THE FORUMS

January 18th, 2017
Fully Accepting Yourself: The Road to Self-Esteem
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progress-now

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Join Date: 03/07/2011 | Posts: 636

The Power of Full Acceptance

It’s not about your looks, money, car, or clothing. It’s about self-esteem.

Getting consistent lays comes down to your sense of entitlement—how certain you are that the girls you approach will like you. Sense of entitlement stems from your self-esteem. For some, self-esteem can be a constant part of their lives, for others warm up approaches and STATE can help bring it out.

In the day to day bustle of everyday life, however, it’s hard to endure all the social conditioning and not feel like you’re lacking something.

Billboards staring down at you, reminding you of your shortcomings and the products that will improve your shitty existence. Same thing in television and essentially every public environment. Then let’s not forget you just going out, doing your daily routines, and seeing other guys surrounded by girls, or other guys with nicer cars and big ass smiles on their faces—all subtle and sub-conscious reiterations that they have something you don’t that is getting them happiness and pussy.

But that’s the counter-intuitive illusion here. We’ve got life all backwards. We see the rich and famous people with their big ass smiles on television, and we retardedly assume that it’s the money and fame that made them happy and fulfilled, and now we must pursue those same material possessions in order for us to feel the same way. But that’s completely backwards: the money and fame are by-products of something else in their lives, something that was there before the money and fame. I would say the happiest people in life who eventually find themselves surrounded by money and fame always had one trait in common: self-esteem, self-love, and self-acceptance.

With these foundational traits in their lives, they had the necessary amount of self-esteem to love themselves, believe in themselves, and ultimately pursue their passions and destinies in life without petty ego hindrances like outcome dependency, success barriers, and fears of what others might think of their work and efforts.

It’s not about your looks, money, car, or clothing. It’s about self-esteem. But why? What is it about self-esteem that transcends all of the material crap that seems to accompany the happiest, richest, and most successful and fulfilled people in the world? Why does self-esteem seem to open the floodgates to opportunities—the same opportunities that lead to money and fame in life? Remember, money and fame does not lead to self-esteem (it could, but it is not necessary for it)—self-esteem has the potential to lead to money and fame, assuming that is what the individual desires. There could be two explanations, or a mixture of the two.

1) Esoteric Explanation: maybe when you get over your ego and stop desperately wanting to have more things, or pussy, or friends than you currently have, the universe rewards your humility. What was it that Tyler says in the “Blueprint”? Oh yea, “The hungry don’t get fed.” Who’s the hungry? The chode. What’s the food? Pussy. Similar to the concept of reaching enlightenment: you cannot reach enlightenment until you stop wanting to become enlightened.

2) Rational Explanation: with self-esteem, you project your best self. This means you are offering value. People don’t accept others into their lives out of pity: they want something in return. With self-esteem, you fully accept your self and this leads to freedom from outcome and the overall ability to let your best self flow freely, hence offering value. You become in touch with who you are while meeting new people, making connections, building social networks, and creating a lifestyle of social momentum based entirely on the pursuit of your most authentic desires—not just pursuits you chase after out of fear, shyness, or insecurities.

So we see guys surrounded with girls, and we try to reach that level by emulating the surface-level things we see: money, cars, clothing, etc. But if you were to trace the life of that guy, and follow it back to his roots, what would you find? Would it be money and a nice car that led him to the babes, or would it be self-esteem? Likely, it was self-esteem. Everything else—the babes, the cars, the money—likely came AFTERWARDS, after a life with high self-esteem, after a life of self-acceptance.

But what is self-esteem? Self-esteem is knowing that you are already enough as you are. That’s it. Self-esteem means to fully accept yourself as yourself right now. No tensions created between who you are now and who you want to be. No jealousy when you see other guys surrounded by girls. No sense of emptiness, or lacking—no half-full cup.

When you fully accept yourself, you BECOME self-esteem. Because remember, when it comes to social success and ESPECIALLY getting laid, its not about the substance of your identity, its about self-esteem. Why does self-esteem create the joy we’re all seeking? Refer to the two possible explanations above, or come up with your own.

