THE FORUMS

December 5th, 2016
Where the fuck do I go from here?
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Bennn

Bennn

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/23/2012 | Posts: 863

I don't know how to phrase this without seeming like some needy clueless motherfucker - in fact I'm not even sure I know how to phrase it at all. I want to be better and feel more comfortable with women, people and myself. In college I was in shape, and had plenty of women who wanted me and I didn't know what to do. I tried going out every night and applied various things from pickup and still only had sex about once a semester. Now I don't even have that. I feel like I've taken 3 steps back - and even if I get back to where I was before - I'm still left with some sort of social incompetence. I see little reason to workout since I've been there before and was still alone - but I plan on doing it anyway (I work at a gym - and the exercise can't hurt.) I'm not a virgin - but have never had a real girlfriend. Often I come off as unusual. I used to drink whatever I could every night and have recently given it up and am in Alcoholics Anonymous (It's been about 7 months now.) Despite all of the positive actions that I am trying to take I still have never had a real girlfriend (nothing longer than 2 months.) I'm getting older (23) and have been at this with limited results for roughly 3 years.

Now that I sound like a total chode I'd appreciate Feedback on what I can do to improve my ability to feel comfortable around others and to get (a) girlfriend(s) who  I am attracted to.

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Update***
This was my first post ever - kinda bumped it just to remind myself that I am indeed improving. Show myself the headspace that I came from (and still revert to sometimes)

It's not that I'm this HUGE pimp right now but I've come a long way. I've had experiences and been with girls that I haven't thought possible. Bathroom lay, SNL, Dorm Room Blowjobs, making out with 2-3 girls in front of eachother, fingering girls on the dance floor many times with genuinely hot girls- basically a handful of reference experiences which point toward being a Pimp.

Now it's just a matter of some consistancy - I'd be happy with 1 new girl a week from going out 4 nights a week. Hell - I'd be happy with a lay every 2 weeks. So I'l Update my very first post nearly a year later to a different question: How do I get consistancy - and make my "good nights" my new average?

But the truth is I think I already know the answer - putting in the time and doing the work will make it all happen naturally

Any other answers are welcome.

Awesome to see the headspace that I came from
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Yo. Man the fuck up or die.


Don't try to find the perfect thing to do - DO SOMETHING. The idea that everything has to be right before you start is just a rationalization not to do anything.

First Post I ever put up on RSD. Check it out and then check my journal from 7 months later. If I can do this so can you: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/213997/forum

Dear Journal: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/219007/forum
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#1
NamesAreHard

NamesAreHard

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/15/2011 | Posts: 354

Push out of your comfort zone. Take a bc. I am a keyboard jockey, but it sounds like you aren't going hard enough. Balls to the wall. No half-ass approaches. Take risks.
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#2
Bennn

Bennn

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/23/2012 | Posts: 863

I really have taken risks. Probably too many. Some of them were fun and worth it (Fingered a girl while we were talking to her friend at my house) and I've gotten in trouble for some of those risks - don't want to take that avenue. I should probably be a bit more specifice as to where I am - it's just difficult to summarize three years.

Currently - I have about 33 phone numbers of somewhat-attractive to really fucking attractive girls in my phone. Altogether, in the three years I've been in this (by into this I mean trying new things out and later watching and attempting to apply Tyler's Vids), I've probably gotten anywherer from 100 to 300 phone numbers from girls (which I'll admit is a huge increase for me.). Of those, I've only been intimate with about 6. It amounts to like one girl every 5-8 months, which was my average before pickup anyway. 

