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December 9th, 2016
Warm Up Approaches: Sober Equivalent of Getting Drunk
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progress-now

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Join Date: 03/07/2011 | Posts: 636

Warm up Approaches: Sober Equivalent of Getting Drunk

Liquor and beer is served all night every night in bars and clubs. But why? Why do so many people spend so much money on these toxics substances?

To let loose, to go beyond egoic limitations, to be themselves, to be authentic.

This means that the average person who drinks alcohol for the sake of “loosening up” is essentially admitting his or her own social anxieties. That’s right: you think you’re the chode in the club? You think you’re the insecure guy in the club? What about 98% of the people around you who RELY on alcohol to feel good about themselves and let loose (both men and women)?

In essence, the fact that alcohol sells so much is also a perfect reflection of the insecurities and social phobias shared by essentially every mother fucker that goes out into the social environment. You, my friend, are not alone…

Its almost like everyone at the bars and clubs are trying to be themselves, to get beyond their social phobias and let their “best selves” shine through. In many ways, that seems to be the unending struggle of the human social creature: stop caring for what others think and be yourself without limitations. Those who can truly be themselves, as we’ve all seen, are the ones with the greatest amount of social success.

The reason I post this is because when you look at alcohol consumption as a way for the insecure to loosen up, you realize how scared SO MANY PEOPLE are of being themselves. An entire society is dependent on alcohol to feel good about themselves. I’ve got a friend who’s a pretty good natural, but even when he’s out he’s got to drink like crazy to do well. We’re all trying so hard to just be ourselves, that the whole fucking point, isn’t it.

So when I look at warm up approaches, I’m starting to NOT see them as something that a weird group of RSD creeps do in order to shake off their chodiness. To the contrary, I simply see warm up approaches as the sober alternative to getting drunk. In essence, doing warm up approaches is just another way that individuals, apart of the entire insecure bulk of humanity, try to loosen up and let their best selves shine through.

We’re not chodes, we’re not creeps: WE JUST HAVE THE BALLS TO PUT OUR EGOS ON THE LINE, APPROACH STRANGERS, AND BE OURSELVES. And when you think about it, isn’t being yourself the whole goddamn point of human endeavors, specifically when going out to the social environment?

Seriously, if anything, RSD has stumbled upon an alcoholics anonymous-approved way for the bulk of society to be themselves without destroying their livers. RSD has made another enemy: the alcohol industry.

So for those of you (like me) who still struggle with the thought of approaching, dont perceive warm up approaches as weird.  Just think of them as the sober equivalent of gettin drunk.  For every person you see huddled desperately around the bar, reaching for their drinks as if reaching for social salvation, remind yourself WHY they're drinking.  They're just as stifled as you are, except they need alcohol to get through the night (and likley STILL won't have any where near the success and MOMENTUM you managed to build up). 
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#1

Lateralus

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Join Date: 12/05/2009 | Posts: 594

 Another great Article. YOur the Man. 
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#2
Doge~

Doge~

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Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3688

Man this was awesome mainly because I lol'd in recognition when I saw this title.

I can tell your a super logical dude like me from your writing, very similar to Tyler so I think his lessons really resonate with you too.

It's like we have such a dominant left brain that it needs to be appeased with these ellaborate reframes in order to shut the fuck up when we're out in field.  Whereas other dudes who are very right brained keep their approach very simple and no bullshit because they don't deal with the almost neurotic mental barriers we have.

In many instances this journey is a lot harder for dudes like us because it's almost like we have a fucking ball and chain tied to our leg when we're trying to run a marathon, whereas these other dudes are basically running circles around us and taking naps on the track haha... fucking assholes.

Anyways yeah dude.  I like some of the stuff your writing.  I honestly didn't think much of your shit until recently because I thought you were one of these mental masturbatory dudes that did nothing but just brainstorm nonsense all day and post in front of a computer.

However, I also get the sense your not one of these weirdo's that have strange backward rationalizations either.  You actually are making points from a realistic standpoint and also taking action too.

I'll be reading your FR thread from time to time. :)
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#3
progress-now

progress-now

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Join Date: 03/07/2011 | Posts: 636

Appreciate it, Haze.  I do do a lot of mental masterbating here, and I think its honestly FUCKED up my head, cuz delving into all this theory gives me the illusion that I'm learning and progressing, even though I've got to get the fuck out of the house.  And yeah, lol, I think I am super logical person, which fucks me up real good, though I am also quite creative, so I'm not sure what the balance is there.  Maybe I'm some uber master with extreme logic and creativity on either side of the brain, that migth explain why I'm so socialy awkward, lol, cuz I'm beyond all mere mortals. just kidding, of course.

no doubt I started my 30 day challenge, and I've learned a lot so far about my potential when it comes to producitivty.  My biggest issue in reconnecting with that "playfulness" I sensed a couple of weeks ago when it came to going out and approaching.  My main focus now is to start acting through my own intentions 24/7, no matter where I am at.  I feel like this can help reconnect me with who I am supposed to be (as opposed to who I have been resisting for many years) and this will likely give me a lot more confidence and self-esteem. 

Either way, nothing works better that approach frenzies, so I gotta get out. 
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#4
Doge~

Doge~

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Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3688

Yeah, that playfuness you can't force.  If anything you need to "coax" it out.  You do that through building social momentum.  You build social momentum through being congruent with who you are at the present moment whatever that may be.

Tyler told a story where he said that he walked up to some Asian girl and was like:

T: I totally suck.  Look I can't even look you in the eye.
Her: No you don't your cute.
T: No I'm not.  Look see. *looks her in the eye and looks away*  I can't even hold eye contact.
H:  Let me buy you a drink.
T: Ok...

