THE FORUMS
I forgot that I started this journal so haven't updated it for a few weeks. Now that I remember I'll get back on it lol.
Anyways, I've been out 3-4 times since the last report but can't really remember the specifics so I'll leave those nights out.
17/02/12
As it's half term week in England most of my friends have gone home for the week so I didn't go to any clubs. Instead, me and one other friend ended up going to the student pub, we get there around 10:45-11 and it's pretty quiet and is probably around 75% guys. I have a few drinks and chat with my friend and a few other random dudes that we sort of know for a bit. A bit later on I notice two girls sitting at a bench so me and my friend go and have a chat with them. It was a pretty good conversation and we sat with them for probably over half an hour. Unfortunately as we were sitting on the opposite side of the table to them there was no way to incorporate any phsyicality so I don't really think there was any sexual attraction created. I still grabbed the number of the girl I was attracted to and plan to text her some time next week. She told me that she goes to that pub most weeks on fridays so I'll probably text her to arrange a meet up there or something. I'll see how that goes and if it has no potentital I'll just hit up a club.
Anyways, I've been out 3-4 times since the last report but can't really remember the specifics so I'll leave those nights out.
17/02/12
As it's half term week in England most of my friends have gone home for the week so I didn't go to any clubs. Instead, me and one other friend ended up going to the student pub, we get there around 10:45-11 and it's pretty quiet and is probably around 75% guys. I have a few drinks and chat with my friend and a few other random dudes that we sort of know for a bit. A bit later on I notice two girls sitting at a bench so me and my friend go and have a chat with them. It was a pretty good conversation and we sat with them for probably over half an hour. Unfortunately as we were sitting on the opposite side of the table to them there was no way to incorporate any phsyicality so I don't really think there was any sexual attraction created. I still grabbed the number of the girl I was attracted to and plan to text her some time next week. She told me that she goes to that pub most weeks on fridays so I'll probably text her to arrange a meet up there or something. I'll see how that goes and if it has no potentital I'll just hit up a club.
I really suck at updating this thing lol.
I'll just give a quick summary of what's happened since my last update then start from last night.
- Only been going out once a week (2 every now and then)
- 1 lay
- A bunch of makeouts (no idea of the number)
- A couple of numbers but I keep forgetting to get them (need to work on this)
- Joined a gym last week and have starting improved my diet considerably
- I had some performance anxiety/ ED when I slept with that girl so have started a no porn challenge that begun on 04/04/12
06/04/12
I went around my friends house for a bit then we decided to hit up a house party. We went with my friends friend so I didn't really know anybody there. This was a pretty tough night for me as it's one of the first night's that I've gone out sober. I had a few okay interactions but I was stifled the entire night and the girls could sense that easily. Despite this I actually had a girl open and then later re-open me and she was pretty decent looking aswell, probably a 7. The conversations were ok but there was 0 physicality as it would have been completely incronguent with how stifled I was. For some reason (probably because I'm a pussy when sober) I didn't get her number.
I also had a few decent interactions with some other girls but because my energy was so low and I wasn't really having that much fun they understandbly lost interest in me.
The night was a valuable learning experience though as it really highlight some big flaws in my self:
- Reliance on alcohol and being unable to have fun and unstifle myself when sober in party situations
- Weak vocal projection is even more of an issue when sober
I need to start going out more but it's proving difficult as I live in a small town that has 0 night life. The only time I can go out is when I travel to my friends house which takes about 1hr30-2hrs either way. I need to sort out my employment situation so I can learn to drive as it will make life a lot easier.
I'll just give a quick summary of what's happened since my last update then start from last night.
- Only been going out once a week (2 every now and then)
- 1 lay
- A bunch of makeouts (no idea of the number)
- A couple of numbers but I keep forgetting to get them (need to work on this)
- Joined a gym last week and have starting improved my diet considerably
- I had some performance anxiety/ ED when I slept with that girl so have started a no porn challenge that begun on 04/04/12
06/04/12
I went around my friends house for a bit then we decided to hit up a house party. We went with my friends friend so I didn't really know anybody there. This was a pretty tough night for me as it's one of the first night's that I've gone out sober. I had a few okay interactions but I was stifled the entire night and the girls could sense that easily. Despite this I actually had a girl open and then later re-open me and she was pretty decent looking aswell, probably a 7. The conversations were ok but there was 0 physicality as it would have been completely incronguent with how stifled I was. For some reason (probably because I'm a pussy when sober) I didn't get her number.
