THE FORUMS
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hey man, i feel you. I am in the same situation. My girl also has some guy friends and ex boyfriends from years back that are now just friends of hers and are still hitting on her. Seeing her chat on msn when I am on the couch were not cool times too. So I thought the same: being unreactive vs. setting boundaries, being more assertive. First I started being a bit assertive which she said was me being jealous and insecure. Then I moved back into unreactive but that didn't help as it still didnt feel good to me. A few weeks later I found out she had a conversation with her ex which was a bit over the top when I read back her chatlog.
Really, reading chatlogs is not cool but I had to confront her with something, so I did. I found out she had a conversations with her ex that was a bit over the top. I confronted her,she admitted and she felt bad and sorry but she said she had to do this to find out what she still felt for me. I believe women have to do this from time to time in a relationship. We were both in a tough period and I understood why she had that kind of conversation.
Still.. I felt bad that she did that stuff behind my back, but that was the only way to do it for her. After confronting her, she was sure of what she wanted and agreed to never to these kind of things again. W'll see but after this I am still a bit cautious because it hurted my trust in her.
Shits difficult to deal with... however I've just been on a vacation, chasing the girls a bit and I have to say I've became a lot more unreactive to those things I felt bad about in the first place. When you are stuck in a relationship and are faithfull to one person you become more reactive because you lose that abundace mentality a bit. You know you can always get the girls, but knowing and seeing it in real life is different to your brain. Also, you developed such a strong feelings for one person, that you want to protect her and keep her for yourself. Find the balance in setting her free and keeping her for yourself. There is always an insecure side of the relationship and that gap can only be filled by trust. However, don't stick your head in the sand.
For those kind of behavior, I always wondered if my gf did these things conciously or unconciously to make me jealous or she is just having a conversation and thinks it doesn't bother me.
All I can say, if you have a strong relationship and you are a cool dude, you'll be fine. She probably wants to keep her guy friends around because that is part of her life. Communicate with her and say you don't like it when you don't know who she is giggling and chatting to. Be sincere about your feelings, you don't always have to play Mr. Cool. Girls like to hear these things too. But also don't try to become the needy insecure guy. Say one time what bothers you clearly and after that its done.
If she doesn't understand it, hold the mirror, give her the same scenerio but instead of her its you doing those things. Ask her what she would think of that. Probably she will say she wouldn't mind because she trusts that you are faithfull to her. This sould be your attitude too. I know its hard man, but you have to give her some freedom.
You have to have the attitude in the relationship that if shit goes wrong and its her fault, you are only better off, knowing shit now instead of being around a few more years with that person is your win. That's a strong belief of mine when it comes to relationships. Set strong boundaries in the relationship, what is allowed and what's not. Chatting with other guys is allowed but not a two-way flirt on the chat. These kind of things will help you to confront her later if needed.
Shit is difficult sometimes, but if she suddenly has a stronger interest in other dudes, also take a look at your relationship at the moment.
Let me know how it went and what action you took, good luck!
Really, reading chatlogs is not cool but I had to confront her with something, so I did. I found out she had a conversations with her ex that was a bit over the top. I confronted her,she admitted and she felt bad and sorry but she said she had to do this to find out what she still felt for me. I believe women have to do this from time to time in a relationship. We were both in a tough period and I understood why she had that kind of conversation.
Still.. I felt bad that she did that stuff behind my back, but that was the only way to do it for her. After confronting her, she was sure of what she wanted and agreed to never to these kind of things again. W'll see but after this I am still a bit cautious because it hurted my trust in her.
Shits difficult to deal with... however I've just been on a vacation, chasing the girls a bit and I have to say I've became a lot more unreactive to those things I felt bad about in the first place. When you are stuck in a relationship and are faithfull to one person you become more reactive because you lose that abundace mentality a bit. You know you can always get the girls, but knowing and seeing it in real life is different to your brain. Also, you developed such a strong feelings for one person, that you want to protect her and keep her for yourself. Find the balance in setting her free and keeping her for yourself. There is always an insecure side of the relationship and that gap can only be filled by trust. However, don't stick your head in the sand.
For those kind of behavior, I always wondered if my gf did these things conciously or unconciously to make me jealous or she is just having a conversation and thinks it doesn't bother me.
All I can say, if you have a strong relationship and you are a cool dude, you'll be fine. She probably wants to keep her guy friends around because that is part of her life. Communicate with her and say you don't like it when you don't know who she is giggling and chatting to. Be sincere about your feelings, you don't always have to play Mr. Cool. Girls like to hear these things too. But also don't try to become the needy insecure guy. Say one time what bothers you clearly and after that its done.
If she doesn't understand it, hold the mirror, give her the same scenerio but instead of her its you doing those things. Ask her what she would think of that. Probably she will say she wouldn't mind because she trusts that you are faithfull to her. This sould be your attitude too. I know its hard man, but you have to give her some freedom.
You have to have the attitude in the relationship that if shit goes wrong and its her fault, you are only better off, knowing shit now instead of being around a few more years with that person is your win. That's a strong belief of mine when it comes to relationships. Set strong boundaries in the relationship, what is allowed and what's not. Chatting with other guys is allowed but not a two-way flirt on the chat. These kind of things will help you to confront her later if needed.
Shit is difficult sometimes, but if she suddenly has a stronger interest in other dudes, also take a look at your relationship at the moment.
