think you are dead wrong.
this is hardest for the people with the easiest lives. they dont have the incentive or drive to push through something tough. why should they? everything else is soooo goooooood. they never needed to use shear will power or develop discipline that comes from hardship. what makes a person great is over coming difficulties, you cant blame a person with a easy life for being weak because an easy life makes a person weak. they never had to try. why start now?
people who have it hard have something to prove. shit is meaningful. they had to fight, and struggle to do the small things in life. that creates discipline and makes you man the fuck up. it makes you thirsty, and not satisfied. those who have shitty lives and dont do this, they die.
this is hardest for the people with the easiest lives. they dont have the incentive or drive to push through something tough. why should they? everything else is soooo goooooood. they never needed to use shear will power or develop discipline that comes from hardship. what makes a person great is over coming difficulties, you cant blame a person with a easy life for being weak because an easy life makes a person weak. they never had to try. why start now?
people who have it hard have something to prove. shit is meaningful. they had to fight, and struggle to do the small things in life. that creates discipline and makes you man the fuck up. it makes you thirsty, and not satisfied. those who have shitty lives and dont do this, they die.
__________________
You don't want it badly enough.
.
I have everything going against me; crappy childhood, absent parents, traumatic experiences, you name it it has happened to me. I am one notch below what they call the "hardcase noob." I needed nearly a year and a half of therapy to get me to stop inducing comas and trying to kill myself. I needed happy pills cuz I was so depressed I would sleep for 12-16 hours a day.
For me, succeeding in general takes me WAY more work than it would be for those who don't have the issues that I have.
If you don't have any mental health issues like I have, you have no excuse to post stuff like "omg I am done I haven't gotten any since I started doing this and its been a few months I'm out."
I've actually gotten so delusional to believe that nobody wants me to succeed with anything; women, grades, sports, whatever. If you have been beaten down by life you must do the same.
I dont care what you've been through. You're no different than anybody else on this board, regardless of what their background is relative to yours.
Guess what? Everybody will experience negative experiences, but its how they reframe the situation that solidifies their identity. There are plenty of people who went through the same things as you, but because they remained optimistic while you beat yourself up, it wouldn't seem that way. It would seem that they always had a happy childhood.
You're not a special snowflake. Your past is irrelevant. People dont succeed because of their lack of will power, not their background.
You can't really say that. Right now I know how he feels. You can go through things in your life that absolutely erase any confidence and self esteem that you have, you can go the stuff that makes you have to deal with inferiority complexes, depression, low self esteem, self conscious, self hate and so on.
These are all things you need to get through to pretty much succeed in life. So getting "success" might take longer because you have more to get through.
The one thing about going through something awful that takes alot of time to heal, is simply your self doubts. There is always something in the back of your mind thinking that maybe you can't handle what might happen next, because that thing in the past happened and you felt powerless.
What's worse? Once you get on a downward spiral like the OP describes you start to fall down faster and faster. Society/social dynamics/life is almost set up to kick you while you are down. If you are truly beaten down you will naturally have the body language of a low status male. People will treat you like you are not shit. Making your condition worse. You truly would have to walk by fairth and not by what you see.
People around you don't treat you any kinder because you have been going through shit.
You hear cliches like, "everybody goes through shit" and "i've got my own problems" but if you really take a step back and measured everything that happens in everyones life and then graphed it you'd see a bell curve. A few people who have really easy lives, a few people who had really horrible lives and most people in the middle.
And that if you are on either extreme (easy life, hard life) it seems like life can really push you down, or spring you up.
For instance, If You had a hard life
When, you do find the strength to crawl out of bed and you get out in the world.
Some people will see that you look depressed and start to avoid you, which can cause more depression.
Some people will talk trash
Say, if your self doubt becomes obvious to others it can give "some" people (the predator types) the oppurtunity to exploit or take advantage of you. What's the first thing that comes to anyones mind when you see someone who obviously doubts there every move?
My point is self doubt can lead to more of the same. Self consciousness can lead to more of the same. If it becomes obvious to others they might start fucking with you, making you more self conscious.
It can be a really viscious cycle.
