THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
Fuck It
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Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

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I was inspired by Cat's journal and his post On Why You're Not a Real Man to restart a journal here on RSDN.

I will try to filter myself as little as possible, put myself on the line and hope something good comes out of it.

So where am I at?

I've been going out every weekend the past 4 years or so since I came into contact with the community and made some friends. During that time I managed to lose my virginity and get another 5 girls under my belt. Looking back on my successes (except the first one) they've all come from me being drunk in that sweet-spot where you lose all inhibition but you're still not completely wasted. 5 times in 4 years of drinking (most) every weekend, that's not very good odds are they?

On a typical night out I'm hugging the bar desperately trying to come up with conversational topics with my friends in order to avoid awkward silences (which when they happen there's always take a swig of beer to kill time). I try not to value scan but sometimes I can't avoid it and when I catch someone's eye I 1) don't hold it, or 2) hold it but do nothing and then psych myself out because I "stale" the set by not approaching. Same deal on the dance floor where I often get attention because I love to dance.

I wouldn't say I have approach anxiety per se, because I have no issues with approaching strangers when I have a harmless agenda. HEY! It's my friend's birthday, you have to give him a hug! Opened 100% (-1 which we laughed our asses off about). Asking for directions etc during daytime, no problem. I just don't know how to transition from the open when I'm on the agenda. HEY! You're really cute, what's your name? I'm Xyz. Nice to meet you Xyz, I'm Manimal. <INSERT BLANK AWKWARD SILENCE>. I have to go to the bathroom. I assume this problem would sort itself out after a few hundred approaches, but those hundred approaches are SOUL DESTROYINGLY ROUGH. I know. I managed 4 last saturday.

If I could at least begin to overcome this SP I don't think I'd have a problem with "approach early, approach often" and similar stuff. My closest friends are all "in" on this game stuff and most of them are trying to practice it as best as they can, so there's nothing in my environment to discourage me really.

I absolutely hate canned routines, they make me sick just thinking about them so I don't think I could possibly deliver one and being congruent with it. I've tried mind fucking myself into realizing these people are all strangers I've never seen before and never will see again. So far not much luck.

I guess it all comes down to sacking up and take those hundred(s) of approaches like a man. I've done enough of them to know they're not gonna kill me. It's just that I wish there was a faster way to get this shit down so I can move on to more pleasurable SPs.

Sometime I get angry thinking about this shit and how much mental energy it's sapping from me. It's UTTERLY RIDICULOUS that I'm making such a big deal of this shit. RIDICULOUS!
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#1
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 I realize that my first post might come off a bit negative but everything is not doom and gloom.

I've been taking massive action this year making sure I hit the gym 3x a week and now I'm adding running 3x to that. I've started eating much cleaner and decided to drop the alcolol on weekends.

There is only one advantage to drinking and that is that IF I hit that perfect spot where I'm loose but not wasted I tend to do well, but as pointed out earlier it doesn't happen too often. Besides that there are only negative sides to alcolol for me. I don't get any braver or hornier when I drink. I get self-conscious because I start to slur and thus avoid talking to people. It ruins my economy and health. No more! I will still have a beer or two when just chilling with friends once a week or so, but never again when I'm out to work on my game!

I've also started looking into changing career so I'm trying to learn shit I need to make that shift. Psyched about this!

More or less concluded that I'm going to have to give up on World of Warcraft. Love that shit, it's like crack to me, but I don't want to have to set aside 2-3 nights a week to keep up and I cannot stand being a casual player. I'd rather make room for day 2s and until I get them I'd rather watch paint dry than get sucked into that shit again.

Got rid of my car. Haven't used it for ages and it's been such a waste keeping it around for so long. Buh bye!

So I have grown up a lot just these past months and it's time to take it to the field.
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#2
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 Thursday March 29

Had the day off and spent most of it trekking to IKEA to do some shopping.

