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December 10th, 2016
I feel like the person I am naturally is not cool. despite success.
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longdong

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/26/2011 | Posts: 113

I feel like the person I am naturally is not cool.

despite success. thats the mindfuck. I can have success here and there, hot chicks actually like me, but only for a moment I think.

Its like this"special" thing about a person is not there. I dont have "it".
This thing that makes a person charismatic, that makes the girl fall in love with you.

getting numbers, really hot chicks hitting me up and stuff, but when they get to know me closer it dies out.

deep deep down I am still trying to impress. because I am so uncomfortable with the person I am naturally.
I feel like I´m inherently not good enough.

Do you have advice / can you relate?
Does this maybe only come down to lack of experience?
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#1
Ronoc

Ronoc

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/04/2011 | Posts: 187

I had this little zit on my eyelid for like 4 months, I tried to pop it a billion times and could never do it. The skin was all soft so I couldnt use my fingers, I tried tweezers with a magnifying mirror and still could not get it. Finally I figured it was impossible and hoped it would go away... eventually. Last week I was on vacation in hawaii with my parents and my mom kept telling me, "let me pop that thing I can get it in like 2 seconds." Almost every day, "omigawsh conor it will be so easy let me just get it. It's staring at me." The day we get home im like ok ill try again, but this time I legit believed I could do it. Today I do not have a white dot on my eyelid. And there is the truth about everything

If you believe you can't. You won't.

I remember a video Tyler put up and he said something like everyone is cut from the same cloth, thinking otherwise is retarded and this is so very true. I personally can relate to you in that for a long time, I felt everyone knew something I did not, there was some standard I did not reach. I thought I had a chemical imbalance! BUT I have since found out, other people, people I thought had "it" are just as "weak" as I thought I was. There is no "it" to have we're all human, and we're all weak.

I would guess. What you think is them trying to get to know you better, and disliking what they find, is instead, YOU HIDING THINGS FROM THEM, and hiding from yourself. Not being open, not being honest. They are not rejecting the real you, YOU AREN'T SHOWING IT TO THEM!! This I can relate 100%.

Having said that, no post on the internet will change your beliefs, you have to put it together on your own, but it is your beliefs that will make or break you in this game, so get to it =)

Edit: I hope this was helpful let me know what you think
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#2

longdong

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/26/2011 | Posts: 113

defenitley helpful man. thank you.
reading this I realize it touches all my core problems.

- I believe I CANT
- I feel like I dont reach a certain standard / do not belong to the "cool kids"
- Its so hard for me to show my true self, I think I have kind of lost touch with it.

And I have to say: Other people view me as very successful, look up to me sometimes. girls like me..

I read all the Ozzie stuff, letting them see who you are etc, and that stuff is money.
But I feel like if I let them see who I really am, that person is "not cool/fun enough"  or at least not liked. people are like yeah hes cool, but hes kind of weird too. I dont really like him THAT much. this results in me deep down trying to impress again.. feeling like I am inherently not enough

you said some very true things in this article man, thank you very much for writing this and for your honesty.

The only solution I could come up with is to prove it to myself. to do things that I think are awesome and get so much reference experience that thinking like this seems absurd. so that I deep down *know* I am *enough*. Basically, internal validation. Its just so damn hard if your results are fucked. Its like you are being your best self at the moment but that means no no real friends. so you kind of get feelings of inferiority, seeing your not getting laid and someone else is loved by everybody and fuckin chicks left and right. Comparing myself to this, I feel so fucked up you know what I mean?

I mean yeah, we are all humans and have weaknesses but some people have more than others right, and some are "better" socially or in whatever area. But you are right, I gotta get it sorted by myself, by taking action. If you are going through hell, keep going right?
And I just gotta focus on HAVING FUN. But I feel like I really CANT because it is never REAL. Its always some fake fasade because I feel like shit deep down. (have to say again, it looks good on the outside, girls digg it for a moment, but it has no substance). sigh.. crazy shit in my head man :)

anyways, that was very helpful advice. thank you.
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#3
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5327

You will gain more the sec you be more confident in yourself.
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.
Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later. Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!
Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#! Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.


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#4
Tyler

Tyler

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 8726

If you're going out and hitting it up continually, like 4 nights a week at least, doing meditation will do wonders for this.  If you're not going out then meditation will do nothing, but if you're going out it will probably eliminate this problem for you because it will train you to stop thinking and just act in the moment.

Tyler
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#5
Babyslayer

Babyslayer

Senior Member

Join Date: 10/14/2010 | Posts: 129

 check on your parents relationship or the way the raised you. were you bullied as a kid? many of the problems begin at an earlier stage in life and develop slowly within our brain UNCONSCIOUSLY! If you are successful, youre brain is using your previous experiences to determine either; why you wont be success due to your past OR why you cannot be successful. Think of a kings boy who grows up knowing one day he will take over the throne... he will expect success and not failure. I could be very wrong since I dont know you but, utimately its up to you to figure it out
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#6

longdong

Senior Member

Join Date: 03/26/2011 | Posts: 113

thank you for your answers.

@ ambiguity: your right

@ Tyler: will make it a daily habit, 20 min

@ biutiful, thanks man, thats motivating. I am like in the middle of that process right now. will check the post out.  I am awesommmeeee :)

@ babyslayer: yeah, I think this shit is rooted deep in upbringing and also my early school life. once you realize this, how should you deal with it?
the metaphor with the king´s son is awesome btw
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#7
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5327

I think we all go through ruts. I documented my crash which is usually mental. confused

I am bloody brilliant but, at times, I am my own worst enemy, and no pull or "success" can help me at that time.

I think its a reminder to be more like Zyzz (RIP), to not take life so seriously, to have fun, and be passionate about anything we do. 

If we lack passion, its all for nothing. You know what I mean?


-happy hunting!
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.
Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later. Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!
Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#! Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.


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#8
Halffull

Halffull

Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/23/2006 | Posts: 3178

 Why do you want to be "cool"?

How will that bring you closer to the man you want to be?

I don't know about you, but the concept of "cool" is far from the person that I'm trying to be...

Has Integrity, Yes. Joyful, sure.  Present, Wise, Powerful... all traits I want to embody...

cool just seems... dull.
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#9

RSDNICO

Respected Member

Join Date: 04/07/2011 | Posts: 457

v
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#10

ARJUNA108

Junior Member

Join Date: 08/20/2011 | Posts: 7

Tyler wrote:
If you're going out and hitting it up continually, like 4 nights a week at least, doing meditation will do wonders for this.  If you're not going out then meditation will do nothing, but if you're going out it will probably eliminate this problem for you because it will train you to stop thinking and just act in the moment.

Tyler
This is excellent advice but I believe, in my personal experiece, that Mantras or meditation on sound vibrations are far superior to basic meditation, especially since the attention span in modern society is so fickle. 

This is the Kleem Chakra Meditation. Kleem is a mantra to attract relationships, anykind of relationship, business, friends, love, etc. Its supposed to clean allot of social blocks people have.  This guy is doing it with a  simple chakra meditations which makes it killer!

I'v been doing this every night before I go to bed. I also added in 6 deep inhalations in the beginning and end which I hold for a ten count at the crown chakra. I do the whole mantra 3 times or more before I go out for night game and really imagine attracting people to that positive energy when I'm holding it In my crown chakra. 

Its really an amazing meditation!

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