THE FORUMS

2x Lay cont.

Went out and hit it up hard on wednesday and thursday so had some nice momemtum by friday. It's cool how adjunkie mentioned this a couple posts up and seeing it in action here.

The whole night is kind of a blur. I had this kind of surreal feeling that I was not really present and in control, that my body was just going through the motions and I was just along for the ride. I felt this a lot when I was going out every night.

In fact this is the kind of state I want to achieve more. It's not necesarily related to how on or how social I am, it's more just a feeling of easiness in my actions, as opposed to a RESISTENCE to action.

Also one of the things that i found interesting about the night was that I wasn't very "on". I never really got to the point where I felt fucking awesome or was saying anything particularly amazing. I sort of just had this baseline level of relaxation. It was just like everything was "going fine" and it just so happened that I got laid twice.

It's weird, when I have momentum I don't really feel all that different to when I don't. I think a lot of the differences are very subtle things. I only really notice how much easier things were and how much better i was doing after I lose the momentum and look back.

Think I'm going to get into alex's ideas more, he talks about this relaxed arousal and how you can capitalise on it. I think one thing I should try is what he mentioned in his new video about fun - taking initative when you're in this relaxed/bored state.

Anyway, started off the night by going over to the girl I met the night befores place. Feeling pretty chill there, play some drinking games with her friends and manage to get away with only having a beer.

She comes back to my place when her friends head out. She's only had sex with her last boyfriend. Turns out she has the tightest pussy I've ever seen. She's not so down about having sex cause I think she hasn't really enjoyed it before. Get her turned on though and she's down. Have to go really slowly at first cause she's so tight. She starts getting in to it more. Feels so fucking good and I finish in like 5 minutes. She's like wow you lasted way longer than my ex. LOL.

I don't waste any time, have a concert to get to, so I drop her off at the club where her friends are. 

Honestly I felt I didn't treat her very well. She knew what the whole deal was and was down with it, but she was also kind of innocent and sweet. I also saw her last night (sat) while I was with K, and felt a bit scummy. Been texing with her and just holding the frame of I haven't done anything wrong (which I haven't actually, I just feel like I have). She's accepting it. I have to hold myself back from apologizing to her.

This double lay thing was not quite the glamorous "I'm a playa oh yeah" night I expected.

Hit the concert. See quite a few people I know. Meet up with friends. Do my usual.

This girl I met a while ago freaks out on me over text while I'm there: www.rsdnation.com/node/218832/forum

Some interesting approaches here and there. Didn't push anything hard though.

See the girl I approached at McDs on wed. She's with her friend. Only speak to her for like 1 minute before they go off. Don't think much of it.

Concert ends, try to pull girl I've met before. No go.

Go to a bar in town where some friends are. I'm feeling buggard at this point so I don't want to pay to go in. My friends are leaving anyway so decide to bounce.

As I'm leaving I get a text from McDGirl.

Her: Hey! You left converse obviously? You still in town area?
Me: I was just about to leave long. Where you at?
Her: Coming to long nowish

At this point I'm sooo tired so I start driving home.

Me: Hmm I so would stick around but about to flatline energy wise! Will have to catch you next time :)
Her: Ah ok. Will just head back to my flat then. Drive safe :)

Then I'm like DUDE she just mentioned she's going back to her flat. If this isn't a signal i dunno what is. I even wrote in here on wednesday that I should have just manned up and invited myself over. SO:

Me: I could do coffee if you have? :)
Her: Sadly no coffee but I have wine? Or rooibos tea or hot choc? And cigarettes. Which are extremely bad for me as a singer but hey, it's Friday. [lol that works]

Go over, talk for a while and get some comfort going. Have some green tea. Makeout.

As things start to get a bit hot she stops me and says she made a rule for herself that she wasn't going to do this with guys she doesn't know well. I'm like NOOOOOOO inside but I just play it off chilled. Don't really say much just looked at her as she talked. Told her that was a terrible idea laughingly. That's all it needed, we start making out again and then no more LMR from there.

Rip off eachothers clothes and have frantic hot sex. Awesome contrast with the first girl which was very slow and intense.

We have a really awesome after sex talk about our lives and our families. After sex talk is the best.