I also had a few decent interactions with some other girls but because my energy was so low and I wasn't really having that much fun they understandbly lost interest in me.
The night was a valuable learning experience though as it really highlight some big flaws in my self:
- Reliance on alcohol and being unable to have fun and unstifle myself when sober in party situations
- Weak vocal projection is even more of an issue when sober
I need to start going out more but it's proving difficult as I live in a small town that has 0 night life. The only time I can go out is when I travel to my friends house which takes about 1hr30-2hrs either way. I need to sort out my employment situation so I can learn to drive as it will make life a lot easier.
08/04/12
I don't really have much to write about this one as I had been drinking and can't really remember any of the specifics.
I went around my friends house again, this time with the intention of just hanging out and drinking but after a few drinks we decided to hit up a house party.
I didn't have much intention of approaching tonight as I was already pretty drunk and just having a good time.
We got there around 00:00 and as soon as I walked into the house I started shooting the shit with the people in the kitchen for about half an hour. I chatted to some girls and looking back on it some of them were definitely attracted but I was a bit too drunk/uncaring at the time to do anything with it. Later on in the night once it had started to die down (nothing worthwhile left really) I actually started chatting up some girls, I think I was too drunk at this point though as they didn't seem to have that much interest in me.
After looking back on my last few nights of getting properly drunk (not just tipsy) that I completely suck with women. I lose 90% of my approach anxiety but they seem to stop taking me seriously, It's like I'm just another drunken moron that it trying to pick them up and they disregard me as a result. When I went to that house party on the friday and I was sober, if I wasn't so stifled then I could have had a lot more success than I do when I'm drunk.
I would say at this point my game is strongest when I've had 3-4 bottles of weakish beer/cider. I still have a decent amount of mental clarity and the tipsyness lowers my inhibitions to a point where I can allow myself to enjoy the club and social interactions.
However, I know that I need to get to a point where I can go to the club sober and be able to enjoy myself. My aim when I got into this stuff was to gain confidence in all aspects of life and I can't do that if I am using alcohol as a crutch.
Other
-I've been hitting the gym hard and have improved my diet considerably. I'll weigh myself at the 2 week point and see how much I've gained (currently at around 153-155 pounds).
- Failed the no porn challenge and am restarting it.
I don't really have much to write about this one as I had been drinking and can't really remember any of the specifics.
I went around my friends house again, this time with the intention of just hanging out and drinking but after a few drinks we decided to hit up a house party.
I didn't have much intention of approaching tonight as I was already pretty drunk and just having a good time.
We got there around 00:00 and as soon as I walked into the house I started shooting the shit with the people in the kitchen for about half an hour. I chatted to some girls and looking back on it some of them were definitely attracted but I was a bit too drunk/uncaring at the time to do anything with it. Later on in the night once it had started to die down (nothing worthwhile left really) I actually started chatting up some girls, I think I was too drunk at this point though as they didn't seem to have that much interest in me.
After looking back on my last few nights of getting properly drunk (not just tipsy) that I completely suck with women. I lose 90% of my approach anxiety but they seem to stop taking me seriously, It's like I'm just another drunken moron that it trying to pick them up and they disregard me as a result. When I went to that house party on the friday and I was sober, if I wasn't so stifled then I could have had a lot more success than I do when I'm drunk.
I would say at this point my game is strongest when I've had 3-4 bottles of weakish beer/cider. I still have a decent amount of mental clarity and the tipsyness lowers my inhibitions to a point where I can allow myself to enjoy the club and social interactions.
However, I know that I need to get to a point where I can go to the club sober and be able to enjoy myself. My aim when I got into this stuff was to gain confidence in all aspects of life and I can't do that if I am using alcohol as a crutch.
Other
-I've been hitting the gym hard and have improved my diet considerably. I'll weigh myself at the 2 week point and see how much I've gained (currently at around 153-155 pounds).
- Failed the no porn challenge and am restarting it.
I forgot to keep this updated again, here goes attempt number 3!
18/06/12 - Recap
So since the last update I've been out at least once every week with the intention of approaching women. In this period I have:
- 1 lay
- Plenty of makeouts
- Quite a few numbers but I'm still not following up on these properly
- Been making some progress in the gym but probably not enough
- Failed the no porn challenge hard lol
- Cut down on alcohol but still not going out sober
18/06/12 - Recap
So since the last update I've been out at least once every week with the intention of approaching women. In this period I have:
- 1 lay
- Plenty of makeouts
- Quite a few numbers but I'm still not following up on these properly
- Been making some progress in the gym but probably not enough
- Failed the no porn challenge hard lol
- Cut down on alcohol but still not going out sober
06/07/12
I went to a club with a fellow RSD'er. We entered the club around 11:45 or so and met in the smoking area.
