THE FORUMS
03/30/2012 (Day 39)
I was looking forward to the subway ride to work as I was anxious to just focus on giving value. I get on the train and I'm still have massive anxiety on giving value in a dominant way w/o asking for anything in return...I eventually go up to this black girl and she blows me out rather harshly. A few stops later I open this Russian girl in front of her for self-amusement purposes. Focus on making myself laugh and just leave at my stop. Felt good to put a smile on her face. I still find it weird that I was stifled. Looks like i give a fuck what people think of me. O well. I went up to this one girl on the next train and had no clarity of intent. On the way back home, I was still stifled to just offer value. I give it a week or 2 - as i truly feel that I'll be completely independent of outcome.
I have to admit I was a bit down for not taking the right action on the subway and was disappointed that the girl from Tuesday was flaking. The temporary disappoint and feeling less than happy is good for you - reminds you that you need to draw state from within and I'll damn sure be a tease the next time I run in a similar situation.
So I'm bullshitting in my apt putting a "pimp" playlist together after taking a nap after work and don't head out until 1:45 to a bar in my neighborhood. Roll in - go up to a couple of girls and then I run into this cutie. Tell her genuinelly I had to talk to her. After her guy friends leave/do some light mouth-raping. End up vibing w/her for the next 2 hours about stuff in Africa, history, politics. Really well-educated and intelligent chick - just a really quality chick. Bounce her over to the dancefloor - chill out there for a bit. She keeps mentioning her guy friend and she doesn't know where he's gone. Eventually she wants to leave but the DJ is playing good music so I tell her we'll leave when he plays a song I don't like.
Eventually we leave like 5 mins after she suggests we leave. Bounce back to my crib. Need to learn to keep my place in order. Try to get her to play Mario Kart 64 - she's not interested. Ok i get it she wants to fuck. Bounce her to my bed. Make love. xo. Make her breakfast in bed when we get up and drop her off at her guy friend's place. fuckin lovely girl.
Wins:
- Did everything right. Was relaxed and didn't force anything - left the venue on my own accord w/her - didn't force physicality. Didn't feel any anxiousness when she went to the bathroom or went to look for her guy friend. Even before we fucked, I was proud that I didn't rush anything w/her. Just focused on adding pure value. Time is your ally.
Lessons Learned:
- I did a quick recovery but there was a part of the interaction where I was trying to force eye contact. She let me know I was being too intense. When doing laser eye contact, it needs to be done w/a smile.
- Not every girl needs a massive PUSH. Although looking back I did some things that were definitely PUSH throughout the interaction - some girls are turned off by it. This was one of those rare sweet girls who just wanted me to be "nice".
I was looking forward to the subway ride to work as I was anxious to just focus on giving value. I get on the train and I'm still have massive anxiety on giving value in a dominant way w/o asking for anything in return...I eventually go up to this black girl and she blows me out rather harshly. A few stops later I open this Russian girl in front of her for self-amusement purposes. Focus on making myself laugh and just leave at my stop. Felt good to put a smile on her face. I still find it weird that I was stifled. Looks like i give a fuck what people think of me. O well. I went up to this one girl on the next train and had no clarity of intent. On the way back home, I was still stifled to just offer value. I give it a week or 2 - as i truly feel that I'll be completely independent of outcome.
I have to admit I was a bit down for not taking the right action on the subway and was disappointed that the girl from Tuesday was flaking. The temporary disappoint and feeling less than happy is good for you - reminds you that you need to draw state from within and I'll damn sure be a tease the next time I run in a similar situation.
So I'm bullshitting in my apt putting a "pimp" playlist together after taking a nap after work and don't head out until 1:45 to a bar in my neighborhood. Roll in - go up to a couple of girls and then I run into this cutie. Tell her genuinelly I had to talk to her. After her guy friends leave/do some light mouth-raping. End up vibing w/her for the next 2 hours about stuff in Africa, history, politics. Really well-educated and intelligent chick - just a really quality chick. Bounce her over to the dancefloor - chill out there for a bit. She keeps mentioning her guy friend and she doesn't know where he's gone. Eventually she wants to leave but the DJ is playing good music so I tell her we'll leave when he plays a song I don't like.
Eventually we leave like 5 mins after she suggests we leave. Bounce back to my crib. Need to learn to keep my place in order. Try to get her to play Mario Kart 64 - she's not interested. Ok i get it she wants to fuck. Bounce her to my bed. Make love. xo. Make her breakfast in bed when we get up and drop her off at her guy friend's place. fuckin lovely girl.
Wins:
- Did everything right. Was relaxed and didn't force anything - left the venue on my own accord w/her - didn't force physicality. Didn't feel any anxiousness when she went to the bathroom or went to look for her guy friend. Even before we fucked, I was proud that I didn't rush anything w/her. Just focused on adding pure value. Time is your ally.
Lessons Learned:
- I did a quick recovery but there was a part of the interaction where I was trying to force eye contact. She let me know I was being too intense. When doing laser eye contact, it needs to be done w/a smile.
- Not every girl needs a massive PUSH. Although looking back I did some things that were definitely PUSH throughout the interaction - some girls are turned off by it. This was one of those rare sweet girls who just wanted me to be "nice".
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
awesome field report man! thats exactly what I'm working on.. Showing more of your personality out their by offering value and not sophicating her! Great job on the lay!
03/31/2012 (Day 40)
Total recovery day. I didn't really get any sleep the night before and was a little bit sluggish even as I got ready to go out.
Head out solo to a trendy hotel downtown for some fun. Get in and as I'm walking around some cute chick eyes me down. I chill out for a bit - not as much as I should have but I go in and open. She's French and late 20s/early 30s and a i-banker or something.... She's a little stifled as I relax and have her game me for a bit. I think she's intimidated a bit that I like her and I'm pretty straightforward and honest w/her. Drag her away from her friends and make out w/her for a bit. She mentions that I'm like a "speeding train" and should slow things down. So i back off as she wants to spend the night w/her 2 other friends. Cool. Walk around flirt w/some other girls - just keeping shit open for later on.
