THE FORUMS

May 23rd, 2017
Death of the 26 Year Old Chode!
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Experience trumps all; we are enough regardless

When people who have been doing this for a while say "it's about being normal", I suppose it truly is. I agree a lot with Alex says in that he says we are enough already. The effect of being scared or fearful of approaching someone you deem "out of your league" is kind of ridiculous, but it's real and it happens, which is kind of strange to me. This isn't to say I don't get nervous or fearful because I obviously do, but I still think it is stupid. This whole thing with AA is pretty stupid. I sometimes have to really, really question myself why the hell I get it.

So I was thinking about stuff last night and I'm always trying to add some type of technique or change the way I approach, etc., but it is kind of stupid to do that when you realize you are enough. I KNOW for certain I am a good conversationalist; I understand what it means to create attraction NATURALLY by basically respecting yourself and flirting. Sometimes I get too into my head and I try so supplicate by being too nice to the girl, and the only reason I do that is because I forget I am enough. It is so stupid how I forget that. I'm beginning to see why experience ultimately brings everything back to normalcy, because we can imagine all the techniques in the world but if we are inexperienced we are typically not sure of ourselves. With that sense, experience trumps all, even more so than state, because state is something we depend upon when we are fearful or thinking we aren't enough. With experience, however, we know we are enough and we don't need state to tell us otherwise. We can go into a situation and feel anxiety and fear but know we are enough and because of that we don't view the fear or anxiety as a big deal, just a stupid little feeling that is not us, and we will act ourselves despite the feeling and be congruent with it and unapologetic and natural.

I think it is somewhat a trap for people with little experience, or positive experiences to learn techniques when in reality what they need are more experience! All the experiences make you normal and react normal. You no longer are the dancing monkey or the supplementing nice guy; you don't care about what the girl thinks; you view it as another approach and that's it. Experience trumps all and the techniques sometimes just confuses new guys into thinking they aren't enough already, that they have to employ tactics to be enough, when in reality all they need is experience to calm the fuck down and be themselves. When you are comfortable with the process you don't really need techniques or strategies because you will be authentic and present the best you automatically. When there is a natural sexual chemistry happening you will know instinctively and if you react on that everything will work. We are programmed for it to work, we just need more experience to calm the fuck down and trust that we are enough.

I almost feel like I should say more but ultimately we are enough like Alex says and for those of us who are still fearful the best thing we can do is get more experiences and keep approaching. With enough experience comes normalcy and the realization that this shit is easy because we know beyond the rejection we are enough. It is just a matter of time when the girl realizes you are enough, but there is no need to push that reality on her if you believe it yourself.

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(goal started 10-11-12)
-21 approaches per week, 84 per month, 1008 per year (STAY IN SET AS LONG AS POSSIBLE AND ESCALATE!!!!!)
-At least 2 numbers an outing


This week:
Approaches:
Numbers:

This month:
Approaches:
Numbers:



(red if failed; green if succeeded)

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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

FR

Approached 6; 1 number. Wrote a good report but then fucking got deleted so w/e, not writing it again. Had a good opportunity to escalate and take things further but I bailed again. One girl seemed into me. The others aren't worth mentioned. Failed the 2 numbers tonight. Feel like I should be doing more. Not exactly sure what else to do.

Week approaches:
6; 1 number fail

Emphasis:
Staying in set is good and builds attraction and rapport. If you aren't a good conversationalist, you better learn quick! The way to do this is to approach expecting the women to be somewhat cold to you, as most people who are strangers and aren't expecting an approach. Get the girl to invest in conversation via statements and questions (not too many questions at once!). The more she talks the more she invests. Before you make attraction or a bond happen it is crucial not to break the social bubble and do weird shit or stop the conversation if she's not "hooked" yet. When she is hooked there will be attraction or a feeling of rapport and she will begin to chase you. This is why it is important to approach expecting a cold reaction, make her invest in you via conversation, build attraction/rapport and stay in set!
Stay in set!  Stay in set! Stay in set!


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(goal started 10-11-12)
-40 approaches per week, 160 per month, 1920 per year [UPDATED] (STAY IN SET AS LONG AS POSSIBLE AND ESCALATE!!!!!)
-At least 5 numbers an outing (updated)

Week 1; outing 1:
Approaches: 6
Numbers: 1

Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

I didn't go out last night. Was driving on my way and made an excuse to go home. Already I failed my 40 approaches a week goal. I also failed my 4 numbers a night. I can say why I didn't go but I'll leave it at that, I failed.

