THE FORUMS

December 9th, 2016
Tiger
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tiger0

tiger0

Member

Join Date: 02/17/2012 | Posts: 61

Hey all!  

This journal tracks my growth and hopefully provides motivation/inspiration for other beginners.

I am a beginner that can approach a decent amount of sets per night. Am a fairly 'normal' (boring and non offensive) socialized male, and my goal is to become a very charismatic socialite with a rich social life. Figured the most efficient way of doing this is to throw myself into the uncomfortable world of cold approach, jolting my brain into a malleable growth conducive state.

And yes, it's nice to have the side effect of dating beautiful girls ;)
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#1
tiger0

tiger0

Member

Join Date: 02/17/2012 | Posts: 61

My most actionable low lying fruit sticking points are: low voice, being outcome dependent, and taking a while to socially warm up.

To address these points, I will work towards instilling the following habits:
  1. Low voice:
          * Warm up voice for at least 5 minutes before sarging by speaking loudly and imaginging talking to a person 20 feet away from me
          * Ideally, perform vocal exercises in the morning.
          * Consciously decide to speak louder, with a firm, booming voice
  2. Outcome dependence:
          * Before heading out, I take a couple deep breaths, and recite to myself the following: "I am kicking ass by just going out - period. It does not matter how well I do tonight. I give myself permission to fuck up royal and not let any blowouts bring me down. My value as a man is not dependent on my cold approach skills. Cold approach is weird and presumptuous, the very nature of it receives weird responses. I am going to have fun, and I congratulate myself for going out instead of staying in and beating off furiously" (Props to [D]).
          * I work on interpreting the outcome of each approach hilarious in my mind
  3. Taking a while to warm up: It takes me several *days* to warm up to my social baseline. Therefore, for my particular case, it's paramount to maintain social momentum by sarging everynight
          * I will sarge 1 hour every low key night (Sun, Mon, Tues, Wed), and 2 hours every high key night (Thurs, Fri, Sat)
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#2
tiger0

tiger0

Member

Join Date: 02/17/2012 | Posts: 61

6/19/12 Tuesday 12:00 - 1:00 am.

Sets opened: 5
Sets hooked: 4 (Wow, I've never had this many sets hook).

The past couple months, I had trouble hooking most sets because I opened weakly with a low voice. Tonight I took the time to warm up my voice, and pump up my state a bit before heading out - dear lord it made such a difference.

First set: 
 Mixed Asian set of 2 guys and 2 girls. Made eye contact with a cute chubby Pinay, confidently strode over, and with a clear booming voice declared her as Philippino. Guys tried to get her attention, I step in and override them, gradually pivoting her to face squarely with me. Made solid eye contact, and we had great conversation for ten minutes. Due to my eye contact and vocal tonality, she was giggling the entire time. I introduce light kino, get her number, and attempt to pull her away by asking if she wants to see the bar's photobooth. She agrees, and I start walking towards the booth. She turns to speak to the guy she was with (turns out it was her date), and she gets caught up - I lose her then.

Lessons learned:
 1. Having a volumous, strong voice is very important
 2. Open boldly. No half ass attempts. Got to confidently march in and be up in her face, all the while maintaining eye contact.
 3. I need to kino more aggressively as a man to a woman. My kino was light and friendly (hugs, parting her hair, poking her boobs, etc). One of these days I'll finally man up and go in for a neck bite, spin hug, throwing her over my shoulder and cavemanning her away.
 4. Instead of verbally asking her where to go, take her by the hand and lead her physically.

Sets 2-5: Nothing too exceptional, I get another number from a fit German artist chick. I try to pull her to a nearby food shack, she doesn't want to budge. Oh well.

Notable lines I tried out:
 * Tyler's "I'm really shy. This is just me overcompensating for my shyness"
 * Julien's "It was nice meeting you, I got to the go to the bathroom - just kidding, I love you"
 * Tyler's on a moving set "Why do you hate me? Why do you hate me?" - works great

Lines I thought up in set:
 Girl: I'm actually just tired and don't feel like talking to anyone
 Me: Cool, I'll just do most of the talking, I love hearing myself talk (said it in a playful way, as if I was ignoring/dismissing her statement, she gives me a weird look and uncrosses her arms, haha)
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#3
tiger0

tiger0

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Join Date: 02/17/2012 | Posts: 61

Past week's been a blur, and for the first time, I've learned to make blowouts fun, making it easier to maintain my state throughout the night.

6/28/12 Thursday, 11pm - 2am.
 First set: Stacked Asian chick in mixed 3 set. I open strong, close, and square off, pulling her hips towards mine. 5 minutes later, I softely kiss her neck, and *bam* makeout. Beast mode high activated for rest of the night, hell yes, I feel invincible.
 Lesson learned: Open strongly, and quickly relate as man to woman. Thanks to adjunkie for breaking down the process for me.

