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December 9th, 2016
The Secrets to Pulling, A Complete Breakdown (Part 1) – What Exactly Do You Want?
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Julien

Julien

Instructor | Respected Member

Join Date: 04/05/2008 | Posts: 986

Hey guys,

I wanted to share this article here with you about PULLING that I had originally posted on my blog over at: www.julienlife.com

I've been really trying to get it off the ground these last couple of weeks, writing like crazy since finally being back from Las Vegas :]

I'll also be posting up "The Secrets to Pulling, A Complete Breakdown (Part 2) – Having The Paradoxical Mindset" as well as a side tangent on LAST MINUTE RESISTANCE tomorrow. 

I hope you enjoy this one for now and please feel free to ask me any questions or even directly comment on the blog itself.

Thanks!


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The Secrets to Pulling, A Complete Breakdown (Part 1) – What Exactly Do You Want?



I’ve been really focusing on my public speaking lately. Usually talking for the first 30 minutes at the Real Social Dynamics Free Tours with Tyler and working on developing some of my newer material and concepts as well as a longer segment I have about “pulling” that I want to share with you here in writing.

I’ll probably post this up in a three or four part article trying to maybe include some short video segments as well to really break this topic down and explain the details of it.

I like to view Pulling as the new Opening.

What I mean by this is, take the example of when you’re new to all of this or first getting started out, or even a few years back in this community where some of the concepts we had were not as polished and developed as they are now. Everything seemed to be about opening, how to open or what exactly to say when approaching women.

And your Reticular Activation System would be entirely dedicated to this area and focused on that first part of the interaction:

“How do I open?”

“What is your best opener?”

“What do you say when you approach women?”

A few of the most asked questions and probably the most important ones in your mind at that time being that those were the ones you were really aiming to achieve.

But I find that as soon as you start to get more interactions going and really reaching that intermediate level of success, your attention starts to shift as to how to get actual results with women.

“How do I pull her?"

“How do I make something out of the interaction?”

Or more commonly,

“All of my interactions seem to be going so well but they’re not going anywhere.”

And I think this was one of my biggest sticking points while I was developing myself in this area. How to actually have sex with the women that I was meeting.

I would remember going out night after night working on my social skills and getting better and better at them to the point where everything that came out of my mouth that I would say would have the perfect impact, tonality and timing behind it that I wanted.

There was literally nothing more I could think of doing better in my mind then what I was saying or doing at the time. It was also frustrating thinking how much more or how better does this have to be to start actually making something out of the interactions I was having?

As a side note, I would still get a lot of results off Day 2’s or the occasional situations where the girl would just tell me to take her home. But there wasn’t any of the consistency I wanted to it.

I wanted to get to a point where I would pretty much be able to go out any night to any new place and meet someone with whom I would actually be able to make something happen. I would also hear or read about all of these stories where this happens and always thinking to myself what the next missing step I needed was.

At the same time another sticking point I had was that I was also viewing progress as a straight rigid line where I would learn one thing after another. I wanted to stack each part of the process one at a time until every piece would be there and I would reach the end results that I wanted.

It was thinking in ways of first learning how to open and start up a conversation, then keeping the conversation going and how to ask for her number, etc etc. And that once all the steps of the way aligned, I would have the right structure established for it.

But it’s more in terms of developing yourself as a whole instead of a linear progression.

There’s no straight path to this.

It’s oscillating between working on different areas of yourself and of your personality at the same time. Continually making each part of them more dense and stronger as a whole.

Going out more smooth for a while and then with more self amusement, for example. But there is no “one thing after the next” type of self actualization in this case.

But the main reason I wasn’t getting to the level I wanted to be at or seeing the progress I wanted to see was that I had lost focus on what I wanted. I wasn’t moving in a direction involving any actual results because I wasn’t trying to get them at the time. It wasn’t where my focus was at.

Ask yourself, WHAT DO YOU WANT WHEN TALKING TO A WOMAN?

Why did you approach her and why are you still there with her in front of you?

Is it to develop your social skills? Is it to gain new reference experiences or to reinforce certain concepts you’re working on in your mind? Is it to get her to feel real attraction for you? Is it to try to impress your peer group or the people around you by not looking bad in front of them or being rejected?

What exactly do you want?

And the answer to this should always be HER.

You’re there talking to her because you want her.

You’re a man and she’s a woman and just by that fact you’re both naturally and biologically attracted to each other. She is to you as you are to her.

