THE FORUMS
Well said.
Yup - that's my big issue. Not fully believing that I am good enough for the girl - leading me to do a bunch of other stupid ass shit.
The problem is your not trying isn't actually not trying. You're TRYING to not try. It's like Owen said, "Don't even try to not try, just don't fucking try."
The problem is you give a fuck. You care so much. "Not trying" is just another tactic to use on the girl to "get her".
How do you genuinely not try? By being authentic. By being real. Express you're desires truthfully and let the chips fall where they may.
Tap into what's real. Be at the cause end of things. Demonstrate your authentic intent onto the world and let the world react to you.
ANYTHING LESS THAN 100% AUTHENTIC BEHAVIOR IS YOU REACTING TO THE ENVIRONMENT.
If a natural believed he was enough, would he in any way try to fake his behavior or try to be in any way inauthentic? It makes no sense. He believes he's completely worthy of the girl, why would he TRY to get her by NOT BEING HIMSELF or express his desires untruthfully.
Yup - that's my big issue. Not fully believing that I am good enough for the girl - leading me to do a bunch of other stupid ass shit.
- Realizing that not trying doesn't mean shit if you're not taking action. Be a man but don't force your agenda. If she says no or gives you a yellow light - chill back, and play for keeps. Time is ur ally.
The problem is your not trying isn't actually not trying. You're TRYING to not try. It's like Owen said, "Don't even try to not try, just don't fucking try."
The problem is you give a fuck. You care so much. "Not trying" is just another tactic to use on the girl to "get her".
How do you genuinely not try? By being authentic. By being real. Express you're desires truthfully and let the chips fall where they may.
Tap into what's real. Be at the cause end of things. Demonstrate your authentic intent onto the world and let the world react to you.
ANYTHING LESS THAN 100% AUTHENTIC BEHAVIOR IS YOU REACTING TO THE ENVIRONMENT.
If a natural believed he was enough, would he in any way try to fake his behavior or try to be in any way inauthentic? It makes no sense. He believes he's completely worthy of the girl, why would he TRY to get her by NOT BEING HIMSELF or express his desires untruthfully.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
04/11/2012 (Day 51)
Had one of my best subway approaches ever today. really quality. I get on the train after work and I see this girl looking at me. I instantly get the feeling that she's either seen me approach some other girl before or b. she likes me. whatever. I was thinking about talking to someone else but she got off the train. Hit up the girl after she sits down. logistically tricky as some chode is standing right in front of her. I move the chode to the side and start talking to her. She starts shit-testing me fuckin hard. "Do you always talk to girls after work? Me: "all the fucking time. every single day". I had great great eye contact. Pass her test. I'm starting to appreciate shit tests. Wish I got those difficult difficult tests. Realize this is Derrick/Alex game.
Vibe w/her - she's beyond attracted and she wants me to # close her as she's leaving. I tell her I will see her some other day. She was beyond mind-fucked that I just offered value. She's prolly pissed. Whatever. For some reason, this shit made me smile. My stupid rule for the rest of the month is that no # closes unless I go up to 3 girls and tell them how I feel. Stupid rule - but it's good for me. Just internalize that I don't need a damn thing from a girl just because I told her how beautiful she was.
Have a long text exchange w/Haze where he challenges me to be more authentic and vulnerable. got it homie.
Go out around 1:30. Hit up my Wed spot. Not too many girls in here. My opener is "You're really sexy...I want to take you home later on tonight". Hit up some hot Indonesian girl or something. She's really taken aback and she's got the laughing gas effect. I just remain grounded and stare into her eyes. She keeps laughing in shock. I vibe w/her - making sure I sprinkle in man - woman convo from time to time. Eventually her friends roll in and I let the set breathe. Talk to random dudes out and girls out of boredom. Go back in but she's on some I have to be w/my friends type shit. Come think of it - this was a subtle shit test. She wanted to see how bad I wanted it. I was still caught up in my not trying paradigm I feel. I went up to her and told her I liked her and her lesbian friend started to cockblock. I tell myself that I'm prolly better off going to my other Wed spot instead.
Roll up - wait in line for 10 mins. Hit up a bunch of sets. Some good some bad. There was this really tall chick. She was cute. I go up being 100% authentic. Something feels funny tho. I prematurely ejectulate - this chick's voice is just a lil 2 deep for comfort. I'm scared she's a tranny. It's weird mann - her legs are fuckin razor skinny. It was some weird ass shit mann. She was eyeing me as she was able to
This authenticity shit actually is something I've been wanting to do for awhile - just really haven't had the guts to do. If i can do this consistently for a month and just say what I feel - WHOAAA! I want to put myself out there and experience some motherfuckin pain. Fall in love w/a chick and then have her just punish me. Break me down to the point where I cry. To get there - I'm going to need to put myself out there.
04/12/2012 (Day 52)
In the morning, I'm stifled for about 2 minutes when I see some ok chick. I hit her up and she's more interested in listening to her music than talking to me at first. This happened because I thought about the approach too long. This is y i make a big deal out of this. Why do i still care?
