THE FORUMS

Hey Guys,

Looking for a few pointers to get me headed in the right direction. I first stumbled onto RSD in the Fall of 2008 but didn't get into it until now. I know now more than ever that I need to get things handled. Even though I probably look and sometimes act like an Alpha Male, after reading some of Alex's stuff, I've never felt more like a Beta male lil chode bitch in my life. I'm going to add a brief summary of my recent journey that has brought me to this point.

I was a popular arrogant kid growing up coming from a divorced family and was the youngest child. I was always a star athlete and had many close friends. I hooked up with girls in High School but mostly in 10th grade. I started playing alot of video games aroun 11th grade, even though I had an active social life as well. From 2004-2010, I didn't get laid or get head or anything past making out with chicks. Not once. At this time too, I wasn't even aware that it was a problem. I simply didn't care or had no knowledge of how to change it. I never approached girls, I sometimes randomly met girls at parties and made out with them, but that's it. I met a girl in my last year of university, one year after I quit playing video games. She came after me pretty hard and we dated for six months, spending every waking minute together. I went from little to no pussy to having sex 5-10 times a day, and giving everything to this girl. Eventually we broke up after I found out that she tried to sleep with one of my friends when she was drunk. We didn't speak until recently and I relapsed and slept with her this past weekend. Afterwards, we cleared the air over everything and she told me that while we were dating, she was in constant contact with her ex-boyfriend though she didn't sleep with him which didn't matter to me, it still showed me that our entire relationship for her was to use me to get over to him, which she admitted, it was. Being that this was the first girl I slept with, had a semi-LTR with and loved, it is pretty devastating. The old wounds that were starting to heal were re-opened and have me feeling worthless. I'm 23, about to head to grad school, and feel completely dissastified with my social life, my love life, and my strength as a man. I feel emotionally weak, like a real pussy. I cry to get over this girl and I do not want to live like this anymore.

I would appreciate if anyone could recommend material to read, watch, or whatever, to get my head on straight. I'd like to feel secure with myself and stop wandering through life dissatisfied at what I've become.

Thanks