THE FORUMS

December 3rd, 2016
Death of the 26 Year Old Chode!
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BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Just some info about me:
As of 2012 I've been laid 14 times in my 26 years of existence. All these lays were one night stands, and only a handful were moderately attractive, or what I really wanted. I have never had a longterm girlfriend. I have been working ever so slowly on my chodliness since 20 or so when I finally decided to be aggressive with dating.  I have come from a teenage background of severe social anxiety and depression which I later chilled out when I got into my 20s but my success with ladies has not yet come. Results have not been what I wanted because I continously find different hobbies; I give up; blame my genetics...blah blah blah blah...you know the chode story Owen talks about--yeah, me. Well, I'm going to smash this reality to pieces! If not then I'll probably kill myself, either way, it'll be a BLAST! (yay) :P

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Went out with friend and his gf.  First went to local band bar.  Heavy metal.  Didn't really talk to any girls.  One girl I was introduced to via the father.  Was introduced.  She walked off.

Switched venues.  Went to local bar.  Approached a two set.  Started talking about whatever.  Wasn't really amped; just chill.  Left and came back 10 minutes later and said "You two need to help me out with something....show me how ot put your name and number in my phone...i need help..new phone..."  (WEAK!) but i thought ui'd try w/e just for the hell of it.   Boyfriend deflection.


Not really a big night.  Will most likely go out tomorrow.  Hopefully I can just approach without thinking about it.
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#1

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Left the house for first solo trip in 2012.

Went to local bar and sat down for an hour or so to get me into the bar "mood".  Talked to the bartender who happened to know me.  Some angry dude talked to me and gave me 11 dollars for some strange reason.  THought he wanted to molest me or something.

Time passes up and I'ma little warmed up to go to bigger more crowded bar downtown Kent, Ohio.  Get there around 10:30pm.  The place had a couple two sets I could of approached but the bar was pretty empty at the time I figured I'd wait till it got a little more busy around 11:30 or so (I know I shouldn't wait but I did).

30 mins pass and some girl comes by me on my right side and says, "Mind if I get in here?"... right then I thought this was a good time to talk to her.  I ask if she saw the NBA allstar dunks on TV.  She said yeah and we got to talking for a couple minutes.  She's really responsive and friendly. She asks me if I'm here alone and I say yeah.  She then says she's with some friends if I'd like to join her.  I said sure but in a couple minutes for some odd reason.  I go join the table with two dude who were there.  I shot the shit with them...blah blah blah.. conversation..blah blah blah... 15mins later I'm getting bored so I look at the dude first so and say "Hey man, if you come up here a lot shoot me a text" (this set up for me asking the girl next)....after he gave me his number I look at the girl and say "what's your number?"....she gives it to me ("C")... i excuse myself and walk back to the bar area.  BTW, THIS GIRLS PUPILS WERE HUUUGEEE...and that made me think about what Owen said about "anime eyes" saying she's attracted or interested...i found this very interesting!

I get my drink.  I see one of the two sets I saw from earlier and approached.  One was pretty cool.  The other (more ugly one) kind of gave me shit--the look like "omg, not some guy approaching 'ignore! and be rude!'"  i didn't like her attitude...i asked her how old she was and she wouldn't say so I guessed 40 lol.... she said, "oh naw-uh!  bye bye!" and she waved me to leave.... at this point i didn't care 'cause I wasn't vibing with them anyway.

I walk over to the jukebox to play a song.  Some dude freakin' is trying to find a song for like 5 minutes so I said screw this and approached a cute girl sitting down by the jukebox. Me: "Hey, are you trying to text me" (while she's texting).  Her: "Haha, yeah"....then I ask her some questions like school and what not... her friend comes from the side and puts her body between us to talk to her while her back is facing me (fucking hate that...girls do that all the time)....after a second i saw the the one who cut us off "hey, what's your name"....she hold her hand out like i'm going to pour water inher hand or something... i say "wtf, are you trying to ask me for money?".....she laughs then walks away,,,, for some reason i didn't continue to talk to the girl who was sitting down...instead, I got up and walked around a little bit more...

At this point I felt like veryone in the bar knew what I was doing.  I tried to talk to a couple dudes by the bar just to keep social and look "normal" but the dudes looked at me like i'm some fuckin scum bag.... so i said fguck talking to them...

Saw a three set along the way.  Went straight over to them and said the first thing that came to my mind "Hey, what kind of phone is that?"....she said, "nice...and rolled her eyes..."   i asked the same question to one sitting down and I saw all over her face she did not want to talk to me (fac eof annoyance)... she almost got up from her seat and walked away so i just turned my back from the set and said fuck that....