I go back to French girl as she's at another part of the bar w/her friends. Decide to stick in because I know I'd like to bang her and she's intelligent. Get to know her friends this time around. I just chill in the background. She eventually drags me away to a part of the bar where her friends are and we continue to make out. She seems a bit lower self-esteem for some reason. She was saying all this shit like "yeah don't u want to talk to the tall beautiful girls, sometimes I get rejected from this bar, blah blah". I tell her to relax and that I like her because she's intelligent. Eventually I realized she's stressed because she just moved into her new apt. I mention this and she melts into my arms. I have ADD tonight and drag her to the dancefloor. We vibe for a bit and then I start seeding the pull. I lose the set here and she's disinterested that I'm trying to take her home within 30 minutes of meeting her. Ahh lost focus.
In retrospect, I needed more time with this girl cause she was all stifled and shit for some reason. If I had played it cool like the night before, this was a lay in the bag. She just needed time. TIME IS UR ALLY. I was
Eventually, I crash and burn the venue - something is off - I think I wanted a result too much. Freedom of outcome FAIL.... State crash here and there. I was dead tired but I pushed it. Ahh no biggie.
End up leaving the venue pissed and drive a bit erratically leading me to getting pulled over. Looking back - i just made a simple calibration error that I won't make again. Simple.
Wins:
-Kept Going
Lessons Learned:
- Time Is Ur Ally. So crucial I take it easy and just play for keeps and possesion. Take it easy - sex is never rushed.
- Calibrate....Some girls are scared that you're not a man, but I think I'm one of those guys that don't suffer from lack of intent. I suffer from lack of patience at time. Just take it easy and relax.
-More expression. I wasn't trying to be too cool but I had this fucked up sense of entitilement where I felt I didn't have to do anything. Girls would be really into me but I just wasn't giving them anything to work with. More expression..
04/01/2012 (Day 41)
This night ended up being more self-amusing if anything.
Spend the day mad at myself and vow to be relaxed and let things play out from now on. Head out around 11:30-12 downtown. Not too many sets out - yup it's Sunday night. Go the first bar, talk to this cute ass French girl. Decide I'm going to leave - she did want me to stick around but I don't need to plow at this stage in my development. Just honing the ability to let shit go and not force things. Tell her to meet me at the bar down the street.
I was really lacking expression the night before so I make a mental note to talk to guys and girls in the next bar to be more expressive. Fuck around w/one set - she has a boyfriend. Talk to some random chode about jazz piano. Talk to security. Approach this cute ass Asian girl at the bar - figure out she has a BF after 10 mins. calibrate and figure I'm prolly still a bit too high energy. Was gonna call it a night and decide to do one more approach.
hop right in and seat myself next to 2 girls.. Introduce myself - shoot the shit. One girl's decent w/a bob cut - the other is the bitter fat cockblock from hell. Talk to the girl about how jaded she is blah blah. I tell her to chill the fuck out w/that negative bs as I like the positivity. Her fat cockblock from hell is celebrating her bday. That bitch was so bitter. When the fattie mumbles shit in my girl's ears - I just narrate what the fattie is saying. My girl laughs and I tell her to introduce me. Meet the other friends whatever just subtle pulling the strings and commanding the set type shit. She starts talking about her job and being jaded again, I tell her that I'll give her lots of chocolate love and affection. She straight up melts into my arms.
Eventually my girl goes to the bathroom and I talk to fattie for a little more. I even tie some balloons around her hand. God that bitch was so fat and bitter. I go to the bar and when my girl goes back to her friends, I drag her into the corner of the bar and start making out w/her. I ask her how we're going to deal w/fattie - she replies that we'll just leave. I'm like ding ding!
She talks to fattie for a bit as I talk to the DJ. I make her wait even after she's done talking to fattie just to cement that buyer/seller dynamic. We head outside, drive back to my neighborhood. This girl is fuckin weird as fuck. I don't if she's stifled or just a fuckin weirdo. ends up being both but more like the latter. Yo btw rooftop is the best excuse ever. Shit Julien I fuckin love that line.
Get in - pour a drink and we play Mario Kartt on my fuckin bullshit ass couch. O shit this girl is actually good at it. 50 cc. I know she wants it so I make her play additional rounds of mario kart. Ok enough bs - I start making out w/her then drag her into my room. She tries to give me LMR but I start laughing as I struggle to pull her tight ass jeans off. Eventually i get all her fuckin buttons off and shit. I struggle to put it in - damn this bitch's pussy is fuckin tighttt. She mentions something like I'm the first guy she's had sex w/in 3 years. It doesn't make sense to me - she's too cute to have not had sex in 3 years. Find out she was in a long-term relationship w/a girl and she's a lesbian. Whoa ok. I come like faster than usual. Pull out there's blood over all my fuckin dick and the sheets.... Thank god I use protection. Even after I pull out this girl is just a little too aggressive making out w/me clawing me like some fuckin caged animal.
. I'm like kissing but laughing at how fuckin aggressive and crazy she is. I'm like damn bitch relax yo. I excuse myself and down a shit load of liquor. I fuckin needed it. this girl was psycho. I want to make her cum though so I start fingering her. She's making like the most hilarious noises ever. I'm fingering her and dying in silence.. As I finger her she stands up while my fingers are in her and creepily goes "suck my willy" over and over. Not w/blood all over ur fuckin pussy maam...She eventually comes and lays still for like 10 mins afterwards...i thought she passed out or something... Mission accomplished.
Change my sheets - rub alcohol all over myself and my dick... Drive her home. She's still weird.....hipsters
Ever the opportunist I go back to my neighborhood bar in my sweatpants but there are no sets. Meditate then call it a night.
Wins:
- Kept my composure, struck the right balance
-Relaxed self-amusement.
Lessons Learned:
-Fat cockblocks don't matter. Bday girl had it out for me
-You can fuck lesbians.
-If you're loud enough and live above your super - she will finally text you back and finally give u the plumbers # that u waited a week to get.
-Shower negative girls w/positivity - they will fall into your frame
-Girls on off-nights are really down to fuck.
Total recovery day. I didn't really get any sleep the night before and was a little bit sluggish even as I got ready to go out.
