October 22nd, 2016
The Hitch Hikers Guide to Las Vegas
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Junior Member

Join Date: 08/05/2011 | Posts: 25

Like I did before I lived here, most people have no clue what to do in Vegas when they arrive.

Usually end up spending atrocious amounts of money on whatever food is available in the casino and generally staying near where they are.

Far from complete, i'm going to give a small list of things to do here depending on your style.

To start off there is NOTHING cool about Las Vegas off of the strip. Besides everything having a normal price tag it is a regular humdrum suburb outside of the strip.

For budget minded tourists the nearest grocery store from the strip is Vons off of Tropicana and Maryland. Simply head east off of Tropicana Blvd. Until you hit maryland and the vons will be on your right. They sell alchohol as well.

I will include a hidden gems section that some of you will love me for. They are hard earned secrets and shortcuts and they will save you time, money, and allow you to see what you wouldn't have been able to see before.

Casinos you would be better off avoiding (Unless otherwise noted in other sections)

1. Imperial Palace.
This place is a total shithole, the asshole of thes strip... the smell of stale smoke fills the air, and you shiver as you feel the cold sting of despair and broken dreams. You step in and attempt to find solice in your fellow youth only to find that they want to fight you and bring you down with them. WALK AROUND IT.

2. Osheas Casino.
This place will always have a piece of my heart due to it's poker room. Aside from in my opinion having the best 1-2 no limit tables on the las vegas strip. There are at ALL TIMES 15 guys to every 1 girl. Don't waste your time..

3. Harrahs Casino.
There is nothing special here. Just a casino.

4. Treasure Island.
Same as above. There are some nice resturaunts but there is nothing here.

5. Excalibur.
Unless you have a penchant for seeing multitudes of naked australian men Theres nothing great here besides a shortcut to the Luxor.

6. Ballys.
Imagine the most epic 80's song you can think of, while that's playing in your head and the nostalgic memories of the films of that era go from a blurry haze to a clear moving picture,
take EVERYTHING Cool out of that picture but keep the attempts at being futuristic there. That's Ballys.

7. Paris
Grandma, Grandpa.

8. Aria
I'm going to get a lot of shit for this but this place is very very boring. There is NO shopping and Liquid is a joke. It is way too far of a walk or even a drive to park in this place. You will marvel at the construction of the place. After you figure out that that's pretty much all this place has to offer you will marvel at the fact that it takes you 2 hours to try and find a way out.

9. Monte Carlo.
Imagine a Brand new ferrari enzo, now imagine a caddilac sedan, Then a Chevrolet Monte Carlo.............

10. New York New York

That pretty much sums up the places to completely avoid unless for some reason you just HAVE to eat there. Some of these places have hidden gems which i will mention later but other than that don't waste your time.

Casinos that are t3h awesomes.

1. Wynn and Encore.
Duh... World class everything.
Encore beach club, surrender, XS, Fine dining which I have yet to be able to afford so I can't make a fair play on that, HIgh fashion outlets. No matter where you are in life, this place makes you feel like you're living off of disability checks. For the top 1% of the world. it feels like home.

2. The Cosmopolitan.

OMG Best place evaaaaaar.
The largest, best nightclub in possibly the entire world.
AMAZING shopping. Anything from streetwear to bespoke attire they have it all.
This place is Bar None the best casino on the strip. The pool has ping pong tables during the day, There is a free pool table upstairs all day.
There is a hidden pizza place, cheap food, Expensive food, everything you can possibly ask for. It has dumptrucks full of class (what a classy way of putting it) yet it somehow welcomes you no matter who you are. Marquee nightclub has about 2-300 attractive girls waiting over an hour to get in on the weekends. Nothing but awesome you will not be bored here.

3. The Mirage

Not exactly the hotspot by any means, this place has one of the best pools on the strip. It also has Rhumbar right in front of the strip which isn't a bad place to stop and have a drink or two. Nothing to really spend too much time in but it's worth a round.