Head back from eye doctor, run into some cute Polish girl on the train. She's reading the Fountainhead. Give value just talk my shit and am more self-amusing. Starting to see a lovely breakthrough in subway game. I'm more unstfiled than stifled. At the end of us vibing she's got the DDB look on her face as i walk off. I couldn't help but look back though. I want to be cold and just walk off. Damn it - The perfectionist in me was like damnit don't look back- slight approval seeking behavior. Just give value and leave - expect nothing in return. This is the voice in my head.
Head out mad late after long nap after work. Hit up some venue in the LES. You can feel that the energy in the room has died. go up to a bunch of sets - nothing sticks really. Decide to hit up Avenue. Don't get in. Do a bunch of street approaches outside the venue.
I made a slight regression and was lacking that authenticity that I had the night before. Kinda half-assing shit and unfocused. Moving on...
Had one of my best subway approaches ever today. really quality. I get on the train after work and I see this girl looking at me. I instantly get the feeling that she's either seen me approach some other girl before or b. she likes me. whatever. I was thinking about talking to someone else but she got off the train. Hit up the girl after she sits down. logistically tricky as some chode is standing right in front of her. I move the chode to the side and start talking to her. She starts shit-testing me fuckin hard. "Do you always talk to girls after work? Me: "all the fucking time. every single day". I had great great eye contact. Pass her test. I'm starting to appreciate shit tests. Wish I got those difficult difficult tests. Realize this is Derrick/Alex game.
Vibe w/her - she's beyond attracted and she wants me to # close her as she's leaving. I tell her I will see her some other day. She was beyond mind-fucked that I just offered value. She's prolly pissed. Whatever. For some reason, this shit made me smile. My stupid rule for the rest of the month is that no # closes unless I go up to 3 girls and tell them how I feel. Stupid rule - but it's good for me. Just internalize that I don't need a damn thing from a girl just because I told her how beautiful she was.
Have a long text exchange w/Haze where he challenges me to be more authentic and vulnerable. got it homie.
Go out around 1:30. Hit up my Wed spot. Not too many girls in here. My opener is "You're really sexy...I want to take you home later on tonight". Hit up some hot Indonesian girl or something. She's really taken aback and she's got the laughing gas effect. I just remain grounded and stare into her eyes. She keeps laughing in shock. I vibe w/her - making sure I sprinkle in man - woman convo from time to time. Eventually her friends roll in and I let the set breathe. Talk to random dudes out and girls out of boredom. Go back in but she's on some I have to be w/my friends type shit. Come think of it - this was a subtle shit test. She wanted to see how bad I wanted it. I was still caught up in my not trying paradigm I feel. I went up to her and told her I liked her and her lesbian friend started to cockblock. I tell myself that I'm prolly better off going to my other Wed spot instead.
Roll up - wait in line for 10 mins. Hit up a bunch of sets. Some good some bad. There was this really tall chick. She was cute. I go up being 100% authentic. Something feels funny tho. I prematurely ejectulate - this chick's voice is just a lil 2 deep for comfort. I'm scared she's a tranny. It's weird mann - her legs are fuckin razor skinny. It was some weird ass shit mann. She was eyeing me as she was able to
This authenticity shit actually is something I've been wanting to do for awhile - just really haven't had the guts to do. If i can do this consistently for a month and just say what I feel - WHOAAA! I want to put myself out there and experience some motherfuckin pain. Fall in love w/a chick and then have her just punish me. Break me down to the point where I cry. To get there - I'm going to need to put myself out there.
04/12/2012 (Day 52)
In the morning, I'm stifled for about 2 minutes when I see some ok chick. I hit her up and she's more interested in listening to her music than talking to me at first. This happened because I thought about the approach too long. This is y i make a big deal out of this. Why do i still care?
Head back from eye doctor, run into some cute Polish girl on the train. She's reading the Fountainhead. Give value just talk my shit and am more self-amusing. Starting to see a lovely breakthrough in subway game. I'm more unstfiled than stifled. At the end of us vibing she's got the DDB look on her face as i walk off. I couldn't help but look back though. I want to be cold and just walk off. Damn it - The perfectionist in me was like damnit don't look back- slight approval seeking behavior. Just give value and leave - expect nothing in return. This is the voice in my head.
Head out mad late after long nap after work. Hit up some venue in the LES. You can feel that the energy in the room has died. go up to a bunch of sets - nothing sticks really. Decide to hit up Avenue. Don't get in. Do a bunch of street approaches outside the venue.
I made a slight regression and was lacking that authenticity that I had the night before. Kinda half-assing shit and unfocused. Moving on...
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
Gonna take a birds eye view every 10 days and look at where I'm currently at and what I need to continue doing and focus on my sticking points. I know a major breakthrough is around the corner. I do see myself doing some next next level shit within the next month or so. It's there. I see glimpses of it even on my off-nights where I'm unfocused
Things To Do More Of.