Head out solo to a trendy hotel downtown for some fun. Get in and as I'm walking around some cute chick eyes me down. I chill out for a bit - not as much as I should have but I go in and open. She's French and late 20s/early 30s and a i-banker or something.... She's a little stifled as I relax and have her game me for a bit. I think she's intimidated a bit that I like her and I'm pretty straightforward and honest w/her. Drag her away from her friends and make out w/her for a bit. She mentions that I'm like a "speeding train" and should slow things down. So i back off as she wants to spend the night w/her 2 other friends. Cool. Walk around flirt w/some other girls - just keeping shit open for later on.
I go back to French girl as she's at another part of the bar w/her friends. Decide to stick in because I know I'd like to bang her and she's intelligent. Get to know her friends this time around. I just chill in the background. She eventually drags me away to a part of the bar where her friends are and we continue to make out. She seems a bit lower self-esteem for some reason. She was saying all this shit like "yeah don't u want to talk to the tall beautiful girls, sometimes I get rejected from this bar, blah blah". I tell her to relax and that I like her because she's intelligent. Eventually I realized she's stressed because she just moved into her new apt. I mention this and she melts into my arms. I have ADD tonight and drag her to the dancefloor. We vibe for a bit and then I start seeding the pull. I lose the set here and she's disinterested that I'm trying to take her home within 30 minutes of meeting her. Ahh lost focus.
In retrospect, I needed more time with this girl cause she was all stifled and shit for some reason. If I had played it cool like the night before, this was a lay in the bag. She just needed time. TIME IS UR ALLY. I was
Eventually, I crash and burn the venue - something is off - I think I wanted a result too much. Freedom of outcome FAIL.... State crash here and there. I was dead tired but I pushed it. Ahh no biggie.
End up leaving the venue pissed and drive a bit erratically leading me to getting pulled over. Looking back - i just made a simple calibration error that I won't make again. Simple.
Wins:
-Kept Going
Lessons Learned:
- Time Is Ur Ally. So crucial I take it easy and just play for keeps and possesion. Take it easy - sex is never rushed.
- Calibrate....Some girls are scared that you're not a man, but I think I'm one of those guys that don't suffer from lack of intent. I suffer from lack of patience at time. Just take it easy and relax.
-More expression. I wasn't trying to be too cool but I had this fucked up sense of entitilement where I felt I didn't have to do anything. Girls would be really into me but I just wasn't giving them anything to work with. More expression..
04/01/2012 (Day 41)
This night ended up being more self-amusing if anything.
Spend the day mad at myself and vow to be relaxed and let things play out from now on. Head out around 11:30-12 downtown. Not too many sets out - yup it's Sunday night. Go the first bar, talk to this cute ass French girl. Decide I'm going to leave - she did want me to stick around but I don't need to plow at this stage in my development. Just honing the ability to let shit go and not force things. Tell her to meet me at the bar down the street.
I was really lacking expression the night before so I make a mental note to talk to guys and girls in the next bar to be more expressive. Fuck around w/one set - she has a boyfriend. Talk to some random chode about jazz piano. Talk to security. Approach this cute ass Asian girl at the bar - figure out she has a BF after 10 mins. calibrate and figure I'm prolly still a bit too high energy. Was gonna call it a night and decide to do one more approach.
hop right in and seat myself next to 2 girls.. Introduce myself - shoot the shit. One girl's decent w/a bob cut - the other is the bitter fat cockblock from hell. Talk to the girl about how jaded she is blah blah. I tell her to chill the fuck out w/that negative bs as I like the positivity. Her fat cockblock from hell is celebrating her bday. That bitch was so bitter. When the fattie mumbles shit in my girl's ears - I just narrate what the fattie is saying. My girl laughs and I tell her to introduce me. Meet the other friends whatever just subtle pulling the strings and commanding the set type shit. She starts talking about her job and being jaded again, I tell her that I'll give her lots of chocolate love and affection. She straight up melts into my arms.
Eventually my girl goes to the bathroom and I talk to fattie for a little more. I even tie some balloons around her hand. God that bitch was so fat and bitter. I go to the bar and when my girl goes back to her friends, I drag her into the corner of the bar and start making out w/her. I ask her how we're going to deal w/fattie - she replies that we'll just leave. I'm like ding ding!
She talks to fattie for a bit as I talk to the DJ. I make her wait even after she's done talking to fattie just to cement that buyer/seller dynamic. We head outside, drive back to my neighborhood. This girl is fuckin weird as fuck. I don't if she's stifled or just a fuckin weirdo. ends up being both but more like the latter. Yo btw rooftop is the best excuse ever. Shit Julien I fuckin love that line.
Get in - pour a drink and we play Mario Kartt on my fuckin bullshit ass couch. O shit this girl is actually good at it. 50 cc. I know she wants it so I make her play additional rounds of mario kart. Ok enough bs - I start making out w/her then drag her into my room. She tries to give me LMR but I start laughing as I struggle to pull her tight ass jeans off. Eventually i get all her fuckin buttons off and shit. I struggle to put it in - damn this bitch's pussy is fuckin tighttt. She mentions something like I'm the first guy she's had sex w/in 3 years. It doesn't make sense to me - she's too cute to have not had sex in 3 years. Find out she was in a long-term relationship w/a girl and she's a lesbian. Whoa ok. I come like faster than usual. Pull out there's blood over all my fuckin dick and the sheets.... Thank god I use protection. Even after I pull out this girl is just a little too aggressive making out w/me clawing me like some fuckin caged animal.
. I'm like kissing but laughing at how fuckin aggressive and crazy she is. I'm like damn bitch relax yo. I excuse myself and down a shit load of liquor. I fuckin needed it. this girl was psycho. I want to make her cum though so I start fingering her. She's making like the most hilarious noises ever. I'm fingering her and dying in silence.. As I finger her she stands up while my fingers are in her and creepily goes "suck my willy" over and over. Not w/blood all over ur fuckin pussy maam...She eventually comes and lays still for like 10 mins afterwards...i thought she passed out or something... Mission accomplished.
