THE FORUMS
Well, one thing I can certainly say is I'm glad to have taken the break I did. It's allowed me to take a step back and gain some perspective.
Your writing is similar to mine from before. Just an obvious sense of outcome dependence as well as identifying with this skillset.
Its funny because you've gotten more insecure the more you learn about this game. That's a good thing though, when you take on new behaviors, your anxiety goes up because you don't know what the hell you're doing. Eventually once you begin to figure things out, you start to do better.
I'm not gonna give you any advice concerning this weekend because we've already talked about it extensively. Even though your game is rough right now, you'll get it down. It's just growing pains you'll have to go through to grow.
The main thing I want you to realize is to not sweat the process. Your way too desperate to get "good" at this, that it's fucking you up. Let that shit go. Work on what you need to but when you come back, forget about last weekend and look forward to next. An approach is just an opportunity to get data points. That's all I look at it now as. It's just an opportunity to learn something about pickup I didn't know before. It's just data.
Your writing is similar to mine from before. Just an obvious sense of outcome dependence as well as identifying with this skillset.
Its funny because you've gotten more insecure the more you learn about this game. That's a good thing though, when you take on new behaviors, your anxiety goes up because you don't know what the hell you're doing. Eventually once you begin to figure things out, you start to do better.
I'm not gonna give you any advice concerning this weekend because we've already talked about it extensively. Even though your game is rough right now, you'll get it down. It's just growing pains you'll have to go through to grow.
The main thing I want you to realize is to not sweat the process. Your way too desperate to get "good" at this, that it's fucking you up. Let that shit go. Work on what you need to but when you come back, forget about last weekend and look forward to next. An approach is just an opportunity to get data points. That's all I look at it now as. It's just an opportunity to learn something about pickup I didn't know before. It's just data.
it's like going to the gym after a long time. I wasn't strong then, but I was putting up weight. But then I come back I can't even lift that amount. Ain't nothing to it, but to do it. I decided over Thanksgiving to boost my disicipline and time management, since I fucking bullshit so much. A big thing that lit a fire under my ass was Tyler's last article. The other was when I found out Julian is like 22. What the fuck at this age? Am I aligned with my goals?
Bringing back consistency to -> lifting/guitar/studying/going out/ business
Saturday- I go out. I get drunk. I do one approach. Small talk, which goes nowhere.
Sunday- It's an exercise in willpower to even force myself out on the most dead night solo. But I do go out to an empty bar. Hang there for like 20-30 minutes, and there's no girls. I walk around for like an hour.
Monday- I go out with an old friend. Plenty of opportunities, despite it being a monday. I do nothing
Tuesday- I get hit by a car. I walk to the ER and the doctor says I'm fine. I see a dying woman and her miserable son as I'm pushed in a wheelchair. Life's precious, and I got super lucky. I go out that night, do karaoke, then hit up another bar and I have fun. I only approached one girl, which is still lame. I was trying to get myself going, but I never was able to. What a day.
Bringing back consistency to -> lifting/guitar/studying/going out/ business
Saturday- I go out. I get drunk. I do one approach. Small talk, which goes nowhere.
Sunday- It's an exercise in willpower to even force myself out on the most dead night solo. But I do go out to an empty bar. Hang there for like 20-30 minutes, and there's no girls. I walk around for like an hour.
Monday- I go out with an old friend. Plenty of opportunities, despite it being a monday. I do nothing
Tuesday- I get hit by a car. I walk to the ER and the doctor says I'm fine. I see a dying woman and her miserable son as I'm pushed in a wheelchair. Life's precious, and I got super lucky. I go out that night, do karaoke, then hit up another bar and I have fun. I only approached one girl, which is still lame. I was trying to get myself going, but I never was able to. What a day.
__________________
Wednesday- I did karaoke this night. I was out, but I don't think I approached.
Thursday- I went to happy hour and talked to this one girl and got her number. I feel like I sort of held back on my intent a little bit, so it wasn't a strong interaction. Later that night, I herp derped at a bar.
Friday- I took molly this day and I had a lot of interesting experiences. Talked to a few girls. The first one I talked for 20 minutes but found out she had a boyfriend. The next one I was really forcing convo so that fizzled out. Went to another bar. Danced with a gorgeous girl, but I was too stifled to really do my thing. Next girl I talked to I saw once before. Good interaction. Made out at the end, and got her number, since she "had to stay with friends." Maybe the interaction wasn't as solid, becasue she never texted back.
