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November 22nd, 2014
Girl doesn't seem too excited for our date...
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Aurelio91

Aurelio91

Member

Join Date: 08/28/2010 | Posts: 69

Fellas,

So here's the thing. I met this girl a few weeks ago at a party on campus. She actually came up to talk to me and we ended up hooking up. I got her number and have been texting her since, and the reason we haven't really met up again is mainly because of logistics (exams, Thanksgiving, etc.). My fraternity has a date party in 2 weeks so I asked her if she wanted to come. She said of course and asked if I can find one of her friends a date too so she'd feel more relaxed which I thought was fine since a lot of guys go through the same thing. Problem is, all of her friends are ugly and none of mine want to go with her friends and she's upset that none of can be there with her, especially cause she just transferred from a small school and is about to be thrown into a huge date party of the biggest frat at a huge school with a guy she hardly knows. Sucks too because everything was going smoothly until this garbage came about and the last time we texted eachother it was just akward. I've invited her to come out the past few nights with me and my friends but I think she still feels uncomfortable. I even thought about maybe taking her to coffee just to get to know her a little more but not sure if thats considered fucking gay in college or something. I'm tryna get her excited for it but don't really know how to go about it and feel like a huge fag cause of it.  Any advice would be appreciated boys.
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#1

Bobby Lee Swagger

Member

Join Date: 01/26/2011 | Posts: 40

Definitely don't make her coffee.  You're already putting her needs and comfort over your own.  You're supplicating and she knows it.  Just tell her that she'll be there with you and you're going to introduce her to new people.  If she hesitates or doesn't firm up the plans with you, then just say, "Ok, well I'm going to be here, if you want to meet new people and have a good time, you should come."

And then proceed to invite another girl to the event.  Don't get stuck with tunnel vision as there are plenty of other girls to invite.  Hopefully you haven't been texting her everyday.  If you have been, it's time to stop that.

Swagger
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#2
maximal

maximal

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/15/2010 | Posts: 289

Well, first off, it's understandable that she's nervous about going to a huge frat party with nobody that she knows, but that has nothing to do with you, so you shouldn't take it personally.  It's not like anything you do can ease her mind about this, so you'll just have to see whether she decides to bring her game face or not.

Secondly, there's nothing wrong with taking her to coffee.  Too many people get involved in this community and feel like they have to completely cast off anything that slightly resembles "traditional dating."  There's a reason it's a staple of the dating world, and that's because it's relatively low-pressure for both people and provides a context in which they can converse and see if they have emotional chemistry.

There isn't a lot that you can do about her anxiety, short of having one of your friends take one for the team and bring one of her not-so-hot friends.  The best thing that you can do is be a charismatic and confident date while you're there, so that she knows she's with someone who she can trust to take care of her in an unfamiliar environment.  She isn't going to be emotionally strong in this situation, so you'll have to pick up the slack in that regard.  Consider this a test of your ability to assure the girl that everything's fine by your emotional strength alone.
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#3
maximal

maximal

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/15/2010 | Posts: 289

Bobby Lee Swagger wrote:
Definitely don't make her coffee.  You're already putting her needs and comfort over your own.  You're supplicating and she knows it.  Just tell her that she'll be there with you and you're going to introduce her to new people.  If she hesitates or doesn't firm up the plans with you, then just say, "Ok, well I'm going to be here, if you want to meet new people and have a good time, you should come."

And then proceed to invite another girl to the event.  Don't get stuck with tunnel vision as there are plenty of other girls to invite.  Hopefully you haven't been texting her everyday.  If you have been, it's time to stop that.

Swagger
Or, if you don't feel like this particular girl is worth the effort, then do this.
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#4
Aurelio91

Aurelio91

Member

Join Date: 08/28/2010 | Posts: 69

I sincerely appreciate your guys advice. I make sure not to show any neediness or anything, but the only reason I thought about taking her to coffee is just so I can actually get to know her a little better, for my sake too, so it isn't akward for both of us since the only time we actually hung out was when we were both drunk. The thing is it she seems like she ACTUALLY wants to go, she would just really rather have a friend there. It isn't as if she doesn't really want to go and wants her friend just for company. She actually wants to go as I can tell she's genuinely interested.

In regards to texting her everyday, I have since Saturday but its only because we've been talking about which of her friends should go, and I did it mainly because my friends genuinely needed dates too.

The last thing we talked about was realizing that none of her friends were going with my friends. I told her everything would work out and she just said "lol haha ok" and thats it. You guys think I should text her about the coffee meetup asap or just wait for her to text me?
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#5

Mace123

Member

Join Date: 11/22/2008 | Posts: 51

Pick up the phone and CALL her. Get some rapport/comfort down. This is what people used to do before texting believe it or not.

You don't even need to get coffee!
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#6

rogerhelms

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 637

 WTF! You guys are retarded. JUST buy her a fucking cup of coffee and talk to her like a real human being. If shes comfortable she'll do anything.  $2.50 muther fukkers!
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#7

TheFinisher

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/17/2011 | Posts: 859

You aren't needy if you meet a girl for a coffee (on or off campus). It's normal for a dude to talk to a girl over a cup of java.
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#8
Aurelio91

Aurelio91

Member

Join Date: 08/28/2010 | Posts: 69

I love you guys. Thanks plenty
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#9

Waywardson

Respected Member

Join Date: 05/27/2010 | Posts: 388

How is taking her to coffee putting her needs and comfort over your own? People go to far with this supplicating stuff. Yes it is good to be leading, but it will take a little sacrifice to.
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#10
Aurelio91

Aurelio91

Member

Join Date: 08/28/2010 | Posts: 69

Invited her out to get some coffee and got no reply. I'll admit, it stings a LITTLE bit. Definitely not sad or anything, just a little more mad since my date party is really soon and nearly everyone has a date. Flakes suck haha

Thanks again to everyone who had advice
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