THE FORUMS
Yeh dude, it even comes across from your style of writing that you are super analytical, which may be good for solving maths problems, but it will fuck you up in field.
Meditation will change your life. I highly recommend reading this:
www.smartlifestyledesign.com/health/mind-body-connection/
Meditation will change your life. I highly recommend reading this:
www.smartlifestyledesign.com/health/mind-body-connection/
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I have been struggling with this problem as well. I love analyzing stuff and my job involves a lot of mathmatics and problem solving.
I had to push through it, wich became super wierd when I first started doing it (my guess is that the people I was hanging out with sort of expected me to say something "logical"). At first, it will become so wierd that you will think "ahh, fuck it, some girl will probably like me for my analytical self", but you will later find out that they wont. And you'll have to push through it even more. It's kind of painful and awkward at first, but in the long run, it is worth it!
I had to push through it, wich became super wierd when I first started doing it (my guess is that the people I was hanging out with sort of expected me to say something "logical"). At first, it will become so wierd that you will think "ahh, fuck it, some girl will probably like me for my analytical self", but you will later find out that they wont. And you'll have to push through it even more. It's kind of painful and awkward at first, but in the long run, it is worth it!
it's a tough one. i had this problem for years. up to the point where i decided to do the opposite and i became dancing monkey for years. now, im more calibrated. even tho, i still don't have a road map to help you out.
maybe instead of saying something funny, practice holding back once in a while and ask urself "what could i say about this situation that i find funny". after doing this a few times, you can start actually saying these things out loud. remember that most humour is not objectively funny, but subjectively funny. so in order for it not to come off all logical, you have feel your state get pumped.
remember this too: when talking to a girl, you don't have to be funny. if you go in hard, close proximity, unwavering eye contact, etc. it will subcommunicate enough good stuff about you that you can still "get away with" super logical stuff.
Actually, when you get really good at lowering the bar for what's funny, you can even laugh at the super logical stuff. like thinking "wait to find empty table to sit in the cafeteria" can actually make you laugh. I like to laugh at myself for coming up with super generic answers, like "omg, im talking like a chode and she's still here with me.....hahahaha this is awesome!" Because the "logical" answer pumps my emotions, they no longer cancel each other out.
maybe instead of saying something funny, practice holding back once in a while and ask urself "what could i say about this situation that i find funny". after doing this a few times, you can start actually saying these things out loud. remember that most humour is not objectively funny, but subjectively funny. so in order for it not to come off all logical, you have feel your state get pumped.
remember this too: when talking to a girl, you don't have to be funny. if you go in hard, close proximity, unwavering eye contact, etc. it will subcommunicate enough good stuff about you that you can still "get away with" super logical stuff.
Actually, when you get really good at lowering the bar for what's funny, you can even laugh at the super logical stuff. like thinking "wait to find empty table to sit in the cafeteria" can actually make you laugh. I like to laugh at myself for coming up with super generic answers, like "omg, im talking like a chode and she's still here with me.....hahahaha this is awesome!" Because the "logical" answer pumps my emotions, they no longer cancel each other out.
SocialLab wrote:
maybe instead of saying something funny, practice holding back once in a while and ask urself "what could i say about this situation that i find funny".
A couple of days ago it so happened that i was with my brother and a female friend in a car (me driving). At some point my brother gave me some kind of direction to me, something like "be careful here, people are driving like crazy" or something like that. So the girl that was with us cought that up and responded that i was the younger one because of the caring tone in my brother's voice (which is true). Well there is nothing wrong with this comment in itself, but to me it just didn't come out nice. I had made a similar comment like that in the past thinking of how insightful i was and stuff, but now that i accepted it i just saw that it comes out as shit! trying to get validation and stuff. I had no admiration at all for her for saying something like that although i m pretty sure she though she won our validation with her comment just like i had thought that when i had made the same comment myself. Wierd stuff guys...
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I think that a part of this has to do with what you personally find valuable right now.
I am currently dealing with this myself.
Anyway, basically what I think at the moment is that you can be interested in the OTHER PERSON or the CONTENTS of conversation.
A mad scientist talking to others about his creations doesn't give a rats ass about other people's 'feelings' around his creations, but he might care about things they have to say that could lead him to future breakthroughs.
A people oriented person wants to connect with people and uses their understanding of social dynamics or even their understanding of the world to enjoy their surroundings WITH other people.
I think a lot of this issue is really that there is still a struggle to completely put ourselves in other people's shoes, so instead of responding to the way that they're feeling, we analyze situations, events, ideas with them. I don't think that analyzing situations is inherently BAD, but I think doing it at inappropriate times like that is because you're not focusing enough on that person as a PERSON, like... their stomach is aching cause they're hungry... nervous about whether or not you like their new skirt which they were super excited to wear... they're stressed about some stupid interaction they had at work... all that random stuff that goes on inside peoples heads and lives... and even if they were to mention these different things to you, you would be focused on analyzing and solving it with them, rather than focusing on THEIR EXPERIENCE of those things.