1. Being more vulnerable without being needy.
I'm starting to realize that most of the time these chicks think I'm really fuckin awesome. I mean I am. But seriously - I need to be willing to make a damn fool of myself. If i really like a girl - sticking in and chilling out and expressing my intent w/o smothering her. Putting myself into some more humiliating situations. Taking the rejection in stride. Having the ability to go onto a packed subway car and tell a girl exactly how her beauty inspires me. Do with the passion that Richard Bates guy from Californication does with. Pure masculine expression. Tap into that shit "God girl you are an absolute goddess"
I've gotten better at creating sexual tension thru strong eye contact and silence. Now I just need to follow through and let the girl know why i like her and what I'd like to do w/her. This will be a cool expeiment
2. Being more authentic/realistic.
I won't lie to you. This is is my biggest sticking point. I'm too caught up in my own bullshit/been feeling too cool for shit.
I just need to start going up to the girl and saying exactly what's on my mind at the time. I'm there to talk to her to have sex. Just pure honestly without seeking reaction. If she's doing some gay shit - just calling her out on it without smothering her. If she needs more time and I think I'll vibe w/her real well - just choosing my battles wisely and tapping into that.
I just started reading Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton to help me with issue. I should prolly start watching the Charisma & Congruence video and the Real Man's Blowout video from Tyler once a week.
3. Relaxing. Chilling out.
I've become way more chill - but I need to internalize that time is always my ally. On nights I don't have time at least chill out for 5 - 10 mins and draw state from within instead of trying to go with the flow of the chaotic environment.
4. Express negativity from a positive place.
This is more of some pimp talk shit. Not my core focus but when I'm feeling super good - I should be expressing that self-amusing asshole shit.
5.. More Willpower.
Leaving my house earlier. Not thinking my daytime approaches thru. Just going in. Cutting down that daytime approach reaction time so I come in a lot more authentic and congruent.
Things To Do More Of.
1. Being more vulnerable without being needy.
I'm starting to realize that most of the time these chicks think I'm really fuckin awesome. I mean I am. But seriously - I need to be willing to make a damn fool of myself. If i really like a girl - sticking in and chilling out and expressing my intent w/o smothering her. Putting myself into some more humiliating situations. Taking the rejection in stride. Having the ability to go onto a packed subway car and tell a girl exactly how her beauty inspires me. Do with the passion that Richard Bates guy from Californication does with. Pure masculine expression. Tap into that shit "God girl you are an absolute goddess"
I've gotten better at creating sexual tension thru strong eye contact and silence. Now I just need to follow through and let the girl know why i like her and what I'd like to do w/her. This will be a cool expeiment
2. Being more authentic/realistic.
I won't lie to you. This is is my biggest sticking point. I'm too caught up in my own bullshit/been feeling too cool for shit.
I just need to start going up to the girl and saying exactly what's on my mind at the time. I'm there to talk to her to have sex. Just pure honestly without seeking reaction. If she's doing some gay shit - just calling her out on it without smothering her. If she needs more time and I think I'll vibe w/her real well - just choosing my battles wisely and tapping into that.
I just started reading Radical Honesty by Brad Blanton to help me with issue. I should prolly start watching the Charisma & Congruence video and the Real Man's Blowout video from Tyler once a week.
3. Relaxing. Chilling out.
I've become way more chill - but I need to internalize that time is always my ally. On nights I don't have time at least chill out for 5 - 10 mins and draw state from within instead of trying to go with the flow of the chaotic environment.
4. Express negativity from a positive place.
This is more of some pimp talk shit. Not my core focus but when I'm feeling super good - I should be expressing that self-amusing asshole shit.
5.. More Willpower.
Leaving my house earlier. Not thinking my daytime approaches thru. Just going in. Cutting down that daytime approach reaction time so I come in a lot more authentic and congruent.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
Yup. Good shit.
You know something funny. Adi and I came to the conclusion last night that it's ok to be OUTCOME DEPENDENT. Wanting an outcome, pushing hard for an outcome but not in a rough, scary way.
The thing is, if you're purely authentic, then wanting an outcome is completely in alignment with that. In fact, I would say it turns a woman on that you show decisive action and go after what you want.
The thing is, you can't be ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME. If shit doesn't work out, then you say "Cool. No biggie." But you keep trying, you keep trying and trying and trying. Run the train, I guess Ozzie would say.
Think about during Hot Seat, that girl that Julien opened in the smoking area. How long did you keep pursuing her before she finally jumped the railing to join him?
We gotta be relentless dude. Seriously.
I don't believe in this "NOT TRYING by chilling out" bullshit anymore. I believe in being in alignment with how you're feeling and expressing your honest intent to the fucking hilt. That's the real NOT TRYING.
Again, complete authenticity isn't a tactic. It's a way of life.
BTW, AS89 was fucking killing it yesterday. OMG. My mind was blown by just watching him.
You know something funny. Adi and I came to the conclusion last night that it's ok to be OUTCOME DEPENDENT. Wanting an outcome, pushing hard for an outcome but not in a rough, scary way.
The thing is, if you're purely authentic, then wanting an outcome is completely in alignment with that. In fact, I would say it turns a woman on that you show decisive action and go after what you want.
The thing is, you can't be ATTACHED TO THE OUTCOME. If shit doesn't work out, then you say "Cool. No biggie." But you keep trying, you keep trying and trying and trying. Run the train, I guess Ozzie would say.
