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December 6th, 2016
Pounding fear in the rear
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Arlin Kjellqvist

Arlin Kjellqvist

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 64

Fear technology journal.

Goal of the month
= 2 lays
Commitment of the month = 16 nights out

Time to take responsibility for my own game and stretching fear technology to the limit, step by step.


Bootcamp Review: www.rsdnation.com/node/191770/forum

I'm finally home from my awesome bootcamp with Ozzie and London and a lot of fear and preassure awaits.

I freaked out a little today because I realised that I'm only gonna be able to go out 2 nights this week due to there only being nightclubs open at friday & saturday this week. The upcoming weeks I'll be able to go out 5 times/week which I'll want to do. This doesn't mean I can't practise my conversational skills and kick my fear in the butt with a daytime session, but that doesn't count. Nights out do.

Right now I have two main fears.

Doing this in a town where people & family will recognize me.
Doing this without Ozzie there as a guide and to put preassure on m
e.

So, I'm systematically gonna straighten this out and leave my chode behind.

Step one. I'm coming clean to my family about my bootcamp in London, about my fears and about my perfectionist nature. As one of my biggest fears has been what my family would think of me beasting in Halmstad I think this is a good step in the right direction.

Next is a daytime session tomorrow, without Ozzie. I'm terrified to do this alone but, I'm gonna get it done. Poorly if that's what it takes.

I've also decided that the very same rules that applied during the bootcamp applies in the sessions. No "I'm tired". No "It's hard". 'Cause I'm gonna be tired and it IS hard. That's the beauty of it!

Ciao
__________________
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Punning the obstacle course - the bootcamp review
Pounding Fear in the Rear - the field reports
Looking for qualified wings in the south west of Sweden.

"Failure is an option, fear is not" - James Cameron
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#1
markzor

markzor

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Join Date: 11/25/2009 | Posts: 734

You gotta love radical honesty. It's so liberating. Enjoy telling your family...!
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#2
Arlin Kjellqvist

Arlin Kjellqvist

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 64

Wednesday 22/6/2011 daytime session

So, as I mentioned earlier my biggest fears were being recognized by people I know and judged badly for what I was doing and doing this without the moral support of Ozzie and the other guys at the bootcamp.

As  you will be able to read in my bootcamp review I have some problems with reactive arthritis in my lower body so I couldn't make it through the whole session I had planned in my head, but I still managed to expose myself to my two largest fears today and looking back at it, I did good.

So, Pounding fear no. 1 and no. 2 in the rear at the same time.

I'm leaving home, walking into town and I can feel my comfort level dropping. So I'm spotting the following thoughts:

I'm gonna freak people out - Fortunetelling + labeling
People I know are gonna react badly, call me out and make fun of me -  Fortunetelling
The police is gonna come and arrest me - Cathastrophic thinking
I'm not gonna be able to do it by myself - All or nothing

I kept repeating to myself - If it's worth doing, it's worth doing it poorly.

So, I arrive to town and walk around to find good spots to perform the different drills and approaches for the daytime session. Then it's time for the SP drills.

Drill no.1 : Stand normally in a crowded area and talk about something chodey. I decided the subject today was gonna be disney movies, why I like them so much.
I spot my thoughts, they were the same and variations of the ones written out above. I question them, is this 100% true? I'll find out.

I set my alarm for 2 mins, went in and started talking... loudly about Pocahonthas and mickey mouse. At first I closed my eyes but I opened them rather quickly and felt fear being drained from my body.

Afterwards I felt like on top of the world and went to my next spot. I just stood there for a while to calm down and make fear come back. I spotted the same negative thoughts as before but they were somewhat weaker.

Drill no. 2 is doing the same thing as before but with your legs spread and your arms up in the air. Awkward.

During the first seconds I labeled myself, I'm being weird.

Anyway, I started talking about my lovely disney movies again and BOOM, I see an old friend from highschool coming at me but I continue as "normal".

friend) Hey, what are you up to?
me) I'm facing my fears talking about Disney movies, you're gonna have to wait 'till my two minutes are over.

They were soon done and we started chatting about fear technology, what I was doing, how I was doing it and why I was. To my surprise she was really fascinated and said things like: that's awesome, I really should do things like that too...

Oh, how liberating it is to know that instead of freaking your friends out, they're actually cool with what you're doing. In reality the find your new congruence and honesty liberating, fresh and really cool. HUH! Wouldn't have guessed that. Random strangers I talked to for different reasons that had seen me perform a drill were also amazed at what I was doing and thought it was really healthy... Huh.

