November 18th, 2018
Advice: Approach Anxiety and indiference (Beginner-Advanced) Can implement emediately for good results
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Join Date: 03/11/2009 | Posts: 1142

Hey guys, was writing a nother article about assumed expectations and results, and then stubled onto a video Tyler hapened to post up, which gave me an idea to write this up, this is advice about approach anxiety and indifference to the girls shit on the approach that a lot of guys might be having, and how to easily overcome this problem.

There is gonna be some theory here and some exercises to do if you want. But it wil help, its real good for indiference to the girls shit on the approach

This can help newbies to advanced guys who are stuck in the approaching phase of this little game, to get over the initial approach block and be indifferent to the shit women say to you once you approach.

This exercise will hit the approach block and the indifference to women's negative shit towards you at the same time.

(This shit is really effective for the 9s and 10s as you’ll read later on in the article.)

Some quick theory:

Expecting the worse 90% of the time gives you a good or the best outcome. Expecting the best disappoints you, and not expecting anything is like a toss of a coin, could be good could be bad most of the time its ok.

Everyones whiteness this phenomenon. How many times have you been to a party where 2 hours prior or even the whole week up to the party you were like, ah man can’t be bothered to go, its gonna suck, its gonna be boring but you're obliged to go or you dragged yourself to it anyway, and it turns out to be the best damn party you’ve had in a while!


You tell all your friends how good a certain burger joint is you hype it up so much because the first time you went it was so amazing, “Guys these XYZ place is sooo good it makes ABC taste like Macdonalds!” Then when you get there and order your amazing burger, it tastes like crap, nothing like the first time, and you tell your friends “Damn the chef must be different this isn’t the same shit as last time.”

Everyone has had this same phenomenon. And it also plays a big role in meeting women.

Side Note:

Some of you might have read on the forum or on Ozzies Blog, how when Ozzie gets a free weekend we play a game of scouting out the hottest girl in the club, chodeing each other out and then approaching. We are consciously forcing the above phenomenon(Warning below*).

*WARNING: We do with Ozzie is a similar concept but more hardcore extent where we actually make each other feel like complete shit before the approach, body language goes to shit, we get a build up of fear, go in our heads, this is counter intuitive if you're a noobie because what we do is increase the fear instead of dispelling which is what Im talking about in this article, its a similar concept but different.

The What to do:

Ok first off Im gonna lay it down simply to those guys who are’t scared to go into a club and try this off the batt, after I will describe an exercise you can do with your wing if you're too scared to approach girls like this to get a similar effect in a sort of “Virtual Environment” either way both will eventually have to do it with real girls otherwise its pointless...


Guy sees a hot girl guy eventually conjures courage to approach hot girl.

Guy: Hi.
Girl: Blank and turn around.
Guy: shocked look on his face defeated. walks away slowly.


Guy: Hi
Girl: Fuck off! don’t touch me!
Guy: Shocked, doesn't know what to do walks away.


Guy: Hi
Girl: You're fuken weird, are you gay.
Guy: No Im not gay, are you! (or some chode shit? lol)

Usually when guys approach the only thing in their head is approach hot girl, this isnt bad, this is what should be going on in your head, so when they get to one of the 50% percent of hot girls that might react bitchy they are stunned, they don’t know what to say, so they get blown out, and a lot of guys don’t approach certain girls cos they are scared of this scenario and the voice in their head is saying no you’ll fuck up!

The Answer:

When you see that super hottie you want to approach, immediately tell yourself when I approach her she is gonna be a complete to me, she is gonna rip me a new one. Be consciously expecting this, over ride the voice in your head who whispers to you that you’ll fuck up by actually telling yourself that the girl is gonna be a off the batt, so that when you approach you are expecting the bad shit, and are indifferent to it, it doesn't affect you, cos you knew it was coming, and you naturally act indifferent!


1. Friend is hiding round the corner, and you are walking up to it unknowingly that he is there and he jumps out, he scares the crap out of you.

Friend is hiding round the corner, and you are walking up to it knowing that he is there and expecting him to jump out, you don't flinch!