Think about during Hot Seat, that girl that Julien opened in the smoking area. How long did you keep pursuing her before she finally jumped the railing to join him?
We gotta be relentless dude. Seriously.
I don't believe in this "NOT TRYING by chilling out" bullshit anymore. I believe in being in alignment with how you're feeling and expressing your honest intent to the fucking hilt. That's the real NOT TRYING.
Again, complete authenticity isn't a tactic. It's a way of life.
BTW, AS89 was fucking killing it yesterday. OMG. My mind was blown by just watching him.
04/13/2012 (Day 53)
I see a girl on the subway platform on the way to to work. I go up no hesistation and offer value. Afterwards, I just leave w/o saying anything. I see a girl on my connecting train but don't feel like approaching. I continue to feel too cool to offer value for the rest of the day. YOLO. I still have to say fuck it and go for it. Doing extra reps and cementing that I don't give a fuck wut u think about this. I talk about this all the time because I'm most concerned with improving my mental strength and willpower. If that's one thing I can take from this game and apply it to other areas of my life it's those 2 things. Mental strength and willpower.
Head out around 1 to a trendy hotel downtown. Meet up w/Turok. Haven't seen this dude in 3 weeks which feels like ages the way I've been going out. The days and nights fly by so fast. No such thing as boredom exists in my life. It's GO GO GO GO.
Chirpse up the coat check girl for 20 or so minutes. Should have # closed. I like her a lot for some reason. Head upstairs, start the night off sort of slow - things aren't really sticking for me. Turok ends up leaving around 2 - so i'm in this bitch solo. Hit up some tall hot italian blond milf chick. God she looked good. She tries to shit test me but I'm persistent and very authentic w/her all night. I thought she left a million times throughout the night but she was there till 3:45. We makeout but I get the vibe that I'm slightly a bit more on the needy side.
I think the needy side has sort of flared up now that I'm going up to girls and telling them that there gorgeous and I want to take them home later. I don't even think that's congruent. I'ma start telling these girls that I want to see them naked later. I'm starting to channel into that authentic side and I feel some mild approach anxiety now. which is good. Need to really push my comfort zone and be fearless. Give me a month I'll be gold.
(http://www.bradbranson.com/zombie-messages-spectrum-authenticity/)
Authenticity is my core focus right now. No. 1 sticking point at the moment. Reading Radical Honesty as well right now.
So I keep hitting up sets - shit's not really sticking and as the night progresses I'm able to channel more and more into the unreactive, authentic sense of self that I have. Have several sort of minor state crashes.
Around 3 - i finally sort of hit state. Run into some hot Indian? girl. Eye her down - we start dancing pretty seductively. Start making out - Im feeling all over her ass. Pull up her dress and start fingering her on the dancefloor. She resists because she has a BF. Her friend drags her away but the girl comes back as her friend is w/some British natural dude. British natural dude was solid all night - i was impressed. Did a lot of PUSH on chicks he was with if they didn't comply.
I say fuck it and grab my girl and head for the bathroom. I think to myself the only way I'm gonna get some is if we do it in the bathroom. Before I head to the bathroom, i kinda bitch out and wall slam her against a wall leading to the door that leads to the bathroom. Start really fingering her and doing rough makeout. Looking back I regret not going straight to the bathroom. Buying temperature was high. Even though there was the bathroom attendant I could have orchestrated something. Kinda regret this. After finger banging times, she asks for my # and claims she wants to call me if things don't work out between her and her BF. British dude pulls the chick's friend I continue on. I hit up every set in the venue. When you're in true true state all you see is success. I end up leaving the venue at 4:30. Sets from 3:30 onwards are the best. Girls are totally looking for some arousal. Really hot ones too.
I learned a lot from my last approach which was around 4:30. Some hot cuban girl was outside w/her friends. Go up to her and her friends. Have great great value in the beginning of the set but as the set lingers my value drops because I'm not comfortable w/silence and inauthentic about it as I keep talking to break the tension. I should have shut the fuck up. I eventually leave around 4:45 because I realize I'm better off going home to meditate then waiting it out.
Lessons Learned:
- Be authentic and take a BOLD MAN'S BLOWOUT. I had trouble teling girls i wanted to take them home as soon as i opened in the beginning of the night. Eventually I hit really high levels of authenticity at times but I still wasn't 100% shameless with that shit. Building up that unreactive, authentic muscle will take time but if I can do it for a month. Jheeze. I love being this authentic because even when you're that authentic and you get a HARSH blowout girls look at you w/admiration. Authenticity will help me so fuckin much. I'm not really normal so being authentic kinda cements my weird reality to the girl.
-Be comfortable w/silence. I found myself trying to reduce the tension w/the Indian girl after fingering her by talking. Same thing happened with the bombshell Cuban girl at the end of the night. I was in my head as she was my ideal type. Instead I tried to "reach" for state by talking. If i had shut the fuck up I would have prolly pulled or had some late night adventures. I mean damn her friends were taking pictures of me and her at 4:30 in the morning. I was in. all i had to do was shut the fuck up. Just chill out and fuck it if i'm creepy - i am creepy. Just deal with it.
