THE FORUMS

May 19th, 2013
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU REALIZED YOU WERE OUT OF FUCKING CONTROL?
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#31
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5200

Thanks guys.

There is a brotherhood side of the community that is suppose to come through and clearly it does here. Its put here. At times, there is a ton of attacks and trolling. I make a modest effort to not acknowledge that side.

For me, its not about competition about me vs you guys or vs women.

Whatever your wildest dreams are - your goals, aspirations for women, life, and so on, I hope you all aquire.

I just hope you fellas enjoy the ride.


As for the circumstances, I am just ashamed of myself, the line I crossed, and I honestly thought about suicide.

When you see stuff in the paper about Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan, then factor in having a family, the lines they cross, and actually being some where in the mix, its incredibly overwhelming.

Its a complete case of character assassination. The only thing that stopped me from taking a bottle of grey goose and sleeping pills is my family; particularly younger sibblings, nieces, nephews.

I am not sure what the answer is but, I am lost. Being a "chode" or a "white knight" as they say on bb,com for some is a nightmare. Then again, being that "black knight" 10 GAME bloke has consequences.

Straight up, I am a fucking tourist.

I am not in this for life. I intend to have a family, wife, kids, etc.

I fully intend to sail off into the sunset and hope to have a happy ending but, I know that really isn't realistic. I got some prospective females in my life.

Some of whom a relationship is quite possible but, I am looking to get sorted.

I am working on planting myself, building myself, and working towards building a better me.


At the moment, I am fucked up. Mentally, I am depressed with my actions - yes, I have hurt quite a bit of people although, i am straight up about my intent. Its more I have violated my own morals, values, and beliefs. Physically, I am sick as a dog full of pillls and my nuts are swollen. Emotionally, I am just confused with my life direction. Spiritually, I am just running on empty. I am ridding guilt.

BEAST MODE contradicts spirituality. You cannot be making out with random girls, finger blasting random sluts cause they are hot, and bathroom pulling without consequences.

I honestly have been to tested more times then I can care to count. I dunno how I've been so fortunate not to catch herpes or god knows what.


I guess what I am saying is that, I am sort of at a cross road. I am not sure how to carry on. If I continue doing what I am doing or if I continue but, bring about a more relationship oriented mindset towards women. At the sametime, I am totally unsure how to manage relationships. I really hope Jeffy comes out with those afterthoughts on relationships. I would love RSDs relationship management stuff about now. The fuck up is in, taking a more noble cause towards girls in general but, that to has consequences, and I could never go the chode route. I am a little confused at the moment I guess you could say on balancing it all in a happy medium. Then again, maybe there is no happy medium.

Fuck, I cannot lift cause of all the meds I am on atm which blows. I was in the emerge the other night. Allergic reaction to some of the pills and shit I've been on. Looking forward to getting back on top form.

Mates, again, its all appreciated.
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.

Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later.
Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!

Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#!
Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.



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#32
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5200

tierranevada wrote:
What medz you on homeboy?
Well, if you are pulling as often as I do, you pretty much live on antibiotics. Thank god, I am not on valtrax. smile
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.

Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later.
Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!

Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#!
Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.



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#33

ozbuckley

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/22/2010 | Posts: 126

yeh get off those antibiotics asap bro.  antibiotic means basically "anti-life". those things are like nuclear bombs destroying the bad bacteria, etc but at the same time wiping out the healthy flora and bacteria. everything goes totally out of balance.   ...sounds like a nice anology actually.

so what are your morals, values, beliefs?... how have you violated them?... and whats the new choices you're thinking of making to live by them? 
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#34
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5200

ozbuckley wrote:
yeh get off those antibiotics asap bro.  antibiotic means basically "anti-life". those things are like nuclear bombs destroying the bad bacteria, etc but at the same time wiping out the healthy flora and bacteria. everything goes totally out of balance.   ...sounds like a nice anology actually.

so what are your morals, values, beliefs?... how have you violated them?... and whats the new choices you're thinking of making to live by them? 
They think I might caught the clap. She (doctor) says, "doubts" but, I am on a 7day pill. Part of this has added to my spiritual conflict but, I been waking up with random girls in my bed and little recollection of the night before. I never drink but, I been drinking last couple weeks or so off and on. Fuck, I some lad I know just caught herpes. Guy is talking suicide. I am just pretty down with my behavior. I am just lucky its not anything serious. Be back lifting weights soon and out again. As for Values - I am brought up believing in God. I do but, the world we live in, its typical to pull 1st, then date get into a relationship etc. If your not hooking up with her, she is hooking up with someone else, and then again, your saying, she is clearly not a keeper. yes, its part of the process. Given, I maybe old school and a hypocrite.