Saturday- Go to see a show at the city. Lots of cute girls. I talk to none, which is retarded. Go to lit lounge. But before I get high, which is retarded. I was in slug state the entire time. Talked to one chick, and I approached her decently, but I never reinitiated the interaction, since I came across too intense but she was still intrigued since she kept re-opening me and i was like uhhhhh.
Sunday- Stay in.
Monday- Stay in for a project.
Tuesday- Karaoke night. Dont' talk to any girls.
Wednesday- Go to another bar. Don't talk to any girls. One girl opened me that was really drunk.
Thursday- I go to happy hour. Im totally determined to open this chick on my right that's like 2 feet away. I'm literally there for 30-45 minutes before I just jump in set. I talk friend to friend. It fizzles. I go to a bar that night and approach a 3 set that's already talking to a guy, which was difficult for me to do. I approached really sincere "im shy. but i think your beautiful" and the friends were liking me and the set was going well, but some friend of theirs came in and he just hugged them (all of them) for like 3 minutes as i at first was like chill, but then I sort of lost it. I talk to friends, but I should of went in again and took it in stride.
Friday- today. So painful. I was at this bar with so many beautiful girls, none of which i approached for like an hour. I'm standing there looking and every fiber of my body is just ...shit. I somehow say fuckit and approach a girl. the set went horribly, but i was ecstatic. I then talk to another girl, before that fizzled out. Tough night out, but I didn't give up tonight.
Thursday- I went to happy hour and talked to this one girl and got her number. I feel like I sort of held back on my intent a little bit, so it wasn't a strong interaction. Later that night, I herp derped at a bar.
Friday- I took molly this day and I had a lot of interesting experiences. Talked to a few girls. The first one I talked for 20 minutes but found out she had a boyfriend. The next one I was really forcing convo so that fizzled out. Went to another bar. Danced with a gorgeous girl, but I was too stifled to really do my thing. Next girl I talked to I saw once before. Good interaction. Made out at the end, and got her number, since she "had to stay with friends." Maybe the interaction wasn't as solid, becasue she never texted back.
Saturday- Go to see a show at the city. Lots of cute girls. I talk to none, which is retarded. Go to lit lounge. But before I get high, which is retarded. I was in slug state the entire time. Talked to one chick, and I approached her decently, but I never reinitiated the interaction, since I came across too intense but she was still intrigued since she kept re-opening me and i was like uhhhhh.
Sunday- Stay in.
Monday- Stay in for a project.
Tuesday- Karaoke night. Dont' talk to any girls.
Wednesday- Go to another bar. Don't talk to any girls. One girl opened me that was really drunk.
Thursday- I go to happy hour. Im totally determined to open this chick on my right that's like 2 feet away. I'm literally there for 30-45 minutes before I just jump in set. I talk friend to friend. It fizzles. I go to a bar that night and approach a 3 set that's already talking to a guy, which was difficult for me to do. I approached really sincere "im shy. but i think your beautiful" and the friends were liking me and the set was going well, but some friend of theirs came in and he just hugged them (all of them) for like 3 minutes as i at first was like chill, but then I sort of lost it. I talk to friends, but I should of went in again and took it in stride.
Friday- today. So painful. I was at this bar with so many beautiful girls, none of which i approached for like an hour. I'm standing there looking and every fiber of my body is just ...shit. I somehow say fuckit and approach a girl. the set went horribly, but i was ecstatic. I then talk to another girl, before that fizzled out. Tough night out, but I didn't give up tonight.
__________________
Saturday 12/10
I watch the Antlers show with my sister and her boyfriend. There was a really cute girl there, that I really hsould have talked to. If i feel like I'm bullshitting sometimes I tell other people to add to my social pressure. Maybe it'll drive me to take more action.
I got to Lit Lounge that night at like 11:30. It was really empty. It's Santacon, which is pretty cool. I enjoy my company, but I want to take action. I'm not giving up any moment. It's not enough to go out. You have to actively challenge yourself in the moment, or else it's just another form of mental masturbation. I open rather horribly a set of 4 girls at another bar, and the girl isn't too into it. As I leave the bar, I have another shitty open of a 2-set. I wasn't very comfortable, but I started reaching an indifference threshold which i haven't experienced in so goddamn long. I actually felt like myself. It felt damn good.