Related Info/Cliffs
-Have had sex with 12-15 women                              (UPDATE: I LIED ABOUT THIS PART TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF - AT THE TIME I I HAD ONLY HAD SEX WITH ABOUT 9 WOMEN)
- I used to go out every night
-Have had the potential for epic successes before (2 yearts ago, was in a hot tub with a bunch of girls who decided that they wanted to take their clothes off around me. Still didn't do anything)
-Since I didn't know what to do when oppurtunities were jumping out at me, I feel more hopeless now despite my positive life decisions. (Working at a gym, working out almost evereyday, being in Alcoholic Anonymous and being sober now for 7 months,) Despite my positive life changes, I feel less alpha now than I did before (I'm even starting to get made fun of occassionally)
-Not sure why things are worse now - and not sure if I could make any moves if life was "better" in this regard anyway.
-I'm not a virgin - but have never had a real girlfriend.
-Come off as unusual/weird.
-Despite this, my life's not horrible. There are many times when I enjoy it with others.
-I'm starting to have more and more "awkward" moments where I have nothing to say. I Feel like this mixed with my strong eye contact makes people uncomfortable sometimes.

-Benjamin
__________________
Yo. Man the fuck up or die.


Don't try to find the perfect thing to do - DO SOMETHING. The idea that everything has to be right before you start is just a rationalization not to do anything.

First Post I ever put up on RSD. Check it out and then check my journal from 7 months later. If I can do this so can you: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/213997/forum

Dear Journal: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/219007/forum
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#3

James_M

Junior Member

Join Date: 02/29/2012 | Posts: 17

Hi dude,

Never post on this forum - long time lurker, first time caller. You've brought me out of the shadows lol.

Sounds like you are taking risks bizzarely or not. You've made some major life changes and your putting yourself in new situations (awkward moments). These things catalyse growth.

Basically you need to shed off the layers of caring - aka social conditioning. Tyler talks about this stuff all the time - outcome independence.

Being able to be yourself whilst moving things forward - not caring and taking action: intent + freedom from outcome.

Risks is how you do this. Not dangerous silly risks or health risks but "risks" like pushing things for the pull when you could just ask for the number etc. Putting yourself in awkward situations so that you can let go of people's opinions of you. Becoming indifferent - you know?

James
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#4
Bennn

Bennn

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/23/2012 | Posts: 863

A quick side note - for those who are at all familier with how Alcoholics Anonymous works - each person in the program is given a "sponsor" or a person who helps teach them how to achieve sobreity. My sponsor is one of the most alpha men I've ever met. Dude never runs out of things to say - It seems as though he has ever had an awkward moment in his life.

My sponsor reeks of genuinity. He casually mentioned that within the first year of his sobreity he had sex with 50 different girls - and I absolutely believe him. Hell, often when w're talking I almost feel like I fall in love. He offers so much value and honesty in what he says that it often puts me in my head and makes me think of what I should say. I don't have a lot of genuine things to say - often the most genuine thing I do is to stay quiet (I identify with a video Tyler posted a while back about relying on a schtick. Outside of this schtick I feel weird.)

Any constructive advice on being more genuine (outside of through being genuinely silent or awkward) is appreciated.
 
I'm going to work out at a local gym and talk to some girls. Posting here has a very addictive quality about it - I'd rather treat myself after I finish some shit.

-Benjamin
__________________
Yo. Man the fuck up or die.


Don't try to find the perfect thing to do - DO SOMETHING. The idea that everything has to be right before you start is just a rationalization not to do anything.

First Post I ever put up on RSD. Check it out and then check my journal from 7 months later. If I can do this so can you: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/213997/forum

Dear Journal: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/219007/forum
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#5
Bennn

Bennn

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/23/2012 | Posts: 863

Got a phone number from the girl behind the desk at the local gym. Did it more to make myself feel good than anything else. Talking to a woman like that gives me a shot of adrenaline. She's super receptive to my texts - but I've been here before. I really enjoy this initial part of meeting a girl. It's the whole being normal/genuine thing that's giving me trouble.
__________________
Yo. Man the fuck up or die.


Don't try to find the perfect thing to do - DO SOMETHING. The idea that everything has to be right before you start is just a rationalization not to do anything.

