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May 29th, 2017
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Ballgames

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Join Date: 07/25/2011 | Posts: 2471

It's cause you didn't get to see my pretty face... it's actually pretty understandable


SpikeSpiegel wrote:



UtopiaFive wrote:
meh such a ghey and depressing night

felt completely unable to do jack shit

meh meh dingaling

did gym it up n shit.  didn't get to meditate yday will do some now after eating fud and before sleep.  

feelin emotionally exhausted meh wtf goddamn
not gonna lie. I feel kinda bad and responsible. 
__________________
90 Days Challenge (Currently in the Final Third): "It's Just Something You Have To Do If You Want To Be Great"     http://www.rsdnation.com/node/233192/forum  The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars A man may fall down many times, but he won't be a f ailure until he says someone pushed him" Buddha
My review of training with Manwhore.org
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

lol uh are you kidding?  you have no responsibility for someone else's energy level and emotional state.  

just goddamn tired as fuck lately.  explanation lies with the gym shit mentoioned above...
SpikeSpiegel wrote:

UtopiaFive wrote:
meh such a ghey and depressing night

felt completely unable to do jack shit

meh meh dingaling

did gym it up n shit.  didn't get to meditate yday will do some now after eating fud and before sleep.  

feelin emotionally exhausted meh wtf goddamn
not gonna lie. I feel kinda bad and responsible. 
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

buddhagames withdrawal syndrome

side effects include suicidal thoughts and furious masturbation
Buddhagames wrote:
It's cause you didn't get to see my pretty face... it's actually pretty understandable


SpikeSpiegel wrote:



UtopiaFive wrote:
meh such a ghey and depressing night

felt completely unable to do jack shit

meh meh dingaling

did gym it up n shit.  didn't get to meditate yday will do some now after eating fud and before sleep.  

feelin emotionally exhausted meh wtf goddamn
not gonna lie. I feel kinda bad and responsible. 

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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

Good video.  



I guess I'm not going to be going out much til Vegas this Saturday.  Gotta do a lotta work and apartment hunting stuff this week.  
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

stuff done:
1. signed 6 mo lease 30 minutes from the city  (oh no!) but 3 minutes from work (oh yeah).  having roommates sucks, esp randoms off craigslist, your own place == 100x less of a headache.  partially this is about "boundaries" as well, i realize im not good at them, so having my whole apt to myself means i have to not worry annoying crap.  
2. had a 'lets take a break' talk w my parents, also regarding boundaries.  basically, the whole "fucked up childhood" exploration makes me realize we have unhealthy communication styles at times, and it requires too much energy to have a conversation w them.  i respectfully told them "im checked out for a while" and i actually think that should help my mom w some shit in the long run.  i think she thinks me n my brother's job are to keep her from getting lonely when my dad is doing work overseas.  shit ain't my job.  

upcoming is summit next week, should be rooockin.  

when i'm back i'll be focusing on finding myself a therapist rather than droning on about this shit on RSDN.  maybe ditch this site and the pickup stuff for a while after summit, too.  
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LethalLex

LethalLex

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Join Date: 11/20/2010 | Posts: 1093

Yeah, it's crazy how sucked into all this you can get. I've recently realized how much I've idealized RSD and all the instructors, even some of the regular forum guys. Then you start to realize that some of the people you were looking up to are actually... well... let's just say not as amazing as you thought. Like I'm pretty sure I have my shit more together than 95% of the guys on this forum and yet I still spend all this time here?

Think i might take a break from the forum myself.

Goodluck with sorting all that stuff out man.
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

Yeah, I guess the thing is the instructors take the same role in "game" as your parents did in "life."  

When you're a baby I guess you emotionally feel that your parents are godlike in nature and because of that it "frees" your mental resources to have fun and play and grow and develop.  I guess how a lot of people come in, RSD is like that.  I've noticed when guys who are less developed are around me, they do feel this sense of "I can do way more than I normally do!" even if I myself am not doing ANYTHING (e.g. I could be standing there, in not even a good mood or talking to girls).  I guess its cuz at that point they see ME as that fixture in the environment that allows them to feel safe and "play and grow and develop" (by beasting).  

So I think this idealization (actually the psychological term they use) is OK, its a normal part of growing up, and while I don't see the exact parallel (why would idealizing someone from a forum on the internet, make you feel safe to "play" somewhere else in the world?) I don't think its BAD per se, just a "part of the process" -- the process being "learning pickup" but also "developing from a child to a man" (which I guess is why David D was always pointing to this as 'the other half of what guys are here for').  Daym, this stuff lately makes me realize "Hrm maybe watching David D's old shit that seemed to psychology and not field based will be more useful to me now."  