Example: Seeing a girl. I still chat up flirt and likely pull. If she does, she is disregarded; aquire new females.

Double standard? Yeah but, what can I say?

Just thinking I may need to tone it down or typically, this scare passes, and I am back rimming random stunners without a thought.

Date vs chode? Ahh

PS: I agree with the antbiotic advise... life taker. Supplementing with probiotics following the week prescription.
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.

Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later.
Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!

Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#!
Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.



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#35
Holland

Holland

Respected Member

Join Date: 06/24/2008 | Posts: 807

Why don't you just ditch all the meds?
Start eating healthy and stop pulling unhealthy girls.
Beast mode doesn't contradict spirituality necessarily.
You can be a compassionate/spiritual guy and also ravage girls. Most people think they are not compatible and have to be either this or that.
I think a bland 'spiritual' pure-hearted guy that doesn't ravage girls is actually being more of an asshole than a guy that ravages girls and is deep down a good guy.
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Game is the utilization of external events, people and circumstances (that life presents you with), by expressing yourself in a way that (re)frames the social context in such a way that it confirms (is congruent with) your sense of reality and anticipated responses. This roughly means you only think, interpret, feel and behave in a way that supports your reality and expectations.

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#36
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5200

Holland wrote:
Why don't you just ditch all the meds?
Start eating healthy and stop pulling unhealthy girls.
Beast mode doesn't contradict spirituality necessarily.
You can be a compassionate/spiritual guy and also ravage girls. Most people think they are not compatible and have to be either this or that.
I think a bland 'spiritual' pure-hearted guy that doesn't ravage girls is actually being more of an asshole than a guy that ravages girls and is deep down a good guy.
Holland mate, sup?

This is the most inactive sexually I been in ages. 7day - off sex, workout, healthy eating or eating period atm. Doc thinks it could be the clap. I got a few more days to go on meds.

As for healthy eating, I am FUCKING RIPPED. I have lost some size since not being able to workout. Also, my eating is less then steller. Been eating light foods consisting of soup, fruit, oatmeal, etc

Then again, eating has at least resumed which is a step in the right direction. Man, define healthy or unhealthy girls? Point out the stunner that hasn't been double teamed or gang banged? It is what it is these days.

You wont ever know and your better off that way. Ignorance is bliss. Along the way, I am shocked cause, some of the girls who happen to pretend to be sluts are attention seekers though far from whores.

Then, you got the "church goer" girl who is in choir and acts all moral but, she is sucking dick for bus fair then walking home. Its insane.

BEAST MODE by Jeffy or my standard - high risk - instant make outs, finger blastng, & bathroom pulls. And why? Cause she is stunning?


Each time I get these experiences, I tell myself that I am through being idiotic but, it passes and I am back at it again. I suppose being a little more cautious wont kill me.
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.

Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later.
Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!

Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#!
Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.



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#37
10Pin

10Pin

Trusted Member

Join Date: 07/24/2007 | Posts: 1926

 What I think you are coming to realise is that there is no meaning in anything, other than that which you assign to it. That realisation presents you with a number of paths: be comfortable with things having no meaning; attempt to change the meaning you assign to these events; learn to live with whichever meanings you assign by 'autopilot'; or just keep on doing it and attempt to ignore the issue. That's basically all you got. Whatever decisions you make will ultimately be extremely personal, and vary from person to person.

I will say that it becomes a LOT easier to make those decisions when viewed away from the expectation and distorted egos that we create in the PU community.
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#38
ambiguity

ambiguity

Trusted Member

Join Date: 10/28/2009 | Posts: 5200

10Pin wrote:
 What I think you are coming to realise is that there is no meaning in anything, other than that which you assign to it. That realisation presents you with a number of paths: be comfortable with things having no meaning; attempt to change the meaning you assign to these events; learn to live with whichever meanings you assign by 'autopilot'; or just keep on doing it and attempt to ignore the issue. That's basically all you got. Whatever decisions you make will ultimately be extremely personal, and vary from person to person.

I will say that it becomes a LOT easier to make those decisions when viewed away from the expectation and distorted egos that we create in the PU community.
Thanks mate. Like I said, I am a tourist. I don't intend to do this the rest of my life rimming randoms cause they are hot.



There is an alternative. I don't look at it as so much competitng with you fellas, the community or even women. At times its been out doing myself. Living up to my ego I suppose. Its diminishing. Its overwhelming to really lose control. Then again, I suppose you need to go that route before you can be centered.