At this point I had enough.  I walked around the whole bar and approached a decent number for having approaching anxiety recently.  I got a number.  Some of you guys are way beyond this but w/e.... i'm proud of myself.

Question for you guys: how do you feel normal or cool going out by yourself and approaching girls in front of everyone?  I feel like people think I'm strange or osmething and know what I'm "up to"...like it's a bad thing....how do I get over this stupid thought process?  Can I just tell myself that i'm "cool" because I go for what i want regardless of my situation?  Mayeb all those dudes are fucking pussies?  Haha, that makes me feel better....idk..what do you guys think?  Also, how do you stay in "state" and appear attactive to women if no one wants to talk to you or blows you off?
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#2

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Because I'm still a newbie at this I'll write alot about my rejections.  I think I can learn a lot form them.

Anway, just got rejected HARD--probably the hardest in my entire life! lol

So I go into this grocery store to see if there are any girls I'd like to approach.  There is this one I see in the corner of my eye and so I approach and say the first thing that came to my head.. me: "hey, your cute.  what's your name?...her (looking annoyed) "none of your business" ....i felt crushed when she said that so i left with my tail between my legs..... fuck man lol.... oh well, i know i'll become immune to that shit here soon

EDIT:
I've been thinking about why that girl rejected me so brutally.  I think it had to do with the fact that I came on so strong and direct.  I know that with day game you can go direct but in a way that is "cool"and non-intrusive.  I think I was just too damn intrusive on this rejection.  So when I do more day game I plan on being  a little bit more indirect to see what reactions I get.  I can use an observational opener or something like that.  Only problem is, most the time I see a girl in the grocery store she's looking at something I have no interest or relevance in so it's kind of weird.  In any case, I guess I could ask her about it or something...idk...just less direct on the approach but if she's reciprocating well then I can tell her why I approached her.  To me, it has a lot to do with how the girl is responding to me.  It's not wise to ask for digits or w/e when she's definitly annoyed or freaked out.
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#3

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Feel like a total loser today lol

Tried to meet some girls walking around a local campus by my house.  I didn't approach one. I realize it's the worst feeling in the world to not follow up on approaching.  Makes me feel like complete shit! To be honest, I feel street approach is too advanced for me right now... i think i want to stick to more social venues like college or bars for now....i've been going to the stores to do some day game and that has been shit so i just want to break from that for a while and see if i can't get better success in more social environments...

So, tomorrow, I plan on hitting up that same college--I'm 26 btw--and going into the cafeteria around 11am...approach...approach....then move on to the local off campus starbucks where a lot of girls hang out.... sit...aproach...approach... then after that i go to my college and approach approach lol...see how it works out..post about it tomorro
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#4

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Success!

Alright, so if you read my last post I broke down my game plan for today.  Here's what happened:

First stop was Kent State.  Parked in the visitor's lot and walked around campus for about 15 minutes.  I felt my state dropping because I knew in the back of my mind--or convinced myself--that I wouldn't be able to approach walking girls.  So I walked back to my car before I ruined my state for the entire day.

Next, went to starbucks but the place was packed!  That's actually a good thing but this starbucks is like a hole in the wall with a upstairs balcony and I quickly looked up there and didn't see anything so I got my 3 dollar coffee and left lol.

My last destination was my campus in Akron, Ohio (University of Akron).  When I park I tell myself mentally a few things: "Make this one count....no excuses...don't think just do".  So I get out of my car and walk around for about 10 minutes.  I walk into a a building on campus and walk around where I know some girls sit outside of class.  So I'm walking and I spot a girl studying.  She's blonde hair, blue eyes, decent body with a really pretty face.  So I walk past like a chode because I saw a guy sitting about 5 feet away from her.  I turn the corner and tell myself I'm going to walk to the end of the hall turn around and sit down by her and start a conversation.  Instead, I turn around and sit between him and her which is about 3 feet on each side of each person and I'm in the middle.  I pull out a book from my bag like I'm going to read and a minute later I say "fuck this!".....I get up and walkright over to her and I say:

Me: Hey, what ya studying?
Her: Chemistry
Me: Mind if I sit down?
Her: Sure
me: is that your major?  chemistry?
her: yeah
me: what made you want to do that?
her: oh, thought it was cool.  it's tough....