Lately I've been really wanting to focus on staying in set longer and trying to build some type of bond, whether it be sexual or some type of good rapport. I honestly think if I manage to do this with more of the girls I approach I'll stop getting as much flakes (numbers have bee flakely as shit). At this point in my game I'd rather not get flake then approach tons and tons of girls without making any connection, because even if I approach 20 girls one night it is possible I could get 5-6 numbers, but for me to be solo and approaching 20 women within a venue (or two) is really pushing what my reality is, and I won't deny that my reality maybe wrong. I was planning on doing 4 nights out a week of 10 approaches, which seems possible to me, and it puts pressure on me to go out an fulfill that goal. The one thing I am kind of worried about is not making solid interactions if I approach a lot, but it'll all experimental still for me. I figure I can't go home until I do 10 approaches or get 4 numbers whether that is solid or not. I'm kind of more interested in finding out how to get less flakes than having SNLs. I realize it's a number's game to a large extent but I think I could build more rapport ot sexual chemistry and make more numbers solid as well. I'll try to keep my goal of 40 approaches a week with 4 numbers an outing to put pressure on myself to push myself. Every fail I have I want it to be public and embarrassing; anything to push me to complete my goals. I do feel frustration at the fact I'm not doing my full potential. I feel like I need to set goals instead of going out "to see what happens". As calculated as it seems I need that pressure. I will also experiment with longer set interactions and building something to make solid numbers or taking it further.

I hear a lot of success from other people and it usually comes down to a good work ethic and determination. I don't hate myself and I'm getting fairly confident and less-likely to give a fuck about approaching as I once was--at least I'm developing there but it isn't fucking good enough. I want at least three dates a week. SNLs don't matter much to me, but if I'm not meeting and seducing women every given week then I consider that I need to work on my shit with or without the time constraint of school, etc.
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

FR; thoughts; weekly stats

Approached 10 girls out solo downtown bars. Some of them didn't go very far but for the most part I opened all of them well and I had a easy time getting into conversation. Got 2 numbers. I managed to try and get into something deeper with the girls via conversation but didn't really seem to matter. I think I'm going to shift my mindset to getting more numbers while I'm out because I'm still not pushing that good enough. Should of pushed for more numbers last night but all in all I'm satisfied with myself, not my results. My infield approaches are around 80 approaches which has jumped up considerably after I stopped dating "C". I want my approaching numbers to increase dramatically because experience trumps all. I also want more results so I'll push for more numbers while out (5 is a good starting point). Keep the goals strict and high-standards (for me).  I live in a small town so I have a few options that get me the chance to approach a lot, mainly college and bars.  Stores seem to be more random but I don't cut out that option either on slow days/nights.

I am inspired both by night game and day game.  I've heard, and I also believe, that good game is what carries you through w/e the situation, so the situation isn't really what matters, it's your game.

===========================================
(goal started 10-11-12)
-40 approaches per week, 160 per month, 1920 per year [UPDATED] (STAY IN SET AS LONG AS POSSIBLE AND ESCALATE!!!!!)
-At least 5 numbers an outing (updated)

Week 1; outing 1:
Approaches: 6
Numbers: 1
Week 1 outing 2:
Approaches 10
Numbers 2
TOTAL FOR WEEK 1: 2 outings, 16 approaches, 3 numbers (all flakes so far)
(end of week one. failed 40 approaches a week goal and 5 numbers an outing)

FAILURE VIDEO:


Week 2
Week 3
Week 4
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Going for 10 numbers tomorrow walking around campus. It is going to be a huge challenge for me as I've struggled on campus and I've never got 10 numbers in an outing but I want to push myself and see if it is possible. This is going to be extremely challenging for me so I can't guarantee anything. I will count this as an "outing" for next week's goals. I can almost promise tomorrow will be an extremely challenging day!! I am afraid campus security (cops) will arrest me or something, but I'll just tell them the truth if they question what I'm doing.  Hopefully I'll have a decent report tomorrow...
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

College FR






BKW wrote:
Going for 10 numbers tomorrow walking around campus. It is going to be a huge challenge for me as I've struggled on campus and I've never got 10 numbers in an outing but I want to push myself and see if it is possible. This is going to be extremely challenging for me so I can't guarantee anything. I will count this as an "outing" for next week's goals. I can almost promise tomorrow will be an extremely challenging day!! I am afraid campus security (cops) will arrest me or something, but I'll just tell them the truth if they question what I'm doing.  Hopefully I'll have a decent report tomorrow...

