THE FORUMS

December 9th, 2016
Train yourself to Lead yourself - Solo Game Tips
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scottsdale

scottsdale

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/23/2007 | Posts: 1542

I'm a huge supporter of solo game. I love the shit out of it!
I think if you CAN'T go out alone and sober and still take action then you ain't solid in this game yet.

I started doing solo game for two reasons. First of all - lack of people to go out with consistently that WEREN'T a negative influence on the night. You know the typical non-community dude that gets way too sloppy drunk and won't talk to any girls unless you open them first, then if you open he will ALWAYS jump right in and ruin it for both of you. Seems like I would run into this over and over again. All other guys that I consider cool to go out with, they just don't go out consistently enough - Or will go out for a short phase and then shack up with some chick.
The Second and more important reason why I started was because I intuitively knew that going out solo would be the type of hardcore challenge that would really accelerate the growth - And this has turned out to be true.
Now I would say I'm addicted to Solo Game. Its a fucking blast! I still enjoy going out with friends from time to time but for the most part I'm out there alone.

So I'm gonna share a few things I have noticed about Solo Game and some tips that have really helped me out.


First off for me, it WAS/IS fucking hardcore. Solo game, especially while sober, is fucking HARD. When first starting off things are gonna be really extreme - Like when you have a bad night or a bad interaction, its gonna feel like the worst night of your life. On the flip side when you have a really good night its gonna feel amazing, its gonna put a smile on your face for days.

Even if you are already intermediate in game and have had alot of positive success - I think once you first start going out alone and sober (especially if you drink regularly otherwise) its gonna feel like you just went back to square one. And I think bearing down on a newbie mission again is almost essential.

A moment of hesitation has the ability to the entire night. And it often will. Unless you have some serious discipline to get the night rolling again.

Approaching right when you get into the venue and to keep approaching is pretty important for any night, when you are solo however it is highly important and cannot be stressed enough - APPROACH INSTANTLY. If you wait more than 10 seconds to do that first approach, you will more than likely wait til like 5 minutes, if you wait til 5 minutes you will more than likely wait til 10 minutes - and so forth. Before you know it half an hour has gone by and you are stuck. I have wasted several nights because I simply waited more than 10 seconds. He who hesitates masturbates.

With that said - Any night can be saved at any point. If you been at the venue for an entire HOUR just choding around - You can at any point still dive in and get the night rolling. This is very hard to do - So make it your discipline to hit up that first 10 seconds, or close to it.

Too much time in-between sets can potentially stagnate you out. Keep approaching. I find you are pretty safe to take a break and relax a bit IF you just went through a nice approaching frenzy. Like approach 5 sets back to back - and then you can chill back for a bit , get a water, etc... Then you gotta DIVE IN AGAIN and go on a back to back swing.  
If you have a long interaction with a girl, after its over Approach again instantly before taking a chill pill. I have found that long interactions themselves can actually hurt my approaching drive. So once again when coming out of a long interaction you gotta FORCE yourself quickly into the next one - even if its just a brief greetings or whatever.

....Ok I just wanted to spit off those few points real quick. What is the overall theme of just about them all? Keep moving, keep taking massive action or else stagnate and fart out you fucking loser. This doesnt mean you need to be in a state of anxiety rushing from one set to the next, BOOM, BOOM... Nahhh you can still be really chill and normal while constantly on the drive. Think of the Tortoise and the Hair - Slow and steady wins the race right! Keep yourself focused and steady and constantly on that "action go!". 
What I have been loving about Solo game is it has been teaching me to be my own self-starter, To be a massive leader to myself. You gotta start listening to your own mind like as if it was bootcamp drill instructor. When you first notice that girl - thats the leader in you yelling "Approach!" and you must comply. If you hesitate you will stagnate. It's not EVERY girl you see that you have to approach - But you know that moment, when your brain see's an openeing, or a cute girl, or an opportunity - You must learn to start obeying those urges. And everytime you obey correctly it gets stronger like a muscle... And not only does it get stronger but everytime you obey you actually bring that leading voice closer. Until eventually you are that leading voice - acting without thought. Acting through your own intentions. This is what solo/sober game can eventually bring to the table in a very powerful way.
This is the point - To go out and keep taking massive action, On the fucking go! Until you get to a point where you simply are action. Where the motions just flow freely from you.