None of my approaches were particularly "good." In a sense, it didn't really matter. Towards the end of the night, I got a lot of girls attracted, but I didn't chill out, or I got uncomfortable. The whole get them super attracted, then weirded out in 2 minutes thing. The hottest girl I approached was my best interaction though. Eye contact, and .5 millisecond action, which I would love to always do. I sort of hurpderped and lost it, but the open was great, and the dynamic was really man-to-woman. My criteria for success for my nights is reaching indifference and reaching freedom so I can input the entire spectrum of my personality without hesitation. The output will come given a consistency in my input. That being said, there'll be days (as there have been ) where it won't go down. Whatever.
Either way. I'm going to do this. Fuck being cynical and self deprecating. That shit's not helping me. What's helping me is MANNING UP and calling myself on "lower conscious behaviors" har har. Anyway,gotta get bak to studying.
I watch the Antlers show with my sister and her boyfriend. There was a really cute girl there, that I really hsould have talked to. If i feel like I'm bullshitting sometimes I tell other people to add to my social pressure. Maybe it'll drive me to take more action.
I got to Lit Lounge that night at like 11:30. It was really empty. It's Santacon, which is pretty cool. I enjoy my company, but I want to take action. I'm not giving up any moment. It's not enough to go out. You have to actively challenge yourself in the moment, or else it's just another form of mental masturbation. I open rather horribly a set of 4 girls at another bar, and the girl isn't too into it. As I leave the bar, I have another shitty open of a 2-set. I wasn't very comfortable, but I started reaching an indifference threshold which i haven't experienced in so goddamn long. I actually felt like myself. It felt damn good.
None of my approaches were particularly "good." In a sense, it didn't really matter. Towards the end of the night, I got a lot of girls attracted, but I didn't chill out, or I got uncomfortable. The whole get them super attracted, then weirded out in 2 minutes thing. The hottest girl I approached was my best interaction though. Eye contact, and .5 millisecond action, which I would love to always do. I sort of hurpderped and lost it, but the open was great, and the dynamic was really man-to-woman. My criteria for success for my nights is reaching indifference and reaching freedom so I can input the entire spectrum of my personality without hesitation. The output will come given a consistency in my input. That being said, there'll be days (as there have been ) where it won't go down. Whatever.
Either way. I'm going to do this. Fuck being cynical and self deprecating. That shit's not helping me. What's helping me is MANNING UP and calling myself on "lower conscious behaviors" har har. Anyway,gotta get bak to studying.
__________________
Tuesday 12-13-11
After an all nighter and a couple of adderall crashes, I nap 2 hours and go out to Karaoke. I approach a blonde girl, and she's pretty receptive. At first i feel like i'm trying to hang on to the set like a bullrider, but then i kind of realize how stupid this is and chill back. it was a good interaction, for what its' worth. she leaves and i should have took her number. i act really gay and don't approach a girl i opened that last thursday, who keeps eyeing me now.
Wed
12-14-11
I read and play some guitar today. I go out this night to Golden Rail and there's more Karaoke. I talk to this latina, but she has a boyfriend. It was a fun interaction, and both of them were cool. I talk to a girl whose number I got the previous week, but i find out she has a boyfriend too. i got a feeling that she wasn't that into her boyfriend, and i wish i was more gangster about it.
thursday-
12-15-11
i talk to a girl at happy hour, and it's really awkward. whatever. there was an input from my end. I go out during night time, and I meet a girl at OB, but she seems creeped out. when girls seemed creeped out i have a tendency to point out what they're feeling and kind of joke about it. but it's out of insecurity. i should stop and just be me, regardless of her response. it shouldn't be a stock response to point out their response.
i spent too much money on alcohol since i thought it was 1/2 price thurs and i had to close my tab. i end up going to golden rail and then hitting on every girl in the bar. i'm not chill at all. i'm too forward and uncalibrated. i also "TRY" and am "reaction seeking", which isn't a good look. that being said, i'm happy i burned the place to the ground. haven't said that in a while.
