THE FORUMS

Mr.Cool mate, I appreciate it.

I appreciate it from all you guys. I had some afterthoughts from the Tyler article.

I suppose as human beings, its in our nature to seek destruction, and suffering. Part of where I got myself is BEAST MODE, CAVE MAN, - toss a girl over your shoulder, FUCK ELOQUENCE & BRILLIANCY, straight up, to the point, man handle some stunner on a beach or bathroom stall, raw dog it. Completely unconscious but, clearly, very destructive behavior, some of which can have long term consequences for. Here I am. Not sure if any of you fellas in the community are struggling with any issues. For the life of me, I am very fortunate. I got what, 12 weeks before screening blood work for HIV/AIDs. Wish  me luck lol.

I am looking at heroes and role models from Schwarzenegger, Brand, Sheen, and a variety of others. I am drawn to Sheen, Brand, and others. For me, Schwarzenegger was a hero growing up, and what turned me onto body building no homo. Still, there is a side of him that reflects no vulnerability or emotions. If you seen Pumping Iron, he gets the call 2months before his Mr. Universe contest with the info, your DAD DIED!!! He shows no emotions. "That sucks but, I am not coming home." The focus and direction is unreal. With Russell Brand, Charlie Sheen, Myst*ry, it is evident that there is brilliance there yet, there is a inner struggle. I relate to these people. Without being an ego maniac, I know I have talent, potential, and brilliance in me. I too struggle with that downward destructive spiral. I find myself in and ironically enough, I find it could be a form of self sabotage. I recall reading Tony Robbins and him speaking about temporary pleasure at the cost of long term pain.

I am looking to make my millions but, it is one step at a time. I haven't touched alcohol in almost two weeks. I sort of let loose recently, lost some family, and sorting through the madness. Other times, it just comes on itself, and I suppose I could document a lot of it. I may gain and learn from it all eventually. I intend to write a book one day, something self help related or alike. I definitely enjoy traveling though, I am not particularly fond of flights. I am not scared to fly. I fly frequently but, it is quite inconvenient. Airports blow but, the experience is well worth the journey. I enjoy literature, travel, working out, health, fitness, social interations, friends, education, aside from a variety of things. I am sort of wanting to hit pause. I am nearing my mis 20s, in the next couple of years, my mid 20s, then my 30s, 40s, and so on. Its absurd how fast time moves. Witnessing my mates get married, engaged, kids, etc. Its all a bit of a mind fuck. I am pulling the cycle of stupidity. The guilt is definitely an afterthought. The plugs been pulled and everything is going down the drain. Working on self love, letting go, nonattachment, and freeing myself. At times, it does seem bleak, futile, and despite how good I got it, nothing seems all that worth while or awe inspiring. I am updating my vision board and I have some big as well as small goals for myself. In terms of relationships, I seem to be half in and half out. Its not way to live life but, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. I may dabble in a relationship in the near future but, I continue to seek to grow, and learn more. Thanks again!

Mates I am scared. Its less then heroic but, that is the honest truth. I got a penis biopsy needed this week. I can taste puke in my mouth as I type this. Swollen testicles are even worse. Std free apparently, doctor thinks other wise, and been told its not cancer. Still, the doctor seems uncertain. And now, I play the waiting game.

The worst part of all, its been self induced, completely my fault for being reckless, arrogant, and care free living. Lifes way of counter balancing the stupidity maybe?

There is over a dozen girls I could ring up now, attractive girls I met who tickle my fancy, satisfy me sexually, ones I could call and at the drop of a hat, would show up, put them on blast, and go. Few in my life that are the quality girls, relationship material, wifey like. I feel like I am in a nightmare I cannot wake up from. I saw myself as this lone wolf my entire life despite popularity, great mates, women, and family. I am going through this alone. Even some of my closest mates I haven't heard from in a bit. It reminds me of good fellas - the everyone disappears when the times get rough. I like discretion and anonymity. Nobody knows.

I am avoiding the few quality girls atm. I am not on top form. Things can only go to shit other wise. In quite a negative state. Less then desirable. Health is my true passion in life and I have clearly neglected it with my antics. It hasn't been completely care free. There have been times along the way where I met beautiful girls I would date. Given, its short lived, in another country, and or I partake in something new. In the end, life gets back to all the simple things that seem to matter most.

The game should come with an invissible warning. It doesn't. If nobody has warned you, take it from me, and watch yourself. Wrap it up, build yourself, work on loving yourself 1st, then share, and have fun. Hit on beautiful girls. Don't be scared. Live life to the fullest but, be smart about it. Don't hate women. She likes or loves you 1sec. She is on your cock and then gone. It is what it is. If you have that self love Brad talks of, you are set, and life goes on. Move towards the sort of quality girls you want while improving yourself. I can honestly say, nearing my mid 20s, only a handful of girls in my life have been worth it. Some true quality shined through and was memerable. The rest was all but self enhancement and ego boost - "cause I can." what a waste.

Fml