So the conversation ensues.  Just talk about regular stuff.  At this point I'm realizing how fucking simple this is.  It was so damn simple I'm thinking, "wow, this is like talking to anyone"... her reactions were cool....she started to ask me question about where I'm from; my major, etc.  I get her name and we exchange numbers.  I tell her GL with her test she is studying for and walk away like I've done it a million times.  I enter into stairway door form the hall and in my head I'm thinking, "wow, that was so non-special it felt like I was talking to someone I've known for years".  At that point I felt like I've done this a zillion times.

State jumps up and I'm not inside my head.

I walk down one flight of stairs and turn into another hallway that had yet another girl sitting studying.  She's a brunette, decent body, etc.  I walk past her for a second because I almost didn't see her and then turned around in a split second and asked:

Me: mind if I sit here?
her: no, go ahead! (friendly and excited)
me: oh ok, cool.  what ya studying?
her: i'm studying for a nursing test
me: oh that's cool...blah blah blah blah

Conversation ensues.  She's very receptive and smiling and asking questions.  After more conversation I say I better get back to the library to finish my paper.  I ask if she likes to text and she says yes so  give her my phone to put my number in and she does.  I talk another minute or two and then walk away.

At this point I'm feeling like I did my job.  I no longer cared about approaching for the day because I felt I did a good job and did what I said I would.  But, nonetheless, I went into the campus library and got a laptop and sat in the middle of the library on a couch lounge area.  I'm sitting there looking real relaxed with my arm on top of the couch and my jacket unzipped smacking gum in my mouth like I'm the most relaxed confident mother fucker in the room lol.  TO my surprise a hottie comes over and sit RIGHT beside me even though it's a big ass area.  I'm thinking she must of been attracted to my "persona".  So I said:

Me: hey, do you know how to do the academic search on this laptop?
her: um, yeah... it's like this....(she doesn't know what the fuck she's doing)
me: you don't know what your doing do you?
her: lol no.  you might want to ask the librarian.
me: yeah, i was thinking about doing that......

And then out of nowhere she gets up, puts on her coat and says "Good luck" and then just walks away.  I thought it was a little bit weird because she came to sit right next to me and then she left.  But nonetheless, I didn't react and ended up going to the librarian for assistance anyway because I hoenstly wanted to know for my paper.  I notice most the girls sitting around the library were staring at me....i felt like they knew I was top shit or something....but just so you guys understand I'm not an asshole or anything or try to stand out like an insecure teenager or anything by trying to act "cool".... i just feel confident and I must look confident

Anyway, it's very descriptive, I know, but I was excited about this because I thought I did pretty good for a newbie!  I'm not pushing for same night lays or anything..just numbers.

Success!  I got two numbers in less than 10 minutes from two girls !  It was fuckin so goddamn easy too!

When I got home I texted them and gave them my number because I forgot and both were responsive with "LOLs" and smiley faces.

This is a great reference experience for me!  And it has given me really high confidence.  The only thing that ensues in my mind that isn't that helpful is this stupid idea that i'm 26 and they are like 19 or 20 or something, which I know is dumb.  I guess I just need mroe reference expereinces regarding this....oh well :)
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#5

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Only approached one girl today sitting in the Student Union.  Didn't giv eme her number but it was nice to approach in front of a silent crowd.

I plan on approaching at least 3 girls tomorrow after I drive up to the campus and take my test.  Will post about it when I get back.

Gonna text two girls at the same time and see if they wanna hang out sunday at my house--I don't want to do any more out-of-my-house first dates.  If I'm going to live in abundance then I can give a shit less if they don't come over because i'll just find a girl who will.  No biggie.
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#6

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Man, I hate to sound cocky as a newbie but I went out solo tonight and this shit was easy as hell....

Went to local bars for an hour or two but nothing special so I left and went to Kent bars around 11pm.  When I got there I went to the bartending area and just chilled for about 15 minutes.  It's interesting to me because I was really trying to pay attention to my "state".  My state was steady and I felt confident.  I would say the only setback was that I maybe waited too long.  I saw an oriental guy--probably 21-22 years old--seriously put some mack down on some chicks.  I knew what he was doing.  I was thinking to myslf, "man, wtf am I doing?"....so then I walk over to the jukebox....didn't have any ones so I walk over to a sitting two set and say:

Me: "Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to have change for a 10 would you?  One 5 and five 1s?"
them: "No, I'm sorry"
Me: "it's cool.  how are you guys doing tonight?"
her: "good.  and you?"
me: "good. mongolian mother fuckers?" (a drink)
them: "yeah lol"
...then the basics of where are they from, school, etc....

A couple important realizations I learned tonight (I'll share at the end of this post)...