Wins:
-Persistence. I wanted to leave but I stuck in and took blowouts on my chin and hit state. Love this feeling man - makes me love the game.
-Stopped being asexual and went for the makeout a lot earlier than usual. Need to make this a habit. Isolation and going for the makeout. Always. Makeouts lead to sex or sparks the attraction in loud venues. Quiet venues no makeout leads to that anticipation and tension that i love. B4 tonight, i think I didn't attempt any makeouts for like a week or something like that.
I see a girl on the subway platform on the way to to work. I go up no hesistation and offer value. Afterwards, I just leave w/o saying anything. I see a girl on my connecting train but don't feel like approaching. I continue to feel too cool to offer value for the rest of the day. YOLO. I still have to say fuck it and go for it. Doing extra reps and cementing that I don't give a fuck wut u think about this. I talk about this all the time because I'm most concerned with improving my mental strength and willpower. If that's one thing I can take from this game and apply it to other areas of my life it's those 2 things. Mental strength and willpower.
Head out around 1 to a trendy hotel downtown. Meet up w/Turok. Haven't seen this dude in 3 weeks which feels like ages the way I've been going out. The days and nights fly by so fast. No such thing as boredom exists in my life. It's GO GO GO GO.
Chirpse up the coat check girl for 20 or so minutes. Should have # closed. I like her a lot for some reason. Head upstairs, start the night off sort of slow - things aren't really sticking for me. Turok ends up leaving around 2 - so i'm in this bitch solo. Hit up some tall hot italian blond milf chick. God she looked good. She tries to shit test me but I'm persistent and very authentic w/her all night. I thought she left a million times throughout the night but she was there till 3:45. We makeout but I get the vibe that I'm slightly a bit more on the needy side.
I think the needy side has sort of flared up now that I'm going up to girls and telling them that there gorgeous and I want to take them home later. I don't even think that's congruent. I'ma start telling these girls that I want to see them naked later. I'm starting to channel into that authentic side and I feel some mild approach anxiety now. which is good. Need to really push my comfort zone and be fearless. Give me a month I'll be gold.
(http://www.bradbranson.com/zombie-messages-spectrum-authenticity/)
Authenticity is my core focus right now. No. 1 sticking point at the moment. Reading Radical Honesty as well right now.
So I keep hitting up sets - shit's not really sticking and as the night progresses I'm able to channel more and more into the unreactive, authentic sense of self that I have. Have several sort of minor state crashes.
Around 3 - i finally sort of hit state. Run into some hot Indian? girl. Eye her down - we start dancing pretty seductively. Start making out - Im feeling all over her ass. Pull up her dress and start fingering her on the dancefloor. She resists because she has a BF. Her friend drags her away but the girl comes back as her friend is w/some British natural dude. British natural dude was solid all night - i was impressed. Did a lot of PUSH on chicks he was with if they didn't comply.
I say fuck it and grab my girl and head for the bathroom. I think to myself the only way I'm gonna get some is if we do it in the bathroom. Before I head to the bathroom, i kinda bitch out and wall slam her against a wall leading to the door that leads to the bathroom. Start really fingering her and doing rough makeout. Looking back I regret not going straight to the bathroom. Buying temperature was high. Even though there was the bathroom attendant I could have orchestrated something. Kinda regret this. After finger banging times, she asks for my # and claims she wants to call me if things don't work out between her and her BF. British dude pulls the chick's friend I continue on. I hit up every set in the venue. When you're in true true state all you see is success. I end up leaving the venue at 4:30. Sets from 3:30 onwards are the best. Girls are totally looking for some arousal. Really hot ones too.
I learned a lot from my last approach which was around 4:30. Some hot cuban girl was outside w/her friends. Go up to her and her friends. Have great great value in the beginning of the set but as the set lingers my value drops because I'm not comfortable w/silence and inauthentic about it as I keep talking to break the tension. I should have shut the fuck up. I eventually leave around 4:45 because I realize I'm better off going home to meditate then waiting it out.
Lessons Learned:
- Be authentic and take a BOLD MAN'S BLOWOUT. I had trouble teling girls i wanted to take them home as soon as i opened in the beginning of the night. Eventually I hit really high levels of authenticity at times but I still wasn't 100% shameless with that shit. Building up that unreactive, authentic muscle will take time but if I can do it for a month. Jheeze. I love being this authentic because even when you're that authentic and you get a HARSH blowout girls look at you w/admiration. Authenticity will help me so fuckin much. I'm not really normal so being authentic kinda cements my weird reality to the girl.
-Be comfortable w/silence. I found myself trying to reduce the tension w/the Indian girl after fingering her by talking. Same thing happened with the bombshell Cuban girl at the end of the night. I was in my head as she was my ideal type. Instead I tried to "reach" for state by talking. If i had shut the fuck up I would have prolly pulled or had some late night adventures. I mean damn her friends were taking pictures of me and her at 4:30 in the morning. I was in. all i had to do was shut the fuck up. Just chill out and fuck it if i'm creepy - i am creepy. Just deal with it.
