January 18th, 2019
[Creating Congruency]: Halffull's Real Epic 3000th Post
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Join Date: 12/23/2006 | Posts: 3129

So I’ve reached 3000 posts… I suppose that makes me an official king keyboard jockey. For some reason, the concept of “congruency” has made a resurgence, one of those few concepts that I believe to be at the core of a life well lived. Just as my 1000th post was put out as a comprehensive introduction to connection, with further avenues to explore, I intend this post to be a comprehensive introduction to congruency. Not only are there further avenues to explore, but this post is coinciding with the release of a brand n ew website, which will explore each of these avenues in depth over the coming months.

What is Congruency?
Congruency in the simplest terms is alignment of the self. This is in opposition to conflict of the self. Just like congruent lines, which can go on forever without ever conflicting with one another, the ultimate goal of congruency is for you to be able to go through your life on a straight path, without ever coming into conflict with yourself over what to do or which course of action to take.

Why Have Congruency
Congruency and Game
As Tyler has been talking about recently, there’s an inverse relationship between congruency and calibration. The more congruent you are, the less you have to meet some predefined image of what a “sexy guy” or a “cool guy” or a “sweet guy” or a “connected guy” is. You can simply be exactly who you are, with no conflict, and you will be perceived as attractive. When you have congruency, the only thing left to worry about is knowing the girl and knowing logistics. When you’re 100% congruent on all 3 levels… these two areas will be taken care of as well.

Congruency and Life
Wouldn’t it be nice to move through the world without doubt? To know exactly where you’re going and what decision to make at all times? That’s exactly what congruency does for you. Whatever your goal in life is, whether it be happiness, pleasure, creation, connection, expression, or more likely a combination of many values and goals, congruency is about being the person who can accomplish those goals and live those values. By definition, whatever you want to do, have, and be, congruency will get you there.

 The Principles of Congruency
These are simply a list of thoughts and rules that I keep for myself in regards to congruency. It’s useful to remember these when you’re going over the material below.

1. The Happiness Correlation
Higher congruency leads to higher happiness. However, growth is also important.

2. The Law of Imperfection
To have perfect congruency, you would have to know everything... aim for ideal congruence, the highest possible that you're capable of in this reality.

3. The Law of No Compromise
Every compromise you make has a corollary incongruency it creates.

The Three Levels of Congruency
First Person Congruency – Internal Alignment
First person congruency is about completely aligning your inner decision making systems. Symptoms of first person incongruency include procrastination, lack of direction, indecision, or excessive need to use “willpower”. Symptoms of first perso n congruency include clear sense direction, effortless decision making, confidence, and assuredness.

Two Brain Systems
This again is something that Tyler brought up recently (don’t you just love convergence). To understand how you make decisions, you need to realize that you don’t have one decision making mode… you actually have two (ok, three, but two to keep it simple.) You have your lower, animal consciousness, and your higher, human consciousness. Each mode has it’s strengths and weaknesses. To truly master first person congruency, you should not only align the two systems, but know how to switch between the two depending on which is needed, and be able to switch them both on and “rise above thought” into the flow state when you need to as well.

Short Term Brain
The short term brain system, largely controlled by the amygdala, is all about using emotions and instincts to make decisions. It’s strengths are that it has an action bias, works very quickly, and can analyze way more data than the long term brain. This makes it great when you need to act quickly. For instance, when needing to stop procrastinating and start working, when deciding if a stranger is trustworthy, or when reacting to danger. It’s weaknesses are that it treats short term consequences as more important than long term consequences, de-emphasizes values, and does not usually consider all the options in a given situation. This makes it bad for dealing with addictions or bad habits, long term planning, or moral dilemmas. 

Long Term Brain
The long term brain system, largely controlled by the part of the brain known as the neocortex, is all about using logic and data to make decisions. It’s strengths are that it is able to weigh all the options and available data, weigh the consequences in an objective manner, and give reasons for the decisions it makes. This makes it great for planning, debating, and fighting bad habits. It’s weaknesses are its need to justify itself and preserve itself, to put off action, and to judge and label needlessly. This makes it bad for taking action, connecting with people, and dealing with change.