friday-
12-16-11
i go to hotel chantelle, and it starts rocky. first 4 approaches are blow-outs. i eventually stop caring and the next girl i talk to is really into it. she's a young chick that was looking to hook up and i could tell. however, two things stifled this from going anywhere. in the process of discovering where the other person is from, i found logistics were fucked. she knew too. she was looking to get down, and her friend told my friend that. i also feel like i got a bit in my head too.
next set, i got to in my head, as the girl was gaming me at first. i just wasn't expressing myself and i wasn't escalating. her interest eventually waned, i didn't lead, and the set went dead. still, even interactions like these pump my state, considering how my recents nights were a week or a two ago. go to phebes, and meet another girl. she also seems dtf, but i'm too damn logical, and i'm not at ease. lol. had fun regardless, and i took some initiative. i refuse to not take action. and now im gonna focus on playing to WIN.
Saturday
12-17-11
this was a bullshit night, as i realyl didn't even feel like going out. i come out way too late at 12:30. i approach girls on the street and small talk about some bar sucking. they go to the SAME bar as i do. and i don't re-open them. idiot.
i approach a short girl, and the interaction is super short. go to another bar and meet this two set. her friend pulls her away as i'm being admittedly boring at the moment.
i feel good though.
After an all nighter and a couple of adderall crashes, I nap 2 hours and go out to Karaoke. I approach a blonde girl, and she's pretty receptive. At first i feel like i'm trying to hang on to the set like a bullrider, but then i kind of realize how stupid this is and chill back. it was a good interaction, for what its' worth. she leaves and i should have took her number. i act really gay and don't approach a girl i opened that last thursday, who keeps eyeing me now.
Wed
12-14-11
I read and play some guitar today. I go out this night to Golden Rail and there's more Karaoke. I talk to this latina, but she has a boyfriend. It was a fun interaction, and both of them were cool. I talk to a girl whose number I got the previous week, but i find out she has a boyfriend too. i got a feeling that she wasn't that into her boyfriend, and i wish i was more gangster about it.
thursday-
12-15-11
i talk to a girl at happy hour, and it's really awkward. whatever. there was an input from my end. I go out during night time, and I meet a girl at OB, but she seems creeped out. when girls seemed creeped out i have a tendency to point out what they're feeling and kind of joke about it. but it's out of insecurity. i should stop and just be me, regardless of her response. it shouldn't be a stock response to point out their response.
i spent too much money on alcohol since i thought it was 1/2 price thurs and i had to close my tab. i end up going to golden rail and then hitting on every girl in the bar. i'm not chill at all. i'm too forward and uncalibrated. i also "TRY" and am "reaction seeking", which isn't a good look. that being said, i'm happy i burned the place to the ground. haven't said that in a while.
friday-
12-16-11
i go to hotel chantelle, and it starts rocky. first 4 approaches are blow-outs. i eventually stop caring and the next girl i talk to is really into it. she's a young chick that was looking to hook up and i could tell. however, two things stifled this from going anywhere. in the process of discovering where the other person is from, i found logistics were fucked. she knew too. she was looking to get down, and her friend told my friend that. i also feel like i got a bit in my head too.
next set, i got to in my head, as the girl was gaming me at first. i just wasn't expressing myself and i wasn't escalating. her interest eventually waned, i didn't lead, and the set went dead. still, even interactions like these pump my state, considering how my recents nights were a week or a two ago. go to phebes, and meet another girl. she also seems dtf, but i'm too damn logical, and i'm not at ease. lol. had fun regardless, and i took some initiative. i refuse to not take action. and now im gonna focus on playing to WIN.
Saturday
12-17-11
this was a bullshit night, as i realyl didn't even feel like going out. i come out way too late at 12:30. i approach girls on the street and small talk about some bar sucking. they go to the SAME bar as i do. and i don't re-open them. idiot.
i approach a short girl, and the interaction is super short. go to another bar and meet this two set. her friend pulls her away as i'm being admittedly boring at the moment.
i feel good though.
__________________
12-21-11
Coming off another allnighter, i was tired, but the thrill of being done with this semester definitely reinvigorated me. I go out for some Karaoke this night.
I approached like 4-5 girls this night. I was often pinging off them, which is a big no-no. While I was able to approach, I got really inside my head, and outcome dependent.
Now this would be a "bad night" had i not actually been so damn happy that I was approaching in the first place. On this night I realize, I shall play to WIN.
