THE FORUMS

October 23rd, 2017
Do you ever get this way...wtf?
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Bone45

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/16/2012 | Posts: 11

My game has changed a lot over the last six months.  I went from being the dancing monkey to having seductive eye contact, kino, and a few cocky funny lines.  That's all fine and dandy; now let me tell you what's wrong with me.

Lately I have been feeling like a complete waste of space.  I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago.  I have only slept with one girl in that time.  I have gotten numbers and hung out with a couple of girls.  I haven't dated anyone since.  I am pretty comfortable around women, I just won't pull the damn trigger.  I can tell women are attracted to me but I feel like too much of a loser to actually call them and set something up. (I think my problem is that I am protecting my ego.  I will willingly admit that I have a fake ego of being good with girls.)

I have been feeling like I will never find a girl.  I have thoughts of just giving up.  I have PTSD from the military and am in a low rutt right now (it's pretty bad atm.)  I kind of feel fake when I'm around a girl.  I act pretty confident, and I am, but I'm kind of insecure when it comes to women.  I am pretty accomplished in life, and hold my head up high. 

I was supposed to go to the club tonight with this sexy chick (she invited me.)  I called my friend and he didn't want to go.  Instead of going by myself, I stayed home.  I regret it and feel like garbage.

This is not who I normally am.  I just woke up today and realized I'm not as good with women as I have been telling myself this whole time.


Anyone get like this sometimes?
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#1
Pengus

Pengus

Member

Join Date: 05/18/2012 | Posts: 60

The problem probably has nothing to do with girls or your social skills at all. The fact that you already have awareness in that you have a "fake ego of being good with girls" is a indicator that you have already started to change this. I think it seems like your own view of yourself and you own life (being on your right path regarding your own goals, dreams, passions, awareness etc) is not congruent with the personality you display for other people / chicks. If you want to be congruent with the kind of lifestyle and demands that you portray for other people you must demand equally enough from yourself (or go for uglier chicks). With that i mean like.. you can´t go up to girls with the impression that you have all shit in your life together, without actually having all your shit together.. Live - Laugh - Love, it can not go in any other order.. Sure you can ACT it, but it won´t work in the long-term and especially because you can feel it yourself, that is what makes you not want to pull the trigger. It is very easy to get stuck in that place if you have gone from beginner to being great and then creating a identity of being great. Anyway... So if you think what Im saying might be true I would recommend you to read Robin Sharma´s "The monk who sold his ferrari", because it -gets your shit together- There are more great books like these but personally I think that this one really gets you back on track with your inspiration and spiritual self very quick, also with concrete instructions in like every chapter on how to set up your goals, some meditational techniques etc. ;P

Hmm I really want to write more about this and in a better way, but I have a bit of a hard time explaining deep things like this in English ;) peeeeeeeeeaceeeeeeee
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#2

Bone45

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/16/2012 | Posts: 11

Pengus wrote:
The problem probably has nothing to do with girls or your social skills at all. The fact that you already have awareness in that you have a "fake ego of being good with girls" is a indicator that you have already started to change this. I think it seems like your own view of yourself and you own life (being on your right path regarding your own goals, dreams, passions, awareness etc) is not congruent with the personality you display for other people / chicks. If you want to be congruent with the kind of lifestyle and demands that you portray for other people you must demand equally enough from yourself (or go for uglier chicks). With that i mean like.. you can´t go up to girls with the impression that you have all shit in your life together, without actually having all your shit together.. Live - Laugh - Love, it can not go in any other order.. Sure you can ACT it, but it won´t work in the long-term and especially because you can feel it yourself, that is what makes you not want to pull the trigger. It is very easy to get stuck in that place if you have gone from beginner to being great and then creating a identity of being great. Anyway... So if you think what Im saying might be true I would recommend you to read Robin Sharma´s "The monk who sold his ferrari", because it -gets your shit together- There are more great books like these but personally I think that this one really gets you back on track with your inspiration and spiritual self very quick, also with concrete instructions in like every chapter on how to set up your goals, some meditational techniques etc. ;P

Hmm I really want to write more about this and in a better way, but I have a bit of a hard time explaining deep things like this in English ;) peeeeeeeeeaceeeeeeee
Well that gives me a good idea of what I need to work on.  I need to just be real.  Like real to the fking core.  No more lies and fake personas; I need to just be honest with who and where I am, and accept it.

Puedes escribir en espanol?
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#3
Pengus

Pengus

Member

Join Date: 05/18/2012 | Posts: 60

 Damn right ;)

Que??? Nahhh I´m swedish honey
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#4

Bone45

Junior Member

Join Date: 04/16/2012 | Posts: 11

No one else gets this way?
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#5

D.R.