All those instinctual moments popping up are your brain are telling you to "GO". Likewise whenever you are confronted with a big fear - That is your mind telling you in an even more important way "Duude you got this huge sticking point, get this handled and I promise you fulfilling growth". So you gotta make the choice to start taking massive action and to listen to your minds instincts and fears. Act on your instincts and face your fears.
This is your deep self guiding you down the path. Its the path that you conciously chose right? To get pussy, or to develop yourself, or become a master socially etc... Whatever your goal is, what you are working towards (and you should be clear in this) your deeper self so to speak is gonna step up to the plate and LEAD you on your path. So learn to listen to this driving force.

Like I said this shit is hard right, and in the beginning everything is extreme. Well eventually things will start to feel less extreme. Everything will become normal. A bad night is just a bad night, a good night is just a good night.
Your first stepping stone goal is to take action, simple. Everytime you go out and you are apporaching that is a success. Thats a huge success. Everynight you can be a success simply by just going through the motions and talking to girls. Easy.... But its fucking hard bro haha!
The next stepping stone goal is to hit a point where you no longer feel "out of place" or feel awkward being alone, and it just feels normal and cool to be doing what you are doing. This can actually take awhile. I think it took about 3 months for me to genuinely hit this (I hit moments of this all the time, but it was about 3 months before this was my base feeling even before I entered the venue) and that was after being in this game for awhile with alot of positive success already. Once you really hit this point you will explode! Things are gonna get awesome. . 



....Starting off on this at first you need to become this massive asshole to yourself - meaning you know your mind is gonna be pushy as fuck, You're gonna kinda hate yourself because its gonna challenge you and put you through relentless tough moments.

You need to also find a way to Punish Yourself for not listening to the inner leader. If you see that opening and hesitate to approach then you must have a form of punishment lined up that you have to abide by. But make sure your punishment is something positive that will actually benefit you in a way... For example if you fail to open her and you know that you failed, then you must punish yourself and go up to her anyways and act like a total dork "HELLLOOO BANANAS!!"... It should be something you really dont want to do, yet by doing it will actually further your momentum for the night.

A bit of warning, when you first start really obeying your mind and acting on your instincts and becoming this dude who REALLY IS freely taking massive action, you need to be weary of a bit of impulse control. Depending on who you are, your background, if you come from a dark and negative place, your instincts may at times put you in a fucked up position, so just use some common sense and dont do anything REALLY crazy or stupid. But for most everyone else you dont got to worry about this. And eventually anyone should hit onto a positive drive anyhow to where your mind is leading down a good life. 

And to quickly sum up/finish off -
- Solo/Sober game is tough and demanding, but with all things that take a lot of work comes great reward.
- Solo/Sober game is a raw way to supercharge your life.
- Massive action is all that is necessary. Make the choice to act and keep going.
- Make your mind your friend and your guide - and trust that deep self to bring you to your ultimate goals.
- All instincts and Fears should be regarded as a form of communication - Listen and act properly towards them. (and potentially become a giant among men)
- Solo Game can be a blast! It can be very very enjoyable and relaxing.
- In the begining phase, if a girl asks if you are alone or not always tell her the truth.
- If you are not used to taking this much action, know that you will become exhausted and tired frequently but your body will eventually acclimate.
- Punish yourself when you fail to act, but punish yourself in a positive way.
- Keep listening to the inner leader until you become the inner leader and flow.

Ok I gotta be on my way - I know this is long and probably pretty scattered, but hey I'm trying. I just hope maybe I can motivate some of you who need to be hitting Solo game to get out there and get in those trenches. Its not gonna be easy, I admit, but it will be worth it.

And finally I can tell you to build yourself up at all chances. Yes at first you're gonna hate yourself because you will be so demanding on yourself - and you will likely fail over and over again (if you're human like me), so its important that you feel good about what you are doing, that you believe in it. So congratulate yourself and be proud of all the times you take action - Even GOING OUT alone and sober in the first place is enough reason to be proud of yourself to be taking the type of action that not many can even think about trying. You need a friend out there so go easy on yourself, you are all you got.
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#1

guitarsavior

Member

Join Date: 06/10/2010 | Posts: 86

Agreed, going out solo has been like taking steroids for my game.  And it hasnt even been that long and already I'm seeing great dividends.  Agreed that it's insanely hard and taxing on your body and mind and It's even harder because I still chode out half the time and then have to deal with my really harsh internal dialogue.  I feel like shit alot but I suppose thats what it feels like to be consistently trying to change deep seated habits and beliefs...Love solo game  though, best way to make serious progress besides going out every day I think.
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#2
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5327