It hard to have a strong frame in a situation like this. People thinking that you aren't shit and treat you so, makes it easy to fall into their frame. While you are trying to fight some the doubts in your head or your self consciousness people are playing frame games with you and putting you on the spot.
All i'm saying is I can understand where he is coming from because my life hasn't been cake.
...getting chicks, good grades, or getting pretty much anything you want should be MAD easy for you, almost automatic. Why? Cuz you got nothing else to take care of outside of meeting women and making money. I have everything going against me; crappy childhood, absent parents, traumatic experiences, you name it it has happened to me. I am one notch below what they call the "hardcase noob." I needed nearly a year and a half of therapy to get me to stop inducing comas and trying to kill myself. I needed happy pills cuz I was so depressed I would sleep for 12-16 hours a day. To those noobs who are saying that this stuff is hard take a good look at your life. What is your motivation for meeting chicks? Are you doing it cuz you want to impress your friends/prove that you are not gay? Finding a replacement for your mom (for a LONG time, this was my reason)? Cuz meeting chicks ain't gonna solve whatever issues you have. And if you do not have issues, you have no excuse to not succeed with women. If you have good social skills and a decent sized social circle, you have no god dam excuse. You can't "give yourself time" if you aren't beaten down by life. Giving yourself time and enjoying the small victories IMO are reserved for those who have been beaten down by life and don't really get to enjoy success too much.
For me, succeeding in general takes me WAY more work than it would be for those who don't have the issues that I have. IMO if you do not have an extremely troubled background where everything was like Murphy's Law, you have no excuse to not get out there and get what you want. All you have to do is put a modicum of effort into it and the results will be automatic. If you haven't been beaten down by life you don't have to worry about being so depressed that you can't even get out of bed. You don't have to resist the temptation to cut or induce a coma or any other form of attempted suicide. You don't have to worry about losing your temper, blacking out, and doing stuff you are gonna regret. If you don't have any mental health issues like I have, you have no excuse to post stuff like "omg I am done I haven't gotten any since I started doing this and its been a few months I'm out."
I just recently read and posted in a thread about some guy who was asking if it was cool to give up and I was like "who the hell does this schmuck think he is? What has he been through that allows him to think like this? Why does he think he can be so selfish and get away with it?"
Granted, I don't know about this guy's background but it actually makes no difference. Cuz if you HAVE been beaten down by life, you have something to prove to those who have not been beaten down by life. Cuz lemme tell ya, if you have been beaten down by life, NO ONE expects you to succeed. I've actually gotten so delusional to believe that nobody wants me to succeed with anything; women, grades, sports, whatever. If you have been beaten down by life you must do the same.
Dood I hate to say it but rsdnation, or any other pick up forum isn't going to help you solve your problems. You are going to need a therapist to get you started, and you need to be there for yourself. For me, succeeding in general takes me WAY more work than it would be for those who don't have the issues that I have. IMO if you do not have an extremely troubled background where everything was like Murphy's Law, you have no excuse to not get out there and get what you want. All you have to do is put a modicum of effort into it and the results will be automatic. If you haven't been beaten down by life you don't have to worry about being so depressed that you can't even get out of bed. You don't have to resist the temptation to cut or induce a coma or any other form of attempted suicide. You don't have to worry about losing your temper, blacking out, and doing stuff you are gonna regret. If you don't have any mental health issues like I have, you have no excuse to post stuff like "omg I am done I haven't gotten any since I started doing this and its been a few months I'm out."
I just recently read and posted in a thread about some guy who was asking if it was cool to give up and I was like "who the hell does this schmuck think he is? What has he been through that allows him to think like this? Why does he think he can be so selfish and get away with it?"
Granted, I don't know about this guy's background but it actually makes no difference. Cuz if you HAVE been beaten down by life, you have something to prove to those who have not been beaten down by life. Cuz lemme tell ya, if you have been beaten down by life, NO ONE expects you to succeed. I've actually gotten so delusional to believe that nobody wants me to succeed with anything; women, grades, sports, whatever. If you have been beaten down by life you must do the same.