Let me know how it went and what action you took, good luck!
i've kinda dated a girl for 3 months
she had lots of guy friends. She would text and hit them up on facebook all the time
a few months past, she told me she met another guy. I was crushed. At the time, i was being jealous and insecure, and i lost my power eventually and she eventually met some other dude...
remember this. ALWAYS have boundaries about these type of things. Always keep her attracted to you.
she had lots of guy friends. She would text and hit them up on facebook all the time
a few months past, she told me she met another guy. I was crushed. At the time, i was being jealous and insecure, and i lost my power eventually and she eventually met some other dude...
remember this. ALWAYS have boundaries about these type of things. Always keep her attracted to you.
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Next her.
who uses msn?
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Read my review of Get Laid or Die Trying
My personal philosophy: You need to step to every single girl like a fucking bomb. You need to have presence. You need to stand out, and not in a surface level way such as what you're wearing, but as who you are and the way in which you communicate. You need to be unforgettable. You need to create a sense of urgency, that you are now or never. You need to push and at the same time be completely willing to walk away. It is essential to disidentify with the ego, otherwise the inherent rejection associated with pickup will destroy you.
"You need to let them know what kind of man you are, so they know what kind of woman to be."
"Fear is always a constant, but accepting it...makes you stronger."
"Once you done slayed 20-30 of them hoodrats, now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho."
"I've got no game. And every face looks the same. They've got no name. So I don't need game to play. I just say whatever I want to whoever I want. Whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want."
My personal philosophy: You need to step to every single girl like a fucking bomb. You need to have presence. You need to stand out, and not in a surface level way such as what you're wearing, but as who you are and the way in which you communicate. You need to be unforgettable. You need to create a sense of urgency, that you are now or never. You need to push and at the same time be completely willing to walk away. It is essential to disidentify with the ego, otherwise the inherent rejection associated with pickup will destroy you.
"You need to let them know what kind of man you are, so they know what kind of woman to be."
"Fear is always a constant, but accepting it...makes you stronger."
"Once you done slayed 20-30 of them hoodrats, now you ready to go up to the upper echelon type ho."
"I've got no game. And every face looks the same. They've got no name. So I don't need game to play. I just say whatever I want to whoever I want. Whenever I want, wherever I want, however I want."
too much scarcity in this thread.
worying and being jelous is a waste of time and it feels bad.
spend your time being more awesome and if she leaves for another guy or whatever its okay, you can get the next one no problem.
You cant control her and you shouldnt.
set boundaries and if she does not obey then she can fuck off. You're too good for this shit anyways.
worying and being jelous is a waste of time and it feels bad.
spend your time being more awesome and if she leaves for another guy or whatever its okay, you can get the next one no problem.
You cant control her and you shouldnt.
set boundaries and if she does not obey then she can fuck off. You're too good for this shit anyways.
Really, reading chatlogs is not cool but I had to confront her with something, so I did. I found out she had a conversations with her ex that was a bit over the top. I confronted her,she admitted and she felt bad and sorry but she said she had to do this to find out what she still felt for me.
This is bullshit. This is not an acceptable excuse this is just girly pseudo-logic. That's like you saying, "oh girl I have to go out and hit on other girlies all the time to reconfirm how I feel about you." Full retarded.
Shits difficult to deal with... however I've just been on a vacation, chasing the girls a bit and I have to say I've became a lot more unreactive to those things I felt bad about in the first place. When you are stuck in a relationship and are faithfull to one person you become more reactive because you lose that abundace mentality a bit. You know you can always get the girls, but knowing and seeing it in real life is different to your brain. Also, you developed such a strong feelings for one person, that you want to protect her and keep her for yourself. Find the balance in setting her free and keeping her for yourself. There is always an insecure side of the relationship and that gap can only be filled by trust. However, don't stick your head in the sand.
Moneymoneymoney.
For those kind of behavior, I always wondered if my gf did these things conciously or unconciously to make me jealous or she is just having a conversation and thinks it doesn't bother me.
She's unconsciously testing you; it's like the velociraptors in Jurassic park, constantly testing the electric fence for weaknesses. Classic Deida; she wants a strong man, and to be sure that she's got one, she's going to put you through the ringer. A strong man won't be shaken by her shit; a weak one will.
I have a slightly different pespective, though I should mention I don't think I'm built for relationships, and my longest one only lasted six months. I get cabin-fever and move on quickly.
At the VERY BEGINNING of the relationship, I make it abundantly clear to the girl that I have 100% trust in her, and she can go and do whatever she wants, no judgement. This includes things like dinner with exes, etc. However, I also make it abundantly clear that the moment I so much as get a whiff of her trying to make me jealous or having nostalgic romantic talks with dudes or flirting with someone else in front of me, SHE IS DONE without so much as a final conversation. FULLY EXCISED from my life without remorse or hesitation. I will coldly sever all attachments to her. She knows there will be no second chances, no makeup arguments, no ridiculous explanations. She has complete freedom, but she also only has one chance.
When she knows that you will not hesitate to end things (ie: you firmly believe you're the source of value in the relationship, you're bringing something important into her life and you're just enjoying her for the time being), she will feel the weight of her choices hanging over her like the sword of damacles at all times and will comport herself accordingly. The only options are YES and NO; there is none of this 'confirming your feelings' bullshit gray-area where fucked up shit can happen in the first place.
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poi s'ascose nel foco che gli affina - the refining fire
poi s'ascose nel foco che gli affina - the refining fire
117throwaway
Junior Member
Join Date: 08/20/2011 | Posts: 2