THE FORUMS

Date 1

Family friend who's all grown up. She's a stunner. Very introverted and strange though. Kind of damaged, which turns me on.

I pick her up and take her to get sushi. I'm a bit nervous at first. Relax after a while though. We have a lot to talk about which is cool. I'm very aware of the intense eye contact we have the whole night, and there's lots of smiling going back and forward. I tease her a bit to keep things light other than the pretty normal conversation. We talk about cool stuff though.

Go back to her parents house. Go for a walk and talk about philosophy and life. I tell her some pretty personal stuff and then she opens up to me about a lot of her issues. She went off the rails a bit with sex and booze.. Now she's all conservative about sex. Damn haha. I make an effort to try get physical a bit, playfully pushing her around and stuff. We end up chilling on her couch, and she's all cuddled up to me. Can tell she's really in to me.. She tells me she has boundries though. She says she doesn't want to do anything cause I'm leaving and it's for her own sake.. I know what she means, she doesn't want to go and fall in love with me before i dissapear.

Anyway, so nothing really happens. I took the time to write this out though cause this was like a really awesome date, in terms of just getting to know a really cute girl, us both liking eachother and having a lot to talk about. I didn't "get anywhere" with her but I was honestly cool with it. Like I know if I was staying I could make something happen with this girl and it would be good. Gone are the days of  me being insecure of whether a girl likes me or not. It wasn't really even a question in my mind of whether she was going to be in to me. Shows I've already come a long way, and this is with 0 momentum.

Date 2

Vey similar to the last one in a lot of ways. This girl like REALLY wanted to see me after I met her out on basically the only night I went out in my hometown. Was a pretty solid interacton there, she was one of the first girls I approached, as a warmup and the later I hand of Goded her and pulled her to the dancefloor and madeout. And also told her she was the perfect combination of sexy and cute haha.

Again, I don't really have much expectation of closing cause we stay far away from eachother and I'm leaving in a days time. I decide to do it for the practise anyway =) I actually almost bailed on making plans, glad i didn't.

So we just talk over drinks. I have a beer and she has a coke. Basically its like normal conversation again. I'm actually super nervous at first and I just force myself to talk and talk and talk until eventually  I just hit state a bit and relaxed. But wasn't really a problem, we talked about cool stuff.. even though it was pretty normal convo. Good eye contact again. I noticed on this date and the last one, that I create the feeling of beng in a bubble with the girl and there are some good feelings going on in that bubble. It's a cool feeling especially when you can tell she feels the same. It's like your combined energies create this elecric field or something...

Hang out for a couple hours maybe, then we makeout by her car. We talked about making your own destinies earlier and we said maybe something will happen in the future. It was kind of cute. No logistics for going anywhere really so I just let her drive off into the night.

I noticed when I got the makeout I was like "Phew, I got the makeout, can check that off as a win" kind of in my head. Can see a bit of ego in a thought like that. Wasn't that concerned about enjoying it, as much as the fact that I got it. I chalk this up to not that much abundance right now and also no momentum.

And something interesting in both dates was that I relied a lot on what i was saying. I thought that i had to have good conversation for a successful date. Which isn't really true when you're have some momentum. At least with the CONTENT of the conversation.

Anyway, these were just 2 little meetups that I made myself follow through with just to ease into getting back on track in cape town. And they were fun. In fact, I think that's something I should take from them. Is I ENJOYED myself. Sometimes I'm so focused on the results and even the process itself that I forget to have fun along the way. Which is what it's all about anyway.

Friday

First night back in Cape Town - Sober & Solo - Focused on sticking it out to the bitter end and physicality - Madeout with 2 girls and solid number/possible date this week

Okay finally writing this out.  Had to give Tyler's " Truth About Success" video a little watch to amp me up to do the small things like update here so that I become one successful motherfucker. =)

Go out solo pretty late cause I'm procrastinating an making excuses not to go out. I watched the "Leaving a piece of your soul behind in the club" Tyler vid before going out so decided just to make my criteria for success just to go out and stay out through whatever happens. I was also thinking about being physical after my two dates where I was conscious of the fact I wasn't being physical but wasn't sure how to move it froward.

