THE FORUMS

Yeah its more to "break my pattern" AKA stop answering questions I've been asked before in the same way than worrying about "qualifying" but yeah.  

Like dunno if you notice this but esp if you're just having a "normal conversation" w a girl and she asks "Where are you from?!!" you almost get this feeling in your body like "Arghhhh, not THIS again........"  

Basic lesson on pulling.  

If she drove, ask her what kind of car she drives.  "Oh for serious?  What do the keys look like?"  Get her keys.  Discretely give to her friends, then PULL and GTFO.  

If she has no keys, PULL and GTFO.  (The only reason they'd lie is to avoid putting out tonight, which they know they can't resist.)

Argh.  Brief but this is the key lesson.  

Oh, I guess the other lesson is that "random motherfuckers just like me, especially when I dress at all cool."  And then some homeless guy I gave $5 said he thought it was unusual that I didn't wear bling because I looked cool but most cool people wear a lot of bling (then he showed me various kinds of bling to try out, apparently God wants my game to improve, so he sends me the message through homeless guy to "wear more bling and pull more bishes bro.")

Good stuff.  

I don't really know what I want anymore.  

The superficial shit is really easy to want to chase.  

No one can fault you for saying you want to get girls or make more money.  


If I wanted to be really dramatic and artsy, I would remake the music video of this song.  Just Ellie Goulding and me.  We'd meet in some scene like a park and it would be apparent we were strangers.  She would be riding me, and out of nowhere she'd pull out a Desert Eagle, point it in my face as I looked a bit shocked but calm, and then she's stick it in her own mouth, and shoot herself.  Then, the video would pause, it would do some zoom in/out effects with blood in the air, and rotate around really quick and then zoom into the next scene.  Which would be her meeting me in a completely different scenario, like a fancy party or something, us both obviously dressed differently, and again strangers.  Then another fade into another sex scene, with the same pattern.  The fourth time, at the end of the song, it'd zoom out with the gun in my face, and I'd wake up the next morning, confused.  

There's my creative self-expression for the day.  

But yeah, I haven't been going out very much lately.  It was the Wednesday after the last "field report" where I went on a date with the girl in that last report, and the Friday after I went out, mainly just to mess around a bit and hang out w the other pickup dudes out here.  

I have been going to the gym a bunch.  And eating in accordance with the laws of getting more big and looking more better.  

But yeah, back when I mentioned on Facebook that I was starting this, Jeff asked "why whats the point"

I didn't quite know, I mean, I have some form of reasoning for it, and partially its just an experiment in doing something that my brain almost does't believe is possible.  I think I said something like
1. I used to be fat, then I got really skinny, but I've never been big n buff.  
2. Something else, don't remember.  
3. Why not?  

Ultimately, its kind of a revenge of the nerds thing where the ex fat kid has to go all the way in terms of fitness to the other extreme.  I don't think I'll get all that interested in becoming a bodybuilder, but I do want to look hawt with the full six-pack abs, and the "skinny" me doesn't look abs-y enough, probably due to skin being a bit loose from the old fat me.  A few more pounds of muscle might change that up a bit.  But regardless, this is somewhat superficial and irrelevant.  Just like the muscle is just another thing to fill up the space, the activity is just another endeavor to fill up the time.  

I don't know.  Well...hold on a second, wait, I do.  



why whats the point

Again, Brad asked me the "Why?" question on the monthly coaching call last month.  "So...why are you still into pickup?"  

Tyler asked me the same question essentially back in Feb/March at the end of the Miami Bootcamp.  

I don't really have an answer, except that I don't know what else to do.  

Even when I turn to wanting to make the flip from employee to entrepreneur/business owner, the question is kind of like...Why?  

I don't really have an answer, except that being an employee kind of really sucks a big fat dick.  Especially when doing it drains you of your energy rather than fuels it.  

Initially I got into pickup to overcome some deficiencies in who I was.  Not who I was as a person but how I expressed myself and lived my life in the world.  