Opened three girls asking for directions to where I was supposed to take the bus from (knowing very well where it was). Got a good response and one of them told me I should try the information desk nearby. We all laughed about it and I thanked them for their help.

Opened a girl working at the entrance to IKEA asking where I could return an item I'd purchased earlier (again knowing where it was). She answered politely but there was nothing there.

Spent a few minutes bullshitting with the clerk as I was returning the stuff. Old and ugly but remarkably relaxed and quick witted.

I've been very much taken aback lately as how socially competent even the ugliest of girls are. And the hot ones aren't even playing the same game I am.

Had a day 2 from online a few weeks ago that ended in nothing. She was sooo soo cute and soo soo cool I was completely taken by surprise and got panic attack size nervous. It ended after a beer and "nice to meet you" but I think it was good for me to experience the worst case scenario early on. Can't get much more awkward than that (thank god).
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#3

detourxl~

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/01/2009 | Posts: 651

Good luck mate. You're progress will come from being honest with yourself about you weaknesses / insecurities. It can all be fixed if you go deep enough. Awesome!
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"let the game be beautiful" Ryan~

MY PRE BOOTCAMP JOURNAL - a very honest account of a guy trying to transform this area of his lifehttp://www.rsdnation.com/node/176546

ALEXANDER BOOTCAMP REVIEW - Oslo, September 2011 http://www.rsdnation.com/node/200440

POST BOOTCAMP JOURNAL - holding myself accountable, seeing how far I can go. http://www.rsdnation.com/node/201364
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#4
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 Friday March 30

Had the day off and started off doing some silly move in the bathroom and blowing my back. I can't even stand up for the pain! I've had this shit before so I know I have to move around if it's going to let up so I get out as soon as possible. Grab lunch with a colleague and then spend the rest of the afternoon at a mall browsing and attempting to psych myself into open a daygame set going direct. Doesn't happen but at least I talk to a couple of sales people.

It's interesting to note how nervous I am even in a harmless conversation. Talking fast and not being very imaginative. I assume it will auto-correct with "use".

Went out with K to an after work place. On the way to K's and then on the way over to the place i opened about 10 sets asking innocent questions such as directions as a form of warm-up. ZERO ANXIETY OR HESITATION.

Once at the place I violated rule #1 immediately by going to the bathroom. I actually had to go, but I could have held it for ONE SET just to get it done. To make matters worse I started looking for K after returning from the bathroom instead of cracking that first set.

We end up chode crystalling and psyching ourselves out instead of challenging each other as we had agreed on earlier that week. BAD MANIMAL! BAD K! Lots of eye contact I don't act upon (as per usual) but I finally manage to pull off one open even if I immediately eject.

We decide to leave for a pub to "reset" and then on to a nightclub. However we don't get let into the club as K has sneakers on. K wants to go home, so finally we surrender and head home.

Positives:
- Opened a bunch of sets on the way to the venue to warm up. Three of them were really hot as well and I had the urge to stop myself mid-open and just blurt out "hey, you're actually cute! who are you". It's only a matter of time before this happens instinctively.
- Opened one set at the venue at absolutely rock bottom state and surviving. They actually looked sad I didn't pursue.
- Pushed myself and K to keep going even when it got late and we both were very tired.

Learning experiences:
- Don't violate rule #1. As soon as you set foot in the venue your momentum starts to slow down unless you step up and take action CONSISTENTLY. One set at the start is nice, but you have to keep going as well to keep the momentum.
- Don't drink. I had two beers at the pub for the taste of it but really that wasn't neccessary at all. Just a waste of calories and money.
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#5
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 Saturday March 31

Spent the day shopping for clothes and shoes. Felt pretty loose and managed to talk some shit with store clerks. Bumped into a girl I'd seen earlier at this jeans store as she laughed at me spanking my own ass while watching myself in the mirror as I tried on a pair of jeans. Wanted to open but didn't have the stones to do it in the middle of the store. Sadface!