There shouldn’t be any other reason than that.

You always tend to gravitate towards what you want or what you’re aiming for, be it consciously or unconsciously.

I like to view it as similar to learning how to drive a vehicle for the first time. When you first take the wheel you’re instructed to always look straight ahead and not at the oncoming traffic. If you look away you’ll start moving in that direction and be more likely to cause an accident.

If I go out and I’m focused on perfecting my social skills, getting more reference experiences or trying not to look bad in front of the people around me, then those will turn out to be the areas I’ll usually gravitate towards and achieve in terms of progress.

So if I’m not entirely focused on getting what I want which is her I can’t complain that I’m not getting any results with women.

I would be focused on other specific areas of the interaction and those would be what I ended up with.

So when it comes down to pulling you always have to remind yourself why you’re there and why you’re talking to her.

Finding that core reason behind the interaction through which everything you say or do should come from.

You’re a man and she’s a woman and just by that fact you’re attracted to her and you want her.

It’s as simple as that, as long as you don’t lose focus.
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#1

N.

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/29/2011 | Posts: 138

 I definitely need reminding of this.
For me this has good insights, and the stuff that gets lost when you start to game but is in fact vital
Thanks man
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#2
Powerhouse

Powerhouse

Trusted Member

Join Date: 06/22/2009 | Posts: 1711

In short: Play the girl, not the game.

I need to be lighter. Part of my game as it stands consists of extreme depth of connection.
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#3
Michael

Michael

Senior Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 104

Great article bro.  Part 2 (on the blog) was also excellent.  Definitely put new insight on some things I've been thinking about lately. :)
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#4
Sketchyyy

Sketchyyy

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/13/2009 | Posts: 592

 Heard a lot of good shit about you and heard you speak at San Fran free tour, so its good to see you post.

This was helpful. These days I'm focused more on the actual act of getting a girl than actually getting the girl. I don't care if I don't get pussy...and if I do, it's only to satisfy my egotistic needs. Pretty fucked up. Boner kill...litterally.
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#5

Pokerpua

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/02/2010 | Posts: 105

Thank you for posting this. It's like the perfect time for me to read this. I'm in the middle of a self created slump. I've figured out some of my sticking points that were holding me back, but this made me realize that when I'm talking in the girl, I'm not even thinking about how I can make the pull happen. Of course, in the back of my mind I want to set up kissing the girl and I want to hook up with her. Thinking back on the past few days, though, I remember I'm in far too many situations where I'm just talking to the girl and sometimes just plowing her with stories instead of really trying to make something happen. It's like I'm talking and slowly escalating, but I'm not even screening for logistics or really pushing the interaction.

I've been spinning my wheels and no wonder I have been getting poor results that past few days. I'm gonna try to fix my focus as you described.
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#6

Ragnar Danneskjöld

Member

Join Date: 11/26/2010 | Posts: 73

Cool post!
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#7

Macavity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/25/2009 | Posts: 2511

Do you find makeouts kill chances of pulling for girls who aren't fully DTF but you still may be able to bring home with enough persistence? 

and in what ways do you screen for girls who are DTF? 

Cheers dude
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#8
Julien

Julien

Instructor | Respected Member

Join Date: 04/05/2008 | Posts: 986

Hah I love the makeout questions, in my opinion they don't matter as long as you're coming from the right frame of mind.

As I described in this article here you're there talking to her because you want her and your intent should be in complete alignment with that. And through that the only reason you should be kissing her is because you want to kiss her.

There is no outcome dependance behind it. It's just an expression of what you want. 

Makeouts don't have any purpose to the interaction whatsoever in terms of accomplishing anything from them. They're only an expression of your intent through your actions, which in that case does accomplish a lot.


I have also have two more articles about screening that you can check out over here:

Establishing Logistics: Switching to Actually Pulling

PERSISTING For Logistics: Screening VS Assuming the pull

Thanks for the question!
Macavity wrote:
Do you find makeouts kill chances of pulling for girls who aren't fully DTF but you still may be able to bring home with enough persistence? 

and in what ways do you screen for girls who are DTF? 

Cheers dude
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#9
Trojan-

Trojan-

Trusted Member

Join Date: 02/02/2011 | Posts: 1172

Nice. Stay focused on the girl.
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#10
Tyler

Tyler

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Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8726

Woooo Julien!  yay!

Tyler
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