Change my sheets - rub alcohol all over myself and my dick... Drive her home. She's still weird.....hipsters
Ever the opportunist I go back to my neighborhood bar in my sweatpants but there are no sets. Meditate then call it a night.
Wins:
- Kept my composure, struck the right balance
-Relaxed self-amusement.
Lessons Learned:
-Fat cockblocks don't matter. Bday girl had it out for me
-You can fuck lesbians.
-If you're loud enough and live above your super - she will finally text you back and finally give u the plumbers # that u waited a week to get.
-Shower negative girls w/positivity - they will fall into your frame
-Girls on off-nights are really down to fuck.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
04/02/2012 (Day 42)
Jeez FRs are like essays, keep this shit short.
During the day, feel a bit on anxiety on the way to work in approaching. Still have this anxiety bs. Eventually see a hottie sitting down at the other end of the subway car. say fuck it - do the right thing - open her up. vibe and she's grinning ear to ear. Would have been a solid # but I'm focusing on just offering value for the month of April on the subway every day to and from work...
Meet up w/AS89 and Haze. AS89 brand new haircut - weird to me but a good look.
Chill out for a bit, pop a group of 3 girls open. Start talking to my girl for a bit. She's being iffy and I catch a cutie from Texas out the corner of my eye eye-fucking me. Open her. She wants me to buy her a drink - tell her that I'm poor and can't afford it. Have her makeout w/ me if she wants a drink. Go outside, think about going to the atm then realize it's chode. Talk to some cutie outside for a bit. Walk back in w/her. I'm at the bar getting water when cutie from Texas is waiting for me. She has a drink that some chode got her. Drag her to the corner. vibe w/her for a bit. try to drag her downstairs - she's not down w/it. Go to the bar w/her. Decide to get her a drink on my own terms. Turn around she's gone. I got Georgiad aka I was being a sucker ass bitch for thinking about getting her a drink in the first place.
Minor state crash.Still invested in the outcome. meh. Talk to some more girls, get a # or 2. Head out around the block. Run into some cute black lesbian girl (unknowingly I figure out she's a lesbian). End up being really honest w/her. Am trying to get her to cheat on her girflriend as this girl gives me a boner. Won't go. Go for the makeout a couple of times. End up deciding that this girl will make a fantastic wing as we end the night w/her being my wingwoman. There's not much in the venue but we agree that we should go out and pick up girls 2gether every once in awhile. Cool - exchange #s.
Wins:
- Managed to stay relaxed and composed. Hit the sweet spot of relaxation.
- Didn't try too hard to make shit happen
Lessons Learned:
- Be true to yourself and the pimp game. I'm not a sucker and don't need to buy these girls drinks even when I feel like it might be of benefit because I'm broke.
- Stay congruent and do you.Perhaps I should have been more aggressive w/this girl. Idk or maybe she had some fucked agenda.
Jeez FRs are like essays, keep this shit short.
During the day, feel a bit on anxiety on the way to work in approaching. Still have this anxiety bs. Eventually see a hottie sitting down at the other end of the subway car. say fuck it - do the right thing - open her up. vibe and she's grinning ear to ear. Would have been a solid # but I'm focusing on just offering value for the month of April on the subway every day to and from work...
Meet up w/AS89 and Haze. AS89 brand new haircut - weird to me but a good look.
Chill out for a bit, pop a group of 3 girls open. Start talking to my girl for a bit. She's being iffy and I catch a cutie from Texas out the corner of my eye eye-fucking me. Open her. She wants me to buy her a drink - tell her that I'm poor and can't afford it. Have her makeout w/ me if she wants a drink. Go outside, think about going to the atm then realize it's chode. Talk to some cutie outside for a bit. Walk back in w/her. I'm at the bar getting water when cutie from Texas is waiting for me. She has a drink that some chode got her. Drag her to the corner. vibe w/her for a bit. try to drag her downstairs - she's not down w/it. Go to the bar w/her. Decide to get her a drink on my own terms. Turn around she's gone. I got Georgiad aka I was being a sucker ass bitch for thinking about getting her a drink in the first place.
Minor state crash.Still invested in the outcome. meh. Talk to some more girls, get a # or 2. Head out around the block. Run into some cute black lesbian girl (unknowingly I figure out she's a lesbian). End up being really honest w/her. Am trying to get her to cheat on her girflriend as this girl gives me a boner. Won't go. Go for the makeout a couple of times. End up deciding that this girl will make a fantastic wing as we end the night w/her being my wingwoman. There's not much in the venue but we agree that we should go out and pick up girls 2gether every once in awhile. Cool - exchange #s.
Wins:
- Managed to stay relaxed and composed. Hit the sweet spot of relaxation.
- Didn't try too hard to make shit happen
Lessons Learned:
- Be true to yourself and the pimp game. I'm not a sucker and don't need to buy these girls drinks even when I feel like it might be of benefit because I'm broke.
- Stay congruent and do you.Perhaps I should have been more aggressive w/this girl. Idk or maybe she had some fucked agenda.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
04/03/2012 (Day 43)
Approach a bunch of sets in the morning and afternoon. My willpower is still pretty weak in the morning and I definitely want to fine-tune it. Realize I always have my smoothest approaches when I don't think about it and just GO.
Pass the fuck out right after work and don't get up till like 10:30. I wanted to head out earlier to be more efficient as I have class as well as a busy day at the chode day job tomorrow.
Head out to my spot in Brooklyn. I'm still non-alert and some girl I've been texting back and forth that I met 2 weeks ago. I've been pretty unfocused when it comes to text game just because I'm usually on the go during the day and it takes a whole lot of mental effort that I don't want to exert to execute the right "moves". That or I'm just being a little bitch about shit at it. I should just experiment and read up on some Manwhore/Buddhagames shit.
Talk to random fucks in the bar - just start talking shit to everyone in my vicinity.