 Last set: Sassy thin Italian chick in two set. Escalate and try to make out with her for like 10 minutes (thank you beast mode high). Nothing works. Here's the interesting part: Within than time, *four* different big confident guys try to slip in and act like her bf. Her response each time: *smirk* I don't know you, go away. 
 Lesson learned: Respect and attraction are loosely coupled. Even if she's not attracted to you, if you man up, she'll respect you, to the point where she's blowing off natural alpha cockblockers. 

6/29/12 Friday, 10 pm - 2 am.
 Summary: Brutal obliteration night. Started seeing double because it just a mental pounding, dear god, haha 
 Pro's: Last set, got a number from a sweet Iranian girl. Absolute sweetheart. While Matt281 and I are are walking home, Iranian girl and I text back and forth. Going to see her again, let's see if I can relate to her as a strong man. 
 What to work on next time:
    * Open like a man
    * Self amuse, self amuse, self amuse.

Special note: I'm grateful to have been out with Muzzi17, Matt281 and Adjunkie. Just seeing them plow through tonight, bounced me back on my feet to plow through the end.
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#4
tiger0

tiger0

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Join Date: 02/17/2012 | Posts: 61

6/30/12 Saturday, 11pm - 2am

Lingering demoralized mood from last night, took me a while to pump myself up and head out. So damn glad I did.

Yesternight, Matt281 told me to be more expressive. I mulled over how I can work on it and slept on it. Before heading out, I went through an half hour of vocal exercises, focusing on melody - it helped sooo much. Every single one of my sets tonight burst out with hearty laughter without me trying - it took me threw me off by surprise whenever they laughed. What was I doing differently? I was using a more animated, dynamic voice, and my facial expressions followed through. I also found myself naturally performing self amusing scenes just because I was using my voice differently. At times I thought I was being cheesy with my vocal accentuations, but it turned out to be gold. 

 First set: Asian two set sitting down at a table facing each other. Not exactly the easiest to open. I dive in, their souls are made out of sub-zero dry ice, staring me down with the wtf-get-away-from-us-frown. Within a minute, set hooks, and they're laughing, and they don't want me to leave. I stall out, get their facebook, and as I'm about to leave, some guy comes crashing through tackling one of the girls. Drinks splash everywhere. The drama brings us closer together. I see Matt281 and adjunkie roll by, and I pull them in (help my brothas warm up ;) ). 

 Second set: Asian/White 6 set seated in a round table stuffed in a dark corner. This is even more awkward to open. I roll in, blutter something, and they're bursting out laughing. Sweet. I notice there's a tall white girl in the group, I see adjunkie sniffing the air like a beast, I pull him in, introducing his awesomeness to the white chic. I stall out.

 Last set:
    One line summary: I fall in love, revert to nice friendly guy, get fed a hotdog, and enjoy the rest of the night with them as a genuinely cool friend.
    I bounce over to another venue, and feeling exhausted, walk around outside a bit to wake up. I see the backs of two skinny girls sitting on the curb chatting. I roll up really low energy, casual and cool (monotone: "how are you two doing?"). Dear god, it's a HB10++ petite Latina and a HB7 Asian. I actually like the HB10 (ring-ding-ding, herro, I'm actually not going to fuck her). They see me as a confident composed but tired guy, and soon they decide to go to a convenience store next door. Normally, I eject like a fiery projectiled gerbil at this point, but having the aurora of adjunkie in me, I go through and *lead* them, trying not to make things awkward (they're girl coding a lot at this point). I lead the way, and in the store, we chat more, and they warm up to me. Back outside, we drop by a hotdog stand, and as I chill, HB7 offers to buy me one - kaaaaching - food makes me so damn happy. Lead them over to a sit down place next door, and we sit and chat. We really connect, and now they see me as this cool, smooth, relaxed guy. Turns out they're both married and don't get out much, shocks me given how hot and young they are. I get HB7 number and both facebook's with no resistance/lapse at all. We go back to the club to dance. I want to eject at this point, because I don't know how to dance - I'm nervous. I take action, lead them back in, and I end up loving it. I'm dancing with two very attractive girls, and we're in a sea of aggressive creepy chodes orbiting around in their sweaty coked out drunken glory, reaching in at opportune moments only to bounce off a steel cold shield, while I just vibe it up and bring these girls value. HB10 is so fucking adorable, and I just so want to spin her around (never done this before). I look into her eyes, smile, hold my hand out, and after a long curious pause (she's bemused), she takes it. I tug her in, spin her around, and she explodes into the most delighted candid unabashed beautiful smile. We're all smiling ear to ear, and I feel so damn fuzzy and warm inside. I pull her close and hold her, she's breathing calmly, I feel her smile emanate off her body as a complete yielding relaxation. Her tits are so damn tight and perky. This moment is so real, so rich, so present. This moment is my cherishment.