The point is so many guys in this community are so concerned with either being a badass, cool, smooth, pimp, etc.  This game isn't about being any of those things it's about being authentically you.  Girls don't care about some societal conceptualized coolness about you, they just want to see that you have the courage to be vulnerable around them.  What is more vulnerable than knowing your gonna suck shit and still walking up to a beautiful girl with no barriers, no ego, no TRYING TO BE SOMETHING YOUR NOT and just being you?  That's true courage, something that scares the shit out of 99% of guys, even in this community.

We're all so afraid of being hurt that we build these fucking shells around ourselves but upon doing so we alienate the most human and relatable aspect of us.  The fact that we're so flawed and imperfect, just like every other person on this planet.  Just like that beautiful girl before you, who underneath just wants someone to understand and not judge her pain too.

So anyone the point is just focus on being honest and genuine and as you become more comfortable and build social momentum, a lot of those attractive behaviors will come out.  Anyways, good luck.
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   Wow.
                   Such game.
Much improve.
                              So amaze.
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#5
Kris-

Kris-

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Join Date: 04/24/2011 | Posts: 580

 Nice post!
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#6
progress-now

progress-now

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Join Date: 03/07/2011 | Posts: 636

crazy, Haze, that's all I have to say.  Tyler mentioned in that vid from South Beach that that freedom from outcome is something a girl can see in your eyes, and Tyler theorizes that it might be attractive to women because its like a reflection of the "one consciousness".

When you think  about it, I think everyone, including women, WANTS to get closer to that sense of "unity" (or singular consciousness).  Tyler says the ego is about separation from your fellow man, division from each other.  The oppositie of ego, the opposite of divisiveness, is unity: everyone coming together in that Kumbaya sort of way that appeals to many of us but we often reject and call "happy-land nonsense".  My question is: are all instances when you get the laid the result of you, to whatever extent, letting the "freedom from outcome" (that refleciton of the collectiive consciousness) come out?  Over the years of my life, I've looked at guys who are good with girls, and have tried to understand what gets them laid.  Take rappers, for instance.  so many guys thought that the key to getting laid when rap was a big deal was to where big ass chains, baggy pants, and be a mean asshole, etc.  But was that REALLY what was getting them laid?  No way, unless there are some women shallow enough to fuck guys based on what they wear.  No, looking back there was one thing in common in all the gusy who consistnelty fucked: freedom from outcome and their intent to fuck. 

It;s almost like the only way you get laid is when you have at least SOME freedom from outcome.  I've talked to a lot of guys who always noticed a weird trend where, before getting a girlfriend, women never seemed to check them out.  However, AFTER they get girlfriends, they notice that more women are looking at them or saying they like them.  Is this "freedom from outcome" at play?  You are content with a girlfriend, so you care not to impress any other women you see, and that freedom ATTRACTS them
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#7
Doge~

Doge~

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Join Date: 09/19/2007 | Posts: 3688

Yeah it's like Owen says, freedom of outcome are the roots of the tree and the intent is the branches and leaves.  You need both to be successful at this but freedom of outcome is essentially what grounds you in the confidence to have intent ie. escalating, leading, etc.

Seriously don't worry about the intent right now.  That shit will come out.  And you know what happens out there?  Your doing your thing and start to see that there girls are getting attracted to you.  Then suddenly you see, wait what's that look?  Oh fuck she wants to kiss!  I fucking missed it!  Set lost.  Ok next one.  Oh fuck it happened again!  Ok next one.  Ok I'm gonna get it this time.  BOOM!

Point being is your gonna keep fucking it up over and over and over again until FINALLY you get it and you remember, "Ok, if I don't want pain then I'm going to remember to go for the kiss, to lead, to escalate , to pull, etc."  Each piece of the "game" puzzle will slowly incorporate itself into your way of being over time, simply through the process of trial and error.

However, because your having so much fun and believe me if you get this down you will have TONS of fun, learning this stuff through trial and error won't be a big deal.
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   Wow.
                   Such game.
Much improve.
                              So amaze.
                 Wow.
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#8

aurelius

Senior Member

Join Date: 12/21/2008 | Posts: 281

 Article is on point. I NEVER drink when I go out anymore, even though all my friends have to "pregame". I just try to socialize on my way to the club. On the car or train ride there, I'll get into conversations, which is necessary for me since I'm doing logical stuff all day, I NEED to warm-up in order to get "Social Momentum." I think Tyler talked about Approach Laziness, which is something that occurs if you lack momentum.

To me, socializing a lot, and getting OUT OF YOUR HEAD is the same state that people who need to drink at clubs/bars are after. Booze is just a retarded way of changing state.

When I had my own apartment last semester, I'd constantly be interacting with my housemates or classmates at college, I was FORCED into social interactions all day, which allowed me to improve a lot and work on my wit and frame control. In the end, I feel like it CENTERS me as a man, if that makes sense.

Keep it up.
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#9
progress-now

progress-now

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Join Date: 03/07/2011 | Posts: 636

Approach laziness.  That is interesting, I absolutely had that on one of my bootcamp nights.  Without the momentum, I have essentially no desire to be social (even if I know that a few warm up approaches will put me in GOD mode, aka STATE).  Reminds of Tyler's mentioning of "inertia" in the Blueprint: an object at rest, stays at rest unless acted upon by an outside force (right?).  Thus, you kind of have to BECOME that outside force and kick yourself into approaches in order to build that momentum, all in the name of knowing that it will be worth it all by the end of the night.
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