THE FORUMS

December 11th, 2016
Debunking The Relationship Myth (Never-seen-before infield video included)
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Ozzie

Ozzie

Instructor | Trusted Member

Join Date: 08/20/2006 | Posts: 2529

Teaser Text: 
[sp]Letting go of that powerful desire to get something allows you to finally relax and go after it in a sane, more moderate manner.
Teaser Thumbnail: 
relationship_c.jpg
 Success with women is overrated.

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Guys have been indoctrinated by dubious marketing that having a successful dating life will lead into happiness or some kind of personal salvation. Though achieving successful relationships with gorgeous women can improve your enjoyment of life, you must not be led into believing that you will be saved from suffering or life challenges. Moreover, believing so, in turn, will decrease your chances of succeeding with the ladies. Why? Because you will put too much stock into it, therefore you will fail at it or worse, when you do get it, it will not live up to its hype.

Wanting something real bad.

So it happens when you really want something you can’t get it. It resists.

(The following video deals with perfectionism so it is a great introduction to dealing with unrealistic expectations about performance. Enjoy.)



However, when you let go of it you get it. Letting go of that powerful desire to get something allows you to finally relax and go after it in a sane, more moderate manner. No wonder you get it faster that way.

You hear people say that they got something they wanted when they least expect it. Over and over you hear somebody who achieves a major milestone in his/her career say, “Well, this is a surprise. I never expected to get this far.” 9 out of 10 they do mean it. For Jack Nicholson to say he didn’t expect to be at the Oscar ceremony is just ridiculous. But for an up and coming actor to rise up with the Best Actor Award is truly unexpected for him/her. “It happened” for him/her when they least expect it. They were so busy doing the best acting they could they never worried about the “getting the Oscar” or “making a million dollars.” They are truly shocked.

What happens

When you actually immerse yourself into action, you “let go”. You can’t think of the future and because you are tuned into the present moment you also forget about the past. You are “present.” There is really no future or past but just the everyday thing.

Problems with my book

I had some problems with my book when I first started writing it. Solutions to those problems came down the line from people I had no idea will be helpful. However, I scratched my brain looking for solutions that never came. One of the main problems of my book was that it was too much about issues and too much about discourse and lecturing. There was no room for real life examples. So my book read very much like a boring thesis for a Ph D. Too much substance and no fun. I knew there was something wrong with it but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Anyway after many trials during which Matt and I re-wrote and revise 4 drafts we said, “Let’s give the book to the guys to see what they think of it. We are way too close to the material for us to be realistic.”

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We gave up

We stopped fighting the problem and allowed others to deal with it. I remember two powerful solutions to our problems. They came from two members, Goran and Pauly, of the London Crew. They actually spotted the problems too but were quick to give us the solution. Goran suggested changing the “Pick up academic” language of the book and make it more accessible to your average guy. He suggested scraping up all “Pick up lingo.” On the other hand, Pauly came up with a revolutionary solution to the narrative by inserting “blocks” or “case studies” where the average guy could see real-life problems and real-life solutions. Matt and I got to work on this new solutions and everything went fine. It all happened when we let go of the problem.

Something bad happens when you get too close to the issues. You go blind. You fail to have a perspective on things. You feel trapped into a problem with no solution.

When something becomes too important for you

Exactly, if you get too close to the issue you lose perspective. I remember Tim saying all the time, “you must have a purpose in life that drives you other than chicks...” or something like that. He says, “Women need to see you have a purpose in life that you are after, which is more important than her.” Now, I understand what he meant. I must admit I am a slow learner, sometimes stubborn. It takes longer for me to learn certain lessons. What Tim meant is crystal clear to me today: in order to be successful with the ladies, the ladies cannot be the main driving force in your life. You must have other things. Success in this area is the direct result of you “letting go” and have a grand scheme in other areas. It takes the pressure off meeting women. Which in turn, because of the lack of pressure, improves your performance around women. Success will come to you when it is no longer that important. You have other things in your life that are way more important. Even the best footballers in the world like Leo Messi admits, “Individual success comes after group success.” So you must have other purposes more important and let go of your petit personal crusade to get “bitches.” Become and all rounded dude as opposed to one-dimensional.