12-22-11
I can honestly say I played to win this night. I can't even count the amount of girls I approached, but I was Wanderlei Silva today. I often missed, miscalibrated, or didn't jump at the right opening, but dammit I was immersed in the game.
Good night, and I felt like a man. I even did a mixed set, having had quite a bit of momentum. My favorite set was when i went into a parking lot, tried to makeout with this chick, then spun her around. I was very "pull pull" , but sometimes you need that
to remind yourself that you're capable of not being a little bitch.
For the first time in a long time, I've been taking action like a man should in this game. I've been going out and challenging myself, and I feel better for it. I will continue to do so next semester, in what I want to really make a crazy fucking end of my college chapter.
I will focus and dedicate myself to the following things this next year:
-getting a job/moving out
-gym (3-5 days a week every week)
-guitar
-Going Out (5 days a week during semester..HARD, that means challenging myself in field every moment)
-My Site-> Making sure to meet deadlines I set for myself, and learning the skills it requires to get it done.
-reading (an hour of reading a day).
Coming off another allnighter, i was tired, but the thrill of being done with this semester definitely reinvigorated me. I go out for some Karaoke this night.
I approached like 4-5 girls this night. I was often pinging off them, which is a big no-no. While I was able to approach, I got really inside my head, and outcome dependent.
Now this would be a "bad night" had i not actually been so damn happy that I was approaching in the first place. On this night I realize, I shall play to WIN.
12-22-11
I can honestly say I played to win this night. I can't even count the amount of girls I approached, but I was Wanderlei Silva today. I often missed, miscalibrated, or didn't jump at the right opening, but dammit I was immersed in the game.
Good night, and I felt like a man. I even did a mixed set, having had quite a bit of momentum. My favorite set was when i went into a parking lot, tried to makeout with this chick, then spun her around. I was very "pull pull" , but sometimes you need that
to remind yourself that you're capable of not being a little bitch.
For the first time in a long time, I've been taking action like a man should in this game. I've been going out and challenging myself, and I feel better for it. I will continue to do so next semester, in what I want to really make a crazy fucking end of my college chapter.
I will focus and dedicate myself to the following things this next year:
-getting a job/moving out
-gym (3-5 days a week every week)
-guitar
-Going Out (5 days a week during semester..HARD, that means challenging myself in field every moment)
-My Site-> Making sure to meet deadlines I set for myself, and learning the skills it requires to get it done.
-reading (an hour of reading a day).
__________________
I'm so shit at posting, but I kind of need to really get into the crux of why I fucking suck.
and by sucking i mean, not feeling entitled, not feeling internally validated, not feeling at ease.
it's like moments where i'm talking to a chick and feeling great, then the neediness creeping in and transitioning to "trying to get the girl" and I realize this in the moment, and she does .5 second earlier and I'm done.
I've been always in the paradigm of trying to get another's acceptance for my whole entire life. From when I was young, it was the popular kids. It's almost like my ego wants acceptance and that dirty validation which prevents me from really being chill in my own skin. I want to hear from the girl that she's into me. I'm a value leech deriving values from chicks and that's gross. So fuck that shit. Recently my self talk has been keeping my head in chick. If I falter in a moment, I'll tell myself and use that reference in a utilitarian way. Eventually I want to get to a place, where I don't even place any importance AT ALL on the approach, but for now I'm fine training my brain into not slipping into unconscious devalidation or negativity. I'm using positive self talk as a supplement. I'm pretty determined right now, and I still have my bad moments, but I know I'll get throught it.
I'm a flawed human being, and I'm not on top of my shit, but it's time to give that inner voice that says "Step the fuck up. You're better than this. Keep going." and give it some power. More than it's had before. That needs to be at the forefront of MY LIFE in order to really draw my own state, and be my own man. I think this insecurity that I've carried has been from being someone that really needs external validation and scounges for it like a vulture. Personal responsibility from my actions. I don't live in the world. I live in my world. My movie. Of course it's hot air now, but it's something to build towards. Accept myself for what I am, and believe that I'll be something better and I'll make it happen. Its fine and dandy typing that, but truly believing and internalizing it is another thing.Truly internalizing this concept of "i am enough" is another thing as well. how does one truly believe they are enough if they need to be externally validated? I'll start with my lifestyle, my inner voice, and work outwards and I believe this problem can be fixed in that way.
