THE FORUMS

December 9th, 2016
Today it ends! First 30 day challenge!
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Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

Hey everyone,

Little intro first up,
I am 24, Live in Australia and for the most part my life is fairly in tact career wise, health, fitness etc, Socialising/approaching women not so much.

From 15 i had slept with a bunch of different girls and at this stage a fairly higher number than most friends (in the 20's) which is fairly decent i guess. How a lot of it has come about im not entirely sure but a few were long term relationships.

Anyway, where i am now, i have big issues just going up and talking to girls. After i know a girl i seem to be alright at flirting and what not, but i think the issue is a lot of the time i am in my head about it and trying to be to logical.

All the talking about just talking crap and whatever comes into your head seems to be a bit of a struggle for me currently, I cant seem to pick up on whatever is coming up in my head. I think i just need to try more...
Somehow i will break out of it and learn to hear whats going on in my head and just talk.
For the last few years my self talk had really been that i dont talk much, and i guess thats part of the problem. I have started changing that and am now a lot more talkative with friends and whatever than i used to be.  But if i walk up to someone my mind just seems to go blank and i go into the "where are you from, what are you doing here etc"

The Challenge
My main aim for this 30 day challenge is to get over my fear of going up to strangers and talking to them.

On the 27th of Nov last year i landed in Banff, Canada and i am here till the end of March.
After getting here i stepped out of my comfort zone and started talking to some people and made some good friends and got some numbers. etc, But i have fallen into a comfort zone with the current friends here and have stopped approaching new people.
This has to change! Part of this trip is to get over these issues!

For some reason the club seems a lot more intimidating to me than talking to someone in the day time. I think partly cause its loud and i think i dont talk loud enough.

So, The main nights out here are Sunday, Wednesday, Friday, Sat. So my challenge is proposing that i go out a minimum of 4 nights of the week.
For a start i will aim for what i consider something that should be achievable. - 2 sets per night! (Hey anything is better than the current nothing)
I have aimed to go out a few times and then just made excuses like im tired or whatnot and choded out. And other excuses cause there is a couple girls that are friends i have been messing around with and i just fall back on that rather than stepping out of comfort to meet new ones.
I want to change this!

Hopeful Outcome
What i want to get out of this 30 day challenge is confidence in myself. To prove to myself that it is fine to just walk up to girls in the club or wherever and start a conversation.
To assist with learning to hear myself so i can just talk about whatever is on my mind and believing that whatever i am saying is the shit!
Hopefully have some pickups during the 30 days.


I guess if i bed at least another couple of girls in the 1.5months i have left here that would be a good accomplishment.


Sorry for making this long, but just laying it on the table.

So min 4 nights a week i go out. If there is a special even on another night i will aim to go out then as well.
Possibly aim for some day game on the 3 other days?
At the moment im working 2 days and snowboarding 5, so dont have too much excuses to actually just get over being tired and going out.

I will post each day with my outcomes of the previous night/day.
I had to write this down somewhere, now that its out there it gives me a bit more motivation to go for it!

Thanks for listening
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#1

Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

#1

Went out tonight, Wasnt very motivated (work tomorrow)
Went in the club, walked around and kept making excuses for about 25mins, Made a comment to a 6-7 about a little moustache she had drawn on, had a little talk and a quick dance and moved on, think she had a bf.
Ended up talking to another girl but was kinda just shrugged off.
Said "hey" to another but i think she didnt hear me and i wasnt really direct enough.

I kept having this internal battle inside going "just go say hi" and then just making stupid excuses... So that was hindering process.

I guess not as ideal as id like, but i still went up to a couple girls so its a good start to my 30 days.

Lets hope my reports go better from here!
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#2

Ocean2

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Join Date: 07/18/2011 | Posts: 697

 Nice, keep going :D
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#3

Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

Thanks for the support. Going to aim to talk to someone on my lunch break today :)
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#4
newstuff18

newstuff18

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Join Date: 06/29/2011 | Posts: 411

Hell ya.  This will be epic.  IMO the most important thing is being able to push yourself hard, the rest will come easy beacuse RSD offers some great info.  The only thing that can get you better at this stuff is you.  When that fear hits you everything else goes away and all you're left to do is step up or not.  Damn this is intense......WORMS!!!!
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1st Bootcamp (Oct 13, 2011): www.rsdnation.com/node/202288/forum 2nd BC (Jun 14, 2012): www.rsdnation.com/node/232206/forum Progress Journal: www.rsdnation.com/node/211535/forum "Game is like a cold shower; It's always a shock when you first get in but it leaves you refreshed, increases your testosterone, and isn't for the uncommitted" -newstuff18
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#5

Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

Thanks for those words newstuff18.