4. The Venetian
For those of you that attended summit this is a no brainer. TAO KILLS it, from thursday to saturday 10:30pm to 2:00 AM there are girls literally pouring down the escalators from TAO. Best creeper spot period. All you have to do is sit at a slot machine by the escalator and you will never run out of girls to talk to. I used to work for the club across the street and that was my secret spot for finding them to take to the other club. It has world class everything like the wynn it just doesn't make you feel as peasant like.

5. Cesars Palace
Apart from PURE still being a world class venue on fridays and saturdays (Best to avoid tuesdays) This place has many different things to check out. along with a huge mall augmented to the side of it. Just a massive massive place with endless gallows and has basically everything you would want. Definately worth a round.

6. Planet Hollywood
One of the coolest casinos on the strip. Just a really young and fun atmosphere. The place constantly has Top 40 blasting through it's speakers, A HUGE middle class mall and just endless amounts of girls at all hours of the day/night. Just a cool place to hang out in general you can't go wrong with spending some time in here.

7. MGM Grand.
Ok this place has the best pool on the strip. Period, no questions asked bar none. The pool is MASSIVE along with some manner of faux river that they have snaking it's way throughout the entire backyard of this massive casino. Meh on the studio walk besides the nice resturaunts. A lion exhibit with real lions just playing behind glass. (Actually a 9 million dollar habitat)
You are basically entitled to spend time in this pool.

Places that are in the middle.

6. Mandalay Bay
The only reason this place is on this list is because it has in my opinion one of, if not the best pool on the strip. The Mall inside is a complete joke and everything else in this place is pretty much a waste of time, but the pool is definately worth it.

7. Luxor
This place has the strangest attractions. There is an exhibit where they have real human bodies dissected into pieces for you to explore. A massive part of the Titanic exhibit and another great pool. Other than that it's a shithole.

8. Tropicana
After the remodel this place is swaanky. Imagine scarface taken to the nth degree.
I haven't been to nikki beach or Nikki Playtime or whatever they call their nightclub so I can't give a fair judgement on that... However this place is nicer than it was before.



This list will go from best to worst.

1. Marquee Nightclub
62,000 sq ft., 3 stories,  Funktion one sound system, WORLD CLASS DJ's EVERY Weekend. a pool deck, a 3 story tall screen that the DJ displays along with his music.
This place is just ridiculously massive. This is the only nightclub i've ever been inside of where it is actually possible to get lost. It just feels like a playground. There is FREE Seating available. Every weekend this place literally has hundreds if not thousands of Beautiful women TRYING to get in. It feels like a whole nother world. If you want to come here SHOW UP EARLY I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. You can get stamped and return whenever you feel like it. I'm talking an hour  before the place even opens (It opens at 9:00pm) if you don't show up early you will NOT get in. It is absolutely worth a 45 minute wait to get your stamp instead of a 3 hour wait and a maybe.

ENTRY: $40 for men $20 for women friday and saturday. Guestlist is free for women only, however you must have at minimum an even ratio of men and women. Monday is free before midnight with a Pass for everyone no matter what the ratio.

BOTTLE SERVICE : One of the most expensive places to date for bottle service.. There is a $1500 SPEND minimum on the tables and that will only get you the outside patio spot. There is no bottle minimum here you just have to spend a minimum of $1500 on whatever type of alchohol or mixed drink your heart desires. $2500 for the upstairs and downstairs lounge (Nicknamed the Library and the Boombox respectively) $5,000 for the outer ring of the main room, and a whopping $10,000 spend minimum for the main floor

DRINKS : Expect your normal bloated nightclub alchohol prices at the bar. $8 beers $12 mixed drinks and $14-$20 specialty drinks.

2. XS Nightclub
This place is also massive, however it is one level so it does not feel as big as marquee. Don't get me wrong though, if you haven't been to a  mega club You cannot even imagine how big this place is. Guarenteed beautiful women every night that it's open and the best part is the huge patio that surrounds the wynns pool. Although they rarely have special guest DJ's You can't really go wrong with this place it is known as Las Vegas's Mega Club.