Why is this different to what the voice in your head says. Doesn't the voice in your head already tell you you’ll suck and shell be mean?

Yes and thats the problem, the voice in your head says that you will suck, it says that YOU will SUCK!

When you tell yourself consciously that the girl will be mean, you don't tell yourself that you will suck, you tell yourself that the girl will be mean, it has nothing to do with you, its all on her, and you cant do anything about it, just like you know your friend is hiding behind the corner and you know he is there, you cant do anything about it but you know he is there!

I remember when I was a newbie going out with the Crew 2-3 years ago, if I was approaching massive groups I’d be a bit scared, the way I got myself to approach them is by saying to myself out loud, “OK, time to get blown out, hahaha.” Interesting thing, whenever i said this, i never got blown out, even when the girls gave me shit, I was expecting the blow out, so it was not a surprise when they would say some mean shit, so I would reply to their bitchyness with a smile on my face and some funny remark expecting to get blown out.

When I didn't do this but just approached 50% of the time id get blown out, and Id feel sucky.


The hottest girls get approached a lot by drunk retarded dudes, who are clingy nasty stink like booze falling all over themselves, all over her shit. When you approach she will just assume subconsciously you're the same, she's not doing it on purpose its just her reference experience in the club is 90% of drunk nasty dudes approach me, and only 10% of cool guys do. Its not your fault, but its your duty to be indifferent and to show her you're normal.

GO TO 4:25! (the rest doesnt really corolate to the article.)


Whenever you see a hot girl you like and wanna approach, say to yourself, “Dam shes gonna be a complete bitch! Im so gonna get blown out!” and then approach.

You’ll notice that when you do approach a lot of the time the girl will be nice, because you've used the principle of assuming the worse something good comes out.

Sometimes the girl will be a bitch. But you're automatically expecting her to be so you will automatically act indiferent.

Guy: Hey you're cute.
Girl: Fuck off pervert!
Guy: umm... Ok, Im Guy whats your name.
Girl: Don't talk to me.
Guy: You're being really weird, be cool were in a club, musics pumping yeah! fuken sweet! (or some shit, totally ignoring her bitchiness towards you)

Remember: For her its an automatic response, shes subconsciously assuming you're a drunk fuck looser, it has nothing to do with you. Your mission is to show her otherwise.

If she's still being a to your indifference, then either shes on coke or some shit, she's fuken crazy. a lesbian, or has a jealous boyfriend around and wants to get rid of you before some confrontation happens, so she could be doing you a favor...

Thats all you have to do, approach expect the bitchyness and you'll be getting laid like a pro, with some of the hottest chicks out there.

Now for the Guys shit scared of approaching women at all!

Might be a good read either way!

Never tried this myself, but from looking at some of my old school psychology books, Ive figured out a way you can actually replicate the above to a certain extend to ease the transition into approaching real girls.

Even though I have never tried the below myself, similar things have been tried with diferent scenarios that received good results.


You’ll need a wing or a friend.

If you don't have a wing, just do it with a friend, tell him its for getting over your fear of approaching people for sales, same principle applies. As far as hes concerned you're trying to overcome your fear of selling or cold calling or some shit...

One of you is gonna be the target (T) the other is gonna be the person who approaches (A).


Part 1:

Part one is a buildup to see how (A) reacts.

(A) will approach (T) and say hi.

(T) will be nice and say hi back and be really friendly.

This will be repeated a few times say x4 it can be x5 or x7 the (T) will choose how many times he is gonna be nice, then randomly without (A) expecting it at a random point of (T)’s choosing (T) will be a or be mean and rude when (A) says hi, (A) should not be expecting this at all.

(T): fuck off! / Don’t touch me! / Don’t talk to me!

will obviously know when this is coming but will not be expecting it when it it happens as (T) will do it at random.

We want (A) to experience a bunch of good reactions before he gets the bad just so he can feel what his true reaction is like when he gets a bitchy girl.

Because the meanness was unexpected, (A) will react the same to the (T) as if he would to a hottie who is being a bitch.