Get to the venue and do a good job of getting started with the approaching right off the bat. Talk to 2 girls sitting down at the table. FInd it fairly easy just to talk and hold their attention. Can feel my brain remembering what going out sober and hitting it up is all about.

So i keep approaching with varying degrees of success. No insta blowouts, i think it was because i'm coming back into this feeling fresh with not too much overanalysis of myself going on. The worst it got was kind of polite dissinterestedness. I didn't stall out badly in anything but could have pushed a lot of sets that were going well but i just let them go. This was especially true as i started ramping up the initial physicality, like clawing or grabing them to stop. Super receptive and then i'd just let them go.

But yeah, progressively ramped up the physicality throughout the night, and started going physical sooner. Was cool to observe myself doing this. Starting off being a little nervous of even going up and talking to a girl to being comfortable with grabbing her. Got into a fairly nice state by pushing myself a bit more each time.

First makeout was with a girl on the balcony upstairs. She walks out and I'm like "You!...No i don't know you... Who are you?". Physicality and stuff. She starts talking a lot, complaining about shit. I'm trying to keep leading the convo but she's just going on and on. Grab her around the waist and pul her in. It was funny how at this point she just switches to i'm being seduced mode and starts looking at me sexy and stuff. See the makeout window and take it. This was cool cause i sometimes miss it, or often wait until like it's 100% the case that she's down. Really enjoyed just fucking going for it when i knew I could.

Hang out with her a bit. SHe says she wants to go up Table Mountain. I say it would be amazing to have sex up there. She bite her lip and agrees. 

Then I get over her, tell her I'll find her later and bounce.

Pretty soon after this I open a short cute girl with black curly hair. Super solid from the start. I feel the need to bail because she wasn't swooning over me but i knew it was good so stayed in. Talk about making out with people. She says she's never kissed a random in a club. I promptly make out with her.

Bring her to the bar and talk for like 15 min. Very chill but good stuff. Comforty type stuff. Makeout once or twice more. Get number.

After this I'm feeling pretty out of state/tired. Decide to bounce.

Outside have a sick interaction with two super hotties. Goes really well. Made the mistake of offering them a ride not QUITE in the right way. Like I stopped myself from doing it at first, cause i knew they were tryna get a cab. Knew it would be chodey and weird. Then when I finally did it wasn't quite coming from the right place.

On the ride home i'm feeling amped again. So hit up a club right by my place. Was feeling good as i walked in, but I think I was expecting just the last stragglers of the night to be there and was planning to just hit them up super hard. Instead it was pretty pumping and cause i wasn't expecting it I kind of stalled. Saw a few people I know. Did some approaches but nothing really stuck. It felt like I just wasn't in the right vibe for the place.

On the way out, I talk to this girl walking to a pizza place around the corner. I walk and talk with her but don't really take action so it fizzles out when we get there. 

Last thing I did was make a friendly comment to a bunch of girls, and a fattie said in a super disdainful way "Did we ask for your opinion??". And it wasn't uncalibrated or anything, said something similar to another bunch and they laughed and smiled. So I was like WTF. I was like "Okaaaay... but i love you" as she was walking away. Kind of automatically though, i was like kind of shocked and pissed off that someone would just be such a bitch when I was being all friendly. Haha after like and awesome solo night this little thing really got to me. But then, obviously, i saw it in perspective, and kinda felt sorry for the lil fatty. Poor little fatty is stuck in a life of bullshit mental bs. Shame. It was, however, a good pointer that vicious negative reactions make me reactive... I'm not used to them. I'm actually super chilled with like ignoring and/or disinterested reactions but there's something about a gil just being a complete bitch for no reason that makes me super mad. Anyway, it's all the same, it doesn't affect who i am any more than any other reaction.

So, pretty happy with this night overall. Good first night back in the mother city.

I realise that right now going out is not a habit for me and so it's perfectly normal to not want to go out on a monday night. That's why i'm going out on a monday night.

Dear Self. 

Shut the fuck up!

Sincerely,

Me.