Roll up on girl I've been texting. When I met her, I met her cute Indian friend but then rolled up on her when the Indian girl was misbehaving. Tonight, it was just the two of them in the bar. Talk to her for a bit - but i get the vibe that the Indian friend is not really a fan. Just talk n express what I want. Eventually they leave. Looking back - I should have isolated the girl I've been texting immediately to cement the romantic/sexual vibe but hey I'm not going to beat myself over not getting something right. I prolly could have pulled this one. I don't think I'm gonna text her again. Fuck the experience.
Talk to a bunch of other girls. not much to document here.
Wins:
- Didn't force anything. Nothing of substance tonight but I just need to stay consistent w/this not trying vibe for awhile.
Lessons Learned:
- Calibrate my push/pull. Think I still make the mistake of incorporating the PUSH when I don't need to and some sets I don't even bring it in at all. Whatever - can't sweat it.
-Stop looking for external validation. Self-explanatory. Need to make sure I stay in my little weird world and just keep taking action. Was a bit approval-seeking at work. Niggas are gonna hate - just deal with it. This is why I make such a big deal about not being able to be 100% free while on the train to work. Like a part of me is scared of shitting on people or something. I've realized I apologize for certain skill sets that I've honed or "material things" that I'm privileged enough to have etc. Some weird sort of entitlement issue. Kind of ridiculous. Need to hone in that NO MERCY - WIN AT ALL COSTS attitude. I'll make that a focus later on.
Right now - no trying or trying to push HARD for a positive result/reaction.
Approach a bunch of sets in the morning and afternoon. My willpower is still pretty weak in the morning and I definitely want to fine-tune it. Realize I always have my smoothest approaches when I don't think about it and just GO.
Pass the fuck out right after work and don't get up till like 10:30. I wanted to head out earlier to be more efficient as I have class as well as a busy day at the chode day job tomorrow.
Head out to my spot in Brooklyn. I'm still non-alert and some girl I've been texting back and forth that I met 2 weeks ago. I've been pretty unfocused when it comes to text game just because I'm usually on the go during the day and it takes a whole lot of mental effort that I don't want to exert to execute the right "moves". That or I'm just being a little bitch about shit at it. I should just experiment and read up on some Manwhore/Buddhagames shit.
Talk to random fucks in the bar - just start talking shit to everyone in my vicinity.
Roll up on girl I've been texting. When I met her, I met her cute Indian friend but then rolled up on her when the Indian girl was misbehaving. Tonight, it was just the two of them in the bar. Talk to her for a bit - but i get the vibe that the Indian friend is not really a fan. Just talk n express what I want. Eventually they leave. Looking back - I should have isolated the girl I've been texting immediately to cement the romantic/sexual vibe but hey I'm not going to beat myself over not getting something right. I prolly could have pulled this one. I don't think I'm gonna text her again. Fuck the experience.
Talk to a bunch of other girls. not much to document here.
Wins:
- Didn't force anything. Nothing of substance tonight but I just need to stay consistent w/this not trying vibe for awhile.
Lessons Learned:
- Calibrate my push/pull. Think I still make the mistake of incorporating the PUSH when I don't need to and some sets I don't even bring it in at all. Whatever - can't sweat it.
-Stop looking for external validation. Self-explanatory. Need to make sure I stay in my little weird world and just keep taking action. Was a bit approval-seeking at work. Niggas are gonna hate - just deal with it. This is why I make such a big deal about not being able to be 100% free while on the train to work. Like a part of me is scared of shitting on people or something. I've realized I apologize for certain skill sets that I've honed or "material things" that I'm privileged enough to have etc. Some weird sort of entitlement issue. Kind of ridiculous. Need to hone in that NO MERCY - WIN AT ALL COSTS attitude. I'll make that a focus later on.
Right now - no trying or trying to push HARD for a positive result/reaction.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
04/04/2012 (Day 44)
Still working on cutting down my daytime approach reaction time - like I been saying for month's it's real important to sharpen that muscle. Did 2 really solid approaches on the train - made me feel real good that I offered nothing but pure value w/o wanting anything in return.
Head out for an hour today as I have a web dev class 2morrow that I actually need to be focused for.
Hit up my neighborhood bar w/Kombucha in my pocket...that shit is bangin. Do a couple of approaches nothing really worth mentioning. Glad that I spent the whole night talking to random fucks about random things.
Wins:
-didn't force anything - as I do this more n more i enjoy having girls game me.
Lessons Learned:
-more calibrated push/pull. The PUSH always has to come from a positive authentic place.
Still working on cutting down my daytime approach reaction time - like I been saying for month's it's real important to sharpen that muscle. Did 2 really solid approaches on the train - made me feel real good that I offered nothing but pure value w/o wanting anything in return.
Head out for an hour today as I have a web dev class 2morrow that I actually need to be focused for.
Hit up my neighborhood bar w/Kombucha in my pocket...that shit is bangin. Do a couple of approaches nothing really worth mentioning. Glad that I spent the whole night talking to random fucks about random things.
Wins:
-didn't force anything - as I do this more n more i enjoy having girls game me.
Lessons Learned:
-more calibrated push/pull. The PUSH always has to come from a positive authentic place.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
04/05/2012 (Day 45)
Hit up some chick in the morning on the way to work writing in her Sudoku book. Talk to her for a bit, convo stalls out and instead of pushing it like I usually do I just laid back and didn't say much. Eventually I started the convo randomly again on the train and left on a high. It feels good to be out in the mix everyday internalizing that I don't need to do/get anything from these girls.
Am absolutely exhaused after class. Finally get ssome willpower and head out. Go to the club that I got kicked out of last week - they remember me and say that I can't come in so looks like that place is a no-go for the next 2 or so months.
Head out to my Thursday spot in downtown Manhattan. I'm hungry and feeling out of it. Like super in non-social mode. Maybe because today was super super logical for me. Go up to my 1st set and I'm just authentic. As the set progresses, finally build some social momentum. Start popping in and out of sets. Still lacking that mojo. Went up to a lot of sets friend to friend - intent was super fuckin low. I'm about to leave and call it a night and do one final approach. I'm super authentic and we talk about a lot of off the wall shit very quickly in set like masturbation habits, etc. Her friend drags her away. I finally have a boner aka i have state. lol
I re-approach a shit load of sets and even tell them that i was feeling chode before. I realize I like the girl that i was talking to about porn and masturbation so I go back to her and deal w/her friend who doesn't want me to like her but realizes I actually want to chill w/her more so she just leaves us alone. Sticking in time. Although I thought i was in state - I was still trying to force some convo. She even told me that If i didn't have anything to say then i shouldn't say anything. Go for the makeout a couple of times but it's a no go w/this chick. Eventually she walks off and joins her friend and some chode starts gaming her.