Thought it was a nice warm up and was actually surprised at them ask e questions and smiling.  I thought they'd blow me out...

OK, so I get my chance to play the jukebox and after I select my song those girls were gone so I went over to another two set:

Me: "Hey, how are you guys doing tonight?"
them: "good.  you?"
me: "good.  I'm Brice btw."
...then small talk and they fucking open up like they enjoyed my company!  Yet another surprise to me!  Hottie was really cool to me.  She was smiling and asking me questions and it was really fucking cool.  The convo kind of dried for a second and I thought about getting their numbers but said "fuck it" due to the fact I felt it a little premature.  So I walked back over the the bar area (3 feet away) and just kind of stood there for a second after I said it was nice meeting them and excused myself.  So I'm standing there and this chick who was my height  with high heels (5'11"--she's really 5'8" though) turns around with a drink in her hand and I say:

Me: "What kind of drink is that?"
her ("P"): "mongolian mother fucker"
me: "lol. nice. another one? i've seen a lot of those tonight"
P: "yeah..." blah blah blah blah blah small talk...

Then out of nowhere I'm surrounded by 3 hot chicks and they are all conversing with me and I'm thinking to myself, "wow, what's the catch?"....no catch though, and we continue to talk.  The hottest one started asking me if I was here alone and I said yes and she said it takes balls to do that and I said "well, i do have balls" and she started fucking dying laughing..... man, personally, i didn't think it was that funny but she did and so did all the other girls in the circle.  Haha, man, wtf is going on here I'm thinking to myself lol....then P basically continues to stand by me and we tlk more and more and her friends go to the dance floor and I can tell she's into me because of the attention she's giving me.  We are vibing really good.  Finally, I say, "hey, you want to text sometime?"...she said yeah and she puts her number in my phone and then dials her number to have my number and says, "look, i have you number now too so...".  I look over and the oriental dude I saw from earlier is intently watching me....lol...felt like we had some secrete understanding or something...it was funny shit...  Patty keeps fucking standing by me and talking.  Finally, she kind of breaks off and I see the hottie who i approached at the table just fucking eyeing me like no one's buisness (in a good way).  I saw patty one more time and said i may go to akron tomorrow and she said "yeah, if you end up going hit me up and we can go together"....a little bit more conversing then the group of girls took off and two minutes later so did i.  I was satisfied with only one number because i learned a MASSIVE shit load tonight...



Every girl I approached was within 20 minutes.  I told them all I was went out alone and to my surprise they all commended me for it saying it takes confidence to do that, and that left me with the impression girls dig a man who can do that shit, which is cool because it breaks down a stupid negative thoughts about me going out alone in my head!  Also, the impression I have before I approach is that they are going to blow me out which was deinfitly not the case in this instance--I actually took some notes on why I think I got blowed out last time and I wrote basically that i need to be mroe CONSIDERATE when I approach and approach in a way that ISN'T intrusive...when I approached the last solo night and got blown out I approached basically jumping in a saying whatever....this time i did it differently in that my attitude was considerate and polit eon approach, which kind of blew my mind how the reaction was different, so i learned something there...women actually respond pretty good to courtesy within a bar context!  I will dabble around more with this type of approach.  The whole time I was talking to these girls I was authentic and being myself 100%.  I was not trying anything special or anything...I think they respond well to my authenticity and approach...it appears confident but also natural...i even stuttered a couple of times and lost track of my thought when i approached for some reason and then i said "god damn, i don't know what i'm tlaking about lol"....hottie started busting up when i said that and was like, "oh no no no...your fine!"

Amazing shit.  Could of got more numbers easily if I wanted to.  I have a couple sticking points I'm going to think about bu for the most part I feel like this shit is pretty easy now.  It used not to be but I've come to know myself supremely since I turned 20 (i'm 26 now) and i think people can pick up on that and respect it.


Btw, the gir who gave me her number on the last solo bar trip texted me earlier seeing if i was free sunday to hang out lol...... can't though... i told her next week....guys, my journey look VERY promising!  Right now I'm only focused on numbers and aproaching and interacting.  If I get really good at this then I'm start new sff like instant make outs or other stuff.  I want the competence of certain thigns first.   It'smoving a lot faster and easier than I expect though!

Till niext time!   ...probaly tomorrow :P
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#7

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Not such a productive night tonight.  Went out solo again. 