The criteria I use to pick a guy to become a member of our instructor crew are similar. He must have a life outside Picking up chicks.

Over-compliant?

Many of the people who start off to improve their dating lives have learned to be over-compliant to the maxims of society or a Pick up guru, that is, to strive for a certain life style as salvation. They become over-concerned with what society dictates and forget about their own needs and wants. They do what is expected of them. If society dictates that success with women or in personal relationships will bring happiness, they go after it in a blind fashion. Success in relationships will bring you only a limited amount of happiness. Your total happiness comes from a combination of factors and variables where relationships play a transient role. So don’t put that much stock on it and go after it in a moderate, matter-of-fact manner.

What does this mean to you?

What happens to you when your only purpose in life is to succeed with women? When you do, you feel great; when you don’t, you feel miserable. Do you have anything else going on? This is a lesson that you must learn and it gets re-learned all the time. The faces change but not the situations.

So, find a real purpose in life outside dating beautiful women. Read books like “Fountain Head” or “Atlas Shrugged”, try and skip the social and political implications of such books because it turns some people off. All in all, they are great books to read if you lack purpose in life. Have a grand plan and go after it. Even if it is putting your name on a crappy T-shirt and selling it in E-bay. Go and do that. Disregard the outcome. It is your project. Write a book of your memoirs –it doesn’t matter you are 19- and try and sell it. Set up a website for donations to save brown squirrels from extinction-bogus, I know. Anything that would get you going. Find your purpose and go after it. You will find that it will improve your Dating performance with women in an oblique way.

The personal relationship mirage

Success in relationships with others or an intimate partner will bring joy into your life or so they say. This idea has been encouraged by self help gurus and mental health practitioners alike. Have we ever bother to check if it is true?

We are encouraged by media and society to achieve personal fulfilment through personal relationships either marriage or any kind of relationships with the opposite sex. We never question this idea and we just follow it blindly. People have been encouraged either to find the “right” person or believe that success in relationships means all.

I am not saying it doesn’t bring pleasure to your life and it improves it. However, it is not the only source of achievement and happiness. Moreover, it is wrong to make it the only source of happiness sacrificing others like job, hobbies, spirituality and so on. We don’t want to be one dimensional. If we become one dimensional we will never live in abundance mentality. Like I have said plenty of times, most successful guys with the ladies put little stock on the women they get. They have other sources of happiness and inspiration in their lives far more important. No wonder they succeed with women. It doesn’t matter to them.

Every male needs sex and a successful dating life; but everyone also needs some kind of fulfilment outside opposite sex relationships, which is relevant to you and you only. Not only that, you can actually achieve happiness and be static without having any close relationships at all. How many celebrities these days focus only on their careers in detriment of family, girlfriend or personal relationships? I have read film maker Quentin Tarantino said he doesn’t want children until he is 60. He says he wants to make movies now. That’s probably extreme but you can’t disagree with the logic. The man has a purpose in life which is his primary source of happiness. You can say he gets girls anyway because of his high flying Hollywood status. True enough. But I do believe he was the same way when he was not successful as a poor, struggling kid trying to make his first movie. Nothing really changed when he became famous.

This is, of course, an extreme case just like Hollywood itself. But you must dig into this self evident truth and find what it means to you.

The following is symptomatic in the dating game of lacking purpose in life:

1) After a bad night, you feel discouraged and in despair.
2) Little or no capacity to recuperate from rejection
3) Not approaching the hottest girls in an attempt to preserve your player ego
4) Not approaching at all
5) Constantly rating your performance into good approach vs. a waste of my time
6) Feeling “resistance” to go out. Going out feel like a “test” or a high risk operation, not fun.
7) Lack of fun in your dating life or “approaching” life.

If you suffer from at least one of the above, you must get a purpose in life other than chicks. It means dating is your only “life line”. You must change that.