I go up to her after 10-15 mins and tell her she can do better than the chode. She replies that she's not going home w/me. I back off and just watch her and the chode from a distance. As she's leaving she comes up to me and says hi. I think she wanted me to get her #. Idk I was more focused on not trying and needing anything from her so i told it was nice meeting her and that she should have a good night. Bounce afterwards. I kinda wish i stayed so that if the chode actually was able to pull - I would have felt some pain from trying. Sound kinda emo but I need some heartbreak/pain. Makes me so much more centered.
I re-read the last paragraph now and wonder if this calls for a real go for it.... Maybe I should have over-escalated in this situation. Idk. I can do these sort of over-escalation things in May. Right now - it's full on have the girl game me mode. Just need to really focus on that. Like every night and internalize that shit.
Wins:
- Authenticity. Was for the most part congruent to how I was feeling.
-Resilience. It took awhile for me to get in the groove and I really didn't want to be in there.
Lessons Learned:
-Be comfortable w/silence. You don't have to talk to pull. If i'm feeling talkative then convey my amazing personality. If not feeling talkative at the moment then shut the fuck up.
-DO NOT TRY. O god, this still kills me. I'm getting better but I'm still trying for an outcome. This shit is Zen like. I want to win so bad but I can't try. I lose a lot of girls from trying. If i'm feeling out of it then i'm feeling out of it. Express it and deal with it.
-Need to focus more. Just on not trying. Will write up my top 3 sticking points soon
Hit up some chick in the morning on the way to work writing in her Sudoku book. Talk to her for a bit, convo stalls out and instead of pushing it like I usually do I just laid back and didn't say much. Eventually I started the convo randomly again on the train and left on a high. It feels good to be out in the mix everyday internalizing that I don't need to do/get anything from these girls.
Am absolutely exhaused after class. Finally get ssome willpower and head out. Go to the club that I got kicked out of last week - they remember me and say that I can't come in so looks like that place is a no-go for the next 2 or so months.
Head out to my Thursday spot in downtown Manhattan. I'm hungry and feeling out of it. Like super in non-social mode. Maybe because today was super super logical for me. Go up to my 1st set and I'm just authentic. As the set progresses, finally build some social momentum. Start popping in and out of sets. Still lacking that mojo. Went up to a lot of sets friend to friend - intent was super fuckin low. I'm about to leave and call it a night and do one final approach. I'm super authentic and we talk about a lot of off the wall shit very quickly in set like masturbation habits, etc. Her friend drags her away. I finally have a boner aka i have state. lol
I re-approach a shit load of sets and even tell them that i was feeling chode before. I realize I like the girl that i was talking to about porn and masturbation so I go back to her and deal w/her friend who doesn't want me to like her but realizes I actually want to chill w/her more so she just leaves us alone. Sticking in time. Although I thought i was in state - I was still trying to force some convo. She even told me that If i didn't have anything to say then i shouldn't say anything. Go for the makeout a couple of times but it's a no go w/this chick. Eventually she walks off and joins her friend and some chode starts gaming her.
I go up to her after 10-15 mins and tell her she can do better than the chode. She replies that she's not going home w/me. I back off and just watch her and the chode from a distance. As she's leaving she comes up to me and says hi. I think she wanted me to get her #. Idk I was more focused on not trying and needing anything from her so i told it was nice meeting her and that she should have a good night. Bounce afterwards. I kinda wish i stayed so that if the chode actually was able to pull - I would have felt some pain from trying. Sound kinda emo but I need some heartbreak/pain. Makes me so much more centered.
I re-read the last paragraph now and wonder if this calls for a real go for it.... Maybe I should have over-escalated in this situation. Idk. I can do these sort of over-escalation things in May. Right now - it's full on have the girl game me mode. Just need to really focus on that. Like every night and internalize that shit.
Wins:
- Authenticity. Was for the most part congruent to how I was feeling.
-Resilience. It took awhile for me to get in the groove and I really didn't want to be in there.
Lessons Learned:
-Be comfortable w/silence. You don't have to talk to pull. If i'm feeling talkative then convey my amazing personality. If not feeling talkative at the moment then shut the fuck up.
-DO NOT TRY. O god, this still kills me. I'm getting better but I'm still trying for an outcome. This shit is Zen like. I want to win so bad but I can't try. I lose a lot of girls from trying. If i'm feeling out of it then i'm feeling out of it. Express it and deal with it.
-Need to focus more. Just on not trying. Will write up my top 3 sticking points soon
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
As she's leaving she comes up to me and says hi. I think she wanted me to get her #. Idk I was more focused on not trying and needing anything from her so i told it was nice meeting her and that she should have a good night.
You sure you understand authenticity? There are many levels of authenticity after all. You've only touched the surface.K: "Look. I like you. I really do. You're smart, you're sexy. I want you. I see you talking to this guy and it bothers me, maybe even hurts a little. And it even bothers me that it gets to me, because I don't want to look like some lame-o in front of you.
Look I'm not going to influence you're decision either way. You can go with him if you want but I want you to at least know how I feel, for real."
You made the same mistake I did 2 years ago with a chick I really liked. In a make or break moment, instead of being authentic, I played it cool and lost her. I haven't stopped thinking about it ever since. Also doesn't help that I see her out from time to time and want to make amends but haven't had the courage yet to go up and tell her the truth.
Tap into real authenticity dude. Don't be afraid to open your heart up, be completely vulnerable and exposed for her to tear you to shreds if she wants. That's true courage that only a man can give.
Quick recap of the last 5 nights. .