ENTRY : $40-50 for men and $25 for women friday and saturday. Guestlist is free for equal ratio groups of men and women. Free on Sundays and Mondays with a pass.

BOTTLE SERVICE :  This is one of those clubs that has a bottle minimum as opposed to a spend minimum. The industry standard for a bottle of basic vodka is $475. usually  it is 1 bottle to every 3 guys. Or depending on how crowded the place is (Fridays and Saturdays are guarenteed to be crowded) They will impose a 3 bottle minimum no matter how big your group is. If you tip the host heavy (I'm talking $300) They will give you a spot on the main floor for the bottle minimum. So to make things less complicated. $1,500 for bottle service, $1,800 if you want to get a table on the main floor.

DRINKS : Yep, $8,00, $12.00 $14.00

(To be continued.....)

Hidden Gems!
The part that you all want to see or some of you frankly don't give half a fuck about. These are things that will save you time AND money. If neither of those matter to you then ignore this whole section.

1. The easiest way to get into any swimming pool in las vegas is to go up to the front desk and ask for a dead room key. Of course, they  say "y?" You then explain that you are on a scavenger hunt for room keys and you need to collect one from that specific casino. After they hand you the room key you swimply flash it the gatekeeper of the pool and he will let you in.

2. $$ Holla at the Dolla beer spots.$$

Before I came to vegas sometime told me that the best way to get drunk is to sit on the penny slots and wait for the cocktail waitress to come around. Frankly, this is a waste of time as they usually bring you one drink every 15 minutes. and you're sitting on a slot machine playing one penny at a time bored out of your mind. It is easier, faster, cheaper,  and more fun just to drop through one of these places before you go to your main location.  So i'm listing the cheap beer spots for those of you alchoholics.

- Osheas Casino.
Although they give you cups not bottles this is an easy place to stop and grab dollar drinks and get smashed.

- Casino Royale
Dollar michelobs! Don't forget to play those weird free slot machines out front with the guy on the microphone egging you on. They 100% of the time spit out a voucher for a buy one get one free beer.

$2 Dollar Margaritas. I'm still not sure wether or not they're giving you tequila or gasoline, however enough of these will do you right.

3. The Bellagio/Crystals/Aria/MonteCarlo Tram
This Tram takes you to and from all the locations above. If you're extremely cheap, or you just happen to be in or near one of these casinos it is faster than waiting in a cab line and costs NOTHING. It is an easy and speedy way to get from one end of the strip to the next. All of these places have signs pointing to the tram. The only thing you have to watch out for is it will say "Next stop" Then mention your stop, not 5 seconds later you will be at that stop. The timing on it is terrible so just keep that in mind or you will be heading all the way back to one end to get back to the other.

4. The Monorail
Stops at basically every other casino on it's way all the way down the strip. it is expensive... $7 one way. However, it's still cheaper than a cab would cost from MGM to the Wynn. Also,  if you are near the MGM and have anything that make people think you are local (such as a business card) you can purchase them for $2 each way limited to 2 per day at that price.

5. Cheap Food Spots (Places where you can eat well without eating Chipotle or Mcdonalds, but with Chipotle and Mcdonalds prices)
To start off... Avoid  the fast food inside of whatever casino you're staying inside of. They overcharge on drinks and their meals are priced up as well. Expect to pay about $14.00 - $15.00 for a meal. Just avoid them.
If you really want fast food the Casinos that are exceptions and have somewhat normal priced items are, Osheas Casino, MGM Grand, The Luxor, and that little spot next to Harrahs.