Anyway yeah, getting off the forums will be good for a while, though little chats like this make it clear that there ARE things to gain from it...
LethalLex wrote:
Yeah, it's crazy how sucked into all this you can get. I've recently realized how much I've idealized RSD and all the instructors, even some of the regular forum guys. Then you start to realize that some of the people you were looking up to are actually... well... let's just say not as amazing as you thought. Like I'm pretty sure I have my shit more together than 95% of the guys on this forum and yet I still spend all this time here?

Think i might take a break from the forum myself.

Goodluck with sorting all that stuff out man.
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Ballgames

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Join Date: 07/25/2011 | Posts: 2471

Yeah I agree with you guys.

No need to idolize anyone, whether they are on this forum or in real life.

I tihnk one thing you start to realize, the more you come into your own, is that EVERYBODY is just human. Like whatever issues you're dealing with, they deal with.

It's all about balance.... do everything you need to do for you and then take care of the rest when you have time//make time for the shit you want to do in your life.
__________________
90 Days Challenge (Currently in the Final Third): "It's Just Something You Have To Do If You Want To Be Great"     http://www.rsdnation.com/node/233192/forum  The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars A man may fall down many times, but he won't be a f ailure until he says someone pushed him" Buddha
My review of training with Manwhore.org
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

Haha, I'm not that smart, just curious mang.  :-)  

Cuz the deep down truth is that there always were things that blew my mind and I NEEDED to understand, because otherwise it was hard for me to TRUST in the shit.  

It was always super super super super weird to me how my experiences with Blueprint and with the Tyler bootcamp went, to the point where it seemed like almost "something evil and magical was underlying this" (LOL like for real, because...things were just so goddamn DIFFERENT around these experiences).  

Like on Tyler bootcamp I swear to god, one of the first 3 girls I approached (megatron fatty) I'm talking to then ask "Where are you friends?" she says uh I donno and then I say "I bet they're banging in the bathroom" and she responds... "Actually...haha, yup."  Then like last set of that venue, hooks (they keep telling me go back she likes you, I didn't believe cuz she wouldn't give the number).  I go back, walk her around the venue, then sit her down, stick around a bit.  Tyler comes and sits down too, I guess to watch and to ask me "whats happening?"  After we leave he says "Damn she came w you but didn't give the # -- she has a BF...I wish I knew so I could tell you pull to the bathroom!"  I actually thought he was FULL ON LUNATIC and just thought "Uhh...OK...ignore that retarded shit, lets just see what the rest of the bootcamp goes like."  

2nd day, he tells me to bathroom pull this girl (who like opened me actually).  3rd day, he tells me how to open this one chick, to blow out dude with "Is this guy your boyfriend?" -- I do it, then 20 minutes later its SO ON and I ask Tyler "I dont want to leave bootcamp but its so on, what to do?"  He says again BATHROOM.  Bathroom pull.  

(sidenote: If that experience wouldn't make me idolize the guy, well, that'd just be crazy.  100% new reality right there.  Actually just thinking about it is kinda crazy.)  

But more to the point...I didnt UNDERSTAND how all these things came together, and it was kind of SCARY to just "go with it"...which I DID DO, but I still always wanted to "get it" -- and helping you and the other 2 guys out that weekend, helped me make more sense of it, but I also have seen this time and time again, and been on "both sides" of that equation many times.  But really what helped me piece this shit together has been reading stuff like Boundaries, Homecoming by John Bradshaw, and Thaw by Don Carter.  The main point is getting more and more life experience that lets you CONNECT to these books.  

Like I had read Tolle when I lived in NYC and started experiencing some emotion I wasn't familiar with.  I would be standing around, and see 1000s of ppl running everywhere, and feel COMPELLED to RUN SOMEWHERE, yet I had NOWHERE I NEEDED TO BE.  AKA I learned anxiety briefly, and hence even tho I always heard about Tolle before, I just then BOUGHT IT and started READING IT and it MADE SO MUCH SENSE.  

Yeah I guess what you are describing is just related to the fact that our brain is multitasking, and one of your tasks is often "watch out for trouble" and when you're around someone "stronger" than you as you put it, you get to free that part of your mind, and more freely express the parts of your brain that do "expressiveness and creativity" and just focus more on beasting than "Is someone gonna kill me?" (Cuz you know if anyone will its really actually me LOL)
SpikeSpiegel wrote:

UtopiaFive wrote:
Yeah, I guess the thing is the instructors take the same role in "game" as your parents did in "life."  