You have to simulate those experiences in your minds eye in an experiential way, rather than responding in a way that is like... dealing with the abstract concepts or ideas they're throwing your way. If you can do that then you'll know that all the people who are with you heading to the club have just had the experince of getting ready and getting together to go and FEEL GOOD in a carefree WOOO kind of way. Most of them are going to the club as a destressor, where as the club is probably more of a "there are people here... lets analyze because thats how i learned to understand people through RSD!!".
I think the RSD concepts are all super useful, but if you've never really tried to PUT YOURSELF in their shoes... you aren't going to really get them and interact with that emotional/experiential part of them. It doesn't mean you always have to be deciding to feel and act and respond the way that they are (that just makes you a follower chode... right? haha), but that you are simply AWARE of them in that way at all and therefor you can find things that everyone can jive with and have fun with.
What are their EXPERIENCES... (yours would be that you analyze a lot! so someone would know that that is a good way of interacting with you... get what i mean? they're not just assuming you are the same as them).
Hope my own thoughts on the same problem help you a bit.
I am currently dealing with this myself.
Anyway, basically what I think at the moment is that you can be interested in the OTHER PERSON or the CONTENTS of conversation.
A mad scientist talking to others about his creations doesn't give a rats ass about other people's 'feelings' around his creations, but he might care about things they have to say that could lead him to future breakthroughs.
A people oriented person wants to connect with people and uses their understanding of social dynamics or even their understanding of the world to enjoy their surroundings WITH other people.
I think a lot of this issue is really that there is still a struggle to completely put ourselves in other people's shoes, so instead of responding to the way that they're feeling, we analyze situations, events, ideas with them. I don't think that analyzing situations is inherently BAD, but I think doing it at inappropriate times like that is because you're not focusing enough on that person as a PERSON, like... their stomach is aching cause they're hungry... nervous about whether or not you like their new skirt which they were super excited to wear... they're stressed about some stupid interaction they had at work... all that random stuff that goes on inside peoples heads and lives... and even if they were to mention these different things to you, you would be focused on analyzing and solving it with them, rather than focusing on THEIR EXPERIENCE of those things.
You have to simulate those experiences in your minds eye in an experiential way, rather than responding in a way that is like... dealing with the abstract concepts or ideas they're throwing your way. If you can do that then you'll know that all the people who are with you heading to the club have just had the experince of getting ready and getting together to go and FEEL GOOD in a carefree WOOO kind of way. Most of them are going to the club as a destressor, where as the club is probably more of a "there are people here... lets analyze because thats how i learned to understand people through RSD!!".
I think the RSD concepts are all super useful, but if you've never really tried to PUT YOURSELF in their shoes... you aren't going to really get them and interact with that emotional/experiential part of them. It doesn't mean you always have to be deciding to feel and act and respond the way that they are (that just makes you a follower chode... right? haha), but that you are simply AWARE of them in that way at all and therefor you can find things that everyone can jive with and have fun with.
What are their EXPERIENCES... (yours would be that you analyze a lot! so someone would know that that is a good way of interacting with you... get what i mean? they're not just assuming you are the same as them).
Hope my own thoughts on the same problem help you a bit.
You have to simulate those experiences in your minds eye in an experiential way, rather than responding in a way that is like... dealing with the abstract concepts or ideas they're throwing your way.
You are starting to see a bit into the whole concept of SELF AMUSEMENT and being relaxed.... That shit is really KEY to doing well in game.
What I have been noticing lately is it starts in your body.
In the beginning of the night I will be in my head. Thinking and very logical - esepcially due to the long hours of code related logical work I do before going out.
The first process for me start unwinding is to move out of my mind and move into my body... Thats the only way I can describe it really. I just start feeling from a physical present conciousness and start zoning out all thoughts.
Focusing on feeling good inside your body, feeling happy and alive.
Taking action, approaching, momentum.. They all further place you inside your body and outside your mind.
The better you feel inside your body, the more rooted you will be in it, and the less you will be inside your head (LOGICAL). Eventually you will be an expression of free flowing socialness and self amusement.
Actually it's not so much trying to switch from being logical to illogical (you don't wanna be 100% illogical, that would be fucked up), but its all about getting outside your head, being unstifled, and feeling relaxed and having fun.
Gaming sober now for the past 6 months or so has really been opening my eyes to this process.
What I have been noticing lately is it starts in your body.
In the beginning of the night I will be in my head. Thinking and very logical - esepcially due to the long hours of code related logical work I do before going out.
The first process for me start unwinding is to move out of my mind and move into my body... Thats the only way I can describe it really. I just start feeling from a physical present conciousness and start zoning out all thoughts.