Switching Systems
The key to learning to switch between the two brain systems is knowing what each one uses to make decisions. The short term brain works on physical impulses and emotions. To switch over to it, you need to trigger emotions in yourself or exert yourself physically. This can be done through making large movements, using a strong emotional trigger (such as music), or shocking your system through cold water or fear. For instance, if you’re procrastinating on going out, stand up quickly, put on some motivating music, and let your instinct guide you to the club. The long term brain makes decisions labeling things, using logic, and weighing values. To switch over to it, take something that was previously only a physical sensation or emotion, label it, talk about it logically, then decide how it fits in with your values. Remember also that the short term brain works in bursts, so the long term brain can simply wait it out. For instance, if you feel a craving to eat an unhealthy food, say to yourself “I have a craving, this is bad”, walk through the long term consequences of being unhealthy in your mind, and wait for the craving to pass.

Having Them Work Together
The key to having the brain systems work together is bringing to bear the strengths of both systems while eliminating the weaknesses. This is done by consciously using your long term brain to direct your short term brain where you want it. This gets rid of the excuse making and judging part of your long term brain, and the shortsightedness of your short term brain. The steps are as follows:

1. Empty Your head
In this step, you remove everything unnecessary and extemporaneous from your head. You stop needless chatter and clutter in your brain.

2. Focus Your Thoughts
In this step, you now take your focus and direct it to a specific activity or action, putting every ounce of attention you have into a specific endeavor or activity.

3. Engage your passion
In this step, you bring in your short term brain and direct all your emotions and instincts towards the enjoyment of this single activity. Your instincts take over your immediate actions, while your long term brain works in the background to create your big picture strategy and goals for the activity.

Four Areas of Alignment
Now that you understand what the two brain systems are and how to switch between them, let’s talk about how to align them. Remember the goal of first person congruency is to make it so that no matter what system you’re using to make a decision, the decision will be the same. Below I talk about four general areas (two from the short term brain, two from the long term brain),and how to develop each of them.

1 - Reality
This is your baseline. Being internally congruent with reality simply means that you understand how the world works. That the decisions your short term brain and long term brain say you should make, lead to results that your short term brain and long term brain say you should get. How to Develop

How to Develop Reality
The only way to develop your sense of reality in a specific area is to have new experiences. You can’t truly know what works in entrepreneurship until you start a business, you won’t know how to turn girls on until you try different things, and you won’t know how to create a great friendship until you try. To expand your sense of reality, simply do new things.

2 - Heart and Emotions
Your heart and emotions include how you feel about things, your ability to be in tune with your feelings, have a range of emotions, and control your emotions appropriately.

How to Develop Heart
The quickest and most effective way to develop your ability to feel and recognize emotions (also known as emotional intelligence) is through interpersonal relationships. Nothing will give you more emotional depth than trusting another person enough to give them the ability to hurt you. This happens both through the mechanisms of friendship, and romantic love.

3 - Mind and Beliefs
Your beliefs are a mental map of how the world works. Again these most both be internally consistent in that you shouldn’t hold contradictory beliefs (that could cause an incongruency when you have to make a decision), and they must also be congruent with your other decision making mechanisms.

How to Develop Mind
There are three very effective ways I know of to develop your beliefs about the world. The first is to read a book, the second is to have a conversation, and the third is to make an observation. It’s important to have both breadth and depth of knowledge when you’re striving for congruency.

4 - Spirit and Conscience
Your spirit and conscience comes from the human ability of introspection. You have the ability to look back on your actions and have feelings about them, to look at yourself and have a concept of who you are, to have feelings about your thoughts and thoughts about your feelings. This ability to introspect leads to a conscience, a sense of right and wrong. 