I think that is exactly what i needed to read before going out tonight!
I am going to try not to think about a situation before just approaching it tonight. Going to try and just trust that i will be fine and see what happens :)

Will write a report when i get back
Here's to progress!!!
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#6

Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

#2 - Monday
Worked today and in Canmore it was dead and not really anyone about. Talked a little to a couple girls that came in, but probably wouldnt count it.


#3 - Tuesday

Not much to report here, Made some short chat with a liftie at sunshine village. Didnt really go out of my way to approach anyone... Will work on getting myself to do some more day approaches as i progress on the days i wont be going out.

#4 - Wednesday (going out night!)

Checked back here before going out and read what Newstuff18 had to say and it really helped motivate me and work at accomplishing tonight! (Thanks again Newstuff18!)
So i headed out a bit after 11 and dropped into a bar/pub first. Grabbed a drink at the bar and talked to a chick friend that i know that i bumped into there.

Oh side track for a second, on the way to the club these 2 girls were walking the other way and i said "how is your night going" and 1 replied and was looking back at me. I should have stopped them... Oh well, its all learning stages now :)

Stood around for a good 5-10mins scoping the scene and seeing some girls then rationalizing why i shouldnt talk to them (all irrational bullshit...) and then talking to myself and saying just do it. Stop thinking about things...

Eventually started getting my head straight and saw 2 girls leaning against a couch (prob about 5's so wasnt too interested but gotta start somewhere) looking very bored and having a drink. Walked over "You 2 look bored" They were not very receptive so i tried another couple random chit chat lines and then cheers'd them and said have a good night 

NEXT!!! :P 

I left the bar shortly after this to head to the club.
Another guy was walking the same direction so i started a short convo "how is your night going" 
Which i guess helped a little with just getting me out of my shell and talking to random people i dont know.

In the club and it was starting to fill up. Got some water and headed to the dancefloor to see what was about.
Saw a cute girl with glasses on that looked fun, but she was with 3 friends and i just couldnt work up the courage... Saw her a few times through the night but just didnt take it!

Roamed around the dance floor a little and said hey to a chick, probably a 6, and had a quick talk with her and a little dance.
Was dancing around some more and spotted this cute short girl. Solid 7, in a short skirt dancing about... After a little thinking about it (need to stop thinking and just act god damnit!!!) so i said "hey, how you going"
She was pretty receptive, and responded and asked where in aus i was from. I said that was pretty cluey of you. (seems she picked i was an aussie cause i said :how you going, where as canadians say hows it going. Lol
Shook her hand when i met her and had put my hand on her hip when i had ot get her closer to hear her.

Anyway, got her name and left her for a bit to see a friend. Ended up going back to see her later in the night with the intention to get her number.
Spoke to her alittle bit about snowboarding. and then said " you seem interesting, whats your number?"
To which i got "i have a lovely boyfriend back home"
"So you cant have friends?"
"as long as thats all it is"
So i got her number and said we should got snowboarding sometime.

I exceeded what i set my nightly goals at, so i am feeling pretty happy about that :) Plus i also got a number! Even though she is currently taken, im sure she will have cute friends, so could be a good friend to make. Also potentially gives me access to a new circle of people.

So for the night, 3 direct approaches, 2 talking to randoms on the street and 1 approach leading to a phone number/potential new friend?

Im very happy with that and hopefully i can keep it up! If i can set my min at 2 sets per night i go out and aim to exceed that each time im sure it will help my progress.

I think things will skyrocket after i can stop thinking about the approach and if i should/shouldnt and start just acting.
As Tim says. "girl, hot girl, see hot girl, get hot girl." I need to drill that into me and maybe just be a little more present and act on things.

Thanks everyone :D

I will try and structure my posts a little better as i go along and get more used to doing a diary/blog style thing
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#7
LethalLex

LethalLex

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/20/2010 | Posts: 1093

I've been going out for 2 weeks every night now. Keep going and your brain will start melting. IN A GOOD WAY.
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#8

Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

LethalLex wrote:
I've been going out for 2 weeks every night now. Keep going and your brain will start melting. IN A GOOD WAY.
Thanks for the comment :)

I like that and i really hope so :D I will check out your journal
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#9

Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

Trekking 4 hours to edmonton tonight for the weekend and to check out the big mall there.
Going to meet up with a couple guys i met at the Jeffy Hotseat in Calgary, so hopefully they can help push me the next 2 nights out :) Will be my first time out with some Wings that know about RSD.

#5
Spoke a few times to a lifty chick on the slopes, Liz, from Germany. Probably wouldnt really call it an approach, but just communicating with some randoms helps.
The in between days of my "4 nights out" ill just be aiming ot talk to or make convo with people to help with momentum i guess and get more comfortable. Maybe try and just start talking what is on my mind (if i can work out what that is...)
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#10

Shadoxity

Member

Join Date: 01/08/2012 | Posts: 29

#6
Friday night
Kinda bombed... Didnt end up meeting with Edmonton friends as 1 had to work tomorrow and the other was MIA.
Ended up going to a place where a friends old friend was at, so came out for a bit.

