THE FORUMS

July 27th, 2017
How to increase your success at the club by doing less
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GaryBusey

GaryBusey

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945

Hey guys! My latest article. If it resonates with you, apply it, otherwise discard it. Cheers!



If you are into personal development, pick up and particularly Real Social Dynamics, you know that there are plenty of people out there that emphasize the importance of taking action. It is impossible to grow without it, and you are well aware of that, whether you are spending most of your free time in front of the computer or at the club.

Personally, most of my self development journey has been about this as well. Taking action. Doing new things. Implementing new habits. Using trial and error until I find what works for me.

“Repeated exposure to errors creates the fertile ground where self-reliance grows.” – Ozzie



I am a big fan of taking action, even though it might hurt. If I had not decided to discipline myself and do what I knew I had to do in order to expand my comfort zone, I would never have cultivated the self – trust that I need to have to be able to do what I want in my life. If I had not exposed myself to fear and other uncomfortable body sensations, I would never have been able to give myself permission to be the person I want to be. If I had not pushed myself so hard I would never have grown.

However, I have started to realize that the “just do it” mentality is not the ultimate destination you want to get lost in. It is very crucial at the beginning of one’s transformational journey, and you need to remind yourself of this every so often, but ultimately this mentality can lead to pain that you actually do not have to feel, in order to grow.

For example, when I was at the club a few days ago, I felt very happy and at ease. Until I started to do approaches. I did not really want to approach, I was just so used to get out there and do it, that I started to do it on autopilot. I have been approaching random people at venues for so long that I have programmed myself to always do it, no matter what. From a certain perspective that is a good thing, because it proves that I have stepped up so many times that I no longer have to think about doing it.

But, what if the behavior I have taught myself in process of my growth, no longer serves my purpose?

”Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mohandas Gandhi



Ultimately, what I wanted to achieve with the approaches that night was to meet people, preferably girls, that I could have a good time with. I can recall plenty of times when I have had a lot of fun doing cold approaches in the club, so it was only normal for me to start to do the approaches.

But in the process of trying to find these people I lost my feeling of happiness and I started to feel frustrated. Eventually I could not attract any happiness, I could only attract more frustration.

The frustration arose because I was incongruent. I wanted to feel good, I had positive intentions, but my behavior led to me giving my power away. I thought that the approaches would provide the happiness I wanted. But the thing is, approaching in itself will never make you feel good. It is what you give yourself during those approaches that will make you feel good.

“Game is merely a celebration of who you are.” – Tim



Ultimately you want to follow your own intentions, whatever they are. If they are to find a girl to bring home, then sure, approach and screen girls. But to feel good, you do not have to approach. And I have found out that, strangely, when you are not cruising around the venue scanning for somebody to take home, but you are just there to enjoy yourself, those kind of opportunities present themselves to you much more often.

Let things unfold in front of you as you feel inside your body, instead of trying to govern what is going on by taking right action.

So, instead of trying to engage different sets of people around in the club believing that it will make you feel better, surrender and be complacent. Take a glass of water, breath easy and start to build the party from a position of letting go of whatever resistance that surfaces instead of trying to build it from achieving a high level of energy.

Take action within your group, work with what you already got and other social opportunities will start show up for you. Before you know it you will have melted into the moment. Trust in the law of attraction and you will eventually attract people with the same intentions as you. And of course, when you find it amusing, approach!
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"There is no world apart from what you wish, and herein lies your ultimate release.
Change but your mind on what you want to see, and all the world must change accordingly." -  A Course in Miracles
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#1
EnVee

EnVee

Senior Member

Join Date: 01/15/2009 | Posts: 277

Awesome stuff, dude. You've been bangin' out some great articles. 
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#2
GaryBusey

GaryBusey

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945

Appreciate it!
EnVee wrote:
Awesome stuff, dude. You've been bangin' out some great articles. 
__________________

thejourneyisnow.org

"There is no world apart from what you wish, and herein lies your ultimate release.
Change but your mind on what you want to see, and all the world must change accordingly." -  A Course in Miracles
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#3
Jack of Hearts

Jack of Hearts

Trusted Member

Join Date: 01/14/2008 | Posts: 1047

good point! I think this applies esp to people who've already gone out a lot and did a lot of approaches. I think you should always make the distinction for yourself, am I not doing it because it's not what I want, or is it because of fear? if you're approaching to get over your fear, you're still going towards the indifference treshold, but if you've already crossed it, then you're free to explore what it is you really want.

or in other words, first you need a big sledgehammer to get rid of that wall that's blocking your view, but if the wall is already down the sledgehammer is dead weight when you're trying to enjoy the view.
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#4
GaryBusey

GaryBusey

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/01/2010 | Posts: 945

Very well put!
Jack of Hearts wrote:
good point! I think this applies esp to people who've already gone out a lot and did a lot of approaches. I think you should always make the distinction for yourself, am I not doing it because it's not what I want, or is it because of fear? if you're approaching to get over your fear, you're still going towards the indifference treshold, but if you've already crossed it, then you're free to explore what it is you really want.

or in other words, first you need a big sledgehammer to get rid of that wall that's blocking your view, but if the wall is already down the sledgehammer is dead weight when you're trying to enjoy the view.
__________________

thejourneyisnow.org

"There is no world apart from what you wish, and herein lies your ultimate release.
Change but your mind on what you want to see, and all the world must change accordingly." -  A Course in Miracles
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#5

timeforlunch

Junior Member

Join Date: 09/25/2012 | Posts: 8

It makes sense but I'd appreciate a little bit more of the "how to actually implement this" 
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