3-16
head out w/ haze who is just hitting up set after set in the first like minute i'm there. I start slow and build momentum, talking to a creeped out chick, acknowledging the awkwardness and moving on. I keep telling myself "my movie" and that "i love me." Which is kind of insecure like "keep telling yourself bud" but at the same time, it helped me concentrate on not being overcome by the venue. Talked to a couple chicks on some couch. they were both really enthusiastic and it was a cool vibe. I was just generating good energy and fun, then i started to TRY!!! i was incongruent and i feel like I sort of was reaching instead of letting words flow out of me.
next bar had a really cool interaction, where i totally just roleplayed with a girl. but it wasnt tactical. i just was like' i've had a crush on you for years'. and it brought on a fun vibe.
get inside next spot. talk to a lot of chicks, mostly short interactions and blowouts. i'm used to having mostly short sets. since i'm not really used to being self amusing or having fun, i think i let myself just vomit words at some chicks. instead, i should vomit words to some chicks and it'll hit better. i also learned i need to take a compliment and not be self deprecating. I need to love me. seriously. people say nice shit, and i disqualify myself...but its taken sincere since i sort of probably project that i believe it.
we go to some irish pub and i can't approach. let's see how it is in a few hours.
we get to the college bar, and its a few blowouts. wing asks me to go "genuine." which sort of took my TRYING away. so congruently, i steppped in and chicks responded very differently. can't use this as a tactic, you really have to not show effort. I'm doing a million things wrong, since my game sucks, but i do feel like i incrementally improve just a LITTLE bit over time. the good thing is there's not too many blind spots, when i'm really scrutinizing what needs to be done. i'm having fun in the process to, so that's good too.
and by sucking i mean, not feeling entitled, not feeling internally validated, not feeling at ease.
it's like moments where i'm talking to a chick and feeling great, then the neediness creeping in and transitioning to "trying to get the girl" and I realize this in the moment, and she does .5 second earlier and I'm done.
I've been always in the paradigm of trying to get another's acceptance for my whole entire life. From when I was young, it was the popular kids. It's almost like my ego wants acceptance and that dirty validation which prevents me from really being chill in my own skin. I want to hear from the girl that she's into me. I'm a value leech deriving values from chicks and that's gross. So fuck that shit. Recently my self talk has been keeping my head in chick. If I falter in a moment, I'll tell myself and use that reference in a utilitarian way. Eventually I want to get to a place, where I don't even place any importance AT ALL on the approach, but for now I'm fine training my brain into not slipping into unconscious devalidation or negativity. I'm using positive self talk as a supplement. I'm pretty determined right now, and I still have my bad moments, but I know I'll get throught it.
I'm a flawed human being, and I'm not on top of my shit, but it's time to give that inner voice that says "Step the fuck up. You're better than this. Keep going." and give it some power. More than it's had before. That needs to be at the forefront of MY LIFE in order to really draw my own state, and be my own man. I think this insecurity that I've carried has been from being someone that really needs external validation and scounges for it like a vulture. Personal responsibility from my actions. I don't live in the world. I live in my world. My movie. Of course it's hot air now, but it's something to build towards. Accept myself for what I am, and believe that I'll be something better and I'll make it happen. Its fine and dandy typing that, but truly believing and internalizing it is another thing.Truly internalizing this concept of "i am enough" is another thing as well. how does one truly believe they are enough if they need to be externally validated? I'll start with my lifestyle, my inner voice, and work outwards and I believe this problem can be fixed in that way.
3-16
head out w/ haze who is just hitting up set after set in the first like minute i'm there. I start slow and build momentum, talking to a creeped out chick, acknowledging the awkwardness and moving on. I keep telling myself "my movie" and that "i love me." Which is kind of insecure like "keep telling yourself bud" but at the same time, it helped me concentrate on not being overcome by the venue. Talked to a couple chicks on some couch. they were both really enthusiastic and it was a cool vibe. I was just generating good energy and fun, then i started to TRY!!! i was incongruent and i feel like I sort of was reaching instead of letting words flow out of me.
next bar had a really cool interaction, where i totally just roleplayed with a girl. but it wasnt tactical. i just was like' i've had a crush on you for years'. and it brought on a fun vibe.
get inside next spot. talk to a lot of chicks, mostly short interactions and blowouts. i'm used to having mostly short sets. since i'm not really used to being self amusing or having fun, i think i let myself just vomit words at some chicks. instead, i should vomit words to some chicks and it'll hit better. i also learned i need to take a compliment and not be self deprecating. I need to love me. seriously. people say nice shit, and i disqualify myself...but its taken sincere since i sort of probably project that i believe it.
we go to some irish pub and i can't approach. let's see how it is in a few hours.
we get to the college bar, and its a few blowouts. wing asks me to go "genuine." which sort of took my TRYING away. so congruently, i steppped in and chicks responded very differently. can't use this as a tactic, you really have to not show effort. I'm doing a million things wrong, since my game sucks, but i do feel like i incrementally improve just a LITTLE bit over time. the good thing is there's not too many blind spots, when i'm really scrutinizing what needs to be done. i'm having fun in the process to, so that's good too.
__________________
lol last post was in December. It's interesting because compared to you or Kobe, I love writing about pickup. I could seriously write about this shit hours a day and not get tired of it.
I should take all my posts and content and move it to a blog, there would be hundreds of pages of content overnight lol.
Anyways, keep this journal up. It's good to get your thoughts down on paper so you can come back to see how your beliefs have changed over time.
I should take all my posts and content and move it to a blog, there would be hundreds of pages of content overnight lol.
Anyways, keep this journal up. It's good to get your thoughts down on paper so you can come back to see how your beliefs have changed over time.
Yea - have to admit writing and analyzing what you're doing wrong RIGHT AFTER kinda burns your mistakes into your head and if you're intelligent enough - you'll make on-the-fly adjustments the next time in field.
I think you should make a text game for motherfuckin dummies doc. I would read and re-read that shit because as you know I still don't get it :(
I think you should make a text game for motherfuckin dummies doc. I would read and re-read that shit because as you know I still don't get it :(
lol last post was in December. It's interesting because compared to you or Kobe, I love writing about pickup. I could seriously write about this shit hours a day and not get tired of it.
I should take all my posts and content and move it to a blog, there would be hundreds of pages of content overnight lol.
Anyways, keep this journal up. It's good to get your thoughts down on paper so you can come back to see how your beliefs have changed over time.
I should take all my posts and content and move it to a blog, there would be hundreds of pages of content overnight lol.
Anyways, keep this journal up. It's good to get your thoughts down on paper so you can come back to see how your beliefs have changed over time.
__________________
"To put it in gentleman's terms if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, some weeks they're good looking and some weeks they're not the best. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She wasn't the best looking lady we ended up taking home but she was very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much, let's have a coffee..........A win is like a bird and we take her home. At the end of the day, we want a better looking one than that if we can, if not, we'll take her home anyway".
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
-Ian Holloway (http://youtu.be/fB9rI7p7vmk)
“My dad's philosophy was (and I think still is) that life is a malevolent force, which seeks to destroy you, and you have to struggle with it. Only those who are hard enough will succeed. Most people get crushed, but if you fight, in the end life will go, "Fucking hell. This one's serious. Let him through.”
-Russell Brand
"GOIN HARD THE WHOLE NIGHT CUZ I AIN'T GOING BACK TO MY OLD LIFE......I PROMISE"
-Big Sean
AS89
Member
Join Date: 08/30/2009 | Posts: 80
I'll start with this weekend.
10-7-11
I go to 675 with two friends and also Haze meets up too. I'm at the venue and it's not bad. Friends thought it was beat, but I had no inclination to leave. I had every inclination to approach, but it really wasn't happening for me. This happens kinda often I feel. The first hour of the night I don't do shit except get nervous or some shit. Then after this period, something spurs my first approach, and then I get the ball rolling.This happened to be the case on this night and the next one.
I only really did one memorable set. Well actually the first one I go up to this redhead that I was really attracted to. I was bullshitting for quite some time, and by the time I approached her, I totally felt like I was "trying" I simultaneously recognized this and just kind of stood there with this huge cognitive dissonance. I told the girl I was being lame. I wasn't feeling social. I thought she was cute. She was actually really nice about it too. I sorta thought I came across so authentic that she was comfortable with it, but I wasn't.
Anyway, I approach a girl in this pink sequin I saw earlier. She's cute, but has a boyfriend. She passes me on to her friend, who is really cute. She has a great face, but I'm still not "feeling it" That kind of sounds like bullshit but I felt pseudo-uncomfortable. Either way, I stay chill through this and pretty much the credo in my head rolling around like a hamster on a wheel is "don't qualify"
When it comes to buyer seller dynamic, I've been fucking retarded. My biggest weakness. I therefore focus on this, and while it's good, I'm seeing shit tests, and I'm not falling for bait, I also am a little more mechanical in that sense. It's like you need a right brain left brain combo here.
Either way, the interaction with this chick is cool. I'm talking to her. She's doing most of the talking actually. I'm looking at her like a perv. She seem kind of apprehensive about my age, since she's a lot older (maybe 30ish). I express myself in spurts, but I don't DICTATE the interaction. It's like I don't give a shit, but I'm almost passive. I'm so concerned with not "selling myself" that I don't take action to get what I want. It's equivilent to Lyoto Machida fighting Rampage. Rampage kept going for punches, takedowns, whatever. Lyoto dodged most of the fight, and landed few strikes. The winner was Rampage though. Lyoto didn't DO enough to win the fight. It would be wrong to say I didn't DO enought to get this girl, but was I expressive? Only to some extent. I still filtered myself by focusing on this shit and letting it consume me. It took some humanity from the interaction. I wasn't vulnerable. In an esoteric way, I was still TRYING to get the girl. Buyer-Seller can't be a fucking tactic. You see a shit test, you recognize it, and then you be honest about your intent and not care if she doesn't like it. You don't fucking sit there waiting to get punched in the face then dodge. What's the fun in that? And the interaction with her wasn't really fun as it could have been.
She ends up liking me, and she invites me to go with her to Greenhouse and I decline because of my friends...That's stupid. If I'm trying to pull a girl I'm attracted to and she literally seeds the bounce, me saying no is counter-productive to me being there. Especially, statistically I fuck every number up with my shitty text game and overall bad game. I need to jump on these opportunities. Anyway, I kiss her goodbye, and that's the end of that. She's hardly compliant to talk over text so I'm kind of accepted this is a dead number. I'm sure I'll text her once more till the interaction is dead haha.
So I really think I'm at a point where I can do some things right, and I ruin it with huge tactical errors and bad outergame. That's not to say my innergame is good, since my natual inclination is to qualify when the interaction goes bad. It's just better than my outergame at this point That being said, I am decent at...I guess when I express myself, which I really didn't do today.
10-8-11
This is a cool day which I really enjoyed because I get to chill with some great wings inKatalyst and Haze and now Turok.
We end up at BK at this place called the ----, which I earlier mentioned. I had plenty of bullshit interactions that don't linger in my mind, so I'll just talk about the main one.
I meet this petite ass Swedish chick..now mind you my mind is still like "DONT QUALIFY MOTHERFUCKER!" so I still am a little aloof. That being said I'm very chill at first when talking to her.. I'm also micromanaging the interaction, which isn't good, but it doesn't fuck me up..yet. I lead her sit somewhere. We hang out, we talk, she shit tests my age, I acknowledge it and say "yup." It's going good. There's sexual tension. ...and then.....
..................................................................
that denotes me doing NOTHING. I start getting bored. I'm not expressing myself. I start feeling weird. That makes me seem creepy. I haven't lead the interaction. I haven't used my imagination. I haven't expressed myself. Why the fuck would a girl want to chill with me? This girl who was so DTF in her vibe is now like "I HAVE TO FIND MY FRIENDS." And she has every right to. I. was. being. a. fag.
So my self-sabotage comes with some lessons. Be you. Do you. Be vulnerable. Don't fear shit. When something arises, it's all good...whatever. let yourself indulge in this chick. that's what i need to do. My results have been really discouraging. Every time I meet a cool chick I like, I fuck it up. My game is kinda shit, so it's to be expected. It's like I feel like I'm an attractive dude, and girls can pick up on that, but during the depths of my interaction that's when I'm making some critical errors. I just need to keep at it, till these concepts become engrained. I'm now actually looking at the nuts and bolts, so that's an important thing. I've neglected this fundamental thing for so long. Buyer-Seller and being Authentic. I should be an authentic buyer..Somone that states their intent. Pushes the interaction where they want to. They're unashamed and unabashed from being sexual and saying/doing what they want. When they encounter "resistance" , it doesn't matter..so why qualify? He is who he is and he feels how he feels.