THE FORUMS

December 4th, 2016
RedGlass Journal
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RedGlass

RedGlass

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Join Date: 11/14/2009 | Posts: 756

This is my journal, I'm going to start approaching girls when I get caught up in school.  I have psychosis and take anti psychotics.

I got psychosis probably from doing drugs so I recommend to everyone to not do drugs.  I wanted to join the military and shoot machine guns and stuff but now that's a dream.  Same with my old goal of being a firefighter.  I learned to swim decently in a year so I could have a chance at being a FF.  I might be able to be a volunteer firefighter if I get my condition and injuries fixed.  So far I've been on a few different medications and none have worked.  They did however make me feel side effects so bad I wanted to get shot in the face like 50 Cent to end the pain.  I also gained 50 pounds because of Zyprexa.  I might have a brain tumor or something, I'll find out after I get a CT scan which will hopefully be free since I'm poor.  I feel bad a lot and get headache's and stuff.

I'm going to be approaching girls partly to see if my medication is working and if I still hear voices (auditory hallucinations) and am paranoid.  Because of psychosis I can have some pretty extreme paranoia.  Before I was put on meds it would be so bad I couldn't go into the mall because I got headaches.

I recently was smoking pep potpourri but I threw it away yesterday, I quit.  Basically it's a legal way to get high.  The high wasn't that good, I was paranoid as hell, and I would think about stupid shit.  I know I shouldn't get high because I have a mental illness and it can make it worse.  I have a mentally ill Mom and she does some fucked up things, plus I got my own issues, and I was looking for an escape I guess.  What better escape than getting completely wasted and fucking up zombies with a rake for 30 minutes in Dead Rising 2.

In my opinion and belief, drugs are a way out and I'm not going to do them.  I'm not completely against them and hey get drunk or whatever but I have hate for getting high.  I don't think smoking weed half a dozen times is bad, but if you do it a lot it can fuck you up.  I'm living proof fuck anyone that says "weed doesn't hurt you."

If I quit going out it's because my illness is being such a pain in the ass that I literally can't go out without a lot of trouble.  Other bad news I got is my new little sister might only live to 1 year old because of some kind of condition she might have.  So I'm glad I still live at home so I can get better care for myself and spend time with my new sister if she really does have the disease or whatever it is.

I also quitting wacking off.  I'm quitting for 3 months since I have a problem ejaculating and read that that will help.

I'm going to be doing mostly daygame.  Any tips are helpful.
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#1
markzor

markzor

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Join Date: 11/25/2009 | Posts: 734

 that's a rather heavy story man! good luck!
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#2
RedGlass

RedGlass

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Join Date: 11/14/2009 | Posts: 756

markzor wrote:
 that's a rather heavy story man! good luck!

Thanks man.

I forgot to mention that I have a background in pickup.  Been in it sporatically the past couple years.  Sometimes not going out at all, other times going out for daygame 5 days a week.  Had a 3 month relationship, had oneitis.  I still hate my oneitis lol.  Have about 10 lays from it, would've had more if I would have escalated more on dates.  Live and learn.  Was a club promoter for a couple weeks so I could make money to party my last days before I moved from Hawaii.  Started with the book The Game then Rules of the Game then Stylelife Academy and various other websites.  Finally RSD.  I like RSD's style.

I haven't really gone out in a while, that's why I started this journal.
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#3
TOOBAD

TOOBAD

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Join Date: 10/31/2006 | Posts: 1242

Hey mate - sorry to hear about your condition - I do believe that you can change your thoughts and gain control over them with some effort and determination so good luck. Keeping a journal is a great way to do this because it can really help to sort your thoughts out and put them into order/perspective. Going out and socialising can be helpful too if you're not on drugs as you will learn to ping off people and get your paranoia under control instead of maybe thinking that people are talking about you without testing the actual reality of the situation. It helps to become as aware as possible of your thoughts and what you're thinking - always questioning your thoughts and labelling them - such as - yep that thought is paranoid - yep that one is definitely delusional etc. Learn to identify your thoughts and you will have better control over them instead of allowing them to control you.

Keep at it bro - cheers :)
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  TOOBAD *Parental Advisory* Awesome Adventures Ahead - A Journal - http://www.rsdnation.com/node/137867 Alexander~ Sydney Bootcamp of Unproportionate Glory - Feb 26-28 - [/u][u]http://www.rsdnation.com/node/149072
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#4
RedGlass

RedGlass

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Join Date: 11/14/2009 | Posts: 756

TOOBAD wrote:
Hey mate - sorry to hear about your condition - I do believe that you can change your thoughts and gain control over them with some effort and determination so good luck. Keeping a journal is a great way to do this because it can really help to sort your thoughts out and put them into order/perspective. Going out and socialising can be helpful too if you're not on drugs as you will learn to ping off people and get your paranoia under control instead of maybe thinking that people are talking about you without testing the actual reality of the situation. It helps to become as aware as possible of your thoughts and what you're thinking - always questioning your thoughts and labelling them - such as - yep that thought is paranoid - yep that one is definitely delusional etc. Learn to identify your thoughts and you will have better control over them instead of allowing them to control you.