First Post I ever put up on RSD. Check it out and then check my journal from 7 months later. If I can do this so can you: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/213997/forum

Dear Journal: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/219007/forum
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#6
LeftHand

LeftHand

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/12/2007 | Posts: 1104

I can relate to what you're saying, I'm about in the same place as far as most of the numbers go, except I'm closing around once every two months on average. Don't you feel like you're learning, albeit VERY slowly? As far as being normal goes, I do my best when I stop filtering my words. I'll say stupid things at first then it'll get easier to talk to people over time, or I won't mesh well with the person I'm talking to. I'm a strange dude, I'm okay with that and I think I'm right about many of the things I do that run perfectly contrary to the rest of society. That also means that my personality will clash with most people when I'm authentic. I don't know the answer because I'm going through the same bog, but I hope this helped a bit.

I know what I'm doing, approaching more and hoping the answers come in the form of experience and emotional leverage.
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"One of the illusions of life is that the present hour is not the
critical, decisive hour. Write it on your heart that every day is the
best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he
knows that every day is Doomsday"
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
FR's detailing my progression
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#7

Be.Cool

Respected Member

Join Date: 07/04/2010 | Posts: 711

dude, I can actually relate pretty well to what your describing.

I had girls wanting me, basically telling it me in my face and I wasnt able to do it. socially not really comfortable with myself etc., not a virgin but never had a real gf.. lol read my first thread.

I am not saying I am completely out of there, but I am doing a lot better now, met some gourgeous girls in the last months.

what helped me was making other things in my life more important than my success with girls. and also being less apologetic about my intentions in general, making clear what I am about.

in other words: have something better to do than talking to girls. how much is your time worth? are you wanting validation from her or are you inviting her into your awesome life.
I am not the best at "game" but I met some cool beautiful girls and I will in the future.
if you are living your own life and you are grounded in your own reality, the girl and other people will be more attracted to you, because they can sense this dude is actually doing his own thing and he is not just trying to be part of our party.

in other words: dont care about getting better with girls or socially, focus on other areas in your life and use pick up as enrichment and the shit will transcend and girls will have wet pussies cuz they can tell youre a WINNER lol.

not saying I am there everyday because I am not and maybe I am not really understanding your situation at all.. but maybe this helps
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#8
Bennn

Bennn

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/23/2012 | Posts: 863

Texted the girl that I met at my gym today. She went from being super receptive yesterday to not receptive at all.
The truth is I don't really care. It's like the abundance mentality gone wrong. I feel free to text her anything at all - it's just that I really don't have anything to say.

Also, not that it's related but as a rule  I try not to ask girls out or run game anywhere near I work. 

Lefthand-
I don't feel like I'm progressing. I feel like I've reached a plateau 2 years ago and never got anywhere past it. I get phone numbers - and rarely get consistant dates.

Be.Cool-
David Deida has similar advice about a man following his purpose come hell or high water.  I'm not sure if this would fix everything or even anything - but it couldn't hurt. The problem is it's tough to try to not try to get girls - so that I can get girls. It's a huge mind fuck.



I'm just used to having a next step. I used to make a goal of getting a certain amount of phone numbers just to feel like I was getting somewhere - even though I would blank out on doing anything after.

-Benjamin
__________________
Yo. Man the fuck up or die.


Don't try to find the perfect thing to do - DO SOMETHING. The idea that everything has to be right before you start is just a rationalization not to do anything.

First Post I ever put up on RSD. Check it out and then check my journal from 7 months later. If I can do this so can you: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/213997/forum

Dear Journal: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/219007/forum
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#9
Bennn

Bennn

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/23/2012 | Posts: 863

LOL@ my first post that I ever wrote like 8 months ago. OP is faggot
__________________
Yo. Man the fuck up or die.


Don't try to find the perfect thing to do - DO SOMETHING. The idea that everything has to be right before you start is just a rationalization not to do anything.

First Post I ever put up on RSD. Check it out and then check my journal from 7 months later. If I can do this so can you: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/213997/forum

Dear Journal: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/219007/forum
Login or register to post.
#10
LucidDic

LucidDic

Trusted Member

Join Date: 02/14/2008 | Posts: 1350

Bennn wrote:


Now that I sound like a total chode I'd appreciate Feedback on what I can do to improve my ability to feel comfortable around others and to get (a) girlfriend(s) who  I am attracted to.

just keep #sniffing the cunts....u'll find a few
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