We were both sober so decided to start warming up. I opened a two set, one decent looking girl who was sober and her drunk fat friend, I can't remember what I opened with but my go to ones are "Hey, how are you?" or "Hey, who are you?" so it was probably one of those lol. We shot the shit with them for a few minutes then decided to move onto some better looking women.
We go into the main room of the club and start choding a little. After a few minutes I decide to open and go up to another two set, it opened well but the better looking one was all over the place so I was left talking to the average one. We had a normal conversation but my eye contact was strong and she seemed to be attracted. I decided to bail on this one as I wasn't that interested. I waited while O.haven opened a pretty good looking blonde girl then we went back outside. We choded around a little more but I noticed a girl that kept looking at me so I approached. It turns out that I had chatted to her at a club a few months earlier but I couldn't remember who she was at that point (hit me when I got home lol). She had a boyfriend but we still chatted to them for 10 minutes or so till they went back inside.
We decide to head back inside and I try to open a girl on her phone but I get blown out pretty quickly. I can't remember what we did after this set (it's been almost a week, I need to write these the next day really).
A bit later on we are outside again and a good looking blonde girl walks past so I say 'Hey!' as she walks past, she gives me a wtf face and keeps walking to her friends about a meter away. She sits down and for the next 10 minutes or so gives me some of the strongest invitations to open her that I've ever had from a girl (strong eye contact and that girly seductive smile every 30 seconds or so) but for some reason I did not open which I am still kicking myself for now.
O.haven had opened another set so he introduced me into that and we chatted to them for a bit. Nothing to talk about here, it was a pretty standard conversation.
I opened another who rejected me very politely which was nice :D. After this I tried to find that blonde girl from earlier so I could make up for my earlier failings but never saw her so we decided to leave.
Overall it was a pretty good night as it was my second time approaching properly without being drunk. I had two weak drinks during the night but they didn't effect me mentally, I think i just bought them as a weird comfort thing.
What was good:
- Soberish
- 7-8 Approaches by the end of the night
- They all opened well and the conversations flowed naturally
- Approached mostly 6.5+/10 women
- Much cheaper than normal
What was bad:
- Failure to push any approaches out of friendly conversation zone
- Still a decent amount of approach anxienty but not as bad as I expected
- Didn't open a girl who was clearly interested
Aims for next time:
- Try and push sets. I think that I definitely could have gone further with some of the girls.
- Try and avoid buying any drinks at all, they are just a waste of money.
I went to a club with a fellow RSD'er. We entered the club around 11:45 or so and met in the smoking area.
We were both sober so decided to start warming up. I opened a two set, one decent looking girl who was sober and her drunk fat friend, I can't remember what I opened with but my go to ones are "Hey, how are you?" or "Hey, who are you?" so it was probably one of those lol. We shot the shit with them for a few minutes then decided to move onto some better looking women.
We go into the main room of the club and start choding a little. After a few minutes I decide to open and go up to another two set, it opened well but the better looking one was all over the place so I was left talking to the average one. We had a normal conversation but my eye contact was strong and she seemed to be attracted. I decided to bail on this one as I wasn't that interested. I waited while O.haven opened a pretty good looking blonde girl then we went back outside. We choded around a little more but I noticed a girl that kept looking at me so I approached. It turns out that I had chatted to her at a club a few months earlier but I couldn't remember who she was at that point (hit me when I got home lol). She had a boyfriend but we still chatted to them for 10 minutes or so till they went back inside.
We decide to head back inside and I try to open a girl on her phone but I get blown out pretty quickly. I can't remember what we did after this set (it's been almost a week, I need to write these the next day really).
A bit later on we are outside again and a good looking blonde girl walks past so I say 'Hey!' as she walks past, she gives me a wtf face and keeps walking to her friends about a meter away. She sits down and for the next 10 minutes or so gives me some of the strongest invitations to open her that I've ever had from a girl (strong eye contact and that girly seductive smile every 30 seconds or so) but for some reason I did not open which I am still kicking myself for now.
O.haven had opened another set so he introduced me into that and we chatted to them for a bit. Nothing to talk about here, it was a pretty standard conversation.