Keep at it bro - cheers :)

Thanks man.  Yeah I've learned already to get my thoughts somewhat under control.  I can't stop it completely though, I don't have any control over the chemicals in my brain.  I wish I did lol.


Edit:  I stopped doing drugs years ago, although I recently smoked the pep potpourri.  And since I stopped jacking off I had the most perverted dream yesterday.  It was good shit, better than getting high.
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#5
TOOBAD

TOOBAD

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Join Date: 10/31/2006 | Posts: 1242

That's great to hear mate. When I was younger I smoked a heap of weed and it gave me psychosis so I can relate. I went on anti-psychotics for about a year and everything went back to normal. Thank god for that. I understand it's the chemicals - after coming down from drugs like speed and feeling like shit there's not much you can do than ride it out. Having said that I do recommend exercise and eating right to get that good balance going. Works wonders for me - I can definitely tell the difference if I've had a lazy week versus a productive week in terms of working out and eating well. Time to get high off life!
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  TOOBAD *Parental Advisory* Awesome Adventures Ahead - A Journal - http://www.rsdnation.com/node/137867 Alexander~ Sydney Bootcamp of Unproportionate Glory - Feb 26-28 - [/u][u]http://www.rsdnation.com/node/149072
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#6
RedGlass

RedGlass

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Join Date: 11/14/2009 | Posts: 756

TOOBAD wrote:
That's great to hear mate. When I was younger I smoked a heap of weed and it gave me psychosis so I can relate. I went on anti-psychotics for about a year and everything went back to normal. Thank god for that. I understand it's the chemicals - after coming down from drugs like speed and feeling like shit there's not much you can do than ride it out. Having said that I do recommend exercise and eating right to get that good balance going. Works wonders for me - I can definitely tell the difference if I've had a lazy week versus a productive week in terms of working out and eating well. Time to get high off life!

I was wondering how you seemed to know exactly part of what I'm going through.  I'm glad to hear you went back to normal.  That gives me hope.  If I can go back to normal and get into the kind of job I want to get into like a normal person that would be awesome!
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#7
frenchkiss

frenchkiss

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Join Date: 07/31/2010 | Posts: 175

You're not the only one!!I'm right now in a psychiatric hospital and I'm getting better. I know what hallucinations looks like. I don't have auditory but physical hallucinations.Right now I'm gaming nurses and a hot girl who has borderline personnality disorder but my libido is extremely low because of pills
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#8
RedGlass

RedGlass

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Join Date: 11/14/2009 | Posts: 756

laughing bouddha wrote:
You're not the only one!!I'm right now in a psychiatric hospital and I'm getting better. I know what hallucinations looks like. I don't have auditory but physical hallucinations.Right now I'm gaming nurses and a hot girl who has borderline personnality disorder but my libido is extremely low because of pills

Be careful with the borderline personality disorder one.  I have a friend that works in a psych ward and I told him about a weird chick I met.  He told me that she sounded like a borderline personality disorder chick.  She had once been eaten out by a dog, facebook stalked me, tried to get me to sell her my truck, etc.

It was really creepy.

Good luck man, I hope you get back to normal.
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#9
RedGlass

RedGlass

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Join Date: 11/14/2009 | Posts: 756

Went to the conviniece store, chatted with the hot pregnant cashier about her upcoming baby and stuff.  Just practicing verbal vomiting like in Brad's article.  No auditory hallucinations.  Very good news.  Hopefully my current anti-psychotics are working.

Thought about number closing her, but decided against it.  Maybe next time.

Got my copy of The Physical Game in the mail.  Took 2-3 days for it to arrive.

The Good:
This builds my confidence for going out since I had no auditory hallucinations.  That shit bothers me A LOT.
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#10
RedGlass

RedGlass

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Join Date: 11/14/2009 | Posts: 756

Went out to run errands and stuff.  I had auditory hallucinations, bad news.  But the meds seem to be working a little.  Hopefully they can increase the dosage or whatever without making me feel like I'm gonna die.

Read the physical game, flirted with a nurse at an appointment I have.  That's it.

I think I'm going to game a couple times a week if all keeps going good.  Time to practice physical game stuff.

Oh yeah I told the doctor I can't keep a boner with a condom on so I got perscribed viagra.  I only bought 3 pills since they were 20 bucks each.  Considering Levitra since they are 9 each.

So now I have to find a new fb or something so I can try this viagra out.

I'm going to be getting an EVO phone on my own plan.  Going to get 150 bucks off too since I'm upgrading.  Fuck yeah!  I think I'm also going to start saving an extra 100 bucks a month so I can take a bootcamp in the future after I get my mental health situation completely taken care of.
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