Decide to not stay over and head home. It's 6am and I've been going for 9 hours straight. I'm completely destroyed and take a slow zombielike drive home while I think vaguely about what a crazy night it was.

I could talk about alcohol and PU for days. It used to be a serious issue for me until I stopped drinking almost entirely this year. Now can't even imagine going back to how I used to be.

I've tried a bunch of different things when it comes to people asking me about it. You can reply with a range of things from just straight up telling people you don't drink to lying and saying you have been drinking. Somewhere inbetween those extremes is just saying you're designated driver tonight or that you're having a relaxed night.

I normally just respond with whatever feels right. If I'm feeling congruent I'll tell them straight up. This is also cause I drive to the club so if I pull the girl she won't be resistent to driving with me because she thinks I'm drunk. Otherwise i'll downplay it or change the subject. 

The thing is no matter what "community guys" say about it just being about not caring what people think, there's a degree to which your response to this can affect the interaction badly. For example, if I'm talking to first or second year students, I tend to not to mention the fact I'm not drinking. As cool as you are, it's so outside of their reality to be out sober that it causes them to be suspicious of your intentions etc. Then again if they test you constantly and you keep beating those tests then you're going to be majorly turned on.

Bear in mind that this is all if you're not feeling particularly on. When you're on fire you can say whatever the fuck you want about it =) IRRELEVANT.

Been thinking a lot since my experience of getting a double lay on friday.

Had a couple of deep realizations.

The day after it happened I felt really down. At first I couldn't understand why I felt that way. I had just pulled something off that me a few months ago would never have thought I'd be doing right now. But instead of feeling pumped about it I felt kind of sick.

At first i thought it might be fact that I felt it was morally wrong to sleep with two different girls within hours of eachother. But that wasn't it - I actually think its cool and I want crazy sexual adventures like this.

The next thing I thought was that maybe these girls werent up to my standards. Ok, that's getting closer to the issue. I've always had fairly high standards, especially after my first girlfriend who was a stunner. These girls were barely 7s. Definitely feel like they weren't as hot as I should be going for. But at the same time I was turned on by them and the sex was awesome with both of them (in very different ways). So, while this may have been a small part of why I was feeling that way, it still seemed to be something deeper.

So I took a look at why the fact that I had just banged to new girls just didn't make me feel that good. And I saw the answer was pretty clear: BECAUSE I EXPECTED IT TO. I thought that something like this would make me feel like the most pimping motherf*cker ever and it wasn't all I thought it would be. It just kind of happened and I was like "Oh that just kinda happened". No transformation to Super Saiyan 3. No fireworks and shit. It was jus another night.

Which led me to a HUGE ephiphany:

Probably my biggest motivating factor for wanting to have sex with many girls is to make me feel good about myself.

SHIT.

Ok, so you're probably thinking "yeah yeah I've heard this whole getting girls for validation thing over and over". I have too. I just always assumed that it didn't apply to me. I never thought I was some weirdo that needed to get girls to make me feel good about myself. Well I realise now that deep down I truely believe that when I'm getting laid a lot/having sex with hot girls/having crazy sexual encounters/upping my lay count I'm doing it for what I'll get out of it rather than the experience itself. It's like the fuel to my awesomeness: if it's happening I feel great, but if its not I don't.

I'm looking at what the result-of-of-getting-laid-twice-in-a-night will be. Instead of enjoying the experience for itself, I want to add the story to my list of cool shit I've done, I want the feeling of walking around feeling like God, and I want the confidence I'd gain from it.

It's kinda messed up man.

At the same time I know this isn't entirely the case. In a way it's right for where i am now. I've just started to get layed regularly this year. I mean I'm on my way to sleeping with more girls this year than I have in my entire life before this year. And its only April. So I think it's natural to be wanting to get laid a lot and wanting to feel good about that.

But I'm glad I've identified this. Now I'm aware of it and can slowly start to move away from that place of trying to make myself feel good from getting girls. Obviously it's healthy to feel good after getting laid. But I think there's a deeper issue here that I need to be aware of and ultimately change over time. 

Good points. 

I like the idea that this realisation will only help make me less outcome dependent.

Also that focusing on drawing state from within seems to be the right path now.