Fri (04/06/2012) (Day 46)
Go out in Brooklyn for a bit. Feel a bit stifled and in two minds as I can't decide whether I want to stay in Brooklyn or go to Manhattan. I eventually do the latter, but as I'm leaving I meet some girl. Vibe out, chill w/her for a good 20-30 mins. Am really expressive. Really good set. She's w/ her 4 other friends and they don't bother us at all. The chode part of my brain keeps saying "yo - she's w/4 friends fuck the pull". A million and one stupid excuses. Granted I stick in - my kind of girl. I eventually decide that I'm better off leaving than sticking in so I make out w/her and get her # and dip.
Head out to trendy hotel downtown around 2. Shit doesn't really stick until my last approach. Vibe out w/her for awhile but I'm so out of it and logistics are fucked up I call it a day and head over to mom and pops. Watch 2 hours of californication and don't go to sleep till like 8:30 am. wtf!
Sat (04.07/2012) (Day 47)
Head out in New Jersey. Go to some shit hole called Sona 13 that I used to go awhile back. Why I came out here I don't know. This place sucks. Head out. Realize I'm prolly 2 inauthentic and have the cooler than thou persona so shit doesn't really stick. I also feel weird. Keep going going going. 1:30 the lights come on. wtf I got here at 12:45!. Hit up some sets on the street. Shit starts to get a lot better. My LAST approach ends up being really good - and while we connected and had chemistry. She kept saying shit like "just be real - stop trying to pick me up" when I would escalate. Not too much to read into - but maybe it's because I felt incongruent escalating on her which is stupid and reactive. I should have just been real and told her I liked because XYZ.
Sun (04/08/2012) (Day 48)
Go out in LES for a bit. Got there around 1 or so. Re-approach some French girl from Martinique. Really cute chick. She doesn't speak English well. Vibe w/her for a bit. Let the set breathe. Chill out - get bored - extended convo w/one of her friends from London while eyeing Martinique girl down. Go back into Martinique girl. Dance, good physicality here - i have a boner. For some reason I get the urge to talk about shit even though her English is poor. 2 minutes later. DONE. lesson fuckin learned godd - stop trying nigggaaaaaaa.
Mon (04/09/2012) (Day 49)
Too scared to approach on the subway today. I hate approach anxiety w/a passion.
After work - meet up with a developer dude o get mentored and show me a more efficient way to learn my idea. Basically I have to go back to square one, and learn a bunch of front end dev skills. Got pretty tipsy while I was out w/dude.I tell him about how I know i have the drive and ambition and to quote 2pac how I " wanna be a baller please but the bitches and liquor keep calling meee"..
Meet up w/AS89 and Haze. I'm already tired from minimal sleep and forgetting to close my blinds the night b4. Not feeling like approaching one bit. Walk around go to the bathroom eventually do some approaches. Pretty unfocused night. Couldn't think straight. There's one set that Haze commented on about the girl having anime eyes. I was too unrelaxed and unfocused to even notice that shit. Idk how this set went sour but it did. I run into another girl and she loves me - anime eyes and all. But I eventually start trying - trying to force the convo. Chasing too hard - not giving her a chance to do what she wants do. GAME ME. This girl was too hot mann. Jheezeee.
how long how longg will i slide/seperate my sideeeeee//i don't believe it's badddd..... slitting my throat is all i ever
Tue (04/10/2012) (Day 50)
Manage to talk to a girl on the way back home on the train. Open her - cute 22 year old Puerto Rican chick - she has a bf and 2 kids. O fuck. Granted I've been a bit selfish and not willing to give value to these chicks and been all shy .but I told myself to quit being a bitch and just keep talking. End up making some good convo and do some self-amusing shit. she loves me - asks me for my facebook and seems really curious about me . Idk y i have anxiety when literally 95% of my interactions go pretty fuckin good. Y o why do us men continue to self-sabotage ourselves and just let go.
Play some soccer for the first time in 3 weeks. Destined to play soccer at least 3 times a week. Love this shit and is absolutely great for your body. I get the ball smashed into my eye. Can barely open my left eye.... This affects me when I go out.
I struggle to stay awake and keep my eyes open. Tired, eye's fucked up. Sheer willpower. Most of the time its just some emotional resistance bs ("i feel bad about myself wahhh") but tonight I'm fuckin done. Eventually, motherfuckin eventually I head out at like 1:45 - and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I've been going out since late February. Gotta fuck em alll!
Go out downtown - doesn't look 2 promising. about 2 or 3 sets.. Yup. There she is. Stunner. Walk up to her. Vibe w/her. Go up not saying much. She likes me. We vibe. She likes that i'm centered and relaxed in my energy. She asks me y i'm staring at her the way i do. I reply "Because I can" - which is the wrong answer. A. I can ignore or B. tell her she's fuckin beautiful..... i chill out, her friend comes in and introduces herself to me. 2 black dudes before were talking to them - they come in and i'm not proactive about shit. just watch and stand there durr in my spot. I was too caught up in not trying that i was trying to chill. Every bone in my body wanted to talk to her and rip her away from chodes. Instead i was playing it cool and not trying.
What happened?
the 2 dudes and the 2 girls left together. My brain was making excuses. Those guys were chode they prolly didn't fuck. They prolly did - they had dicks and I had a vagina.
Past 5 days
Wins:
- Realizing that not trying doesn't mean shit if you're not taking action. Be a man but don't force your agenda. If she says no or gives you a yellow light - chill back, and play for keeps. Time is ur ally.
- Embracing the principle of sticking in.
-Sheer willpower. I've got the drive element down.
Lesson Learned:
- Trust your instinct. Always take the right action
- Always go w/your gut - it knows best. I've been going out for the past 50 days and have buddies like Haze, AS89, and Turok. I know what's best.
- Authenticity. Hopefully i spelled that right. W/o a doubt currently my biggest sticking point. Doing things because some guy said do it. Nah got to start doing what I feel. Seriously. Start thinking for myself.
- Still trying just a little too much at times. I've become really cognizant of this and some nights take a little longer than others to stop trying to force my agenda. Won't be much of a problem 2 months from now on.