- The Palm Resturaunt (Cesars Palace Forum Shoppes)  The only reason this place gets a mention is it's happy hour. Every item on the menu is $4.50 including real Kobe Beef sliders.
Happy Hour is, Weekdays 4:30pm - 6:30pm &
Reverse Happy Hour 9:30pm - Close

- The RIO Buffet. One of the best buffets in Vegas the Carnival World Buffet is huge. If you can borrow a friends business card you can get the local discount on fridays and saturdays which is a mere $10.00. Other than that it is $20.00 but is DEFINATELY worth it.

-Gold Coast Casino, Although it is doubtful that you will stop through here on your vacation if you somehow end up down this way their $8.99 prime rib is Delicious.

- Hash house a GO GO, This place is inside of the dreaded Imperial Palace. If you're craving a monster breakfast come here. You will NOT FINISH the plate. In fact, if you do and take a picture of it I will personally come meet you and pay for your meal. (Yours not the whole table)

-The Flamingo Buffet. Not one of the best buffets, but not the worst by far. (They have crab legs) The reason this place goes in the budget category is because if you add the buffet as your location on facebook, you will get a buy one get one free. (The buffet costs $24.99 normally) So if you bring a friend you only end up spending about $12.50  a person.

-The Food Court at the Fashion Show Mall.
This place gets a mention because it's your basic mall food along with some extras, and the prices are bloated sky high.

-  Casino Royale Hot Dogs
If you're REALLY CHEAP. There are footlong hotdogs at the casino royale for $1.99.


(To be continued.)
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Junior Member

Join Date: 08/05/2011 | Posts: 25

marrie11 wrote:
Las Vegas is a city in Nevada. The legality of hitchhiking is tricky, make sure to not stand "in a roadway exclusive of the berm . guide to Las Vegas, featuring up-to-date information on attractions, hotels, restaurants, nightlife, travel tips and more.
Las Vegas Nightclubs

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Junior Member

Join Date: 01/23/2008 | Posts: 15

 Awesome post, particularly as I'll be going to the Vegas bootcamp. Think your account has been hacked though, there are some very strange other posts by you!
Be genetically different!
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Respected Member

Join Date: 09/19/2009 | Posts: 571

thank you! you are awesome
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Respected Member

Join Date: 08/09/2011 | Posts: 697


A question: does booking a room at the Cosmo help or guarentee entrance into Marquee? Or if you get there late can you tip the door guy $100 and skip the line?

“'What the fuck!' gives you freedom, freedom brings opportunity, opportunity makes your future"

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Trusted Member

Join Date: 03/27/2009 | Posts: 2668

 This is a very good review. Here are the hot spots of wher eyou need to go:

Sunday: XS, free for locals. It is Swimsuit night.
Monday: Marquee, free for locals.
Tuesday: Chateau in Paris or 1OAK in Mirage. Both free for locals.
Wed: Surrender. Free for locals once again.
Thurs: Stoneys. its off the strip and you gotta take a cab but it is WORTH IT. cover is like $5 and drinks are NORMAL prices ($3 for a beer).
Friday: Anywhere
Sat: Anywhere.

And yes, the Rio buffet is AMAZING. I cried when I seen the endless piles of food.

The $1.99 hotdogs at Casino Royal is terrible, avoid that.
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Respected Member

Join Date: 09/19/2009 | Posts: 571

MidnightRambler wrote:

A question: does booking a room at the Cosmo help or guarentee entrance into Marquee? Or if you get there late can you tip the door guy $100 and skip the line?

if you stay at the cosmo you get to skip the line and also get in free on fridays. adding to konstantines list would be that moon at palms is free for locals on tuesday as is hyde at bellagio. xs is now free for locals on MONDAY not sunday
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Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/12/2009 | Posts: 2026

 How can you pretend to be a local?
I just want to enjoy amazing girls. Crazy what sort of journey ive embarked on pursuing this quest.
My adventures in Dallas - 2013
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Junior Member

Join Date: 10/18/2013 | Posts: 7

Ah, if only I knew where to meet teenagers as a high schooler. Seems like Saturday/Friday Townsquare is the best option, monday is shitty.
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