THE FORUMS

Was just copying old contacts to my new phone. Came up a record that read “Ivana – Anal”. It still surprises me whenever I find someone’s name in the phone and don’t have a CLUE, who that person is. Gives me a chuckle. Poor babe took it in the holy chamber to make me remember her… I even must have taken the number in the morning…

When I was in Dubai two weeks ago I buggered two women in 2 nights. As a fan of anal, I know how hard it can be to get a girl to take your length in her special place, so on the plane back I was analyzing how and why I scored brown twice in 2 nights with different girls.

My friend who lives out there (he is a bit of an anal specialist) told me that all girls take it in the ass in Dubai. So when I went for “the pooper”, I was completely and utterly sure I was going to get it, and as a result… they got done in the ass. One tried to object, but I said “SSssshhhh…. bite down on the pillow” On this occasion, compliance equals sodomy.

That’s what I love about assholes… in fact… that’s what I love about shagging women in general… but especially buggery… I am fascinated by the fact they can be standing at the bar, immaculately dressed, blowing guys out left right center and then laughing about it to their mates, turning their backs on guys mid convo, bitch shields above their heads, showing no interest, shit testing everything with a heartbeat and a johnson…

Then… sure enough… 3 hours later, they are naked, on their hands and knees in excruciating pain as you rifle your stiff dick up their fucking colons!!! The turnaround is remarkable and never fails to amaze me.

This is the most amazing thing about anal… My friend (the guy with the very acute anal radar) and I often joke that in our experience, if you kiss a girl in a club, she can blow you off the next day when you call… no problem whatsoever…. HOWEVER… when you tear her a new asshole, she is always dead keen to pick-up and meet up with you again.

So it is like the ultimate in flake prevention… If you want to guarantee you will see them again, slam it in their shitters.
How ironic… they let you ram raid their colons and then to prove they are not sluts, they meet up with you again so you can do it all again… whoever said women aren’t logical??

Whooottt? You’re NOT disgusted by me thinking aloud are you? Maybe you’re all fucking perverts and like to have sex with women’s vaginas… you guys are all fucking sick! You should stick you cranks in the place where god intended… Right up the fucking back way!

Hmm, what do you think…
Does a girl really want to see you again because she had anal with you?
Or does she have anal with you because she really wants to see you again?
Is anal the cause or merely a sign that a girl is really into you?

I’ve had it confirmed by a fuck buddy before – if a girl is really into you, but you prove to be a challenge to her (mainly by not kissing up to her like every other chode) she will do absolutely anything to get you, even if it means getting mindlessly banged in the ass.

However, some girls are total anal sluts. It’s not just porn driven urban legends, really. One of my girls in particular was absolutely awesome – At 18, was almost ten years younger – LOVED anal sex in any way you could imagine it… Objects, toys, cock, piss enemas, whatever… from any hole to any hole (don’t try this at home – she got a cunt infection from this) – and ass to mouth was EXPECTED as she loved the rudeness of it (do not kiss afterwards, otherwise YOU end up with a dirty sanchez)!

From my limited experience, girls absolutely love it in the ass. It feels great for them because it’s the ultimate nasty thing you can do to her, it takes your intimate badness to another level. You just have to introduce it the right way.

It’s kinda sick but girls like pain. Like getting slapped, bitten, having hair pulled, etc. Hopefully, everyone reading this is aware of the difference between sexy-pain and painful-pain. Painful-pain is show-stopping pain, like when you mindlessly bang her in the cervix with your long penis - for you try to imagine when your balls get into a spicy situation under her high-heel as you’re switching positions.

If you don’t use silicone lube and she’s an ass virgin she will feel painful-pain (if she's a pro, spit will do). It’ll feel like she’s getting an Indian burn in her ass. Even with lube it hurts a little at first. The key is, if she’s turned on enough, it’s the kind of pain she’ll like. It’s dull pain, not tearing pain. To put it in context, losing vaginal virginity may be far more painful than losing the anal one.