The night started out at a local pub and then bouncing to a nearby bar where I met up with the rest of the crew. Spent an hour or so talking shit pumping ourselves up. I wasn't feeling the club we were heading to. Too young of a crowd for me so I convinced K to come with me to another club.

We grab a beer at a nearby bar while waiting for the club to fill up some. We head over, pay the cover and head down. It's abysmal. I've never seen such an old and run down crowd ever before! Ok, there are a few younger ones in there but my god it was like Jurassic Park. We decide to stick it out since we're not going to get let into the other club without standing in line for an hour in the cold.

We hit the dance floor. Savage beasts are eyeing us but we refuse to open. Well actually it doesn't matter who's eyeing me on the dance floor I still won't open.

This is a clear sticking point. I catch tons of attention on the dance floor since I truly enjoy it and can't stop smiling. Girls be dancing up on me or between us to get attention and all I can do is smile and avoid looking at them. Need to capitalize on that shit!

We'd decided on a no pressure night, just out having fun, but I can't relax knowing I don't really want to stand around doing nothing. Finally I sack up and open up a girl next to me asking what she was celebrating (she'd ordered champage). She politely told me she was celebrating a night away from her twin babies and flashed a wedding ring in my face. I laughed and wished her a fun night.

More dancing and choding around until K had finally had it and wanted to go home. I wanted to stay (or more specifically I wanted to stay out and try to push myself) but I really didn't feel like staying out alone.

I check out the line to another nightclub where a few friends are but it's too long and I'm freezing my ass off so I give up and head home.

Positives:
- Unnatural drive to step up and take action. I've never experienced drive like this before and it feels like I'm about to break through this plateu at any moment now.
- I was SO CLOSE to opening that chick at the jeans store. I'm so close to opening out of instinct/reflex and that is an awesome feeling. Not having to "push" myself every time.
- Dance floor is awesome. I just need to capitalize on the attention.
- Opened while in a shitty state once again and got a good reaction. Not wasting my time when she's taken = good reaction as she sees me as some sort of threat?

Learning experiences:
- Seriously don't drink. Had a few beers, didn't get drunk, got fatter and poorer. Stop that shit.
- Don't "waste" a saturday night on a "just have fun night". It's the best night of the week so take advantage of it!
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#6
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 Sunday April 1

Opened two girls on my way to have coffee with a friend with something harmless. ZERO ANXIETY, good eye contact, slight smile.

I'm "getting it", slowly. Now I want to up the ante and actually open direct. Taking note from Dave7 I'm gonna do my best to get at least one approach in per day.
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#7
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 Monday April 2

Good day, hit the gym during lunch break (despite recovering from acute back pain that struck friday) and went for a run after work. Ate well, gonna sleep like a baby tonight! :)

I've got a date lined up but she's being a bit sketchy. Gonna try to get her to go to shoot some pool with me and we'll see where that goes. Can't be worse than the last awkward date.

Actually got off the bus on the way home and walked through the city center to try and get a direct daygame approach in, but that didn't happen. Excused myself with the fact that the sun was in my eyes and I was too much in a hurry to take another route,  but in reality I could have spotted someone close to me and chase her down. <- MENTAL NOTE

Still killed it all day. Very cute girl at work right now who I want to bend over. We've been staring each other down, but I'm not sure it's worth it with a colleague. There are thousands others out there..
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#8
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 Tuesday April 3

Got the date sorted. She sounds excited to meet me. Gonna give her a ring before thursday to solidify.

Ran some non-neccesary errands after work to get some daygamez in but failed to find someone cute my age-ish (at least of legal age) who weren't pushing a stroller. Chatted up the store clerks just for practice. Eye contact is spot on and I don't feel very anxious, but I sometimes come across a bit stiff. It'll sort itself out if I just keep plugging away at it.