So anyway, time for drill no. 3 which is stand next to a pole, looking really gay, talk about your subject for a while, change to a humping position and start (unsexually) grind the pole and continue talking. This I felt so comfortable with I had to spice it up a little. I turned my sweatshirt inside out. BOOM!!!11! NTP's are coming back with labeling and fortunetelling, also some all or nothing there.

So I do it. I just do it. I managed to create a crowd with some disabled people but all good. I at one point find that I was talking about the Lion king, Elton johns music. When I was grinding the pole I found myself yelling out loud: ELTON JOHN IS A REALLY BIG IDOL OF MINE...... FUUUCK!!!!! Labelling and mindreading going on, but it was cool.


Then it was time for approaching moving sets, getting to the two minute mark with the awesome opener.
HEJ! Jag gillar apelisener. 

Translation: HEY! I like oranges... Glory time awaits.

So I do this for a while, open a chick with her mum (always were afraid of doing this with their parents around). Open a couple of hot chicks, one wearing earphones and getting to the two minute mark with them. Some actually seemed sad when I said I had to leave. Next time I'm gonna burn these sets to the ground too. Actually at one point I felt so at ease with this that I turned my sweatshirt back to front and did the same thing. The weird part is that they met up with their grandma.. hehe. Afraid of parents? Universe gives you grandparents. Awesome.


At this point I feel my knee aching so I go see my dad and grab a coffee and then I head home. I had planned to do some more challanging sets at this point and then some more pick up oriented stuff but I was really happy that I had proven my two biggest fears wrong and I felt that it's better to preserve my knee.

I'm gonna continue with my fear of family opinions (actually this is the unrealistic expectations thinking error) by telling my mum about the BC in London during dinner.


Over and Out.

// AJ
__________________
London bootcamp alumnus
Punning the obstacle course - the bootcamp review
Pounding Fear in the Rear - the field reports
Looking for qualified wings in the south west of Sweden.

"Failure is an option, fear is not" - James Cameron
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#3
RogueJedi

RogueJedi

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/23/2011 | Posts: 343

Awesome reports!

Looking forward to the family report. :)
__________________
"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." - Charles Du Bos

"I'm teaching you game to get laid. I'm not teaching you game to get a good reaction so you can go home and masturbate. If you are not getting blown out, you are not doing shit." - Owen

RogueJedi's Field Reports, or... 'How to Build a Polyamorous Bisexual Harem' <-- Click here to read

Always looking for awesome wings in London, Brighton, Dublin & Saigon - PM me
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#4
Arlin Kjellqvist

Arlin Kjellqvist

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 64

Family and friends + epiphanies

Soo... I'm gonna start with the "coming clean" to my family and friends report.

I talked with my mum about this and initially she was very judgemental. But I firmly told her to listen to everything with an open mind before interupting and judging because none of it will make much sense until I'm finished. She had some problems doing this but eventually she started to get it and she and her boyfriend (who were there as well) started to understand it more deeply and thought it was awesome.

I had my two best friends over for dinner yesterday and we takled for hours about the bootcamp and everything. I explained and even demonstrated how long two minutes of rambling nonsense actually is. They had a lot of opinions like, didn't people think you were wierd doing that and didn't this, that etc. that were completely wrong. Just like I was before BC. They found it very interesting and my commitment admirable. They also noted that if they'd only heard parts of it they would have sent me to a lunatic asylum lol.

I went out for the first time in ages in my home town later that night but I made a few fatal mistakes that made sure I'd draw valuable wisdom from this night.

I missed taking a painkiller at 7pm -> aches in both of my legs and feets when coming to town.
I got into town about 23:00 and since I didn't know the flow I had to walk around town to find out where people were and where they were walking, staying stationary etc.
I realized that I didn't have time for SP drills and tried to move directly to pre club approaching moving sets. DISASTER! It was too late. Everyone was standing in line for the clubs. All of the high intensity venues had 1 1/2 hour lines!!! So, no moving sets (which I was focused on) and I'd have to wait FOREVER to get in.

I also had a different feeling. My comfort level was much higher than it usually was. Why? I knew that I had everyone's undying support and that I'm capable of doing this on my own. I know, I'm not supposed to be dependant on this but it's there and it feels good. This is what you get for dealing with your fears... You are less scared and it's gonna freak you OUT! Homoestosis anyone?