I opened another who rejected me very politely which was nice :D. After this I tried to find that blonde girl from earlier so I could make up for my earlier failings but never saw her so we decided to leave.
Overall it was a pretty good night as it was my second time approaching properly without being drunk. I had two weak drinks during the night but they didn't effect me mentally, I think i just bought them as a weird comfort thing.
What was good:
- Soberish
- 7-8 Approaches by the end of the night
- They all opened well and the conversations flowed naturally
- Approached mostly 6.5+/10 women
- Much cheaper than normal
What was bad:
- Failure to push any approaches out of friendly conversation zone
- Still a decent amount of approach anxienty but not as bad as I expected
- Didn't open a girl who was clearly interested
Aims for next time:
- Try and push sets. I think that I definitely could have gone further with some of the girls.
- Try and avoid buying any drinks at all, they are just a waste of money.
Woop woop! Hows it going dude. Where did you guys end up going? There are two guys called 'dev' and 'J-man' who are also wanting to go out in Birmingham if you wanna message them as well.
__________________
Woop woop! Hows it going dude. Where did you guys end up going? There are two guys called 'dev' and 'J-man' who are also wanting to go out in Birmingham if you wanna message them as well.
Hey man, it's going pretty good. We went to Propaganda again, it was quieter than last time but still decent. Yeah, I've spoken to both of them and we should be meeting up tomorrow.
Up to much in London?
Woop woop! Hows it going dude. Where did you guys end up going? There are two guys called 'dev' and 'J-man' who are also wanting to go out in Birmingham if you wanna message them as well.
Hey man, it's going pretty good. We went to Propaganda again, it was quieter than last time but still decent. Yeah, I've spoken to both of them and we should be meeting up tomorrow.
Up to much in London?
__________________
Woop woop! Hows it going dude. Where did you guys end up going? There are two guys called 'dev' and 'J-man' who are also wanting to go out in Birmingham if you wanna message them as well.
Hey man, it's going pretty good. We went to Propaganda again, it was quieter than last time but still decent. Yeah, I've spoken to both of them and we should be meeting up tomorrow.
Up to much in London?
I was going to write that one but it's been so long I can barely remember what happened lol.
16/07/12
I went to the club sober and waited for O.haven in the smoking area. While I was waiting around I was opened by some average girl so I chatted with her for 10 mins or so then let her go. She was blatently interested in me but she was only average and I was still quite stifled as it was one of my first nights sober. O.haven gets in and I open an attractive 2 set which he wings with me. It was the first approach for both of us so it was pretty damn awkward lol. We chat shit to them for a few mins and they excuse themselves and go back inside.
We go back inside and I'm feeling a bit shitty so I buy a drink. While I'm drinking another girl opens me but she was a fatty this time I wasn't interested at all. I can't remember but we maybe do another approach while inside and then head back out. While we are talking some hot drunk girl opens us asking for a cigarette but neither of us smoke, she doesn't believe we have none and I could have easily escalated it but considering I was sober, she was way too drunk for me to be comfortable doing it. We do another approach outside but I can't remember what happened.
We go back inside and I get another two drinks. Looking back I'm dissapointed in myself for starting to drink to make myself comfortable rather than pushing through the 'pain'. I'm starting to feel it now and do a few approaches but nothing sticks. I see a decent looking girl standing by herself so go in:
"Hey! Who are you?"
"bla bla bla I've lost my friends"
"Oh yeah?" - Solid eye contact
She stared at me for a few seconds then grabbed my hand and dragged me onto the dance floor. Danced with her for a bit and made out with her. I didn't lead or whatever and she left after 5 mins or so.
Probably do a few more approaches then go outside. I see a fairly hot girl so approach. It turns out she lives pretty close to me and we have a pretty good interaction, my eye contact is solid and I think she was attracted but her friends come and drag her back inside.
I was tipsy by this point, but when I look back on it I realised that when sober my verbals were still decent and my eye contact was solid but I was just.... awkward. I think I just need to persist with going out sober and it will sort itself out after a few weeks.
I went to the club sober and waited for O.haven in the smoking area. While I was waiting around I was opened by some average girl so I chatted with her for 10 mins or so then let her go. She was blatently interested in me but she was only average and I was still quite stifled as it was one of my first nights sober. O.haven gets in and I open an attractive 2 set which he wings with me. It was the first approach for both of us so it was pretty damn awkward lol. We chat shit to them for a few mins and they excuse themselves and go back inside.