Opening someone with something harmless doesn't feel challenging AT ALL but I decided to do it anyway to get that 1 approach per day goal done. Stopped a girl asking for directions to some place and mid-sentence I realize she's cute as fuck. Next time I'm gonna cut myself off and just blurt out what I'm thinking "Wait, you're actually really cute. What's your name?".

The feeling I had when I walked away from that one can be summarized as: YES! I'm getting there! So close to breaking through the bullshit and just own my intentions. A warm feeling spread through my body and I couldn't help smiling like a retard.

WINNING! WINNING! WINNING!
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#9
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

Thursday April 4

My second date/day-2 ever went pretty well. I wasn't very nervous until I got to the place we were meeting at. Then all hell broke loose, haha.

I tried to calm myself down with the fact that the only thing that really mattered was that I didn't chicken out and showed up. And I did that, so it's a rip roaring success. Didn't feel like it 'tho.

We end up at a table with her eating because she hadn't had time to do so earlier. This was exactly the situation I was trying to avoid since it was so awkward on the last date. But it turns out ok, she does most of the talking and I feel we click pretty well but more as friends as we cannot get physical at all.

Due to nervousness and the nasty habit of trying to read her mind I get the feeling this isn't going anywhere so I use some bullshit excuse to end the date after 1.5 hour. She says she's ok with it as she's very tired but looking back she'd given me every sign that she was down to fuck that night. We get out of there and hug good night. She says she'll call the next time she's in town, but I doubt she will.

Was thinking of going out that night but I was so drained from the date I just ended up having a beer with a friend and debrief.

All in all a great success. I wasn't nearly as nervous during the date itself as I'd been on the first date and looking back on it I probably had her.

Positive
- Showed up and went through it despite being nervous
- I'm not as bad as I think at this interview date thingy either and it will become easier and easier with time. This time around I didn't have to fish around for answers forever like on the first date and that made it feel soo much smoother. I also felt much more unapologetic about the answers. Noone is perfect.

I learned
- Assume attraction/value/whatevs. Stop trying to read her and just act on my own intentions and let the chips fall where they may. This lesson really sunk in during debrief so I really think it's going to be much less of a problem moving on.
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#10
Manimal~

Manimal~

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 124

 Friday April 5

Traditionally the worst night out of the year so there would be no going out tonight. :(

I had the day off and instead of choding around at home I went to the gym to crush some weights. Afterwards I felt like a million dollars since I'd taken right action and followed my plan (lift 3x, run 3x each week).

I wasn't keen on going straight home so I harassed a buddy, H, to come meet me for some food.

As I'm on my way to meet up with him I have to take this train and as it approaches the stop I notice the girl driving the thing is an absolute cutie! I get on the train and get this sudden urge to do something about this so as I get off I tap on the glass behind her and after she turns around I give her the love sign with a shit eating grin on my face. She lights up and I can see her say "thank you!" behind the glass. I look at her some more, then turn around and exit the train never to look back again.

Felt nice to just make someone smile and not needing anything in return. It was also a step up from my normal indirect approaches during the day so that's also fucking awesome!

Grabbed food with H and got some valuable feedback on the date and on online game. Immediately put into practice (got a "movie" date setup this week). :)

H left for a date and I was still not very keen to spend the evening alone so I harassed K to come out for a beer and a chat. H texted be that he'd set up a double date with sex on the table but I felt I couldn't handle that right now so I declined (sorry H!).

I had an interesting experience at one of the local pubs while waiting for K. I got there and immediately started talking to this waitress about a table for us. She was REALLY FUCKING CUTE and while we were talking our faces were no more than a foot apart. I was feeling soo relaxed and everything just clicked. Eye contact (beautiful brown eyes), slow resounding voice, no fidgeting. Amazing feeling! It's like catching a glimpse of who I'm becoming and that motivates me.

Positives
- Right Action all day.
- Escalated my once-a-day daygame open.
- Got a taste of who I'm becoming and really liking it.

I learned
- Tons of great feedback from both H and K. I'm really lucky to have such awesome friends! <3
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