So, I went home with just a little approaching but still learned a ton. It's nights like this that are prerequisites for the good nights to come.

Lessons learned.
 * Until my "condition" is dealt with: Painkiller at 7pm if I'm gonna leave the house that night. Alarm has been set.
 * Get out EARLIER, like 22:00 and start with your SP drills. When the nightclubs open, get in QUICK and get your stamp so that you don't have to wait in line when it'd take hours! Do your pre approaching now, when everyone's going toward the clubs. Obviously gonna be moving sets here. If not, get it done... poorly if necessary. Open stationary sets then. Or sets moving towards you. Maybe not ideal but it's hell of a lot better than NOT doing it.  
  * Do your SP drills even if you feel comfortable doing them, try to make them uncomfortable somehow. Either way they're good for vocal projection and getting talkative.
  * Having learned a ton and having your "plan" fail completely isn't a valid excuse to go home. Even if what you've learned is gonna help your next night tremendously it is more rewarding to stay out and do what you're supposed to anyway. Maybe you'll learn even more!!
  * Sometimes nights aren't gonna go according to plan. This is gonna force you to get creative. Use this to learn your lessons and just do it anyway. I live in a small town where there sometimes won't be moving sets when that's what I wanna do. Do the second best, open stationary sets. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing it poorly.
* Most importantly, even if you're on a bad night you follow the gameplan. If you're out too late, follow the plan. Too early, follow the plan. Not enough people out? FOLLOW THE PLAN! Do your SP drills even if noone's there. Do your pre club approaching even if you can only find 1 set. If I can't get something in the gameplan done? Continue anyway, no reason to go home. Only reason is physical injury, like my knees hurting like hell which they actually did today. Solve this problem by being proactive (already mentioned).
 * Make as big of an effort as you did on the bootcamp, every night out.

Cheers
// AJ
__________________
London bootcamp alumnus
Punning the obstacle course - the bootcamp review
Pounding Fear in the Rear - the field reports
Looking for qualified wings in the south west of Sweden.

"Failure is an option, fear is not" - James Cameron
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#5
Arlin Kjellqvist

Arlin Kjellqvist

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 64

Dang. I really don't wanna go out tonight. I really feel like staying home wanking off to internet porn instead.

Gotta love homoestosis. Fuck! I feel like shit.
__________________
London bootcamp alumnus
Punning the obstacle course - the bootcamp review
Pounding Fear in the Rear - the field reports
Looking for qualified wings in the south west of Sweden.

"Failure is an option, fear is not" - James Cameron
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#6
RogueJedi

RogueJedi

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/23/2011 | Posts: 343

Arlin Kjellqvist wrote:
It was too late. Everyone was standing in line for the clubs. All of the high intensity venues had 1 1/2 hour lines!!! So, no moving sets (which I was focused on) and I'd have to wait FOREVER to get in.
Here's a drill for you: Walk up to someone near the front of the line and just start chatting. You'll be in within three minutes. Do it with enough certainty, bring value, and no one EVER objects.

Great stuff with your family and friends. :)
__________________
"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." - Charles Du Bos

"I'm teaching you game to get laid. I'm not teaching you game to get a good reaction so you can go home and masturbate. If you are not getting blown out, you are not doing shit." - Owen

RogueJedi's Field Reports, or... 'How to Build a Polyamorous Bisexual Harem' <-- Click here to read

Always looking for awesome wings in London, Brighton, Dublin & Saigon - PM me
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#7
Arlin Kjellqvist

Arlin Kjellqvist

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 64

RogueJedi wrote:
Here's a drill for you: Walk up to someone near the front of the line and just start chatting. You'll be in within three minutes. Do it with enough certainty, bring value, and no one EVER objects.

Great stuff with your family and friends. :)
Thanks man, I'll keep that in mind if I find myself in that situation.

-edit- that quote about sacrificing everything you are for what you could become is spot on.
__________________
London bootcamp alumnus
Punning the obstacle course - the bootcamp review
Pounding Fear in the Rear - the field reports
Looking for qualified wings in the south west of Sweden.

"Failure is an option, fear is not" - James Cameron
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#8
Arlin Kjellqvist

Arlin Kjellqvist

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 64

Hmm. I'm still having some trouble with the timing of everything, but it's ok. It was a much better night tonight. I did the social drills but I failed with the pre club approach. I did very few approaches, where one went awesome but they were in the outside area of a club I couldn't get into due to age restriction. Should've numberclosed though. Lesson learned. ABC always be closing.