guitarsavior wrote:
Agreed, going out solo has been like taking steroids for my game.  And it hasnt even been that long and already I'm seeing great dividends.  Agreed that it's insanely hard and taxing on your body and mind and It's even harder because I still chode out half the time and then have to deal with my really harsh internal dialogue.  I feel like shit alot but I suppose thats what it feels like to be consistently trying to change deep seated habits and beliefs...Love solo game  though, best way to make serious progress besides going out every day I think.
You need to go hard, step hard, and never fall back. Other wise, it can be a shit night.

I have had those before, mates bail or have lame excuses, and its kill or be killed, game time.

One thing I do is befriend random blokes in the que, that or enter with girls in the que, and I've met some awesome people.

Met some Aussie naturals in the que one time. They were fairly good looking lads, pretty stylish, confident, and had game without a doubt.

The three were competant, the older fella was weaker, and awkward even though, the group dynamic was built up by the three of us which helped the socially inept bloke.

I watched one lad walk up to a group of girls, open by smiling, and waving at them.

The reacts to the girls were rude, blunt, get the fuck out of here, and he held is ground. Kept waving.

One girl, probably the pack leader approached him, her friends followed, and it went good from there. No pull. The two naturals had girlfriends back in Australia.

We had a awesome night, hooked up with a cute asian chick that night but, the group dynamic was lifted cause of the natural impact they had.


One night, I went out with my wing, he drank too much so, I ended up going alone since, he got quite ill.

I pulled pretty much after taking a energy drink, some water, and a quick trip to the bathroom.

I ended up at a VIP table, taking pics with the girls, arms around them, kissing their cheeks, touching, and feeling them up.

Ended up grinding with one girl, she kept putting my hands all over her, and up her dress. She wasn't wearing any thong or under wear.

Very wet. Bathroom pull, security ejected me, and some other orbiter that was all about her was very angry with me.

The encounter was short lived but, a fun experience and one of the best I have had going out.


My advice is to start early. The moment you leave, start in the streets, approach, chat up the girls or guys, have a flirt, befriend everyone, and pull.
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Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.
Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later. Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!
Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#! Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.


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#3
UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4956

Yeah this shit is awesome.  Werd scottsdale.  You go out solo like most of the time or what?

When you're "learning pickup" and you're out with other pooah dude or whatever, you brain sees "They think I'm a cool beast so I must be!"  But solo you're relying 100% on your own.  

I'd say the biggest "issue" when starting to do this shit is doing too many friend-friend approaches as you're going to be looking for "acceptance" and stuff like this that you no longer get from your fellow beasts as they're not there to give you acceptance.  

When you get past this and "accept yourself" -- this is your next level shit.  
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#4
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5327

UtopiaFive wrote:
Yeah this shit is awesome.  Werd scottsdale.  You go out solo like most of the time or what?

When you're "learning pickup" and you're out with other pooah dude or whatever, you brain sees "They think I'm a cool beast so I must be!"  But solo you're relying 100% on your own.  

I'd say the biggest "issue" when starting to do this shit is doing too many friend-friend approaches as you're going to be looking for "acceptance" and stuff like this that you no longer get from your fellow beasts as they're not there to give you acceptance.  

When you get past this and "accept yourself" -- this is your next level shit.  

I think that is just the thing. A person can become complacent and reliant on their mates or wings.

Being solo, you have cut away the excuses, and you see where you are at.

It further conditions a person to know its game time all the time, not like a switch or on when inside a venue.

Its go time all the time.
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.
Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later. Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!
Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#! Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.


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#5

kidazia

Senior Member

Join Date: 09/04/2009 | Posts: 236

Did you guys drink when starting to go solo, and gradually taper off?  Or did you start going solo/sober right away?

Ive gone solo only a couple times, but I drank to make myself feel more comfortable.  What do you say when a girl asks who you came with?  If you tell her the truth, it might come off as lower value since she'll think your a loner.
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#6
scottsdale

scottsdale

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Join Date: 10/23/2007 | Posts: 1542

UtopiaFive wrote:
Yeah this shit is awesome.  Werd scottsdale.  You go out solo like most of the time or what?