Got the the Kent bars around 11:30pm.  Went to the bar area got a drink and kicke dit there for about 10 minutes.  Nothing downstairs so I went upstairs and it was packed.  Stood there aginst the bar for about 5 minutes just eying the place.  I saw a four set on the dance floor not really doing anything and kind of mellow.  I thought they would be a good group to approach to bring some energy into but I just stood there not out of fear but just thought I'd see what else was available.  I should of approached the four set for reference experience.  Instead, I saw a two set in the corner of the bar by the smoking patio and went to approach.  I walked up and introduced myself.  The happen to be French with heavy accents so it was kind of hard to make out what they were saying.  The one closest to me was cool but I saw on the other face of the other girl the "annoyed" face, but she didn't try to stop our conversation.  Anyway, so I started talking to the friendly one and convo was going good and she was smiling and stuff but she had her friend like two feet away watching me and it felt like they thought I was a predator or something so it kind of made it awkward talking to the girl...plus, once I joined in and talked to the one girl they all stopped talking ina  cicrle and just stood there so it felt uncomfortable like I fucekd up there group talk or something lol...  anyway, so I kind of just said later and left.  I should of tried to get the girl's number.  It was a good reference experience.  Next time in that type of situation with her friends eyeballing me I think I'm just going to ignore them and keep talking to the girl who's interested until we get a good connectioin.  When that happens I'll get her number.  I think I let the group influence my moves too much.  Lesson learned.

So I went back down stairs with my drink to see what's up.  A girl sat behind me on a stool so I started chatting her up but I could tell she didn't want to talk because she wasn't trying to make eye contact and her conversation was one or two words so I got up and just stood by the table.  She got up and left.  Saw a few sets I could approach but it felt weird because I didn't want to look like the only dude in the entire place hitting up on all the girls.  I should of at least approache don more set...lesson learned.

So I left that bar and wen tup the block to another one.  When I got it it was pretty packed and around 1:20am.  I approached a 6 set, but it was more like a two set because they were on the outskirts of the group talking.  One was pretty cool and started to ask my name like she didn't mind the conversaiton the other one not so much but then they got distracted because it was their friend's 21st bday party and it left me kind of standing on the side so I left.

Saw a real, real pretty two set.  I approached and asked if they were the guardian blockaiders of the human traffic because they were standing right where the traffic of people kept coming in and out.  They basically blew me off and walked away.

I forgot to mention an average girl was kind of into me when I first walked into the bar but I wasn't feeling it so I that part of the bar...

Finally, the last approach was some girl standing there on her cellphone texting.  She didn't seem very intereste din the conversation and and we got split up by human traffic and right when we split another dude came out of nowhere and asked some random question and just stood there.  I didn't feel like doing anything about it beacuse I didn't really care so I just left the bar.

I think most of the blown outs happened because the girls were too focused on their group.  I think maybe some type of isolation would help with that.  As far as my confidence and state and conversation, I don't think it was the problem this time.. I just don't think the girls I approached except for the french girl really wanted to talk to strangers.

In any case, in the past I would of thought this was bad but I understand now that it happens sometimes.  Sometimes you meet girls who want to talk and other times you don't.  What can ya do?  I'm not really trying to get physical with any girls yet.  I'm still just focused on conversation and approachign and numbers.

I got like 4 prospects in my phone right now so I'm doing OK.  I won't sweat nights like this because it comes with the territory.

I'm going to take some notes down tonight about what I could of done to be more productive.  I think I shoudl of kept talking to that french girl.  Other than that, I probably should of approached a little more.  That's about it.  The rest wasn't my fault.
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#8

JoeStriker

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/17/2011 | Posts: 136

Enjoyed the posts man, keep it up.
I'd say a lot of the sticking points you have will clear up with time and experience as you get more comfortable with the scene!

Its really hard to approach those girls that make you feel uncomfortable or anxious... What I've found helpful is to realize that when I get that feeling, its a sign that I should DO THAT!
So you're taking right action in the face of emotion.
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The only theory you need:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k51zX4kIoGs
Stories I write after I come home from the club. Lessons learned and interesting nights:
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/211825
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#9
Courage

Courage

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/22/2006 | Posts: 2441

You're doing great man. Just blast out a whole bunch of approaches.
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Someday, I want to be a billionaire.
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#10

BKW

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/21/2012 | Posts: 987

Thanks JoeStriker and Courage!  I really appreciate the feedback!  :)

JoeStriker, I am starting to notice that the anxious feelings I get are great indicators of taking action!  I remember watiching one of Tyler's vlogs and he mentioned his favorite part of the approach is the first girl because he says it gets him to focus.  I kind of felt that way last night and instead of fearing the approach I looked forward to it!  Pretty cool stuff man.

Courage, yes, as a newbie I really want to have more reference experiences!
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