We go back inside and I'm feeling a bit shitty so I buy a drink. While I'm drinking another girl opens me but she was a fatty this time I wasn't interested at all. I can't remember but we maybe do another approach while inside and then head back out. While we are talking some hot drunk girl opens us asking for a cigarette but neither of us smoke, she doesn't believe we have none and I could have easily escalated it but considering I was sober, she was way too drunk for me to be comfortable doing it. We do another approach outside but I can't remember what happened.
We go back inside and I get another two drinks. Looking back I'm dissapointed in myself for starting to drink to make myself comfortable rather than pushing through the 'pain'. I'm starting to feel it now and do a few approaches but nothing sticks. I see a decent looking girl standing by herself so go in:
"Hey! Who are you?"
"bla bla bla I've lost my friends"
"Oh yeah?" - Solid eye contact
She stared at me for a few seconds then grabbed my hand and dragged me onto the dance floor. Danced with her for a bit and made out with her. I didn't lead or whatever and she left after 5 mins or so.
Probably do a few more approaches then go outside. I see a fairly hot girl so approach. It turns out she lives pretty close to me and we have a pretty good interaction, my eye contact is solid and I think she was attracted but her friends come and drag her back inside.
I was tipsy by this point, but when I look back on it I realised that when sober my verbals were still decent and my eye contact was solid but I was just.... awkward. I think I just need to persist with going out sober and it will sort itself out after a few weeks.
Canon
Member
Join Date: 03/01/2010 | Posts: 37
A bit of background info about me:
- Played a lot of computer games during my teens (from around 13-20) and as a result limited the amount of social interactions I had which means I am pretty much working my way up from the bottom.
- Been going out about once a week for the last year now. Not really focused on game but I have made quite a few approaches in this time period (probably over 100).
- Only slept with two girls and had the oppurtunity to sleep with two more (but didn't because I was being a bitch). Other than getting laid I've have reasonable success with getting make outs and numbers (only contacted a few of them and they went ok to begin with but mostly fizzled out as I was having to put in all the effort).
What I want to achieve:
- To feel reasonably comfortable in all social situations
- Become unstifled when having conversations with people
- Practice self-amusement (one of my major issues at the moment is that after I have opened a set unless the girl shows obvious attraction to me I can't think of anything to say and try to say stuff that I think the girls will like)
- Speak louder (I often have to repeat stuff)
- Start working out more seriously. At the moment I weight about 155 pounds at 6ft3 so I'm pretty damn skinny (not skeletal skinny but I definitely need another 20-30 pounds to look decent)
- To get laid
Friday 3/02/12
Met up with my friends for a few drinks before we hit the club. I made sure to limit my drinking so it wouldn't impact my mental capacity too much. We had some decents laughs and I started to get into a sociable mood. It died out a bit on the taxi on the way to the club and I started to get into my head.
First approach:
Saw a decent looking girl at the bar so I opened her with: 'Hey, who are you?'
Her: gave me her name (don't remember what it was)
Me: made some random bullshit comment about how long the queue was at the bar as I had no idea what to say. She agreed then diverted her attention away from me. Instead of re-opening I just left it (need to start forcing myself to push it to the limit).
Second approach:
I went to the sitting area and saw an attractive girl there. Went and sat next to her and had a friendly conversation (looking back I had no intent). She seemed mildly interested (or was just being friendly I don't know) but left when her friends (my friend was talking to her friends) asked her to dance.
Third approach:
A while later I sat next to a girl again (pretty hot girl, probably a high 7 or low 8) in the seating area (I like it as it's not as loud). Opened with the 'Hey, who are you?' again.
Her: blabla, what's your name?
Me: Canon. Complimented her on her looks (I can't remember exactly what I said but it wasn't done in a phaggoty way).
Her: smiled and did the normal girl no I'm not type thing
Unmemorable conversaiton for a few mins
Went for the make out and got it
Took her phone number (haven't texted it yet, no idea what to say)
Friend's came and took her away.
Made another 4-5 approaches but they were all pretty much the same as the first one.
What I'm happy with:
- Approached 7-8 sets
- I was pretty successful with a hot girl
What I'm not happy with:
- Even though I didn't have much I'm using alcohol as a crutch
- Ejecting from sets way too early
- No physical escalation
- Was asked to repeat myself quite a few times
I'm going to try and do night game at least 2 times a week from now on and try and make conversation with anyone where ever possible during the day.