Digression: My brows didn't furrow at all tonight. Usually when I'm in set, my brows furrow slightly, but tightly. It's really subtle, making me look like I've showed up unprepared for a high stake business meeting. It's enough to make my forehead muscles sore, and I haven't figured out how to consciously control those muscles to relax. Looking back on tonight, I had no furrowing at all. I was so damn relaxed and enjoying myself. Just a pattern I'm seeing for the first time, sweet.

 What I learned or personally stretched: 
   * Lead. Do not be a trailing follower. Walk in front of them, be assertive ("Let's go", "check this out", "it'll be fun"). It takes the awkwardness out of the situation.
   * Spin move is wonderful. Kudos to adjunkie for breaking it down for me a while ago ("just raise your hand foo")

Epiphanies: 
 * Vocal tonality is so key to conveying emotions; it was the 90% that was missing in my verbal game and everyday rhetoric. It's better to err on the side of cheesy, because chances are, you're probably just overamplifying it in your head.
 * At least for me, my vocal tonality leads my facial expressions (eyebrows and smile) 
 * Dancefloor spin is awesome. Since I didn't force it as gimmick, it lit up the entire set with ear to ear giggles, including myself.

Things I will continue to emphasize: 
  * Be a man, not a nice guy. Escalate. It is better to get blown out than stall out as a nice guy. Manning up starts at the very beginning of your approach. I notice when I do relate as a man to a woman, it just happens with no effort - it's because my approach set the tone.
  * Self amusement. This subtle concept is starting to come together. I notice myself being self amusing when I perform mini-scenes (tonight: "oh, so you're a kung fu fighter, *serious face and fighting stance, waaaaa*, "*stiff body hammering finger down into floor* god dammit*).

What I'm proud of, and growth I've noticed: 
 Back in Janurary, I could talk to girls, but, most of them thought I was a boring, monotonous weird guy - they were respectful out of social obligation. When I put on my high energy fun/party hat, I came off as an unnatural try-hard manic (thanks to RSD Jeff for pointing this out). Tonight, I was a chill casual hilarious guy - the HB10 brought it up several times that she was glad to meet someone really cool tonight out of the crowd of weird creepy guys - her words struck a chord in me each time. The past 26 years, I had accepted as a fact that people would always see me as weird and monotonous, and I would overshadow these undesirable traits by accentuating other strengths of my personality. I used to not enjoy social gatherings and sit through hours and hours of mental torture as I spent the entire time inside my head, wondering how people could genuinely enjoy these gatherings. Now, I want to go out. I look forward to it. I love, love, love approaching, hooking sets, and making it fun. It blows my mind that most of my sets hook - when I started, I didn't understand what hooking meant, because for months my sets never hooked. I'm so grateful to have found my current crew, they inspire me so much. Adjunkie, Matt281, Muzzi17, you guys rock.
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#5
tiger0

tiger0

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Join Date: 02/17/2012 | Posts: 61

Monday, 7/2/12 1:22 am - 2:00 am
 I take a nap to recharge from an intense work day. 
 1:10 am - Wake up - oops. My rationality lulls me with so many reasons to stay in. Butttttt, I think about how hilarious it'll be for me to roll into the clubs this late, so I hop out laughing.
 1:16 am - Out the door, ATM, hail a cab.
 1:22 am - On scene - it's showtime. 

The entire time, I'm smiling and laughing cause it amuses me to have ust rolled this late, haha. Do about 5 approaches. 1:45 bounce to another venue. Second venue, open a cutie, get her number, and bounce outside. Outside, open a mixed 4 set. Start with one chick, she points out her bf, I move over to the other, cuter girl. I take in her cuteness. Guys stare me down in bored chode-dome - I ignore them since I'm enjoying myself with the girls. As the guys pull them away, I grab the cutie's number. Sweet, I'm getting better at persisting.

2 am, call it a night. Go grocery shopping cause I'm craving sour patch kids. Grab a bag and walk home, munching on sour patch goodness - yum. 