The power of full acceptance, whatever you want to call it. The point is that we all need to start appreciating ourselves. We don’t love ourselves enough. Society wants us to become all collectivist and care for the welfare of others before ourselves. But if we don’t love and honor the subtle things that define us as unique individuals, how can we cultivate our skills and personalities so that we can offer REAL value?

I think I’m partially a by-product of a society overly obsessed with the fallacy of selflessness. My whole life, I thought that if I was just nice to people (guys and girls), did them favors without expecting anything in return, and even forced myself to laugh at their jokes even when they weren’t funny, I thought that this behavior would make them my friends, or make girls like me. I believed the Disneyland, welfare state fallacy of selflessness. There is no such thing as an utterly selfless act: there is only the trading of value. A hot girl will fuck you if you’re cool/manly/attractive enough—she won’t just fuck you. That would be self-sacrifice: consciously doing something for nothing in return (not even charity is selfless, because those who donate, although they may positively impact others, are ultimately donating because it makes them feel good, or whatever other underlying, personal motive is involved).

I don’t know about other guys, but I need to start being more selfish. I need to start following my desires (read more about this: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/185946/forum). Think about it: what happens when you follow your desires without concern for what others might think? Well, assuming you’re not dumb enough to whoop out your cock when you first approach a girl, it actually means that you’ll approach a girl with full intent and freedom from outcome—the new essence of RSD’s approach. I’m curious if I’m the only person with this issue, or if this is a big part of the problem for a lot of guys here. Are we just not in touch with our desires enough? Are we just not selfish enough?

So what do we have here? The importance of self-acceptance because of how it creates self-esteem AND a lack of selfishness (not connecting with your desires 24/7). Where does this lack of selfishness come from? Two possible explanations:

1) Believing in the fallacy of selflessness. Thinking that by being nice and worshipping the needs of others you will somehow become friends with them or attract women.
2) Not feeling worthy of your own desires. Maybe you don’t feel worthy of your desires. But why wouldn’t you? Could be, ultimately, a lack of self-esteem (not loving yourself and thinking your worthy in this world).

For me, I feel that this is the crux of my problem. Thie is about as close to the essence of why I’m so fucked up. I hope this clears things up for other guys here. Will write more soon if I think of other stuff.

Accept everything about yourself. Accept that you aren’t a master pimp yet. Accept that you get social anxiety when you go out. Accept that you will get rejected from time to time.  This acceptance will actually make you more congruent, which is a sign of a strong reality, self-certainty, and-- you guessed it-- self-esteem (although somewhat paradoxically).  Accept yourself. With this acceptance, you will feel worthy of your desires (intent) while knowing it doesn’t matter if you get rejected (freedom from outcome) because at the end of the night, you still have a roof over your head, a job, and food in the fridge. Lighten up and fully accept yourself: this life is easy.
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#1
Soco!

Soco!

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Join Date: 01/18/2008 | Posts: 206

Good article
 
Its true, you will NEVER get self-esteem without first ACCEPTING that you dont have it, I had to learn this the hard way. It took me a long time to learn this, but when I did it made things way easier.  Accepting that you have low self esteem is the first gateway out of low self-esteem. From there, its much easier to take the right actions necessary to grow into a positive self-esteem because you can only go up from where you're at.

5 Stars!
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#2
progress-now

progress-now

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Join Date: 03/07/2011 | Posts: 636

Soco! wrote:
Good article
 
Its true, you will NEVER get self-esteem without first ACCEPTING that you dont have it, I had to learn this the hard way. It took me a long time to learn this, but when I did it made things way easier.  Accepting that you have low self esteem is the first gateway out of low self-esteem. From there, its much easier to take the right actions necessary to grow into a positive self-esteem because you can only go up from where you're at.

5 Stars!



this is interesting, the concept of accepting yourself even as a chode, in order to build self-esteem.  We've been talking lately on the forums about "congruent" approaches, where if you feel weird and insecure when approaching, you don't try to hide that and, from what I hear, it actually turns out much smoother than trying to reach desperately for the "in-state" version of yourself when you're not there yet.

Congruence, even when you're in chode mode, will at least get the respect of the people you approach.  Probably  not a lay, but certainly enough to build STATE without endless, blind rejections.
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#3
maximal

maximal

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Join Date: 08/15/2010 | Posts: 289

It's like you custom-wrote this for me...