Fri (04/06/2012) (Day 46)
Go out in Brooklyn for a bit. Feel a bit stifled and in two minds as I can't decide whether I want to stay in Brooklyn or go to Manhattan. I eventually do the latter, but as I'm leaving I meet some girl. Vibe out, chill w/her for a good 20-30 mins. Am really expressive. Really good set. She's w/ her 4 other friends and they don't bother us at all. The chode part of my brain keeps saying "yo - she's w/4 friends fuck the pull". A million and one stupid excuses. Granted I stick in - my kind of girl. I eventually decide that I'm better off leaving than sticking in so I make out w/her and get her # and dip.
Head out to trendy hotel downtown around 2. Shit doesn't really stick until my last approach. Vibe out w/her for awhile but I'm so out of it and logistics are fucked up I call it a day and head over to mom and pops. Watch 2 hours of californication and don't go to sleep till like 8:30 am. wtf!
Sat (04.07/2012) (Day 47)
Head out in New Jersey. Go to some shit hole called Sona 13 that I used to go awhile back. Why I came out here I don't know. This place sucks. Head out. Realize I'm prolly 2 inauthentic and have the cooler than thou persona so shit doesn't really stick. I also feel weird. Keep going going going. 1:30 the lights come on. wtf I got here at 12:45!. Hit up some sets on the street. Shit starts to get a lot better. My LAST approach ends up being really good - and while we connected and had chemistry. She kept saying shit like "just be real - stop trying to pick me up" when I would escalate. Not too much to read into - but maybe it's because I felt incongruent escalating on her which is stupid and reactive. I should have just been real and told her I liked because XYZ.
Sun (04/08/2012) (Day 48)
Go out in LES for a bit. Got there around 1 or so. Re-approach some French girl from Martinique. Really cute chick. She doesn't speak English well. Vibe w/her for a bit. Let the set breathe. Chill out - get bored - extended convo w/one of her friends from London while eyeing Martinique girl down. Go back into Martinique girl. Dance, good physicality here - i have a boner. For some reason I get the urge to talk about shit even though her English is poor. 2 minutes later. DONE. lesson fuckin learned godd - stop trying nigggaaaaaaa.
Mon (04/09/2012) (Day 49)
Too scared to approach on the subway today. I hate approach anxiety w/a passion.
After work - meet up with a developer dude o get mentored and show me a more efficient way to learn my idea. Basically I have to go back to square one, and learn a bunch of front end dev skills. Got pretty tipsy while I was out w/dude.I tell him about how I know i have the drive and ambition and to quote 2pac how I " wanna be a baller please but the bitches and liquor keep calling meee"..
Meet up w/AS89 and Haze. I'm already tired from minimal sleep and forgetting to close my blinds the night b4. Not feeling like approaching one bit. Walk around go to the bathroom eventually do some approaches. Pretty unfocused night. Couldn't think straight. There's one set that Haze commented on about the girl having anime eyes. I was too unrelaxed and unfocused to even notice that shit. Idk how this set went sour but it did. I run into another girl and she loves me - anime eyes and all. But I eventually start trying - trying to force the convo. Chasing too hard - not giving her a chance to do what she wants do. GAME ME. This girl was too hot mann. Jheezeee.
how long how longg will i slide/seperate my sideeeeee//i don't believe it's badddd..... slitting my throat is all i ever
Tue (04/10/2012) (Day 50)
Manage to talk to a girl on the way back home on the train. Open her - cute 22 year old Puerto Rican chick - she has a bf and 2 kids. O fuck. Granted I've been a bit selfish and not willing to give value to these chicks and been all shy .but I told myself to quit being a bitch and just keep talking. End up making some good convo and do some self-amusing shit. she loves me - asks me for my facebook and seems really curious about me . Idk y i have anxiety when literally 95% of my interactions go pretty fuckin good. Y o why do us men continue to self-sabotage ourselves and just let go.
Play some soccer for the first time in 3 weeks. Destined to play soccer at least 3 times a week. Love this shit and is absolutely great for your body. I get the ball smashed into my eye. Can barely open my left eye.... This affects me when I go out.
I struggle to stay awake and keep my eyes open. Tired, eye's fucked up. Sheer willpower. Most of the time its just some emotional resistance bs ("i feel bad about myself wahhh") but tonight I'm fuckin done. Eventually, motherfuckin eventually I head out at like 1:45 - and the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I've been going out since late February. Gotta fuck em alll!
Go out downtown - doesn't look 2 promising. about 2 or 3 sets.. Yup. There she is. Stunner. Walk up to her. Vibe w/her. Go up not saying much. She likes me. We vibe. She likes that i'm centered and relaxed in my energy. She asks me y i'm staring at her the way i do. I reply "Because I can" - which is the wrong answer. A. I can ignore or B. tell her she's fuckin beautiful..... i chill out, her friend comes in and introduces herself to me. 2 black dudes before were talking to them - they come in and i'm not proactive about shit. just watch and stand there durr in my spot. I was too caught up in not trying that i was trying to chill. Every bone in my body wanted to talk to her and rip her away from chodes. Instead i was playing it cool and not trying.
What happened?
the 2 dudes and the 2 girls left together. My brain was making excuses. Those guys were chode they prolly didn't fuck. They prolly did - they had dicks and I had a vagina.
Past 5 days
Wins:
- Realizing that not trying doesn't mean shit if you're not taking action. Be a man but don't force your agenda. If she says no or gives you a yellow light - chill back, and play for keeps. Time is ur ally.
- Embracing the principle of sticking in.
-Sheer willpower. I've got the drive element down.
Lesson Learned:
- Trust your instinct. Always take the right action
- Always go w/your gut - it knows best. I've been going out for the past 50 days and have buddies like Haze, AS89, and Turok. I know what's best.
- Authenticity. Hopefully i spelled that right. W/o a doubt currently my biggest sticking point. Doing things because some guy said do it. Nah got to start doing what I feel. Seriously. Start thinking for myself.
- Still trying just a little too much at times. I've become really cognizant of this and some nights take a little longer than others to stop trying to force my agenda. Won't be much of a problem 2 months from now on.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
Katalyst
Respected Member
Join Date: 05/16/2008 | Posts: 489
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean