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December 5th, 2016
The Secrets to Pulling, A Complete Breakdown (Part 2) – Having The Paradoxical Mindset
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Julien

Julien

Instructor | Respected Member

Join Date: 04/05/2008 | Posts: 985

Hey here is Part 2 to the previous article on PULLING that I posted on here from my blog: www.julienlife.com 

I hope you enjoy!


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The Secrets to Pulling, A Complete Breakdown (Part 2) – Having The Paradoxical Mindset



One of the things that I’ve always found fascinating when it comes down to social dynamics and the self actualization aspect of it is that there are always going to be different paradoxes attached to each and every area of development.

And I think that realizing this and understanding it has probably been one of the most important factors that has cut my learning curve drastically in the past.

BEING ABLE TO SIMOULTENEOUSLY ACCEPT OPPOSING IDEAS IN YOUR MIND.

Realizing that there is never going to be one right way of doing things or any all-encompassing view of each aspect of game that will be able to suit you or anyone else, when you’re dealing with social interactions and human beings in general.

This is also one of the hardest things to let go of when first getting into this, especially if you have the linear view of progression that I talked about in Part 1 of this article: viewing learning different things as a step by step process and building that straightforward structure to get the results that you had originally set out for.

There is no linear learning curve as there is never going to be any one way of doing or learning them.

It’s all paradoxical.

There are always going to be different theories and opposing ideas related to every single part of social interactions that you’ll have to learn to simultaneously accept and believe in.

It’s the only way to really get good at this and reach that consistency in results that only some people are able to attain.

You have to work on yourself to be open minded and adaptable to reconcile them. You need to be like water (Cf. Tyler in The Blueprint Decoded)

Some of examples that I like to use to illustrate this phenomenon would be:

Having Intent, but at the same time having Freedom From Outcome.

Screening For Logistics vs. Persisting For Logistics.

Don’t be something you’re not, be yourself and express yourself. However, at the same time be willing to evolve your identity and be willing to adapt to different social situations.


And the list goes on…

This applies to literally every single aspect of game in my opinion.

At any given time, I probably have around ten different opposing ideas that I simultaneously believe in and apply related to every single concept and theory that I’ve learned.

So many people limit themselves by not accepting different paradoxes in their minds. It’s much easier and less overwhelming to see and stay on one straight single path instead of seeing the infinite multitude of different options. It becomes similar to staying in and prolonging their comfort zone.

And this is something important to understand and to keep in mind when learning things about anything in life in general as well.

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Now when it comes to pulling, this really applies to having the right mindset behind it.

When you ask any guy who’s been really successful with women they’ll usually fall into one of the two following categories:

Being in an ACTIVE Mating Strategy vs. Being in a PASSIVE Mating Strategy.

When you’re in a Proactive Mating Strategy you’ll always be entirely focused on pulling and getting the girl.

No matter what it is or what it takes, you will always do anything for the pull. Your mind’s only focus is on getting her and it will do anything in it’s power to achieve that.

If you fall into this category one of the things you’ll notice is that when you go out you’re usually not always there to have fun. You’ll realize that when you’re in the process of meeting women, you’re only there on a mission.

You’re not going to waste your time hanging out and talking to your friends, for example. There is no personal vibing or slowly building it as the night goes on.

You’re only there to get what you want which, as covered in the first part of this article is her. And that’s the only thing your RAS (Reticular Activation System) is going to be focusing on.

You’ll be there pursuing a consistent game plan that delivers the consistent results and outcome that you were set out for.

You’re mind is only looking for interactions that will be going somewhere, and it will discard and block out anything else. It’s a ”this is going to go somewhere” type of mentality.

Some of other traits related to being in an Active Mating Strategy, where a lot of value is placed on sex, would be keeping a list of the women that you’ve been with. I remember doing this when I first started out in all of this: viewing each pull as a new conquest or a new accomplishment. Another one for the scoreboard… and use that as a motivation to take action.

The same applies to if a girl calls you at 3 a.m. and although you’re tired and working early the next day, you’re still going to get up and drive over there to see her. Your mind is actively operating towards the pull.

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In a Passive Mating Strategy, one of best ways I like to describe it is using the example of David Duchovny’s character in the TV Show Californication:

The idea the sex is just something that naturally happens all the time.

When you look at the character that he plays in the show, Hank Moody, does it look like he places a lot of value on sex?

Does he view it as something to be conquered or something that he must absolutely achieve to feel complete?

Is it really that important or complicated to him?

Sex is easy.

He just knows that it’s going to happen because of who he is and the fact that he’s on his own path and in his own reality. It’s not something that he has to proactively engineer to make it happen.

Pulling just becomes part of who he is and what he naturally does, all the time.

It’s not something that he makes a big deal out of. He doesn’t let it define who he is or overblow it’s importance in his mind. There is no mental complexification of it.

Pulling ends up becoming something that is easy and second nature. It’s like a flow, he just goes with it while having fun and the interaction just naturally results in sex.

He also understands the fact that girls like sex just as much as men, if not more. And he has an abundance mentality towards it.

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HAVING THE PARADOXICAL MENTALITY.

How I want to conclude this part of the article would be aiming to have a mentality behind pulling that would include both of the extremes that I just described here. Believing in the best of both worlds, even though most of their aspects are contradicting.

You want to be focused on pulling as it fills the criteria “What Exactly Do You Want?” but at the same time, you also want to be independent of the outcome and internally centered on yourself.

You want to be having fun and naturally influencing the women you meet and creating attraction, but you also want to be aware of the logistical side of and proactively deal with it.

You want to be in an ACTIVE MATING STRATEGY as you also want to be in a PASSIVE MATING STRATEGY.

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The Secrets to Pulling, A Complete Breakdown (Part 1) – What Exactly Do You Want?
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#1
Tyler

Tyler

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8738

Makeout King!!!  WOOOOOOO!!

Tyler
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#2
goosebump

goosebump

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Join Date: 11/05/2010 | Posts: 342

this reminds me of having sex before heading with my mates. youre so relaxed and have freedom from outcome and then suddenly you find yourself talking to girls and suddenly theyre attracted to you and the pull seems so easy that i wonder why are other nights so hard and tonight its so good.

its like they say, go out and act towards girls as if you had a model at home sleeping in your bed.

im trying to go out now and act as if i just had sex :D

chur
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#3
goosebump

goosebump

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Join Date: 11/05/2010 | Posts: 342

awesome post by the way. you have a real good writing style. it all came together in the end and i can remeber it all. im reading your blog at the moment. you have some real good stuff
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#4
Adil

Adil

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Join Date: 03/29/2010 | Posts: 305

Thanks, Julien! The breakdown is really complete.

It's all paradoxical.

My best pulls were effortless ala Hank Moody style when I'm in a passive mating strategy. I just enjoy the night, enjoy my awesomeness and love a lot of girls who compete for my attention. Abundance.

OTOH every night is different and one night girls compete for you, the other they do not notice you no matter how awesome you think you are LOL. That's where I start to "approach" girls and invest in the process.

In the long-term my RAS is on getting girls/ reference experience, which puts me into an proactive mating strategy overall. This sucks sometimes when I overdo it, especially with some special hot quality women who are not DTF:), and forget about being "passive" once in a while.

I think it's congruent for me to be chill and effortless due to my sarcastic and relaxed nature.

However, I still want to push to the limit for a while because it already developed some really valuable traits, such as cutting the time, i.e. go for (and actually do) the pull not for a number; stop micromanaging and just extract a girl, get into a quick internet date without long romantic dialogue prelude, etc.

Cheers,
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#5
Resaj

Resaj

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Join Date: 03/29/2010 | Posts: 436

This is gold. Thanks.
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#6
ludvig

ludvig

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Join Date: 02/17/2010 | Posts: 699

Julien wrote:

Don’t be something you’re not, be yourself and express yourself. However, at the same time be willing to evolve your identity and be willing to adapt to different social situations.


Lately I have found myself all the time feeling insecure and thinking that after Blueprint and about 2 years of this stuff I should know better than to be shy and scared in social situations. It feels fake to act confident.

I think that quote just solved this issue and changed my life. Thank you.
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#7

Jarno

Respected Member

Join Date: 10/25/2010 | Posts: 609

Very good post mate, bookmarked it !

I know your two aspects of pulling, the two mindsets..

For me the Hank moodie one (no outcome dependence/abundance).. is the most imporant concept i think in this whole game thing.
I think you want to focus on that the most.. for me to combine the two i see active pulling style (intent) just happen naturally.. it's escalation.
I escalate till the kiss and then further.. and then find a place where you can be alone and you whip the cock out !
Escalation physically and also verbally..

Great article tho, congratz !
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#8
Michael

Michael

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 104

Awesome article.  I've learned a lot about pulling seeing you in field and it's great to see your ideas written down.
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#9

Chase2

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Join Date: 07/08/2008 | Posts: 58

Nice. Bookmarked as well
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#10
Sketchyyy

Sketchyyy

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Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 592

 This paradox that you're putting emphasis on is the only one I am having trouble with lately. -.-
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