Went to this shoddy place that was pretty empty and not very many girls. Made an approach on one of the only girls that was not with a guy or ugly lol.

Had a bit of a chat and a bit of a dance, so that was something i guess.

#7
Saturday night.


Organised to meet up with my Edmonton friend and go out to THe Union Hall.

Got out there about 11:30 and i was standing in line (he was already inside from earlier)
Started talking to a guy and girl couple in the line behind me, they were really nice and i got their names. They invited me to hang with them if i couldnt find my friend. That was pretty cool. He was a dj/comedian, nice people.

Got into the club and went to grab a drink. Met up with my friend and he introduced me to a couple of his friends.

We hit the dance floor for a bit to loosen up and get in the mood.
After some dancing we went for a game round...
Walking about and he started counting from 30, by about 15 i had gone up to a girl (6-7) but got blown off, she seemed a bit shitty anyway.

Gave him the 30 seconds and he opened a 2 set at the bar which didnt go anywhere.
Bit more dancing and then got another 30 seconds cause i was being a bit of a bitch.
Went straight to the chick dancing near me (7) within about 3 seconds (getting better hahaha)
Opened her, had a little chat and grabbed her name, then was dancing with her until her friend pulled her away.
Gave it a minute and did a little tug of war with her friend haha. Then asked her friends name. Danced with her a little more and there was this really tall guy trying to interfere (he was staff there and think was hooking them up with things trying to get laid.) After a bit more i just said screw it and moved on. Tapped her, gave her a high five and she like grabbed my hand.

Probably should have gone a bit more aggressive but whatever. THe important thing is im making progress.

Bit later went for another girl on the dance floor, but she just ignored me. Didnt feel bad about it. laughed it off (this was really good progression for me :) rejection? who cares mwahaha)
She was with some other asian chick and i saw her blow up any other guys that came up. maybe a rug muncher? haha

Went for wander and dogged out on doing an approach (was walking by myself at this point) but whatever.

There was a wet tshirt contest to win $300 at one point in the night. 8 chicks went up. most of them pretty hot. lol

It was about 20mins from closing and we were going to leave.
I said, 1 sec i want to do a lap and another approach before going.
Was walking around the joint and a little blonde girl (probably about 6.5 and another brunette about a 7.5) both pretty tiny (what i like :)) were walking the opposite way. Gave her a smile and then just put my hand out in front of her near her stomach, which she grabbed and i pulled her back my way.
"Hey, whats your name"
And she liked this, and was like want to dance?
There was some fat chode guy with them, and i suspected he could be a block so i immediately introduced myself to him first. Then she dragged me, an the brunette dragged my friend off to the dfloor.

The blonde 1 ended up being 1 of the chicks in the wet tshirt competition. She got in the top 4 hahaha.

Dancing, grinding, went for a kiss close but she wasnt in for it. Bit more fooling around, and got tired of her so went and got some water.

Told her to introduce me to her friend (the 7.5) to which she didnt even know her name, so they were just hanging out i guess.


Came back and danced a little more then let her wander about to some friends (i wasnt too keen on her,) So then the 7.5 came up to me.
"Where did your girl go"
"i dunno, got tired of her"
So she grabbed me and we had a grind :)

That was fun.
Went for a kiss close and she almost did but then said "im not that kind of girl"
Danced for a bit more and then i grabbed her phone off her. Made her put her pin in, then put my number in as "leon is sexy" and texted myself.

Number close :)

All in all, i had a pretty fun night, got to dance around. Killed my goal of 2 approaches and made up for the previous night! - Made 6 :D

Almost got 2 kiss closes and got a number close!

I was amazed at after this short time how much easier it has already become to approach!!!  I have started letting go of outcome dependance and just having fun.

Anyone reading this... DO A 30 DAY CHALLENGE!!!

I still have a bit of hesitation but im learning to just stop thinking about the approach and just do it!
Mind you i am doing all of this completely sober! So this is to enforce it more and give me the ability to do it anytime!
There will probably be a couple nights where i have some drinks, but majority of my 30 day challenge is going to be sober.

I was really surprised at how i went tonight. I was also really pleased and proud of myself.

THis is more opens than i have done out any time before i think.

It is really helpful having a wing who knows a bit of rsd and will play the 30 second game. I found that really helped with getting my momentum going and stopping me from thinking about it.

#8 Sunday
Didnt get back from edmonton till 20mins before closing. Did not feel like paying a cover charge for 20mins and have to work in the morning too. So going to change this sunday to go out monday to make up for it :)

Any advice, comments are welcome :D
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