The reason that you aren't going to solve your problems with rsdnation is because what people teach on here is tooo general. You can learn from it, but it's not specific to your own life. Tyler has 40k people that he is writing to, and its generalized so the most people can get what they want. Yes sometimes you might read something on here and it feels like it was written specifically for you but then the next day its not something that you specifically need. So if you wait on Tyler or Brad then you might have to wait months for a really good solution to your problem. And say you need morethan just one solution, then you might have to wait years before you get on here read everything that you need. You see where I'm going with this? Waiting on someone to post the right thing, to read the right book or to watch the right video takes too long. What is the point of waiting for someone else to think for you when you can solve your problems right now yourself.
The answers to your problems isn't on that next page, or in the next post its inside of you. Only you can solve your problems, because only you know all of the specifics and only you truly care.
The reason I suggest a therapist is because they may be able to give you a fresh point of view here and there when you get stuck thinking the same things (ruminating).
Now I've been reading the forums for about 10 years now and I use to think what you do now that maybe the next post will save me from my problems and I haven't read that post yet. It's not until I stepped back that I seen that I have my own capabilities of solving my problems. Now I'm better off than ever, and I truly feel like the sky is the limit.
don't chase the pot at the end of the rainbow
Wow, awesome responses! Allow me to explain what I mean a little further...
Dood I hate to say it but rsdnation, or any other pick up forum isn't going to help you solve your problems.
I was actually arguing the same point. But I see some ppl get on here as if its a cure to all their ills, which it ain't. It is ONE cure for ONE ill, and that is having more women in your life. That is all. I understand that.
All I was really saying is that if you have been beaten down by life (not "feel" like you have been beaten down by life there is a difference just ask any social worker) only then do you have the right to take things super slow and enjoy small victories. I said it before and I will say it again; I have nearly everything down on how to attract nearly any woman I come across but I also have everything going against me. For me talking to chicks is pretty easy: make fun of her, make small talk, make fun of something around us (or complain about something that is affecting us, wait for her to complain and then accuse her of complaining lol), stare into her eyes, make out/ask for day 2. My sticking point that I have been dealing with for nearly five years is going for the pull. Why? Cuz deep down inside, very unconsiously, I would rather cry on a chick's shoulder than bang her. And this trips me up, that is my sticking point. I have been getting therapy for this stuff but it has been going nowhere. Thats why I decided to post my troubles here and see if I can get a second opinion.
My only intentions with this thread was to call out those who have very shallow stupid questions like "what if I think I am too old," "what if I am fat," "what if I am broke," cuz all of those are just states of mind. Hell I only have about $80 to my name currently. I don't feel obscenely rich but hell I have enough money to go out if I want to. Right now, for me, that is all I need (alongside money for bills and rent and stuff obviously). I turned 30 last week but lemme tell ya, I have more energy now than I did five years ago, and probs more energy than I had 10 years ago, not to mention I haven't really aged a bit. As for my weight, yea I am overweight by about 30lbs or so (currently weigh 210, looking to be in the 180s) but that doesn't mean I am ugly. But being beaten down by life, being surrounded by death, abandonment, and trauma? That isn't so easy to reframe IMO. There is one thread claiming that cold approach doesn't feel natural. And in one of my responses I said hell for me BEING ALIVE doesn't feel natural. For me cold approach is my escape from reality, I can be that cool, cocky, friendly, mature guy when I am talking to a chick but when I get her to my place? Here come all the insecurities.
Do I think I am a special snowflake? Absolutely not. I could die tomorrow and have less than 100 ppl show up at my funeral (fun fact, only about 20 ppl showed up to my dad's funeral). I am not important; I have accepted it by having it thrown into my face with the funerals I have attended. But what I have noticed is that the more I think that, the more I believe it and the more I rationalize that taking action won't help anything. So yes if you have been beaten down by life you do have to believe that you are significant and important, perhaps more than most. I currently get accused for being arrogant. Ten years ago I was seen as that "quiet kid who was up to something." Back before I started learning social skills, no matter what I said, nearly everything out of my mouth was awkward and creepy. Why? Its cuz I was approval seeking to such a degree that if I didn't get said approval I would INSTANTLY develop suicidal thoughts; it was freaky, lemme tell ya. Talk about giving yourself a scare! So one day I said "to hell with what everyone else thinks; I don't NEED any approval at all, I'm better than everyone else cuz no one has been beaten down by life like I have."