Alright, well, went out to local campus (KSU). My intention was to get 10 numbers, something I've never done before on a single outing. I was pretty sure I'd fail, and I did. However, I did manage to get 2 numbers. One is texting me right now and the other one was pretty interesting because she seemed pretty excited to give it to me, so we'll see what happens.

I like the idea of raising the bar every time I go out. The 10 numbers I knew would be extremely hard, especially considering I was running on about 2 hours’ time and I've had major AA at colleges lately. I was more excited about today than I have been the last time I went out to sarge at campus (about a month ago). I think it gave me an edge of making it feel genuine. Nothing new, but I think, at least with day game, girls want it to feel genuine and not like I've done this a trillion times. I actually did a lot of warm up sets (about 5) before I went direct. I tried to be normal when indirect and then I transitioned saying with a sense of genuine and warm vibe (not needy), "This may sound completely random, but I just wanted to say you are very pretty." When I said this to the second girl she lit up and said, "thank you!" I talked briefly and asked a couple questions and because it was a genuine and warm compliment on my end she didn't move and asked if I go to school here (IOI). The convo was very warm and I maintained strong eye contact and it felt very warm and she seemed to light up. So yeah, that was cool as fuck because she was so hot and the interaction was based on something genuine and it felt good, which was something I was looking for lately and trying to incorporate into my game for less flakes. The first approach when I transitioned into going direct, the same way I did with the second girl, she was a little more closed off but I am beginning to learn to "plow" through in a subtle way by continuing conversation via a question or a statement about myself or her. This kept her on the line a little bit and I started talking about her old looking boots and then related them to my shoes, yada yada. Instead of saying "do you text", which seems a bit contrived, I said, "Would you mind if I texted you sometime?" (in a confident non-needy way). She said yes with more enthuiasim than I expected. She's texting me right now. Will see how it turns out.

I expect a lot of my goals to fail but they keep me striving for more. I don't want to get complacent with failure though so I think my next goal for campus approaches is to increase the number closes by 1 or 2 each time, so instead of getting 2 numbers, I'll get 3 or 4. I am worried that my sincerity will lose touch and I'll come off too strong but w/e. I left early today because I was getting mentality and physically tired walking around in the sprinkle or rain and cold wind. 3 approaches; 2 numbers. The third girl I didn't have enough conviction and asked for the number 3 seconds after I started to walk away which was weak. On my warm-up approaches I’m pretty sure I stopped I girl from earlier this year who gave me the worst LMR in my entire life—seizure LMR!!! I said that she looked familiar and asked if she knew me and she said no but I’m pretty sure she remembered.

EDIT* The girl who was texting me, I tried to set up something for tomorrow on campus but she said she was busy that day.  I suggested friday to grab coffee and she said sure but I think it sounds like a flake.  The second girl never texted me back yet (2pm).  Maybe my best optino is just to go hard and get a shit ton of numbers and not worry about making "connections" afterall?  I'll probably go to campus again tomorrow again and try for 3 or 4 numbers.

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will keep record of approaches via offline journal, but not sure if i want to focus on 40+ approaches a week because of other things like trying to stay in set longer, etc., so i will try to make a challenging goal every time i go out (ex: 10 approaches; 5 numbers).

October 2012
Approaches: 19
Numbers: 5
Dates: 0
Lays: 0
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Campus FR; 11 approaches, 5 numbers

Approached 11 girls within an hour's frame and got 5 numbers at local college campus.

Today was a VERY good reference experience mainly because NONE of the rejections bothered me. This last week or two I've been getting into the mindset of what I've been bitching about lately which is basically losing the ego and letting go of outcomes or rejections. These things are sporadic to me so I know I haven't overcame it yet but today was such a day I did and I'm pretty fucking proud of that. I know if I approach a lot I will get rejected but if I try to at least close for numbers then I can be surprised by the results. Usually my emotions get the best of me. Hopefully this is the beginning of the end of that shit. I really want to remember what I was thinking today and try to keep that with me. I don't want this to be a fluke. I think this means I need to keep going out a lot and approaching a shit ton so I can instill this into me.