Focusing on feeling good inside your body, feeling happy and alive.
Taking action, approaching, momentum.. They all further place you inside your body and outside your mind.
The better you feel inside your body, the more rooted you will be in it, and the less you will be inside your head (LOGICAL). Eventually you will be an expression of free flowing socialness and self amusement.
Actually it's not so much trying to switch from being logical to illogical (you don't wanna be 100% illogical, that would be fucked up), but its all about getting outside your head, being unstifled, and feeling relaxed and having fun.
Gaming sober now for the past 6 months or so has really been opening my eyes to this process.
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As with most social problems on here; its not a big deal.
The ironic thing is you are making an overly analytical observation about something you consider analytical which isn't actually analytical.
You made a normal observation. In fact this whole 'be silly' thing will fuck you up a lot in field.
Self amusement is just about being able to sit down alone in the bar and genuinely feel good whilst doing nothing - not needing stimulus to have 'fun'. And using jokes/humour/actions that amuse you not for the girl (but DON'T take this too far).
As with most things it's just a small part of the whole process. Self-amusement, state, comfort-zone pushing, esclation, rapport, sexualisation, kino, qualification etc etc are actually tiny parts of the game that add up to help you.
Your 'logical' mind you can't switch off isn't something you do THEN pu, its something that happens when you pu. But then again there are plenty of times when you can be speaking to a girl about casual stuff like different places and towns, where you like to go and you just add the odd joke/line/compliment and its as easy as pie.
Although the advice the instructors give is invaluable you have to remember often they use extreme examples and infield footage to show you what they mean rather than what generally happens. Not to mention the fact how much skill and experience they have compared to even an advanced person at this.
And the idea that an emotion is communicated through "You! Are fuuuuuuny!" is absurd. You can say the same thing "You are funny!" but the slightest change in energy, sincereness, or tone will cause this emotion to pass. Its not about figuring out how to say it, its about how you feel when you actually say it. You can't force any of this, you can only accept what state/mood you are in at the time.
Do you even go out yet?
The ironic thing is you are making an overly analytical observation about something you consider analytical which isn't actually analytical.
You made a normal observation. In fact this whole 'be silly' thing will fuck you up a lot in field.
Self amusement is just about being able to sit down alone in the bar and genuinely feel good whilst doing nothing - not needing stimulus to have 'fun'. And using jokes/humour/actions that amuse you not for the girl (but DON'T take this too far).
As with most things it's just a small part of the whole process. Self-amusement, state, comfort-zone pushing, esclation, rapport, sexualisation, kino, qualification etc etc are actually tiny parts of the game that add up to help you.
Your 'logical' mind you can't switch off isn't something you do THEN pu, its something that happens when you pu. But then again there are plenty of times when you can be speaking to a girl about casual stuff like different places and towns, where you like to go and you just add the odd joke/line/compliment and its as easy as pie.
Although the advice the instructors give is invaluable you have to remember often they use extreme examples and infield footage to show you what they mean rather than what generally happens. Not to mention the fact how much skill and experience they have compared to even an advanced person at this.
And the idea that an emotion is communicated through "You! Are fuuuuuuny!" is absurd. You can say the same thing "You are funny!" but the slightest change in energy, sincereness, or tone will cause this emotion to pass. Its not about figuring out how to say it, its about how you feel when you actually say it. You can't force any of this, you can only accept what state/mood you are in at the time.
Do you even go out yet?
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This is a great thread, I have exactly the same issue as the OP.
From what I have read from your answers, I guess the key to coming out of this is just being in a relaxed, confident state, having fun?
Its also good to know that this problem is not a major obstacle to attracting women
From what I have read from your answers, I guess the key to coming out of this is just being in a relaxed, confident state, having fun?
Its also good to know that this problem is not a major obstacle to attracting women
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morfoniolas
Member
Join Date: 02/25/2012 | Posts: 50
I just realised that my biggest problem relies in my super-logical way of thinking. Here is the situation that made me understand this. We were hanging out with friends and someone made a comment about the overly crowded stack of people that were standing talking near by, so my reaction was the (super-stupid and logical) "yes, what is going on??..they probably wait to...", i was going to say "wait to find empty table to sit in the cafeteria" but then someone interupted me and made a funny (and more to the right vibe) comment like "they share drugs or something and they are waiting their turn!". And then it hit me that this is excactly what i am doing wrong all this years. I try to analyse everything, find logical explanations to everything...even when i share my knowledge on something which in other cases would be conceived as a great piece of information, it just ruins the vibe everyone else is having. Does anyone has an idea on how to solve this problem? I feel like i am in the right path to go a step further with this. Is there a shift in my way of thinking i have to make? Do i have to go deep here or is it just a superficial problem?