Junior Member

Join Date: 03/14/2012 | Posts: 11

I think becuz of your awareness of all of this, you see yourself as being capable of so much more, striving for perfection. Im in the exact same boat as you. I broke up with my gf 9 months ago. In that time I've had so many girls wanting to date me, and I, as you said, didn't pull the trigger, it was so clear that we wanted each other, but I always seen myself like "im not the kind of guy that dates these hot chicks" or that I'm not at the level I'm "supposed" to be. But honestly if I would asked anyone of them out, wed be dating. Im kicking myself for that. Could've, would've, should've, I didn't.

I think you're over thinking it, and ego protecting. Next girl that's attracted to you, go for it. I did recently and I feel the best I've felt in a long time. Sure she ain't as hot as the others but whatever, it's just sex. You just gotta get over the hump. No pun intended.
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#6
nestea

nestea

Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/21/2009 | Posts: 2302

 used to feel that way all the time althoug it was rare/non existant i would stay home if i was invited out, especally by a girl.

ask yourself why u feel like a loser? u gotta fix that shit
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#7
mikevick07

mikevick07

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 2414

just say to yourself, "ok, I'm a loser, who cares"....if you feel like you suck, dont try to "act" like this huge pimp, embrace the fact that you feel like a loser and become the loser to the MAX. and you'll realize that the girl DOES NOT CARE and will STILL like you.....be congruent to whatever you feel dude
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#8

Kjaye777

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/07/2012 | Posts: 534

If it helps I feel exactly the same way mate. I've been in a more than decade long rut thanks to having cancer from 99-2000.  I was left in a bad way, severe lung damage, registered disabled for 5 years and at one point being told I might only have 6 months to live.  My early years following cancer I tried hard to overcome and rebuild but kept breaking down physically. Eventually I got into a deep depression and really have done nothing for 5 years.  The last couple years, facing increased health problems I took action and started eating healthily and working out and I've made massive progress.

I'm the healthiest Ive been now for over a decade, and have started to get attention from girls. BUt internally I feel like a loser for not working and wasting the last decade. It means that I dread girls really getting to know me and therefore I concsiously sabatage myself.

I know the step I need to take now is to break out of my comfort zones and try to get back to work and contributing again. It's my biggest stumbling block now. Tyler's videos on success really struck home with me on that, the binds of excuses we make for ourselves, and the danger of eventually becoming lost

More than getting girls I think I need to get this handled first, as it's probably the most important thing I can do.

Maybe you are in a similar postiion where you have a bigger problem/goal in your life than meeting girls right now and need to address it.

Ultimately it sounds like your unconcious is saying to you what mine says to me, I could be doing more, living more, and putting my life in better order.  To our brains that's a bigger issue than pulling girls I'd imagine and we both need to get the other areas in our lives fixed first! It's probably a healthy pain to feel, to motivate us to change. If we didn't feel it our brains would essentially be concluding we couldnt achieve any more than we have and therefore writes us off, that would probably be ten times worse!
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#9

Shitface88

Member

Join Date: 11/04/2009 | Posts: 36

Bone45 wrote:
My game has changed a lot over the last six months.  I went from being the dancing monkey to having seductive eye contact, kino, and a few cocky funny lines.  That's all fine and dandy; now let me tell you what's wrong with me.

Lately I have been feeling like a complete waste of space.  I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago.  I have only slept with one girl in that time.  I have gotten numbers and hung out with a couple of girls.  I haven't dated anyone since.  I am pretty comfortable around women, I just won't pull the damn trigger.  I can tell women are attracted to me but I feel like too much of a loser to actually call them and set something up. (I think my problem is that I am protecting my ego.  I will willingly admit that I have a fake ego of being good with girls.)

I have been feeling like I will never find a girl.  I have thoughts of just giving up.  I have PTSD from the military and am in a low rutt right now (it's pretty bad atm.)  I kind of feel fake when I'm around a girl.  I act pretty confident, and I am, but I'm kind of insecure when it comes to women.  I am pretty accomplished in life, and hold my head up high. 

I was supposed to go to the club tonight with this sexy chick (she invited me.)  I called my friend and he didn't want to go.  Instead of going by myself, I stayed home.  I regret it and feel like garbage.

This is not who I normally am.  I just woke up today and realized I'm not as good with women as I have been telling myself this whole time.


Anyone get like this sometimes?
Yeah i get like this all the time, so i don't know if i can help you there.
At the very least i feel better for not being the only one.  

But what i'm trying to do is accepting myself, and start liking me for me.
It's been 5 years since i had a girlfriend, and i get scared shitless of intimacy and interaction (unless im wasted)
I was invited out by 2 hot girls a week ago, i chose not to go with the excuse that i was too tired, but i think i was just scared. 

I am good at creating attraction and i know i'm funny etc, but i just don't pull the f'ing trigger. 
I have derealization, which is similar to ptsd in a way. 

Hang on, we'll get there ;)

Edit: if you want to discuss this more you can pm if you like.
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