But even THAT has become a defense mechanism now. Cuz once I get a person attracted to me, it then becomes a fight to keep their attraction, and thats where I become DIRECTLY approval seeking. I will beg for rapport and support, asking questions like "you're having fun, right?" when I am on day 2s and stuff. If I wasn't beaten down by life I wouldn't have to deal with the compound insecurities that I possess and I would probs be pulling chicks up down and all around. If only I thought pulling and sex was natural. I suppose I am playing the victim here, but hell, its all I have had for awhile now. Maybe one day I will break out of this and start playing a positive role. Breaking my dry spell is gonna play a BIG part in this especially since nearly every sexual encounter I have had has been nigh traumatic for me. But unlike most victims I don't just sit and hope. I will bust my ass, knowing that one day everything is gonna click. I would do field reports and I do have a field report thread, but no one really responds to it so I kinda abandoned it a month ago.
Happy ID4 to everyone btw ;)
Dood I hate to say it but rsdnation, or any other pick up forum isn't going to help you solve your problems.
I was actually arguing the same point. But I see some ppl get on here as if its a cure to all their ills, which it ain't. It is ONE cure for ONE ill, and that is having more women in your life. That is all. I understand that.
All I was really saying is that if you have been beaten down by life (not "feel" like you have been beaten down by life there is a difference just ask any social worker) only then do you have the right to take things super slow and enjoy small victories. I said it before and I will say it again; I have nearly everything down on how to attract nearly any woman I come across but I also have everything going against me. For me talking to chicks is pretty easy: make fun of her, make small talk, make fun of something around us (or complain about something that is affecting us, wait for her to complain and then accuse her of complaining lol), stare into her eyes, make out/ask for day 2. My sticking point that I have been dealing with for nearly five years is going for the pull. Why? Cuz deep down inside, very unconsiously, I would rather cry on a chick's shoulder than bang her. And this trips me up, that is my sticking point. I have been getting therapy for this stuff but it has been going nowhere. Thats why I decided to post my troubles here and see if I can get a second opinion.
My only intentions with this thread was to call out those who have very shallow stupid questions like "what if I think I am too old," "what if I am fat," "what if I am broke," cuz all of those are just states of mind. Hell I only have about $80 to my name currently. I don't feel obscenely rich but hell I have enough money to go out if I want to. Right now, for me, that is all I need (alongside money for bills and rent and stuff obviously). I turned 30 last week but lemme tell ya, I have more energy now than I did five years ago, and probs more energy than I had 10 years ago, not to mention I haven't really aged a bit. As for my weight, yea I am overweight by about 30lbs or so (currently weigh 210, looking to be in the 180s) but that doesn't mean I am ugly. But being beaten down by life, being surrounded by death, abandonment, and trauma? That isn't so easy to reframe IMO. There is one thread claiming that cold approach doesn't feel natural. And in one of my responses I said hell for me BEING ALIVE doesn't feel natural. For me cold approach is my escape from reality, I can be that cool, cocky, friendly, mature guy when I am talking to a chick but when I get her to my place? Here come all the insecurities.
Do I think I am a special snowflake? Absolutely not. I could die tomorrow and have less than 100 ppl show up at my funeral (fun fact, only about 20 ppl showed up to my dad's funeral). I am not important; I have accepted it by having it thrown into my face with the funerals I have attended. But what I have noticed is that the more I think that, the more I believe it and the more I rationalize that taking action won't help anything. So yes if you have been beaten down by life you do have to believe that you are significant and important, perhaps more than most. I currently get accused for being arrogant. Ten years ago I was seen as that "quiet kid who was up to something." Back before I started learning social skills, no matter what I said, nearly everything out of my mouth was awkward and creepy. Why? Its cuz I was approval seeking to such a degree that if I didn't get said approval I would INSTANTLY develop suicidal thoughts; it was freaky, lemme tell ya. Talk about giving yourself a scare! So one day I said "to hell with what everyone else thinks; I don't NEED any approval at all, I'm better than everyone else cuz no one has been beaten down by life like I have."