So I had payed the fee for the nightclub really early and had no problems what so ever getting in. I get in and realize... they don't have a wardrobe so I have to carry my jacket with me which I don't like at all. I want my hands free and I easily overheat, so that wasn't cool at all. Big lesson learned here, if a nightclub doesn't live up to your basic expectations, leave. I know, it'll feel like a waste of money but better to waste some money than waste both the money and the time.

I walked around trying to spot my thoughts but I didn't really find any NTP's. Then it was time for challenges. Everything looked so easy. Too easy. I couldn't find anything that could make me afraid... What I didn't realize at the time was that this actually was the NTP. All or nothing. Pretty subtle but now I know better. So, what escaped my mind was this NTP and that I used the search for challanges as an excuse to avoid the situations where I could've approached instead.

This requires the creation of an unbreakable law.

Challange means going to the dance floor and doing the hardest set around.
This means that if the hardest set is a girl dancing by herself I do that set.

Funny thing happened tonight though. I was hardcore gamed by a chick. I mean, DAMN! She was doing all the things I should've been doing. Kinoing like crazy, leading, etc. Being led like that felt really weird so I left. I LEFT?!!! WTF? Why can't I just let myself be gamed by a girl? I don't know.. Maybe I'm afraid of success. I need to expose myself to success more. hehee.. I noted some places good for pick up after a high intensity venue but my knees wouldn't allow me staying out any longer so I had to get my ass back home.

Actually I forgot my mantra today and I hope I can focus on it the next time.

If it's worth doing, it's worth doing it POORLY.

Next night out is monday.

C ya guys.

ps. Probably gonna update my bootcamp review tomorrow, you should check it out.
__________________
London bootcamp alumnus
Punning the obstacle course - the bootcamp review
Pounding Fear in the Rear - the field reports
Looking for qualified wings in the south west of Sweden.

"Failure is an option, fear is not" - James Cameron
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#9
Arlin Kjellqvist

Arlin Kjellqvist

Member

Join Date: 05/08/2011 | Posts: 64

Week two

This has been one hell of a week. I'm not saying it's bad but it's really takin it's toll on me. I've had a few problems, this is a brief summary.

* My dad told me, please avoid showing up here. He did this in a very calm way, like, you're a problem, please go away.
I moved all of my stuff to my mums place and my dad was devastated. This wasn't at all what he had in mind. So big long discussions with my closest family. We've sorted the emotional part out but I still haven't really decided on the practical part of it.
* My condition (reactive arthritis) should've been gone by the end of the week before. But still to this day there hasn't been a change. This means that I can't really do moving sets and I REALLY want to do moving sets to get talkative and started. I have to find ways to get around this. This has also made me eject from clubs early because I was in too much pain.
* I've gotten a cold, probably because of me eating Cortisone.

I haven't really put myself in a victim mentality, although it has occured but only briefly. My approaching has been pretty bad. I've found myself in avoidance a lot. I wanted to go out Wednesday, thursday, friday and saturday to be able to keep my committment but due to a heavy cold I could only go out wednesday and thursday, sniff, sniff.

I did practically no approaches on wednesday but some on thursday. No where near what I had planned and no challenges though. Feels like I've hit rock bottom so I can turn the regression around and start the growth process.

I've also had really bad timing during the nights. Getting to clubs when they were empty and things like that. Well well, it's gonna get sorted out as my timing improves. It's alright though, I have faith in the progress.

I think my next week's gonna get better because I've made a lot of fatal mistakes this week and mistakes is what we learn from :)

Cheers.
__________________
London bootcamp alumnus
Punning the obstacle course - the bootcamp review
Pounding Fear in the Rear - the field reports
Looking for qualified wings in the south west of Sweden.

"Failure is an option, fear is not" - James Cameron
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#10
markzor

markzor

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/25/2009 | Posts: 734

Cool thread. Nice to read how Ozzie's teachings are actually used.

Regarding your "fear of succes"; Alexander~ had a really nice way of putting it:
He said there are both postive and negative tests. A positive test is when you feel uncomfortable with the amount of succes.

It's interesting because it emphasizes equal importance of both postive and negative tests.
I always thought that "uncomfortable with succes" was just silly, while facing fear and passing negative tests is the name of the game.
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