How to Develop Spirit
The simplest way to develop this is meditation. The process of focusing on one thing and listening to what your inner core really wants. Another way to develop it is to continue pushing yourself and trying things that are out of your comfort zone. This helps you distinguish things that you are exactly morally opposed to vs. things which you are just scared of doing.

Second Person Congruency – Life Alignment
Second Person Congruency is about aligning the big picture of your lifestyle . It’s aligning everything that you do, on a large scale. Symptoms of second person incongruency involve frequently not finishing projects, unfulfilling or rocky relationships, lots of stress or unhappiness about your circumstances, poor time management, and not having enough time to do the things you love.

Four Areas of Alignment
1- Place
Place is about your environment and ecosystem. This is what everything in second person congruency is based around. It’s where you’re living, who you’re seeing on a regular basis, the big picture of what you’re doing and as a result what you’re bringing into your life.

How to Develop Place
The fastest way to develop place is to change your environment. Move to a bigger city if you don’t know enough people, get a different job if your workplace is negative, etc. The idea here is that everything in 2nd person congruency is dependent on your environment, so start with that.

2- People
People is about the relationships in your life. Who do you know, who do you see on a regular basis, and how deep are the interactions you have with people when you do see them. It’s about developing a fulfilling lifestyle with deep, meaningful relationships, that also further the other areas of second person congruency.

How to Develop People
There are two primary ways to develop the relationships in your life. The first one is to make new relationships. This can be through approaching, finding new hobbies (more on this in a bit), or simply making an effort to talk to develop relationships with people you see often. The second way is to deepen relationships that you already have. This involves spending time with people you already know and making deposits into the emotional bank account for that relationship.

3- Projects
Projects are all those productive activities in your life that have specific goals. Examples of projects might be a career, a blog, a volunteer position, etc. This is about making sure that your projects are in alignment with your first person congruency, and all the other parts of second person congruency. All your projects should be synergistic with your lifestyle

How to Develop Projects
The best way to develop projects is a three step process. First you set goals, then you make plans, finally, you follow through. For a specific example of this, see the life changing challenge that I include at the end of this post. 

4- Play
Play is all those activities in your life that aren’t focused on a specific goal, but are rather focused on getting enjoyment from the activity. Examples of play would be hobbies such as martial arts, knitting, or rock climbing, fun trips and vacations, etc. These should be synergistic with your other areas of second person congruency in that they should recharge you for these other activites and let you come at them with more vigor.

How to Develop Play
There are a few important ways to develop play. The most important thing is to put it on par with all the other areas of second person congruency. When was the last time you sat down and scheduled time to rest, relax, and have fun? The next important part involves trying different things and finding things which you enjoy, which really recharge your batteries.

Third Person Congruency – Image Alignment
Third person congruency is all about managing other peoples perceptions, and making sure they’re in alignment with each-other and the other areas of congruency. You can have rock-solid internals and a rockstar lifestyle, but ultimately, if you don’t communicate that effectively to others, you’re going to run into incongruency problems. Symptoms of incongruency involve people treating you worse than you treat them, frequently giving bad first impressions, and having a bad reputation.

Four Areas of Alignment
1 – Message
Message is the corner stone of third person congruency, and everything should be focused around it. Message is recognizing all the various snapshots that form people’s opinions of you, and melding them together to form an overall picture.

How to Develop Message
Message is developed by taking all the information about you from first person congruency and second person congruency, and simplifying them to create a more streamlined “cliffnotes” for who you are. Then, when developing the other areas of third person congruency, simply ask yourself “is this congruent with my message”.

2 - Manner
Manner is about developing your communication skills and vibe. It’s taking a look at the first impression you give off, and the second impression you give off, and the third impression you give off, and making sure these all match up with your message.

How to Develop Manner
There are two ways to develop your manner. The first way is to do it piecemeal. This is done by focusing on one aspect of your manner at a time, such as voice, bodylanguage, or eyecontact, and working at it until it improves. The second way is to do it all at once by simply throwing yourself in social situations and continuing to interact, then letting social feedback correct the problems for you. I recommend a mix of both.