Part 2:

The (A) will walk up to (T) and say hi, the (T)will only be nice.

Repeat a few times if need be, but (A) needs to remember how relaxed his body and mind was when the target was nice.

This is how he should be either way if the target is nice or bitchy.

Part 3:

The (A) will approach (T) and say hi but this time he will be expecting the target to be mean, to be a bitch, he will tell himself before he approaches to expect a bad reaction, thus (A) should react to the bitchiness with no surprise when it comes, but just brush it away and keep talking.

should be mean every time, repeat this exercise a bunch of time, (T) should be inventive with the insults, but not comical to get (A) laughing.

Repeat a few times until you really don't give a shit how mean the (T) is.


(A): hi

(T): Fuck off faggot!

(A): Ok... Im (A), whats your name.

(T): Are you dumb, fuck off.

(A): Don't be weird, were in a club chill, whats your name.

Approacher speaks in a calm relaxed tone, not affected by insults.

Part 4:

(T) will flips a coin if heads (T) will be mean to (A) if tails (T) will be nice. This is totally at random so (A) has no clue what is coming.

(A) should be expecting the (T) to be a total 100% of the time!

(A) should be pre-empting and expecting the bitchyness just as if it is a normal every day thing.

That way however (T) responds (A) will act the same.

If (T) is nice (A) gets a nice surprise.

If (T) is mean, (A) was already expecting this so its not a problem...

Part 5:

Approach real girls in a club expecting them to be bitchy 100% of the time!

Why these exercises help:

Approaching cold, when the girl has not seen you nor had any eye contact with you, a lot of the time girls will not be expecting an approach, so their girls reaction might be to recoil, pull away or be mean as an instinctual thing. Or be mean to test you to see if you're man enough.

So if you already expect this bitchyness from them there is no way you can react wrong, you just react to them the same way as if they were nice.

Try it, it might help.

Next tine you wanna approach and the voice in your head tells you you'll get blown out. Use it to your benefit, say it out loud, Im getting blown out, lets go! And approach, a lot of the time you'll get the opposite result.
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Paris Boum Boum

Paris Boum Boum

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Join Date: 04/02/2009 | Posts: 3548

Nice post. I especially liked the first part.


You make it sound as though it wasn't so much about positivity as about awareness, consciousness. It doesn't matter if you feel like shit and if you think people will be mean to you, if you are aware of what's going on and you take action anyway. I would enjoy reading more about that. 
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Join Date: 03/11/2009 | Posts: 1142

Paris Boum Boum wrote:
Nice post. I especially liked the first part.


You make it sound as though it wasn't so much about positivity as about awareness, consciousness. It doesn't matter if you feel like shit and if you think people will be mean to you, if you are aware of what's going on and you take action anyway. I would enjoy reading more about that. 

Yeah I got more of this stuff in my head, but this particular article I had to get out on paper as its pretty straight forward and can be implemented emediatelly.

Thaught it might be usefull to some guys on here that might be having problems atm. I'll probably write some more notes up when I get the chance.

But the point you made about being more about awerness and conciousness, thats exactly what it is.

Im a big hater of State, building state, momentum. Im not gonna be in state, or have momentum if Im approaching a chick in the underground, Im gonna approach in whatever state Im in. If I approach a girl with state or momentum, the next day we meet for a drink or in the morning Im not gonna be state and momentum man.

What Im trying to say is, I can be feeling like shit, be super happy, sleepy, or sick as a dog, if I approach with awareness and conciousness of the situation ahead of me, "Shell probably be a bitch" (for whatever her own reason is, 99% it hasnothing to do with me, how my state is, or how Im approaching) I can be totally indiferent to whatever she throws at me, It is not a surprise, so I can ignore the shit and do what I do best, flirt and pull her home.

A boxer does not get into the ring expecting not to get punched, he gets in expecting to get the shit beaten out of him but he gets in there knowing what is gonna hapen, there are no surprises for him. He doenst get surprised by the punches, he takes them and keeps doing what he was doing before, punching and defending. 

