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August 20th, 2014
How to I stop being rude or acting like a dick to friends/girls?
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RockNRollPUA

RockNRollPUA

Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/14/2008 | Posts: 1931

I have recently discovered a blind spot where I tend to rub people the wrong way.   I noticed I cut down my friends, criticize, make fun of my buddies, their girlfriends, and even the femal friends of the girl I was seeing.  She brought It up that after we broke up that one of the resons she stopped liking me was that I was rude to her best friend (who happens to be dating my best friend) and that I came off like I am better than everyone else.  She also said I judge people all the time and come off as thinking I'm better than everyone else. 

As she brought this to my attention I really sat back and thought about it to see if this was true or she was just making shit up.  I'd have to say that she has some legitamate complaints, and I never really noticed it.  I do come off as a jerk, and some of my good friends have brought this up occasionally.  I got into the pickup community back in 2004 with Cocky Funny stuff and I got the impression that I had to be a total asshole to get girls.  I have been working on unlearning this behavior, and I think I am confusing being alpha and not caring what other people think, with just being a total dick.  I have been acting this way for so long that I don't know how to unlearn this behavior and way of thinking.  My own self perception has always been that I am a good guy and that I am awesome as fuck.  I'm very full of myself. I saw hotseat last year and Tyler definatelly did not act anywhere close to being a dick like I tend to come off.  I seem to have pissed off every girl I have ever dated one way or another due to this behavior getting old.  I don't act like an asshole with people until I get comfortable around them, so It doesn't really affect pickup but affects relationships and friendships.  I don't have this problem with family or coworkers, just chicks, and friends.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how I can work to change my behavior to just be more chill, friendly, and cool instead of being a dominating, obnoxious, asshole that makes fun of people and causes negativity in my personal relationships?
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#1
Maduro

Maduro

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/31/2011 | Posts: 129

Cocky funny is cool, but only to the girl you want to bang. Be nice to her friends and wrap a cocky comment up with a playful smile or semi-complement (push/pull).
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#2
Weiler-smee

Weiler-smee

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/19/2011 | Posts: 414

 First off, you have to identify whether you actually *ARE* being an asshole. I feel that this post described me somewhat but what i have learnt allot in ;life is that if you are very confident in yourself and have strict rules about how you should act, you tend to become a hell of allot less tolerant to bullshit and so on and can call ou that behaviour in a manner that simply comes off as being an "arsehole" when it really isn't. Take somebody like Jeffy who isn't actually an asshole but can't be fucked to deal with idiots on the forum so calls them "fags" and gets it over with.

Could you give some concrete examples of some of the things which apparent;y make you an asshole? Another thing that happens when you do develop this sort of confidence is that people will reflect their on problems ONTO you. If a guy has limiting beliefs and is a bit of a pussy and you have a no nonsense approach to it what is the first thing he is going to do? "Hey man you're being an asshole blah blah..." Basically trying to turn away attention from their own problems.

Like i said though, without concrete examples of things its hard to tell. But one rule/principle i live by is this: i KNOW i am a good person with a good heart. I act in a way which is kind to others and my being in this world is of ultimate benefit. I am a good listener, friend etc... So if some guy decides to call me out because i said a couple of things to him which weren't sugar coated, then so be it. Infact, in recent years i have actually purposely gone out of my way to cultivate friends who are COOL as fuck and are thus similar and therefore appreciate this sort of thing. I will be an "asshole" to test my friends. If the only thing they respond to is the asshole quality of what i said then clearly that says more about their internal state than mine. On the other hand, if they are completely comfortable with it because they recognize the insubstantiality of the assholish nature of what im saying, then i know their cool.

Like i said though, this could be either way, so without some concrete examples of where people are pulling this sort of responce, its hard to tell.

Cheers
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#3

Crizes

Junior Member

Join Date: 02/22/2013 | Posts: 26

Did you solve the problem ?
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Awesome 
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#4
Reoq

Reoq

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/24/2012 | Posts: 871

Become a hippie. Serious.
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#5
maxaj

maxaj

Senior Member

Join Date: 04/14/2013 | Posts: 273

Currently in the same sitch with Rock n rolly. Thanks Weiler. 
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#6
jlaix

jlaix

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8274

Don't worry about it.
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#7

MindFucked

Member

Join Date: 07/26/2009 | Posts: 79

I used to have this problem. To use a Roman history analogy, you should play Augustus/Octavian game instead of Caligula game. Or, if you like, Bill Clinton game instead of Rick Perry game. Caligula was a douchebag tyrant who was only concerned about himself and his own amusement. Not that there's anything intrinsically wrong with being concerned about your own amusement, but it was done at the expense of the Roman people, who grew to hate him. Some choice bits: When he was a boy, a seer told him that he would never be emperor until he walked on water. So he built a pontoon bridge across the Bay of Naples, put on the breastplate of Alexander the Great, and paraded night and day across the Bay, throwing lavish sex orgies in the light of bonfires. He attempted to instate his favorite horse, Incitatus (“Galloper”), as a priest and consul, and ordered a beautiful marble stable built for him, complete with chairs and couches on which Incitatus never sat. Once, at the Circus Maximus, the games ran out of criminals, and the next event was the lions, his favorite. He ordered his Guards to drag the first five rows of spectators into the arena, which they did. These hundreds of people were all devoured for his amusement. He publicly had sex with his three sisters at banquets and games, sometimes on the table amid the food. He was finally murdered by the Praetorian Guard and some senators, leaving the Circus Maximus after the games. His body was left in the street to rot, and dogs finally ate it. He had ruled for 4 years.  Augustus(AKA Octavian) was a fuckin gangster. He was ultra intelligent and well calibrated socially. He was the first emperor of Rome, but acted like he was just the 'first man among equals' or 'the captain among lieutenants.' When he wanted to depose a governor or have somebody assassinated/exiled, he would simply walk into the Senate and say, "That man is no longer a friend of mine" and everybody around him would go to work to make sure the 'former friend' lost all power. He swiftly eliminated his rivals but was always polite about it. He'd give you a haircut before chopping your head off. He treated his friends and loyal allies extremely well but would quickly enact discipline if somebody stepped out of line. Basically he was a Roman Vito Corleone. His reign was the most peaceful and prosperous in Rome's history. 
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#8
VersacePython~

VersacePython~

Senior Member

Join Date: 07/11/2013 | Posts: 189

Man up and apologize face to face to all the people you've been an asshole too. Go out of your way to do something to show that you care even if it's embarassing. 
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#9
RockNRollPUA

RockNRollPUA

Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/14/2008 | Posts: 1931

Why the fuck do people necro 2 year old threads?  I've solved this problem by not giving a fuck anymore because I realized that anybody who gets butthurt easily is a faggot.  That girl just couldn't handle my godlike levels of swag and was pissed that she couldn't keep my dick on a leash.  I'm hilarious as fuck and some people just have no sense of humor.
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My Field Reports:
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/208534/forum

If you are a Newb READ THIS FIRST, THEN GO OUT:
http://www.rsdnation.com/node/170650

Whatever I thought might hold me back, I avoided. I crossed girls off my list, except as tools for my sexual needs." - From the 1977 autobiography "Arnold: The Education of a Bodybuilder" by Arnold Schwarzenegger
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#10
TheFinisher

TheFinisher

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/17/2011 | Posts: 890

Develop kindness and empathy, playa.The best way I can think of right now is to pick up habits that align with  kindness and empathy, then recognize how they make you feel and how others feel.
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