But even THAT has become a defense mechanism now. Cuz once I get a person attracted to me, it then becomes a fight to keep their attraction, and thats where I become DIRECTLY approval seeking. I will beg for rapport and support, asking questions like "you're having fun, right?" when I am on day 2s and stuff. If I wasn't beaten down by life I wouldn't have to deal with the compound insecurities that I possess and I would probs be pulling chicks up down and all around. If only I thought pulling and sex was natural. I suppose I am playing the victim here, but hell, its all I have had for awhile now. Maybe one day I will break out of this and start playing a positive role. Breaking my dry spell is gonna play a BIG part in this especially since nearly every sexual encounter I have had has been nigh traumatic for me. But unlike most victims I don't just sit and hope. I will bust my ass, knowing that one day everything is gonna click. I would do field reports and I do have a field report thread, but no one really responds to it so I kinda abandoned it a month ago.
Happy ID4 to everyone btw ;)
__________________
I got mad knowledge of self. -Us3
Even though they all say that they're real I know that most aren't. -Eminem
Lament not your vanquished fantasy; its only destiny. -Bad Religion
People are either objects, tolerable objects, or subjects depending on how they treat you.
Stop trying to impress chicks. Stop trying to impress guys. Impress yourself for a change.
Be Greedy, not Needy.
Make it a win for both you and her.
I, Hardcase: Advice and analysis for anyone who considers themself a Hardcase Newbie:
Part 1 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/291325/forum
Part 2 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/292242/forum
Part 3 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/293113/forum
Even though they all say that they're real I know that most aren't. -Eminem
Lament not your vanquished fantasy; its only destiny. -Bad Religion
People are either objects, tolerable objects, or subjects depending on how they treat you.
Stop trying to impress chicks. Stop trying to impress guys. Impress yourself for a change.
Be Greedy, not Needy.
Make it a win for both you and her.
I, Hardcase: Advice and analysis for anyone who considers themself a Hardcase Newbie:
Part 1 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/291325/forum
Part 2 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/292242/forum
Part 3 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/293113/forum
.
I'm actually repelled by what you wrote. Though I am guilty of thinking like you.
It seems you want to entitle yourself to be the new CHIEF VICTIM by talking about how tough your life is compared to others.
It seems you want to entitle yourself to be the new CHIEF VICTIM by talking about how tough your life is compared to others.
__________________
bigjew629
Respected Member
Join Date: 04/08/2012 | Posts: 823
For me, succeeding in general takes me WAY more work than it would be for those who don't have the issues that I have. IMO if you do not have an extremely troubled background where everything was like Murphy's Law, you have no excuse to not get out there and get what you want. All you have to do is put a modicum of effort into it and the results will be automatic. If you haven't been beaten down by life you don't have to worry about being so depressed that you can't even get out of bed. You don't have to resist the temptation to cut or induce a coma or any other form of attempted suicide. You don't have to worry about losing your temper, blacking out, and doing stuff you are gonna regret. If you don't have any mental health issues like I have, you have no excuse to post stuff like "omg I am done I haven't gotten any since I started doing this and its been a few months I'm out."
I just recently read and posted in a thread about some guy who was asking if it was cool to give up and I was like "who the hell does this schmuck think he is? What has he been through that allows him to think like this? Why does he think he can be so selfish and get away with it?"
Granted, I don't know about this guy's background but it actually makes no difference. Cuz if you HAVE been beaten down by life, you have something to prove to those who have not been beaten down by life. Cuz lemme tell ya, if you have been beaten down by life, NO ONE expects you to succeed. I've actually gotten so delusional to believe that nobody wants me to succeed with anything; women, grades, sports, whatever. If you have been beaten down by life you must do the same.
Even though they all say that they're real I know that most aren't. -Eminem
Lament not your vanquished fantasy; its only destiny. -Bad Religion
People are either objects, tolerable objects, or subjects depending on how they treat you.
Stop trying to impress chicks. Stop trying to impress guys. Impress yourself for a change.
Be Greedy, not Needy.
Make it a win for both you and her.
I, Hardcase: Advice and analysis for anyone who considers themself a Hardcase Newbie:
Part 1 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/291325/forum
Part 2 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/292242/forum
Part 3 = http://www.rsdnation.com/node/293113/forum