Near home, I see a petite chick across the street walking her dog. She's in a really cute slim fitting short dress. I make some sort of observation, she likes it, and walks over to me. I smile and walk off. Voice goes off in my head "stop being a puss, stretch out of your comfort zone a bit, persist - gogogo". I turn around, asking where she lives, and also comment on how her dog looks like a fat dairy cow (yeah, not my most brilliant moment, lol). From there, we chat, we're laughing. She's unusually cool, confident and chill in a non-imposing way - really different than most girls I've met. Oh, and I'm still chowing down sour patch kids like a fatass sugar fiend. It's a fun solid 10 minute conversation, she enjoys me. I end it, and grab her number. She enters it in for me, being really amused by my phone, playing around with it, taking a pic of her dog and figuring out how to save it as her call photo. She tells me to find her on facebook as well. I make a comment about her name being odd, and she tells me people usually think it's her stage name - wait what. She's was or is a stripper/dancer, no wonder she had such a calm and confident presence. 

Lessons learned: No excuses to not go out - ever. Tonight, I was out between 1:22am - 2:30 am, 30 minutes of that spent walking home. So in under an hour, I have 3 numbers, from girls that genuinely enjoyed chatting with me, and above all, it was fun. I'm finding this to be therapeutic.

Random:
 * On Tyler's advice, I've been working on raising my set point. Back 2 weeks ago, my set point was about a 5. These past 3 days, a solid 7.5. I'm smiling so much throughout the day and laughing randomly; I just make so many observations that are amusing to me. Also things that would've normally irritated me, really amuse me now. This higher set point really shows in the results of my recent approaches, people just seem to really enjoy me, or at the very least they're comfortable, with no awkward tension. 
 * Mini-epiphany: Usually, I take a while to warm up. Tonight, I was socially on instantly. This is not only because of cold approaching Thurs/Fri/Sat, but  also from a brunch party on Sunday. So social momentum builds up not only from cold approach, but from interacting with aquaintances and friends. 
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#6
Cat

Cat

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Join Date: 12/03/2010 | Posts: 2371

Dude those last two random points actually work together in synergy.  What's crazy is that your "need to warm up" changes when your emotional set point goes up higher.  

Owen builds massive micro momentum to hit hit hit because he is in a very low energy emotional set point but what you'll find, as you've suggested, is by being social more and more your "social set point" for "flowing" will get higher and higher and you'll need less and less "warm ups" to start flowing.  

It's sick

Great work heading out late and getting it done anyway man, thats what this shit takes: massive action.
-Cat
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#7
dave7-

dave7-

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Join Date: 05/14/2012 | Posts: 4297

 Nice job with going back in on the girl walking her dog. Next time don't even "end it", just stay in it and let her emotions build up. 
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#8
tiger0

tiger0

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Join Date: 02/17/2012 | Posts: 61

Sweet point Cat, I guess happiness (set point) and the ability to express yourself freely and flexibly, are closely coupled.

Dave, I tend to stall out if I don't leave on a high note. When I open strongly, I either try to lead them to another place, or escalate before it stalls. Any advice on what to do if I stall during a friendly/weak open? It's weird, I haven't figured out how to transition/recover from a weak open.
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#9
dave7-

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I think just let it happen if it happens. See it as part of any "normal" interaction, so don't see "stalling" as something bad, it's just a regular part of meeting girls, it's part of the wide range of emotions that girls experience. So "fuck your ego" so to say about only ending on a high note, that is good but don't depend on it. Time is your ally, sometimes the best thing is just to hang out with the girl and be friendly and cool.

Your beat bet is to stay on set IMO and not try to micromanage "how to end it".
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#10
Cat

Cat

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dave7- wrote:
I think just let it happen if it happens. See it as part of any "normal" interaction, so don't see "stalling" as something bad, it's just a regular part of meeting girls, it's part of the wide range of emotions that girls experience. So "fuck your ego" so to say about only ending on a high note, that is good but don't depend on it. Time is your ally, sometimes the best thing is just to hang out with the girl and be friendly and cool.

Your beat bet is to stay on set IMO and not try to micromanage "how to end it".
This is amazing advice that I'm personally taking to heart, thanks Dave.

Like Dave is saying, don't let your ego get in the way of "going all the way".  Often times it literally takes the ability to be calm during the lulls of the interaction to "hang out until the end", and like Dave said, those are NATURAL points of a human interaction.  If you are freaking out over them etc it definitely does come off as reactive.  

And I'm speaking these words as a reminder to MYSELF more than anything because fuck I do this all the time.  

Fuck me I LOVE THE GAME, god dammit.  I learn so much shit EVERY NIGHT ITS FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE.  

And yeah man, if you can keep with it and be willing to let it go sour you'll be surprised by how often a conversation can "be turning sour" and then rise right back up through WHATEVER.  

And here's the crazy part:  when this shit happens and "you are the hot guy and she wants you" SHE WILL WORK TO BRING THE MOOD BACK UP.  It's nuts.  All this shit that you think is just YOU reacting happens to HER when she sees you as the hot, high value guy.  So be on the lookout for when SHE COMPENSATES AS WELL.  It happens more than you realize.

Cheers homies
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