Wins:
-Persistence. I wanted to leave but I stuck in and took blowouts on my chin and hit state. Love this feeling man - makes me love the game.
-Stopped being asexual and went for the makeout a lot earlier than usual. Need to make this a habit. Isolation and going for the makeout. Always. Makeouts lead to sex or sparks the attraction in loud venues. Quiet venues no makeout leads to that anticipation and tension that i love. B4 tonight, i think I didn't attempt any makeouts for like a week or something like that.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
Yup that's it. I think the deeper you go into this, the more you'll know what's real for you.
I honestly believe it's ok to be outcome oriented and pushing for an outcome hard, as long as it's real. It's ok to chill and not say shit, as long as it's real.
But yeah, go deeper man. This is the real deal. It's like if you're the coolest motherfucker alive, why would you feel like you need to hide anything? Naw, you'd put it all out there. You'd put your heart on the line.
I have nothing left to teach you bro. The student has surpassed the master. :)
I honestly believe it's ok to be outcome oriented and pushing for an outcome hard, as long as it's real. It's ok to chill and not say shit, as long as it's real.
But yeah, go deeper man. This is the real deal. It's like if you're the coolest motherfucker alive, why would you feel like you need to hide anything? Naw, you'd put it all out there. You'd put your heart on the line.
I have nothing left to teach you bro. The student has surpassed the master. :)
I think the needy side has sort of flared up now that I'm going up to girls and telling them that there gorgeous and I want to take them home later. I don't even think that's congruent. I'ma start telling these girls that I want to see them naked later. I'm starting to channel into that authentic side and I feel some mild approach anxiety now. which is good. Need to really push my comfort zone and be fearless. Give me a month I'll be gold.
Yeah here's the thing. I think it's completely ok to be "needy". Just be totally congruent with it. It's when you try to NOT BE NEEDY or try to hide it that she realizes you're a fucking punk and your done. Think about it this way. If you're completely unapologetic about your intent and desires, is it really needy anymore? It's when you're trying to be something you're not that it becomes needy.- Be authentic and take a BOLD MAN'S BLOWOUT. I had trouble teling girls i wanted to take them home as soon as i opened in the beginning of the night. Eventually I hit really high levels of authenticity at times but I still wasn't 100% shameless with that shit. Building up that unreactive, authentic muscle will take time but if I can do it for a month. Jheeze. I love being this authentic because even when you're that authentic and you get a HARSH blowout girls look at you w/admiration. Authenticity will help me so fuckin much. I'm not really normal so being authentic kinda cements my weird reality to the girl.
Haha, I laughed at this. Dude, being authentic to the hilt and putting yourself on the line. THAT TAKES BALLS. That's real man, true player shit. You want pain and you want to become icier than Antarctica, this is the way to do it. True realness and true pain. No pussy ass shit.
04/14/2012 (Day 54)
Head out around 10:45 to meet up w/Turok. Tonight was a shitty night but I learned a valuable lesson. If i'm gonna play too win getting to the venue before 12 is just a complete fuckin waste of time. Ideally if I know the doorman 1:00 is a good time to head in. I'm not a fan of these marathon pickup nights.
We head out to a club on the West Side....Shitty night - haven't been here on a Saturday for awhile (getting geeky - 7 weeks) and I don't think i'll return anytime soon. Get in - i'm bored for the first hour because I'm a big fan of going goin ggoing instead of stopping and going and sometimes I feel a bit divaish and don't feel like randomly socializing w/chodes.
I'm going up to girls pretty authentic and telling them that I want to see them naked later. Some girls I'm straight up direct with - others I'm not. Something was off tonight. I had a golden opportunity that I absolutely blew and miscalibrated. I go up to the girl I was most attracted to in the venue and tell her I want to see her naked later. She actually really likes it because it's coming from the right place. I'm still very forward and I'm being 100% honest w/her - telling her i have a boner but not a raging boner. She's taken aback and mentions she needs a couple of drinks at first. Like a minute or two later i try to mouthrape her and she goes back to her friend. Totally fucked it up. She needed the PUSH or just needed me to chill out- most girls do from my experience. I don't end up re-approaching her because I think she leaves later. Kinda pissed as I type this - but fuck the scarcity mindset. I'll meet a girl just as good tomorrow but making stupid mistakes pisses me off.
O well. Head out to Meatpacking. Hit up a lot of street sets and come up w/a stupid ass opener "God it hurts so much. You're so cute I'll turn straight for you". I'm amused by this but still being reaction-seeking. I have two modes of self amusement - one's really sexual, the other's childish. Today I was childishly self-amused. My sexual self-amusement involves me having my hands around the girl and calling her a whore and being an asshole. I find that self-amusing.
Call it a night by 3.
Lessons Learned:
Just need to chill out and relax. Was never full relaxed tonight. I fucked that set up w/the cute artsy chick. That had pull written all over it if I just would have chilled out for the next hour or two.
- Just because you're authentic doesn't mean you don't ignore other womanizing principles. Most girls need to experience some kind of PUSH as well as chill the fuck out.
Wins:
- Got some work done during the day - broke my lazy Saturday streak.