When you're "learning pickup" and you're out with other pooah dude or whatever, you brain sees "They think I'm a cool beast so I must be!"  But solo you're relying 100% on your own.  

I'd say the biggest "issue" when starting to do this shit is doing too many friend-friend approaches as you're going to be looking for "acceptance" and stuff like this that you no longer get from your fellow beasts as they're not there to give you acceptance.  

When you get past this and "accept yourself" -- this is your next level shit.  


Yeah very rarely do I go out with any friends (or should I say very rarely do my close friends go out). And I just got done with a big job so I have more free time in the city now, which means I'm putting in about 4 nights a week. Getting ALOT of Solo experiences under my belt.

Yeah I would say your outcome dependency could easily uproar at first, cause you're just praying that a girl will like you and accept you so it takes all the pressure off yourself. So basically your two biggest enemies at first would be a lack of action, and being too needy.
And definitely like I said, hitting the second goal where you feel totally comfortable and normal being out alone - that is the next level shit. Thats when things start getting really awesome. Once you are comfortable being alone you don't NEED her to save you from the emberrassment so to speak - So you can become free from the outcome again. Shedding those anxieties about "everyone is watching you", "youre such a loser you have no friends" are a big threshold you have to get by in the beginning. But once those are gone - Yooooooo! hahaha

I started doing solo quiet a bit awhile ago - But since I cut out alcohol 100% and focused on Solo Game it really did put me back to square one, but my game is now forming a solid foundation unlike I've ever had before.
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#7
scottsdale

scottsdale

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Join Date: 10/23/2007 | Posts: 1542

kidazia wrote:
Did you guys drink when starting to go solo, and gradually taper off?  Or did you start going solo/sober right away?

Ive gone solo only a couple times, but I drank to make myself feel more comfortable.  What do you say when a girl asks who you came with?  If you tell her the truth, it might come off as lower value since she'll think your a loner.
I drank still while going out sober for a bit - but once I made a decision to focus solely on Solo game hardcore I gave up drinking cold turkey. The not-drinking thing is more recent - But I can say that the amount of solid learning while being sober in such a short time is really amazing. I think even if you don't want to give up booze for good, you should consider it just for a short time to get that foundation of your game rock solid, rooted fully to you.
I think I have proved enough reasons to myself to give up booze for good. Which is kinda sad cause I love the taste of alot of drinks - But whatever, its more worth it to me to give it up completely.

Like I said in my OP, when a girl asks if you are there with friends, tell her the truth. Especially in the beginning. I tell you to do this cause you are most afraid to admit it right? So it will actually force you to expereince and grow more by admitting that you are alone.... After some time you just gotta make a judgement call about what to say... For example last Thursday I was pulling this girl from her sister, and her sister was mad shit testing me and giving me an insane amount of heat. She would ask "Why are you here? You just here to pickup random girls".. and I just calmly would reply "Yeah" and she would be shocked, and attracted actually (I think I couldve pulled her lol), but I could see that she needed some reassurance. So finally I was just like "Nahh why would I be here alone? my friends are downstairs". And after that it never came up again and I got the girl!
So tell the girls the truth for awhile simply because you shouldn't be hiding from what you believe in... I mean don't tell them "I'm here alone, to meet girls yeahhhh!", just effortlessly toss it off like "yeah I was bored tonight and no one wanted to do anything"... Easy as that. You will find though that the subject doesn't come up as much as you would think. Most girls are too self absorbed to care.

Oh and I guess just a tip, even if you are new and you ARE pulling the girl right then... If she asks "what about your friends?" just say "I lost them earlier" just to keep it simple and not have her go down any weird thought stream.
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#8
RearWindow

RearWindow

Respected Member

Join Date: 02/02/2009 | Posts: 421

scottsdale wrote:

And to quickly sum up/finish off -
- Solo/Sober game is tough and demanding, but with all things that take a lot of work comes great reward.
- Solo/Sober game is a raw way to supercharge your life.
- Massive action is all that is necessary. Make the choice to act and keep going.
- Make your mind your friend and your guide - and trust that deep self to bring you to your ultimate goals.
- All instincts and Fears should be regarded as a form of communication - Listen and act properly towards them. (and potentially become a giant among men)
- Solo Game can be a blast! It can be very very enjoyable and relaxing.
- In the begining phase, if a girl asks if you are alone or not always tell her the truth.
- If you are not used to taking this much action, know that you will become exhausted and tired frequently but your body will eventually acclimate.
- Punish yourself when you fail to act, but punish yourself in a positive way.
- Keep listening to the inner leader until you become the inner leader and flow.