I was a chode, a fat chode.  And I knew I wanted to change it, and somehow wasn't the kind of person who could say what he wanted to say or do what he wanted to do.  At least not in the environment I was in.  

I think back in my childhood growing up, it was easy to make me feel stupid.  If I spoke up, that is.  So I didn't speak up very much.  Its what Jeffrey was saying in his "Post Bootcamp Notes" with this: "It seems like you can be somewhat guarded at times, where it's difficult for people to tell what you are thinking/feeling." I'm somewhat surprised to hear this in the context of "bootcamp" or "pick-up" but then again, its pretty true in other areas of my life (such as dayjob), so its not off-base.  

But back to the point, looking at "the basic assumptions" so to speak.  I didn't get into this stuff to make friends.  I didn't get into it to grow as a man.  I didn't get into it to argue with people on forums, to prove I was right, to prove that I was any good, to interact with weird motherfuckers in the book "The Game," or to give anyone advice about anything.  All of these things just happened.  



Some of the Things I Like the Best About "The Game"

1. How it has helped me to improve who I am, to some degree
2. How it has helped me to understand that the rules are meant to be broken
3. How it has helped me to see how I really am when I don't need anyone's approval or validation
4. How it has provided goals that are so easy to grasp (intent) yet seem so far away (freedom from outcome)
5. How it has provided me a peer group of similarly "Off the Main Road" guys to interact with, learn from, and also teach
6. How its provided a smaller context for the real world
7. Its something I've taken something that was a "pain in the ass" and made it into "something fun"
8. Its something I've taken from "something fun" into "something very serious and so utterly important" that I began to question it
9. Its something that's taught me I do need to think more for myself than follow conventional wisdom (be that "mainstream dating advice" or "mainstream pickup advice" or "RSD pickup advice")
10. Its something that's challenged my identity time and time again, including right now, at this moment.  
11. Its taught me about joy and purpose, how this can "turn on" in and instant and also "disappear" in an instant, too.  



Truth & Reality: Who I am. Where I am. What I want. 

I recently started reading some Steve Pavlina: Personal Development for Smart People.  

The first chapter is on Truth.  There is a place where he asks, On a scale from 1-10, where are you in life for each of these areas?

Habits & Daily Routine: 6.5
Career & Work: 4
Money & Finances: 7
Health & Fitness: 8
Mental development & education: 5
Social life & relationships: 4
Home & family: 4.5
Emotions: 6
Character & integrity: 5
Life purpose & contribution: 4
Spiritual development: 6

Then he says "If it isn't a 9 or a 10, cross it off, and replace it with a 1.  This is more accurate."  If we think we have a 6 or a 7, this just means we're rationalizing that "Its OK right now" while denying "This really isn't anything like what I truly want out of life."  It means I don't really have what I really want, but am not willing to face up to it, at all.  

The key thing I got from here is "The truth is more about having the right path, than the right position on the path.  6-8 means you are probably on the wrong path."  

I need to look at each area and ask
What is it that I truly want?  What is my dream or grand vision?  What's the deep desire I've been longing for, the one I'm afraid to admit, because I'm afraid I can't actually have it?  What path do I most want?

These are the questions I've been avoiding.  I've been avoiding the "Why are you into this?" stuff.  I've been avoiding the "What do you hope to get out of this?" questions.  Everywhere.  All over.  

Recently, DJ Fuji was in town doing some talk at the lair, and was doing these free "30 minute one-on-one phone coaching session" thingies.  

He asked me a bunch of questions, and where it really came down to were these questions.  

1. Where do you think you are now, on your "success with women" on a scale from 1-10, from where you ultimately would like to be?

6/10

2. How important is it to you to get to a 10?

10/10

3. OK how important is it to you to get to a 10/10 in your career and work life?

10/10 also

4. And where do you see yourself on that scale, from 1-10?

Uhmm....maybe a 4.  

So...the conclusion is that one of these areas needs more work, effort, thought, and willpower, than the other.  And it ALWAYS HAS.