- Stuck with authenticity. I'm thinking about scaling it back and calibrating it a bit better. Prolly bring it into my sets a bit later. Actually fuck that - GO HARD OR GO HOME.
Head out around 10:45 to meet up w/Turok. Tonight was a shitty night but I learned a valuable lesson. If i'm gonna play too win getting to the venue before 12 is just a complete fuckin waste of time. Ideally if I know the doorman 1:00 is a good time to head in. I'm not a fan of these marathon pickup nights.
We head out to a club on the West Side....Shitty night - haven't been here on a Saturday for awhile (getting geeky - 7 weeks) and I don't think i'll return anytime soon. Get in - i'm bored for the first hour because I'm a big fan of going goin ggoing instead of stopping and going and sometimes I feel a bit divaish and don't feel like randomly socializing w/chodes.
I'm going up to girls pretty authentic and telling them that I want to see them naked later. Some girls I'm straight up direct with - others I'm not. Something was off tonight. I had a golden opportunity that I absolutely blew and miscalibrated. I go up to the girl I was most attracted to in the venue and tell her I want to see her naked later. She actually really likes it because it's coming from the right place. I'm still very forward and I'm being 100% honest w/her - telling her i have a boner but not a raging boner. She's taken aback and mentions she needs a couple of drinks at first. Like a minute or two later i try to mouthrape her and she goes back to her friend. Totally fucked it up. She needed the PUSH or just needed me to chill out- most girls do from my experience. I don't end up re-approaching her because I think she leaves later. Kinda pissed as I type this - but fuck the scarcity mindset. I'll meet a girl just as good tomorrow but making stupid mistakes pisses me off.
O well. Head out to Meatpacking. Hit up a lot of street sets and come up w/a stupid ass opener "God it hurts so much. You're so cute I'll turn straight for you". I'm amused by this but still being reaction-seeking. I have two modes of self amusement - one's really sexual, the other's childish. Today I was childishly self-amused. My sexual self-amusement involves me having my hands around the girl and calling her a whore and being an asshole. I find that self-amusing.
Call it a night by 3.
Lessons Learned:
Just need to chill out and relax. Was never full relaxed tonight. I fucked that set up w/the cute artsy chick. That had pull written all over it if I just would have chilled out for the next hour or two.
- Just because you're authentic doesn't mean you don't ignore other womanizing principles. Most girls need to experience some kind of PUSH as well as chill the fuck out.
Wins:
- Got some work done during the day - broke my lazy Saturday streak.
- Stuck with authenticity. I'm thinking about scaling it back and calibrating it a bit better. Prolly bring it into my sets a bit later. Actually fuck that - GO HARD OR GO HOME.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
Just because you're authentic doesn't mean you don't ignore other womanizing principles. Most girls need to experience some kind of PUSH as well as chill the fuck out.
I still don't think you need to push. Again, you were the one there so only you know for sure but I think you're looking for confirmation bias. I think if you just chilled out and were normal, you would've been fine.This is pretty much Brad's game BTW. Spike the attraction hard and just ride it out till the pull.
Even Ciaran's Apoc Opener he described this same exact thing. Go in and ask her if she wants to go home with you, and then just be normal so she doesn't think you're a rapist. Then pull when she's ready.
I mean, do you think you're not the prize when you're this authentic? Do you think she'll think you only want sex from her?
First off, if you're not high enough value, she'll shit test the fuck out of you to make sure. And secondly, it's ok to just want sex from her. She's completely cool with that.
Anyways, up to you to experiment with it. I'm struggling with my own shit at the moment.
04/15/2012 (Day 55)
Feeling a bit fatigued from so much going out. Was super pissed at myself for not approaching some girl in the grocery store. Some guys on here are like yea I don't even approach blah blah - but I genuinelly enjoy improving that taking action muscle. It's like y aren't u approaching mann?
Head out to Manhattan for a bit - the night isn't so productive. Chill out w/my friend who's DJing. Cute and crazy girl - definitely going to take her out and bang bang eventually....I'm a bit lackluster tonight, approach like 4 girls - lacking clarity of intent like HARD...... It's dead and I'm pissed at myself for the lack of clarity in words, thoughts, and action but I just have to unwillingly accept that given my day job and life ambitions I'm not going to be able to go out and spend 4 hours in an elite nightclub every night...My last approach of the night was a street set where I go in with some fuckin clarity of intent and 2 mins she wants me to buy her a pizza. I tell her no - but on a night like tonight maybe being a chode would have helped as the pizza store was right down the block. Then again - I wanted to get home and meditate then watch Crazy, Stupid Love.
04/16/2012 (Day 56)
It was locked in my subconscious mind that I would start my week off right. On the way to work, I meet a firecracker of a girl on the train. Feel that anxious feeling but step up. Start talking, I'm a bit high energy but I tell her that I'm nervous and am authentic w/her. I love authenticity and is a bit easier for me to implement because it's what I was raised around and you just form really deep connections w/people because no one really tells the truth. My parents were pretty real w/me for the most part while I was growing up and had no tolerance for excessively phony people.
