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January 19th, 2017
Chicks you date that still talk to their LTR Ex...
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iiSwoosh

iiSwoosh

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Join Date: 06/25/2009 | Posts: 1212

Im single right now but im very curious on how you guys react to this.  Do you guys trip if the girl you're dating still talks to her ex and hangs with him.
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#1
ladiesmanbearpig

ladiesmanbearpig

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Join Date: 10/10/2011 | Posts: 9

Well, it depends on the situation but I would say yes, that can be cause for concern. If it's her ex from 5 years ago that she's maintained a close non-sexual friendship with then whatever, but if they broke up a month ago, I'd be on my guard. 
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#2

Plasma

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/16/2008 | Posts: 145

I wouldn't care unless I had concrete knowledge that she was cheating. In which case I'd break up. You can't keep girls in a box. The more you let someone be free to make their own decisions the more they will love you for that (i.e. they wont want to stray). Let's say you get all bent out of shape and say it's not cool. Then she's probably going to call him behind your back and be pissed at you for not trusting. I believe in boundary lines mainly for outcomes. 

Boundary line for me: No cheating (if we are exclusive), I don't even state this it's just understood.

Insecure boundary line (one I wouldn't draw, but one you may be tempted to draw because you're concerned about an outcome): I don't want you hanging out solo with guys  (because she may find someone else, or cheat).

Having said all that.. It's hard to say. Hanging out with an ex (some may say any male) solo is asking for trouble. I really cared about one of my ex's but found myself on the dance floor with a Pitt cheerleader at a fraternity party.. and I started finger banging her on the dance floor. Last week, hooked up with a cougar who has a boyfriend. So I know chicks don't care (but who's to say the cougar had a cool bf she cared about, if she truly cared she shouldn't have done it). And I've been on both sides (Also, at the time I cheated me and my gf were shaky). Hopefully you are a really awesome dude that she doesn't want to lose what she has. If it really concerns you maybe I'd nonchalantly mention that it doesn't fly with me and see how she reacts. But I really think people are going to do what they want to do and no amount of you trying to shelter or box someone in is going to change that (in fact it usually causes more problems). I'd say your best chances are to be a really awesome dude, and then you can always replace instead of worrying about controlling one. Legitimately not caring too much is pretty attractive.
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#3
Cupcakes

Cupcakes

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Join Date: 12/14/2010 | Posts: 1274

Of course not, especially if you aren't exclusive. If you aren't exclusive and you get all worked up over that, you clearly need to date more women.
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#4
Abower

Abower

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Join Date: 08/26/2007 | Posts: 1762

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#5
iiSwoosh

iiSwoosh

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Join Date: 06/25/2009 | Posts: 1212

Abower wrote:

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAH now that shit was funny haha. but yeah back to topic i basically agree,  telling them to not do something will obviously want to make them want to, but still if im with a girl exclusive, i would not feel down to have her always talking to her ex and chilling because theres always gonna be feelings involved with a LT ex.
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#6
iiSwoosh

iiSwoosh

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Join Date: 06/25/2009 | Posts: 1212

s@d wrote:
Had a huge lesson for myself not long ago with my GF.

Some male friends (probably orbiters) invited my GF and her chicks to party to another country for some days. She aked me if it's ok.
Like 90% of phaggots on PUA forums advise to  be non reactive and act as if you don't care. So, i said that she can go if she wants and acted like a don't give a fuck.
My GF sensed that it really buged me, so she decided not to go and that it's unacceptable. After that she told that sometimes it's ok to say NO and to say that you are not ok with her doing things that are unacceptable for you. In other words, sometimes you just have to set boundaries and it will only increase her attraction for her. I always knew that, but it was really mind blowing to hear that from your own chick but not from a PUA forum.

Well, i learned my lesson.
Actually really feel you on this.  You assume you just let them do whatever they want because you dont want to come off needy but if that shit really isnt cool with you and with me it wouldnt be cool , then i'd tell them straight up it bothered me. If they didnt listen they can easily take off and ill find another chick easy.  good shit s@d
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#7
Sketchyyy

Sketchyyy

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 592

rightnow911go wrote:

s@d wrote:
Had a huge lesson for myself not long ago with my GF.

Some male friends (probably orbiters) invited my GF and her chicks to party to another country for some days. She aked me if it's ok.
Like 90% of phaggots on PUA forums advise to  be non reactive and act as if you don't care. So, i said that she can go if she wants and acted like a don't give a fuck.
My GF sensed that it really buged me, so she decided not to go and that it's unacceptable. After that she told that sometimes it's ok to say NO and to say that you are not ok with her doing things that are unacceptable for you. In other words, sometimes you just have to set boundaries and it will only increase her attraction for her. I always knew that, but it was really mind blowing to hear that from your own chick but not from a PUA forum.

Well, i learned my lesson.
Actually really feel you on this.  You assume you just let them do whatever they want because you dont want to come off needy but if that shit really isnt cool with you and with me it wouldnt be cool , then i'd tell them straight up it bothered me. If they didnt listen they can easily take off and ill find another chick easy.  good shit s@d
That was my #1 mistake in my last relationship: i tried to come off as this "invulnerable" pick-up mother-fucker. i def wish i showed my real fucking emotion to shit.
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#8
Cupcakes

Cupcakes

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Join Date: 12/14/2010 | Posts: 1274

As good as showing emotion is, there comes a point where it IS just ridiculous jealousy and you'll lose the chick, be careful of "PUA brainwashing" and taking the abundance mindset TOO FAR, like by getting rid of a chick for no reason. It's like the basement dwelling WoW nerd who thinks that because 99.99% of women don't find him attractive that he can just brush them off because of his "abundance mindset".
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#9
Sketchyyy

Sketchyyy

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Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 592

 Oh, for sure Cupcakes. Good point. Hopefully I remember your post for when my next relationship comes around...

i remember dumping my girlfriend an excessive amount of times for the stupidest reasons. lmao. immature
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#10
Cupcakes

Cupcakes

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Join Date: 12/14/2010 | Posts: 1274

I'm glad my post made sense, I had this grand idea in my head but by the end of the post I was worried I'd confused even myself...
Sketchyyy wrote:
 Oh, for sure Cupcakes. Good point. Hopefully I remember your post for when my next relationship comes around...

i remember dumping my girlfriend an excessive amount of times for the stupidest reasons. lmao. immature
__________________
CAN'T TALK TO WOMEN?
GET THE FUCK OUT THERE AND TALK TO THEM.
FAILURE IS THE ONLY WAY TO SUCCEED.
EMBRACE THAT OR BE A LOSER.
YOUR CHOICE.
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