It took me a while to get past rejection in this instance; it took me a while to approach and find a "process" to stop girls walking around campus outside; and it now I can finally overcome outcome dependence. If I can do these three things without second guessing myself and hitting it hard then every day I can expect at least the same amount of numbers or more. The truth is, I got bored and I was very satisfied with my results within an hour's frame so I left. I KNEW I could of got more numbers if I tried. I knew I could go for 10 and get them if I pushed myself for another hour or so--that would of been 10 fucking numbers an outing! Never have I done this and it'd be a huge step in my progress because all the little things that got me here. The biggest is letting go of the "ego”/results, trusting the process and hitting it up hard without much strain emotionally. If I can practice this mentality I'll be well on my way from where I was ago starting this year!

Hell fucking yeah. They may all flake but it's irrelevant, right? :)

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October 2012
Approaches: 30
Numbers: 10
Dates: 0
Lays: 0
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Date for tomorrow with girl from post #161.  The hotter girl I could tell wasn't interested by her responses via texting so I deleted her number.  The girl I'm going out with tomorrow knows I want her more than a friend so she's basically agreeing to set it up that way (I made it clear over texting her).  Will see what happens.

Usually I'd go out tonight but I have some shit I need to get done for school tomorrow plus I feel like shit tryna get over a minor cold.  I'll most likely go out Friday or Saturday and hit it up hard with the intention of at least 5 numbers to mess with.  Not tryna take too much time off sarging.  I know there is a penalty to pay for it.
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

LMR

Alright, well, just dropped off girl from my house back to her dorm. Turns out she was 18. She looks slightly older. She thought I was 22-23 lol, which is cool, most people have been saying that about me lately so I'll take it....

I thought it was on because she sounded DTF, especially how she just brought up sex topics and how her friends called her "9am"" for having sex at 9am. When I heard that I was like, "shit, this is gonna be easy." So we went to starbucks for some coffee by campus around 7:30pm and chit-chatted a bit and then I said we can watch a movie at my place and she agreed willingly. She's talking about sex and shit and I thought she was getting a lot of it because that's what she made it seem like. So we get back to my place, put in the movie, si ton the couch for 10 minutes, then I walk over to the spare room and get a pillow and a blanket and put in on the couch to lay down. This gives me a good transition into spooning. She happily complies. We make out. Then make out later and I start with her earlobe to her neck and to her nipple. Not much LMR so I figure I'd go for the but that's when I hear "No, no, no...". So i lay back and just spoon more and later go for the make out again and to the neck down to the nipples and this time she's acting uncomfortable with that. So later I get the fucking futon mattress on the floor and try the shit again and finally she asks to go home so I don't fight it much and say it's cool to take her home. She was kind of quiet on the way back but then started talking and somehow we started talking about sex again and I asked her how many times she's had sex and she said just recently was her first time, so I think she was talking about sex earlier so much because it was like a new territory for her and she was semi-proud for doing it, and I thought she was having sex a ton but I guess not. It was something new to her so that's why she was talking about it so much (either that or she lied to me about having sex once, but I believe her anyway). She found out I was 26 on the way back to her dorm but didn't really react or anything. We she met me at the dorm she brought her friends with her (what girls do sometimes), and so I know right now she's telling them EXACTLY what happened. Her friends are probably going to down talk me but I don't really care. I am going to hold out til tomorrow to see if she texts me tonight or tomorrow, because if she does then she's invested and it is only a matter of time. If she doesn't then I'll text her another time to hang out and repeat the process. I don't care if I scare her off by being aggressive sexually.

Btw, post #162, the last girl I got the number from was a Japanese hotty who couldn't speak a lick of English so I basically prompted via body language to give me her cell number. Interestingly enough, it looks like I have a date with her Sunday for some coffee and possibly something further if I can push it. I think her being so interested in me is to probably learn more of the culture and I'm sure no guys hit on her much like how I did so I wonder what she wants from this date (probably to learn from the culture). I did tell her I thought she was pretty and so I made it clear I was into her like that so it'll be interesting to see what happens if we do go out on a date. Will keep updated.

 I think if I keep getting a certain amount of numbers an outing I'll be able to keep my week full of dates, so I'm going to aim for lots of numbers for now.  Feel sick tonight and work early in the morning so I'm just going to call it a night and hit it up tomorrow night.

October 2012
Approaches: 30
Numbers: 10
1st Dates: 1
Lays: 0
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