I'm the nail you just hit square on the head.
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#4
HPRJ

HPRJ

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Join Date: 09/27/2009 | Posts: 460

yea, i think i'm pretty cool.

awesome writeup.
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#5

CBAABC

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Join Date: 02/20/2009 | Posts: 1692

 Looove it.

Agree. My psychology teacher said that we are all INHERENTLY SELFISH. Whether it´s donations (to make us feel good) or being nice to people (to make others like you).

I like the idea of fame/money being a byproduct of having high self esteem.

There´s more keys to self esteem. From 6 pillars of self esteem:

1. Living Consciously
2. Self-Acceptance
3. Self-Responsibility
4. Self-Assertiveness
5. Living Purposefully
6. Personal Integrity

The "New self help"= Self acceptance.



"You don´t have to be an ultra pimp, you don´t have to be an alpha guy, you don´t have to be the fucking man to be succesful in this game. You can have success starting where you are right now" 
-Ozzie

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#6
Hotdog

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Join Date: 03/12/2011 | Posts: 966

You cannot think your way into confidence, it is aquired thru practice
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#7

imnashitfool

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Join Date: 10/11/2010 | Posts: 751

yeah, im just wondering if your writing this as a rationalization? or from experience?
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#8
progress-now

progress-now

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Join Date: 03/07/2011 | Posts: 636

imnashitfool wrote:
yeah, im just wondering if your writing this as a rationalization? or from experience?
lol, nah, in no way is it a rationalization.  How do the naturals who did not know about RSD become natural?  Could have been the way they were raised, or some innate inner-acceptance, or they just had the BALLS to take what they want and, through trial and error, improved their game.   IDK.  The point is that I have had FLEETING moments of high self-esteem over the past few months.  there have been NO logical reasons for it, no recenet girls I was talking to, I just get these FLEETING moment where the clouds part and the sun comes shining through (sun meaning self-es-fucking-steem).  During these time periods, I am UTTERLY connected with my desries and feel worthy of my presence, literally worthy of being confident (not even that I have logical reasons to be confident, but simply feeling worhty of it, as if I, too, have a goddamn right to feel confident).  I feel like I can dominate the world, life becomes better, more optimistic: certainly some of the qualities that define the best naturals.  This reminds me of Tyler saying that self-esteem is something you're born with, reminds of his story in Blueprint where he got over his "ego" and was like God mode for a few days, girls literally just coming up to him and asking to fuck.  Remember that STATE and being AWESOME with chicks is not about compensating for shortcomings in who you are: it is about removing the layers of social conditioning that have built up over your life, built up over your true, raw core.

@ hotdog, no doubt that practice and reference expereinces will HELP like crazy, when it comes to boosting your self-esteem. However, to a certain extent there are some internal shifts in perspective that can probably help you alot, which is the point of this article.  And I don't think reference experiences lead to self-esteem in the sense that the actual experiences CREATE self-esteem, it simply reminds you that you are inherently attractrive to women at your core, with or without those reference experiences.

I won't deny that writing this article on RSD nation after a night of going out and no approaches makes me feel better, but the truth is that I think there is a great deal of value in full-acceptance of yourself.  I totally dig the approach frenzy way that RSD does things, but at the same time, I think living up to the way you feel through out the night (congruence) can lead to quicker state and less explosive rejections.  If being congruent with your suckiness can lead to state quicker without appearing like something you're not, then that's cool with me.  Truth is, though, I haven't summoned the courage to get these "congruence" approaches under my belt, so I can only go based on what posters like Haze have referred to.
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#9

Jordanfan

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Join Date: 03/31/2010 | Posts: 176

Wow great article. This topic constantly needs to be reinforced and also this concept shouldn't be confuse with not doing anything.  Is, part of acceptance is realizing that you will get better with more experience?

One of the random questions that popped into my head, is does this also apply for women. If they aren't pretty, does accepting change much?
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#10

Lateralus

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Join Date: 12/05/2009 | Posts: 594

 Yo Progress Now - your articles are No Joke. good stuff man
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