5 mins into the convo she's very curious who I am and is actively gaming me.... True to the challenge, where I just go up and offer value, I walk away but this one was fuckin harder than most - this girl was so fuckin gorgeous and chill. God. only 2 more weeks of this walking away nonsense. I realized I'm going to have start switching up what parts of the train I board so I can keep my shit fresh lol. I do have one regret - which was not just walking away, as I shook her hand and was like nice to meet you.
Whatever. Head out after a nap to LES. Meet up w/Haze and AS89... Talk to a bunch of girls in Pianos and go up pretty authentic. Still a bit hesitant but I'm able to tell them I want to see them naked later. Always refreshing to see even the girl next door 7s enjoy it ......Do a couple of street sets afterwards till about 1. It has become very clear to me that Sunday and Monday in 4 -6 weeks will be strictly Day 2s.
I'm excited - 4 weeks until the "season" starts. If I stick to the course and just focus on being relaxed and 100% authentic I will be in very very good shape. I walk around and all I can think of is "the championship" aka GLORY. The glory isn't even always in the lay - although that feels good. It's these random reference experiences, offering value, approaching 10 - 20 girls and getting blown out by all of them and then all of sudden hittin state and killing it - such a glorious feeling.
That as well as improving my web dev skills. That shit excites me and I know taking action is going to get me ever so close to that grand vision of myself in the future. I just would like some more heartbreak and pain - I'm still a bit soft inside :)
Feeling a bit fatigued from so much going out. Was super pissed at myself for not approaching some girl in the grocery store. Some guys on here are like yea I don't even approach blah blah - but I genuinelly enjoy improving that taking action muscle. It's like y aren't u approaching mann?
Head out to Manhattan for a bit - the night isn't so productive. Chill out w/my friend who's DJing. Cute and crazy girl - definitely going to take her out and bang bang eventually....I'm a bit lackluster tonight, approach like 4 girls - lacking clarity of intent like HARD...... It's dead and I'm pissed at myself for the lack of clarity in words, thoughts, and action but I just have to unwillingly accept that given my day job and life ambitions I'm not going to be able to go out and spend 4 hours in an elite nightclub every night...My last approach of the night was a street set where I go in with some fuckin clarity of intent and 2 mins she wants me to buy her a pizza. I tell her no - but on a night like tonight maybe being a chode would have helped as the pizza store was right down the block. Then again - I wanted to get home and meditate then watch Crazy, Stupid Love.
04/16/2012 (Day 56)
It was locked in my subconscious mind that I would start my week off right. On the way to work, I meet a firecracker of a girl on the train. Feel that anxious feeling but step up. Start talking, I'm a bit high energy but I tell her that I'm nervous and am authentic w/her. I love authenticity and is a bit easier for me to implement because it's what I was raised around and you just form really deep connections w/people because no one really tells the truth. My parents were pretty real w/me for the most part while I was growing up and had no tolerance for excessively phony people.
5 mins into the convo she's very curious who I am and is actively gaming me.... True to the challenge, where I just go up and offer value, I walk away but this one was fuckin harder than most - this girl was so fuckin gorgeous and chill. God. only 2 more weeks of this walking away nonsense. I realized I'm going to have start switching up what parts of the train I board so I can keep my shit fresh lol. I do have one regret - which was not just walking away, as I shook her hand and was like nice to meet you.
Whatever. Head out after a nap to LES. Meet up w/Haze and AS89... Talk to a bunch of girls in Pianos and go up pretty authentic. Still a bit hesitant but I'm able to tell them I want to see them naked later. Always refreshing to see even the girl next door 7s enjoy it ......Do a couple of street sets afterwards till about 1. It has become very clear to me that Sunday and Monday in 4 -6 weeks will be strictly Day 2s.
I'm excited - 4 weeks until the "season" starts. If I stick to the course and just focus on being relaxed and 100% authentic I will be in very very good shape. I walk around and all I can think of is "the championship" aka GLORY. The glory isn't even always in the lay - although that feels good. It's these random reference experiences, offering value, approaching 10 - 20 girls and getting blown out by all of them and then all of sudden hittin state and killing it - such a glorious feeling.
That as well as improving my web dev skills. That shit excites me and I know taking action is going to get me ever so close to that grand vision of myself in the future. I just would like some more heartbreak and pain - I'm still a bit soft inside :)
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
Haze~
Trusted Member
Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3536
The problem is your not trying isn't actually not trying. You're TRYING to not try. It's like Owen said, "Don't even try to not try, just don't fucking try."
The problem is you give a fuck. You care so much. "Not trying" is just another tactic to use on the girl to "get her".
How do you genuinely not try? By being authentic. By being real. Express you're desires truthfully and let the chips fall where they may.
Tap into what's real. Be at the cause end of things. Demonstrate your authentic intent onto the world and let the world react to you.
ANYTHING LESS THAN 100% AUTHENTIC BEHAVIOR IS YOU REACTING TO THE ENVIRONMENT.
If a natural believed he was enough, would he in any way try to fake his behavior or try to be in any way inauthentic? It makes no sense. He believes he's completely worthy of the girl, why would he TRY to get her by NOT BEING HIMSELF or express his desires untruthfully.