The balance between chode/white knight vs. 10 GAME..Black knight is not really crystal clear but, I suppose nothing really is in life. I find this spiritual balance quite difficult. How can you be at stunning women nonstop day or night, making out, fingering randoms, and bathroom pulling girls or mauling them on a beach solely cause of how they look? I would not touch Paris Hilton with a pole never mind my own cock.

I am seeking to find balance. To say, I am running for Jesus or Buddha is ludicrous. Its typical, I get the scare, take a pill, get cleared of HIV or AIds or Herpes/HPV, then, run around pulling hotties again or crashing in the process till the next disaster strikes.

I could take a more honest approach, date, relationships, commitment then again, you hit that cum dumpster after a couple of years, and then, your sort of at the drawing board. Living in fear of women or stds or anything is no way to live either.
__________________
Jlaix: You are rather cheeky I admit but the self amusing authentic avi makes it impossible to hate!
Tyler:This is ultimately one of the keys to the game -- viewing EVERYTHING AS A JOKE. It's ALL funny.

Tim:`How can I make this fun?
brad:This thread got Ambiguity banned, you can thank me later.
Zack G: Ambiguity is becoming the Howard Roark of RSD!

Alex: "The famous ambiguity!" + "This is what happens when your naturally attractive; cheekyinnit#!
Ambiguity: I don't chase, I replace.



Login or register to post.
#39
JFM

JFM

Trusted Member

Join Date: 12/13/2007 | Posts: 2236

Almost nobody believes that a chode and a guy who "pulls" are the same.   Society rotates on substitute self esteem and the belief that the chode and the guy who pulls are opposites.    If you're not talking about self esteem, clearing up your past ( leaving home), building "self care" and getting out of addict ( narcissistic) situations, then you haven't moved away from the chode position at all.  A chode is a full-blown addict.  Period.

A chode is a guy who can't pull girls because he has ye olde pain from childhood and hasn't grown up.  That describes a guy who "pulls" too.   Assuming he's leaving out the self esteem work and works off of social dynamics that don't require forming relationships.   Specifically relationship with self, a power greater than self ( whatever) and others. Unfortunately the self esteem stuff has been fucking clouded with "goody two shoes" desexualization.     

Real self esteem would include a good polarity ( real masculinity) that "pulls" and doesn't fuck your life or help you to avoid emotional crap.

The feelings of self-harm and self-hate make a lot of sense, because the "free ride" ( learning pick-up without self esteem) was supposed to work, and chodes seem to think it's God itself.    Addiction is a disease of resentment.   Against life, self, family, others...the whole deal.

In the US there's a whole recovery culture going on now.   People who are out of control ( finally seeing it) have options.       
It wasn't always like that.   Now many people know that the road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. 

I see nothing about self esteem work in your story...although realizing you're actually out of control puts  you one fuck of a lot closer to self esteem than many people still riding the flaming plane down into the ground,  and believe they can jump off before impact. 

Even better ..."what plane?"...:"what ground?".  You seem way beyond that.
 
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#40
Jack-Stripper

Jack-Stripper

Trusted Member

Join Date: 11/07/2006 | Posts: 1094

Amby I checked your shit out mate and ultimately I can say it seems your life is about fucking the smoke shows right now. That's all good fun, but you have to understand this is not a fulfilling purpose. I know this meets lots of needs, it makes you confident, makes you feel important, it gives you a great variety of experiences and it even gives you a sense of connection with people.

You deserve fucking mad props for reaching this level. I am as genuine as it comes when I say it’s a fucking WOW experience to see someone this committed to doing anything.

Here's the problem though, right now it feels like you aren't contributing and neither are you growing. And my bet is there's no love going on here either.

When your following a purpose you have to ask yourself "Does this feel good, is it good for me, is it good for others?" That's why someone like an alcoholic, can drink all the alcohol he wants, but he will only be happy, he will never ever ever feel fulfilled. You’re not out of control mate, your just putting your effort into the wrong place.

FUCKING STOP. Reading some of the above; I see you already stopped a bit. That's awesome right there.

Now put this effort into something better. Whether that is teaching people self help, teaching people pickup, feeding hungry kids in Africa. It doesn't matter wtf it is, but you have to get into a new place mate, where you can grow and contribute. I'm not saying you should turn into a monk, you can still fuck. I'm just saying redirect the majority of your energy in a new direction. You gotta meet these needs of confidence, adventure, significance and friendships(and perhaps even love) with a new method, and also meet your needs to grow and contribute.

One day you are going to be an old man and I'm pretty sure you don't want to look back on your life saying "I fucked lots of girls and that's it." You have to make your mark and have more undertakings in a different way mate. Hope this hits and helps you my friend.

-Luv Jack-Stripper
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