3 –Marketing
Marketing is about developing your buzz and public relations. This is looking at things like what your facebook says about who you are, what other people say about you when you’re not there, what your blog/website says about you, etc. It’s taking control of all of those external snapshots of who you are and making sure they are congruent with your message.

How to Develop Marketing
The best way to develop marketing is to go through all the external “stuff” that’s out there about you. You want to minimize, deemphasize, or remove the stuff that’s incongruent with your message, and maximize, emphasize, and add stuff that’s congruent with your message.

4 – Ambiance
Ambiance is about the “stuff” in your life. This includes things like your clothes, artwork and decoration in your house, your car, etc. These all also play into your image. The other areas of third person congruency are the steak, but this is the sizzle. How does all this “stuff” convey your message?

How to Develop Ambiance
Ambiance is developed by consistently upgrading your taste. The process involves finding things which you think convey your message, trying them out, then replicating and extending the most successful “things”. For clothes, you might see someone wearing something that expresses you, buy a few shirts that are similar to it, then figure out what it is about your favorite shirt and buy a few more shirts. Finally, you might try a variation on that shirt and find out it expresses your message even better.

The New Website
So this gives a basic overview of each of the areas of lifecraft, but it doesn’t give you immediate next steps or in depth analysis of each of the areas of congruency. That’s why I’m creating a new site in tandem with this post called Let’s Do Something. Let’s Do Something is an action tank focused on congruency, which on the site I call “the art of lifecraft”. It includes life changing challenges that give you specific challenges to increase your congruence, and paradigm shifters which are short articles that move you a little closer to congruency. Below I’ll include the first life changing challenge, as well as the first paradigm shifter. Make sure to check out the website if you want to get all the features such as discussion forums, interactive step by step processes, daily motivational articles to keep you focused on the challenges, etc.

Life Changing Challenge – 4 Steps to Congruency
This video walks you step by step through congruency. To view the entire transcript, click here, and if you want to become a member of The Inner Circle, click here.

Paradigm Shifter – Alignment vs. Challenge
This video shows you the path to ultimate congruency, and how you must balance alignment and challenge. If you want view the transcript, click here, and to become a member of The Inner Circle, click here.

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Join Date: 09/29/2011 | Posts: 70

The King of articles on congruency!  Hope the website is as good.... Don't leave me down!
"I either succeed or fail, and I'm not scared of those options." - Cat
Simple - great things begin with simple ideas. "Brick by brick my citizens" or some shit like that. 
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Senior Member

Join Date: 12/30/2011 | Posts: 98

 Enjoy live to the fullest
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Respected Member

Join Date: 07/16/2011 | Posts: 991

 So much value here. Congruency is one thing iv'e been striving for and I wasnt sure how to get it. Ive begun to do the lifecraft thing. Hopefully all goes well :)
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/23/2006 | Posts: 3129

 Thanks Ya'll. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask :).
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Senior Member

Join Date: 09/04/2009 | Posts: 236

Good stuff, thanks!  This is defintily something I am working on.  Will check out the videos later.
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Senior Member

Join Date: 04/05/2010 | Posts: 280

LOL mental masturbation for days
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/23/2006 | Posts: 3129

furyx wrote:
LOL mental masturbation for days
That's a negative fury.  This is all about action.
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Join Date: 12/23/2006 | Posts: 3129

J0akes wrote:
 So much value here. Congruency is one thing iv'e been striving for and I wasnt sure how to get it. Ive begun to do the lifecraft thing. Hopefully all goes well :)
Thanks joakes,

Any questions or suggestions for the site, just let me know.
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/23/2006 | Posts: 3129

JonDayGame wrote:
 The material on first-person congruency is especially helpful for me. Great post man!

Thanks Jon, what about that material did you like?
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Respected Member

Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 587

 Thanks for this - I will comeback in the future and re-read.
You ain't seen nothing yet.

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