In order to relax a virgin b-hole use rimming. I haven’t met a girl who’s had a tongue in her ass and not liked it. So rim it. Or don’t it’s up to you, if she’s dead against anal and you rim it she may suspect what’s coming and freeze up. So baby step it, exactly like the extraction:

1) Make sure they’re really turned on and are totally comfortable with you. If they’re nervous, they will freeze up if you do stuff with their ass. If they’re totally turned on, they will want to be fucked in the ass as it’s so uninhibited and ‘bad’. Treat vaginal fucking as a foreplay for the big show.

2) A good way to get it going is, when you’re on top of her or she’s on top of you, to reach around to stroke the back of her pussy and her ass. That way you can rub some pussy juice against her ass and play with it a bit. Or do the cork-screw grip with your thumb while banging her doggie-style. Even if you’re not going to screw her in the ass do this, as ALL turned on women like it.

3) Once you’ve fucked her ass with your finger a bit, pull your dick out and rub it against her ass and see what her reaction is. If it’s good, try and get your dick in. This can be difficult… I could get my dick in my ex’s ass only from missionary position, but usually it’s easier to get it in when she’s lying on her front where you first slip in the cheeky finger.

4) Enjoy feeling like a big man! You’ve got your dick in a cute girl’s ass, and she’s whimpering…

5) Et voila! Butt cream pie!!!!

6) She will probably be a bit embarrassed after you both come and say something like “We shouldn’t have done that and we’ll never do it again”. Don’t worry! She doesn’t mean it.

7) OPTIONAL – Wipe your cock on her curtains (those tissue papery bits can make me a bit angry) and split. Now it’s important to remember that it will happen one day – you know what I mean - that you hit brown gold. It’s not very likely but if you enter the junkyard you have to expect to find at least one Doberman. If you don’t douche, one day the inevitable will happen. You can either NBD your way through the reality of a brown smear, or run screaming from the room and never see her again. It’s up to you.

But dudes, shit happens. That’s why they coined the term.

Little tip here – Anal orgasms tend to be of the strongest kind ever – once you make a woman come in such a way, she will become extremely attached to you – you will get a stalker from this!

Now back to business: I do anal every single time to teach a girl a lesson – i.e. girl acting like a bitch; thinks she is too good to get lad or has a boyfriend and is acting like a slapper?! So I bum her and send her home to her man to think about the errors of cheating on her partner. It makes their relationship stronger =) I am doing them a favor.

Anyway my conclusion comes to this: I got anal in Dubai because there are so few good men out there (so girls want to please the good guys with their assholes). I also was 100% committed to buggering them when I went for it, so they went along with it too. Nah, not a chance that the cultural thing could have anyhow contributed to my success. It’s all thanks to my undeniable alphaness (-;

P.S. In the name of pick-up and PURELY in the name of research, I decided to take one for the team and try “project finger in the starfish”.
The conclusion: I walked like John Wayne for 3 days and never felt so violated in my entire life. But the girl was so turned on it was f*cking unbelievable! The dirty bitch won’t leave my asshole alone now - I will forever sleep on my back.

P.P.S. I was shagging around with an African girl once – finger where we discussed. When I introduced the A issue – She confronted saying “On my wedding night!” (-: Nice to know traditional values are still holding.

P.P.P.S. You lot must be now thinking what an absolute dog I am right? Now, when I revealed my own back side – don’t be fooled dudes! I am, as a matter of fact, a very decent guy, as the following story demonstrates: Once, not realizing the age of the lucky young lady who had the pleasure of spending a night with me – I was shocked to discover she was still a virgin. Thinking it was a bit too rude to take her vaginal virginity at the age of 18 (I was more disgust by the prospect of bloody cock than shitty one), I’ve decided out of pure class to oblige her other hole. No need to explain how grateful she was in the morning that I preserved her pureness… It brings a warm glow deep inside (the anal, not the fact that at 18 she’s still virgo).