Ozzie
RSD EXECUTIVE COACH

http://www.pickupmadesimple.com
http://www.physicalgamebook.com
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#1

SiLvEr

Respected Member

Join Date: 08/25/2006 | Posts: 428

Excellent stuff, cheers Ozzy!

PS - First! ;)
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#2
OMAR

OMAR

Trusted Member

Join Date: 04/08/2008 | Posts: 1145

The only way I have found a way to tap into my inner drive or real purpose is by meditating at least an hour. After that I am in autopilot mode and can easily have fun anywhere and be unreactive and be solid in my frame of mind. If i am not centered I can let my emotions get the best of me. Since i moved out on my own I soemtimes wake up wasting time on internet and before i know it the whole day is wasted. When I meditate and do body langauage excercises I tap into my purpose so quickly and strongly that others in my viciinty can feel it and start pinging off me.
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#3

Lateralus

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/05/2009 | Posts: 594

 Love it.
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#4
Doge~

Doge~

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3688

I use to believe in this.  No more though.  Not when there's dudes like Evil Stifler running around and Jeffy in a van.

I think all those symptoms have been addressed in RSD's currently technology (mainly from Tyler & Jeffy):

1. No such thing as a bad night.  If I'm out talking to girls, it's an awesome night.
2. Rejections are hilarious.
3. Approaching the hottest girls is hilarious.
4. FUN FUN FUN.
5. Every approach is a good approach.
6. You can't keep me indoors all I want to do is be out.
7. It's always fun.

All I want to do is pimp chicks 24/7.  There simply is no downside AT ALL.  Pickup is pure joy.

If I want another purpose then I'll go do that when I want to.  But if all you want to do is fuck chicks all day long for several years straight (ie. Evil Stifler) then its a perfectly fine endevour.  It all boils down to how you view it.
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#5
RagaTanha

RagaTanha

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/30/2008 | Posts: 986

 Excellent post, I pulled last night and sex happened when I just let go. I see this but need to internalize it more. 
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#6
gruenfeld

gruenfeld

Trusted Member

Join Date: 09/21/2006 | Posts: 1283

I never really got into ozzies posts but man he's getting awesomer. :)
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#7
M@verick

M@verick

Member

Join Date: 04/25/2011 | Posts: 39

awesome article ! thumbs up

this is really true ... obsession is a ... makes u lose perspective and ends in screwing u up... 

i found this quote by manwhore to awesome in this context .. 
'Even in the face of the most glamorous woman, you are still who YOU are. You are your drives and purpose.'

sweet .. 

keep the articles coming ozzie ... loving ur way of writing and explaining things... and especially love ur debrief vids !! smile
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#8
Neighbor

Neighbor

Respected Member

Join Date: 12/23/2010 | Posts: 402

Was Ozzie even in the video? I couldn't see him  ;-)
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#9

HotStud17

Member

Join Date: 01/16/2011 | Posts: 40

Very solid post - passion in life is crucial

Thumbs up - Matt
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#10
Don corleon

Don corleon

Respected Member

Join Date: 03/28/2010 | Posts: 584

Haze~ wrote:
I use to believe in this.  No more though.  Not when there's dudes like Evil Stifler running around and Jeffy in a van.

I think all those symptoms have been addressed in RSD's currently technology (mainly from Tyler & Jeffy):

1. No such thing as a bad night.  If I'm out talking to girls, it's an awesome night.
2. Rejections are hilarious.
3. Approaching the hottest girls is hilarious.
4. FUN FUN FUN.
5. Every approach is a good approach.
6. You can't keep me indoors all I want to do is be out.
7. It's always fun.

All I want to do is pimp chicks 24/7.  There simply is no downside AT ALL.  Pickup is pure joy.

If I want another purpose then I'll go do that when I want to.  But if all you want to do is fuck chicks all day long for several years straight (ie. Evil Stifler) then its a perfectly fine endevour.  It all boils down to how you view it.
I disagree with with pimp 24/7. It just isn't practical. How are you going to go through the rest of your life? If all you do is go around and hit on chicks, you will not develope in any other areas. 
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