When you're a baby I guess you emotionally feel that your parents are godlike in nature and because of that it "frees" your mental resources to have fun and play and grow and develop.  I guess how a lot of people come in, RSD is like that.  I've noticed when guys who are less developed are around me, they do feel this sense of "I can do way more than I normally do!" even if I myself am not doing ANYTHING (e.g. I could be standing there, in not even a good mood or talking to girls).  I guess its cuz at that point they see ME as that fixture in the environment that allows them to feel safe and "play and grow and develop" (by beasting).  

This exactly described my experience.

Damn bro ur actually pretty smart, sometimes it's hard to resonate with ur ideas but this one is word-for-word detailed perfectly.

I think the thing is you seem "strong" or have this strong personality that makes weaker dudes feel more comfortable latching on to. And then once that dynamic is established it makes them free to do the things they didn't have the courage otherwise to do.
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UtopiaFive

UtopiaFive

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Join Date: 09/16/2008 | Posts: 4960

So I'm back from Summit.  Lot of realizations.  Some of them having anything to do with the talks given that week, and more of them totally unrelated.  

First one is simply the line "Don't be rude."  If a girl doesn't comply.  Or even if she is just being cool.  It like makes them chase your shit for a second or two just to make sure they're NOT being rude.  I'm pretty sure I've heard Tyler mention this in the context of like being a social violator if you go up to her with guy she's not completely into with a line like "You're with THIS GUY?" with a disapproval tone.  

Next thing...my "emotional gas tank" really is around 25% consistently as my therapist suggested.  The whole week I was just tired tired tired.  The reason?  Is almost certainly the kinds of "relationships" I hold and "connections" I have -- and not only the people themselves but I guess how "vulnerable" I can make myself for real, if that makes sense.  I'm not 100% sure but that's my hunch.  And also all the old JFM family dynamics stuff from John Bradshaw.  That stuff was legit, but many guys just didn't come from a weird family and also many guys will never get to the level where they see this shit as a blocker in their life for higher level shit.  (And then THEIR kids will come out fucked up too.)  Become independent in every fucking way, and then you will want to learn how to be more interdependent.   

Another one is this idea.  That 90% of what you hear in RSD is not the core game.  What any instructor will talk about is what he has done automatically when "things were right" and then later backwards rationalized.  Doesn't mean it doesn't work, but its about the idea that they did the mass approaches, figured out what was working, refined it.  EVERYONE else gotta do the same.  (gotta meaning IF YOU WANT COLD APPROACH SKILLS and also IF YOU WANT PERSONALITY/IDENTITY change).  And even amongst Principles its that instructors found their own KEYSTONE HABITS.  For example, a "really nice guy" might say "the key of game is male/female interaction."  Whereas someone who is naturally tense and anxious may say "meditate a lot to improve your game."  So for example in looking at this review http://www.rsdnation.com/node/227505/forum and I see "concepts like Clarity of Intent, Buyer/Seller Dynamic, Rapid Physical Escalation, Self Amusement, and Leading" I would personally (based on my current experiences) throw in a concept like "emotional fortitude"  

Another thing, I just asked some chick in the airport some question about nailpolish with like 5-6 people watching/staring at me.  I normally would never do shit like this.  Todd says "Well, anytime I leave the house, I consider that I could be out meeting girls on the way."  Which is awesome, because it moves you towards "life consistency" or whatever you'd want to call it.  

Another thing is the idea of "Do you want your life to be DOWN HERE?  OR UP HERE?" when I talk to girls.  I did this on one set at 3AM and it was honestly quite good, but I was leaving at 6AM so I was doing gamier shit to try and bang faster (aka shock humor) and blew it out.  

Validation means everything to me.  Like LITERALLY.  

And yeah.  Definitely gotta move to Vegas for a few months.  I'm not in the right place emotionally right now.  I just signed a 6 month lease near my job.  Sunnier, quieter, less stressful than SF.  I can still go out, but I won't much.  I will be fixing some of these personal issues, then in February whether or not I "really" move to Vegas, I will definitely do a 30-90 day trip out there.  That shit...I have no excuse not to do, as long as I get through my psychology shit as soon as I'm expecting.  But yeah...if my head was not fucked up when I was a kid (or if it was but just a little bit) I never would have had to get into this, and then never would have.  Glad I started out that way since I HAD to approach strangers, and especially now once its all handled, it'll be like...disgusting.  So many things I've realized...like the fact that it takes willpower to approach still, is related to "I have something to hide."  When I truly have nothing whatsoever to hide, and my shit is sorted, I will be the fucken best.  

Otherwise I think I'll detach from this site as much as I can for a little bit.  
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