If you jumped into the boxing ring fearing you might get punched, you will not go in with full confidence, because there will always be the unknown posibility that your fear might come true (getting punched), so when you do get punched its gonna be a shock, youll loose composure, but if youre ready and expecting the punch will come, it will not phase you. "Ok, I knew that was coming, whatever..."
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Join Date: 03/11/2009 | Posts: 1142

Zeniues wrote:
 Thanks man, had this fucking issue last night, assuming the worst is perfect, also because it already absorbs and accepts the thoughts I am having about it. I had a shitty night last night, only approached two chicks, my main fear, came from not knowing what would happen. Not if I would get blown out or not, but litterally, not knowing if she'd reject me, not reject me, etc, the chaos of it. Just assuming the worst and accepting it is perfect, i'll try it tonight if I go out or next week. Again man thanks. This is fucking logical, just never thought about it. Didn't Bruce Lee said something about this, hold on

Go to 1:20

I have entitlement issues, basically as soon as I see a hot chick and want to approach her my mind says "You're not good enough, she'll reject you" so this is perfect, next time i'm just going to accept it. The whole fucking world can chew me up and spit me out I don't care, I can take rejection, what I can't take is the walk of shame home because I didn't go for the chick I wanted. Fuck.

Nice Bruce Lee find, never saw this before but yeah its pretty much on the same level.
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Join Date: 03/11/2009 | Posts: 1142

Tried taking my advice last night, and doing it throughout the night when I approached. It was interesting to see how when youre prepared to get bitchyness it does not happen and it goes smooth.

One girl was totaly uninterested (super hottie!) kinda in "yeah, Whatever." just brushing me off, as I was expecting it I just carried on like nothing happened. Anyway she got away, I was still not affected just carried on dancing as I was before I said anything to her, like she didnt even blow me off. This not giving a shit thing got her quite interested to the point that she found me in a nother part of the club and was hovering around near me with her friends trying to get my attntion. I was disinterested in her at the point o ignored her, but it was interesting to see how funny it is.

Pringles and I did this a lot in Miami, wed approach chicks theyd automatically assume we were some creepy drunk fucks like the rest of the dudes in the club (Miami seems to be filled with really creepy dudes, freaked me and Prings out, to the point where I almost beat some creep down for being a wired sleezy creep to one of the girls I was talking to, usually I wouldn't care, but this dude repulsed me.), but cos we werent phased by their rejections and just carried on having fun, they would come back and hover round us or re engage us.
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Join Date: 01/14/2011 | Posts: 973

Yeah, it's interesting to see how weird chicks are after you've approached them, they instinctually blow you out or turn cold on you. If you got the gusto to keep plowing and do your thing without showing signs of neediness or being a butthurt chump, they kinda respect that and will flash you a smile or hover near you like Goran was saying.

It does feel paradoxical compared to what, say Tyler would say about assuming attraction, but the way I understand it is that you've hardened yourself up to the reality that a hottie will be an icy to you at first, and it's all about enduring the shit test like a man.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 05/20/2009 | Posts: 440

 bumping for great value of the post

funny enough this is the shit that helped me alot in the last couple months, basically setting low expectations of the responses I get. What sucks is after a few nights of it, you get great results and then, unconciously you start to have big expectations again, and it's even more real now, cause it's based on real references. and now you suck again and go back to the drawing board and own it again. gotta love the game
KJ Trollin'

The 3 commandments of rsdn

Thou shall read The Tolle.
Thou shall eat only Paleo approved food.
Thou shall not jerk off to porn. 

My FR Journal: 

'I'm willing to be happy doing anything, even if it sucks, as long as the overall picture is leading me towards an outcome I believe in.
But if it ain't getting me to where I want to go, I'm willing to do ANYTHING to extract myself from that situation.  If I have to bloody myself and risk KILLING myself I'll get out of that damned situation and into one that I like.'
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Senior Member

Join Date: 04/01/2011 | Posts: 107

 Holy shit, goes against everything we've ever "heard" but I LOVE IT. Got a similiar entitlement issue/stop myself from approaching hotties. GONNA give this a try 2n! Seems counterintutive yet Genious. Thanks Goran!
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