Cool post, thought i'd add my own expieriences, some of which contradict yours and some which complement them:

(I only do sober, i never liked alchohol or drink it unless at house party or having dinner)
-The first time is scary, but only proceeding to the night out, once your in the club its normal
-Solo game is easy and feels more natural than going with friends
-The very first time you go out, as soon as you enter the club its easy, easier than when with friends, because there is no social pressure to approach (by the way all that social pressure isn't real its only inside your head)
-Definantly at first tell people your out alone, but later just say "my friends are here somewhere"..nuff said on to the next conversational thread.
-When out solo there is nothing to do but approach, your choices are drink water, go toilet or approach...
-Therefore you will approach more when out solo
-When starting out, decide how many approaches you will do and don't go home untill you've done that number
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#9
scottsdale

scottsdale

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Join Date: 10/23/2007 | Posts: 1542

Tin wrote:

scottsdale wrote:

And to quickly sum up/finish off -
- Solo/Sober game is tough and demanding, but with all things that take a lot of work comes great reward.
- Solo/Sober game is a raw way to supercharge your life.
- Massive action is all that is necessary. Make the choice to act and keep going.
- Make your mind your friend and your guide - and trust that deep self to bring you to your ultimate goals.
- All instincts and Fears should be regarded as a form of communication - Listen and act properly towards them. (and potentially become a giant among men)
- Solo Game can be a blast! It can be very very enjoyable and relaxing.
- In the begining phase, if a girl asks if you are alone or not always tell her the truth.
- If you are not used to taking this much action, know that you will become exhausted and tired frequently but your body will eventually acclimate.
- Punish yourself when you fail to act, but punish yourself in a positive way.
- Keep listening to the inner leader until you become the inner leader and flow.



Cool post, thought i'd add my own expieriences, some of which contradict yours and some which complement them:

(I only do sober, i never liked alchohol or drink it unless at house party or having dinner)
-The first time is scary, but only proceeding to the night out, once your in the club its normal
-Solo game is easy and feels more natural than going with friends
-The very first time you go out, as soon as you enter the club its easy, easier than when with friends, because there is no social pressure to approach (by the way all that social pressure isn't real its only inside your head)
-Definantly at first tell people your out alone, but later just say my friends are here somewhere..nuff said on to the next conversational thread.
-When out solo there is nothing to do but approach, your choices are drink water, go toilet or approach...
-Therefore you will approach more when out solo
-When starting out, decide how many approaches you will do and don't go home untill you've done that number
Nice man! Its funny to compare how differently we probably felt about it when we first started out. Especially about there being no social pressure to approach. I would feel SO MUCH pressure to approach and I think that pressure is what would cripple me to not approach sometimes. Now I have a few simple opening lines that I can always pull out if I'm hesitating. Before I was against having any opener or lines - but now I have just a select few just in case I need to be bailed out of a freezing moment - just the fact that I always have SOMETHING to resort to actually gives me enough confidence to never have to use them really. 

And I totally agree with setting a number of approaches you must accomplish that night - its a great idea and I have used it before too. I don't think its necessary - But can be helpful if you need it. Don't forget to setup a punishment for yourself in case you don't hit your quota.... unless of course your excuse is you pulled or were in too many long sets.
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#10

SilentSteps9

Junior Member

Join Date: 02/12/2012 | Posts: 6

Yeah im pretty fresh to the solo game, I'm pretty young but recently been starting to go out by myself I usually have fun and am there to enjoy the music might talk to a couple people and whatever, but a major sticky point is that first 10 seconds, where its I dont know anybody, what to say and dont really have a reason to say anything, then get all eyes on me syndrome and stand in the same spot bobbin my head to the beat.

My question is about the punish yourself, is it sorta like what Owen says in blueprints...  Well im not in state. .. this is gonna suck here we go
approches anyways, and has bombs go off  till it pans out. 

That initial feeling of approach anxieity, just do it anyways, fallow your gut and laugh in the face of rudeness and press ooooon?

Dose the anxieity go away and the words begin to flow?

+ Practice.
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